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The Heat Report: Santino Marella vs. DH Smith, Charile Haas vs. Brian Kendrick, Highlanders vs. Duggan and Crazy

By Fritz Stephey Jan 23, 2008 - 3:09 PM print

In a week of HD revamps, in which many are confused as to how to get USA HD, I bring you some non-HD streaming goodness from WWEs own website…Which, by the way…I think WWE should offer HD internet content…How am I supposed to enjoy HEAT in a lil' box…If I go full screen it'll be a big box, but…it'll look horrible…come on WWE…are you dropping the ball!?

HEAT this week is opening with SANTINO MARELLA! He is taking on…D.H. Smith.

Side headlock from D.H. to start, and after a few more, he shoves Santino to the mat. It appears they're going to lock up but Santino leaps into a side headlock of his own.   Tino runs to the corner holding his shoulder, as if he had pulled a muscle. DH laughs and we're in yet another side head-lock. DH picked up a 1 count after a takedown. Santino tries fighting out of this side headlock, and while it works, he faces another shoulder block from H, a big slam and a 2-count. Back in that side headlock again, and Santino is sent to the ropes. A ton of near back-and-fourth misses and DH hits Marella with a dropkick. That will score him another 2 count. Santino has gained control of the match, and is working on the shoulder and back of DH. Hits a backbreaker, but scores only a 2 count. Sanjaya slaps on a recliner. DH isn't giving in so Santino goes to work on Smith's back. Not too long after and Maria's boyfriend locks on another recliner. DH lifts Santino on his shoulders, and falls backwards (All while Santino is freakin' out…), powerslam but only a 2-count for Bulldog's son. Santino in the corner, DH chargers, Tino ducks, and hits a rolling cutter! 1-2-3, and your winner is Santino Marella.

Decent outing from both, though it felt a little slow moving.

The Highlanders make their way to the ring…I see they have new music (Thanks for taking my advice). However, if they're supposed to be heel…a pop-remix doesn't do much good.

They're taking on…*sighs*…guess. Hacksaw Jim Duggan and Super Crazy…The Patriotic Superstar and the Man from Mexico…The Crazy Hoes.

Rory and Crazy are staring off the match. Rory starts with a swift kick to Crazy's leg, a punch to the face and a tag to Robbie (The one with the Hair, for those of you who have remained lost for the past few months). Crazy blocks Robbie's moves, and tags in Hacksaw. The hard hitting hoe (Don't quote me on that) gives some big elbows to Robbie's arm. Crazy tagged in, grabs a two count, whips Robbie to the corner and nails a monkey flip. Crazy goes up top, but Robbie runs up, grabs his arm and flips him off the top. Rory tagged in, and he gives Crazy some kicks to the back. Robbie tagged in, gets some hits and a headbut in. Robbie tags in Rory and Rory gets a big kick to Super's arm. He continues work on the arm, stretching and applying pressure with his knee. Crazy gets vertical, tries to punch his way out but is shoved back first to the Highlanders corner. He fights out, tries to get to his corner, is dragged off. He kicks Rory into the Highlander corner and runs for Hacksaw. Hacksaw goes nuts, hits clotheslines, big hits, screams HO, and hits the "Three Point Stance" (fancy name for…a clothesline). He tags in Crazy who hits a standing moonsault and picks up the 3-count. The winners of the match: The Crazy Hoes.

Need I comment on the countless times I've seen this match?

WWE Wants you to buy The 3-Disc 15th Anniversary RAW DVD Set…I already did (Cuz I'm weak, and money burns a hole in my pocket)…but, it is a nice little DVD set.

It's time for the Main Event, which features Charlie Haas. His opponent? Well think, who's on their own right now that needs some kind of singles push? Brian Kendrick!

This match starts with a side headlock from Haas, but it picks up the pace. Haas hits a shoulder block on Kendrick, but then we get some quick spring boarding and Kenny starts moving fast. Haas sends K3ndrick flying but is met with a boot to the face. Kendrick then hits a…I'm gonna say, head scissors takedown? Over the quick break, Haas pulled out the Luchamask, and gives Kendrick a big kick to his back. Charles keeps this lock on, hits a big slam, and Haas does some crazy dancing. Grisham calls Charlie "Charlito". The mask is ripped off, Kendrick kicks him, and hits the Slice Bread #2! You know what happens after a Slice Bread #2? You lose…1, 2, 3…Kendrick wins.

Not much to it. I mean it was shorter, it was pretty quick moving, it was decent. And overall? Decent. There were no squashes! That's 1 victory this time around. It managed to put out 3 short, decent matches.

That is it for me. Hey…how 'bout that WWE|HD|? Still can't find your USA HD channel? Neither can I…WTF Comcast? (Well…besides the fact that Comcast sucks…). Anyways, as always, comments and criticisms are appreciated, feel free to PM me on the boards, there's a HEAT thread in the "Other Insanity" section, or you can challenge me to a match on FaceBook (And by the latest numbers, it turns out I don't suck…much). Cya next HEAT.

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