In case you didn't know, WWI's own Aaron Wood will be in Manchester, England tomorrow night live at the TNA House Show (and pre-show Meet & Greet) and will be twittering updates for those interested at twitter.com/aaron24wood (and trying to get some pictures up on Twitter as well live) and will have a report up on the site soon after the show. Also, this means the Smackdown report will either be ridiculously early or delayed a bit...

 

While waiting with baited breath for Aaron Wood's Smackdown report, hang out here! Your Empress of Impact has officially become Girly Parts Jesus until further notice. Why? I suffer through all this so that you don't have to! It's for the greater good of humanity. And because I kind of asked for it. Back in the day....

 

In any case, what shall be the fall-out from the wanna-be Montreal Screwjob? Will anyone NOT associated with the Hogan/Bischoff regime get tv time, let alone a victory? Will the "cast members" know their roles and shut their mouths, or is the Fan Revolt picking up steam? If so, what pieces of it will actually make it to the air? Find the nearest line and cross it, and let's find out!

 

[Joker voice] And here we ... go!

 

 

We open with a video recap of the Mick Foley/Eric Bischoff confrontation from last week. Ric Flair and AJ Styles also get a mention. HH's announcement concerning last week's World title match, and the painfully less-cool younger sibling of the Montreal Screwjob is replayed in all its mediocrity.

 

The TNA opening video has been changed again. Less footage of 1/4, Hogan, and cronies. More of actual TNA talent. Hmm. Dare I hope?

 

Nah. To the ring! It's Bischoff and Hogan. Mike Tenay tells us that HH has announced that he has been having the matter of last week's title match investigated. Bischoff looks totally fine. LOTS of "Hogan! Hogan!" chants. From the people in the front rows. HH says that Foley needs to come out here, as they have something that they have to discuss. Foley enters. HH thanks him for coming out, says that things are going so great, and that he means to nip this situation in the bud. Bischoff says that he has no situation, he took care of it by firing Foley. HH babbles on about how there are some things that are really good around here. Some things aren't so great, and they can make Foley into something useful. Foley says that it's obvious that he never attacked Bischoff. If Foley had attacked Bischoff, Bischoff wouldn't have been able to walk anywhere. Bischoff would have been carried out of Foley's office. Major music miscue as HH tells Foley to work it out or walk out, and the HH/Bischoff music plays over him. This was poo.

 

To the back! Jeff Jarrett and Bubba the Love Sponge are apparently friends.

 

To the backstage interview! Christy Hemme tries to introduce Ken Anderson. He insists on being addressed as "Mr." Anderson. Since he isn't booked, he's booking himself. He issues an open challenge to anyone on the TNA roster. So anyone coming in under HH/Bischoff has the power to book themselves when they aren't on the show? Ok. Anderson hopes that Abyss accepts the challenge.

 

Tenay and Taz pimp the "8 Card Stud" tournament. More on that later.

 

Desmond Wolfe (w/ Chelsea) vs. Sean Morley: Wolfe's new valet is named Chelsea. I don't think that she looks like "a young Stephanie McMahon" at all. Wolfe and Morley take turns working each other's arms. Wolfe kicks the rope while Morley's arm is wrapped around it. Morley fights back with chops to the chest. Morley's left arm is damaged. Wolfe goes to work on Morley's right arm now. Wow! Wolfe utilizes very creative submissions and bridges. Wolfe runs into a Morley kick. Morley covers Wolfe, but barely gets a one-count. Morley plants Wolfe with a slam. Morley goes to the top rope, but Wolfe shoves him, and drops him with a perfectly-executed Tower of London. Desmond Wolfe advances. Yes.

 

To the back! Jeff Jarrett humbly enters, very apologetic. Jarrett confesses his past sins, and wants to rebuild trust that he has broken. He will start at the bottom of the ladder and work his way up. Hogan says that they do need help. Bischoff says that Ken Anderson's challenge hasn't been answered yet, so Jarrett will face him in th emain event. Jarrett isn't sure. HH says that this is what's best for TNA. Jarrett sighs and agrees. HH and Bischoff laugh at Jarrett after he leaves. This is poo.

 

To the video package! The Orlando Screwjob is replayed. Almost the whole thing. It's no better this time.

 

To the locker room! Ric Flair and AJ Styles and a blonde hooker-type talk fancy suits, getting women, and taking 30 days off for vacation.

 

Daniels vs. Hernandez: This is the second qualifying match to get in to the "8 Card Stud" tournament at the "Against All Odds" ppv on February 14th. Daniels lays into Hernandez with kicks. Hernandez refuses to be thrown into the ropes, and knees Daniels in the gut. HUGE delayed vertical suplex by Hernandez on Daniels. Daniels tries a sunset flip, but Hernandez pulls Daniels up by the head. Daniels gouges the eyes, followed by an enziguri. Daniels drives an elbow into Hernandez's neck. Hernandez has been successfully grounded. STO takedown by Daniels for a two-count. Daniels goes for the Angel's Wings, but Hernandez powers out. Hernandez is all power now. Big back body drop on Daniels. Daniels fights back with open-hand palm thrusts. Daniels tries to suplex Hernandez off the top rope, but gets shoved off. Hernandez goes for a splash, but Daniels rolls away. Hernandez picks up Daniels over his shoulder and plants him face-down for the win. So Hernandez got split off of one of the most popular tag teams in TNA for a singles main event push, then gets put with a guy getting a similar push in a makeshift tag team, then wins the tag team titles in said makeshift tag team, then gets in a tournament for a World Heavyweight title shot. Jeebus.

 

Up next. Nasty Boys and Team 3D talk with Mike Tenay. Kill me now. Please?

 

To the ring! Mike Tenay announces the first meeting of the Nasty Boys and Team 3D at the "AAO" ppv. This one segment has Mike Tenay putting over the Nasty Boys more than the MCMG and LAX combined. Let the "debate" commence. What did we do to deserve this? Oh, right. We turned on our tvs. (Thanks for that!) Brother Ray recounts what the Nasty Boys have done since 1/4. When Team 3D looks positively svelte by comparison, it's time to stop. Brother Ray asks again, where the hell have the Nasty Boys been for the past ten years? One of them yells something about being nasty, over and over and over. Devon lists off every company in which Team 3D has won tag team gold, both foreign and domestic. Nobody has accomplished what Team 3D has. The blonde Nasty Boy screeches about the legendary tag teams who have felt the wrath of the Nasty Boys: the Road Warriors, the Hart Foundation, Hall and Nash, and so on. Um, what about in this decade? Thankfully, Brother Ray cuts them off.

 

To the back! Christy Hemme interviews The Beautiful People, who face Tara, Awesome Kong, and Hamada. For some reason, TBP aren't worried. They're also sick of talking about Angelina Love.

 

To the office! Bobby Lashley and Bischoff chat. Bischoff says that Hogan agrees that Lashley was a real man about admitting that wrestling was his opportunity. He's fired. Security drags him out. Bye, Lashley! I won't miss you.

 

The Beautiful People (Madison Rayne, Velvet Sky, & Lacey Von Erich) vs. Tara, Hamada, & Awesome Kong: TBP tease another kiss. Hah! You thought they'd really do it. Hamada enters with her title belt around her neck. I likes it. TBP freak out when Tara brings out Poison. HUUUGE chants of "Awesome Kong! Awesome Kong!" Nice. Hamada and Rayne start. Hamada chops Rayne repeatedly. Hamada twists Rayne's arm, does the Old School rope walk with a summersault to the mat. Rayne tags in LVE, who twists Hamada's arm and tags out again. Rayne and Tara now. Tara hits a gorgeous standing moonsault on Rayne. Sky kicks Tara in th eback when she hits the ropes. Rayne covers Tara for two. Sky screeches at the ref while Tara gets double-teamed in the corner. Tara plants Sky. Kong tags in. Rayne and LVE try to take Kong down, to no avail. Hamada kicks all three  of TBP in the face. Hamada lands a top rope moonsault on Rayne. Sky distracts the ref while Hamada gets hit with the Ugly Stick. Kong chases Sky to the back. Rayne pins Hamada. LVE and Rayne beat down Tara and Hamada. Angelina Love makes the save.

 

To the office! HH questions Earl Hebner about his call. Something is wrong. There's a pattern here, Earl. Twelve years ago, Hebner did the same thing in Montreal. Earl lists off all the people who didn't screw Bret. HE screwed Bret. Hebner did it because Flair paid him a huge check to do it. HH says that Hebner has to leave, it's totally unacceptable to do that, and that Hebner is suspended. Hey there, Pot, I'd like you to meet my friend, Kettle Black. This was beyond poo.

 

To the back! Flair and AJ party with a bevy of hot chicks and yell "Wooo!" a lot.

 

To the back! Foley and Bubba Sponge chat. BS calls Foley "buddy." This accomplishes what, precisely? Aside from giving a non-wrestling Hogan crony more tv time than most of the TNA roster?

 

To the ring! Hey, look! It's Kurt Angle! Angle says that his match against AJ at "Genesis" was the greatest of his life. He's confused, disappointed, and pissed off. That match was supposed to determine everything between them, and be talked about forever. AJ disappointed him, the boys in the back, and the fans. AJ went from a hero to a punk-ass bitch in one night. Flair doesn't really care anything about AJ. He's just using AJ. IS that how AJ wants his legacy to be? Angle has a qualifying match for the "8-Card Stud" tournament, courtesy of HH. When Angle wins the tournament, AJ won't be able to get away from him.

 

Cue Hogan/Bischoff entrance music! HH comes to the ring alone. If it was 20-30 years ago, with no lawyers or lawsuits, things could have been completely different. WTF? HH says that, as the leader of TNA, if Angle ever crosses that line (huh?) again like he did when he spit in Hogan's face and accused him of being involved in the Screwjob, Angle can consider himself unemployed. Angle apologizes for what he did. Hogan's music plays, and he leaves the ring. Syxx-Pac and Scott Hall jump Angle from behind and beat him down. This is appalling.

 

To the video recap! Of the things we just saw a few minutes ago.

 

To the back! Scott Hall and Syxx-Pac are herded out the door by security. They announce that they'll see us next week.

 

Brian Kendrick & the Motor City Machine Guns vs. Amazing Red & Generation Me: Yes! Oh, sweet mother of Christ, yes! I have a reason to keep reviewing this show now. Kendrick attacks Red as the bell rings. Kendrick refuses to tag in, but Alex Shelley and the future Mr. Bulloch tag in anyway. Wow! This is just too fast to call. Double-teams galore. Huge chants of "Motor City!" Generation Me get knocked to the floor. Kendrick blind-tags in when Sabin hits the ropes. As Sabin and Shelley set up for more double-team awesomeness, Kendrick enters the ring and kicks Red in the face. Kendrick covers Red for the win. Post-match, Sabin argues with Kendrick while Shelley sarcastically waves good-bye to the audience. This match was criminally short, and only happened to set up the post-match doings, it seems. It's ok, Sabin. Come over here and sit down. Huh? Oh. Right. Cue the British Invasion's music! All three guys hit the ring, and Red gets hit with the "Feast or Fired" briefcase containing Rob Terry's X-Division title shot. As Terry starts toward Red, Brutus Magnus stops him and gestures that Doug Williams should get to use the title shot. The Brits argue as we go to commercial break.

 

Amazing Red vs. Doug Williams: Red fought back, but this was over quickly. Doug Williams is the new X-Division champion. Rob Terry is angry. He isn't the only one. It's not that Doug Williams would be a bad X-Division champion, not at all. This whole thing is stupid.

 

 

To the back! Foley would rather be the guy cleaning up poop at children's parties than work in TNA for a guy like Bischoff. Bischoff says that if Foley leaves, Abyss and Jeremy Borash get fired. Bischoff strides down the hall to the party in the AJ Styles locker room. Dancing and "Wooooo!" ing commences. Bischoff congratulates Flair on getting his contract in before HH/B took over, so they're stuck with him. However, everybody works and everybody has to be ready, so taking the 30 days vacation isn't happening. Pointless segment.

 

Mr. Anderson vs. Jeff Jarrett: HUUUGE boos for Anderson. Something had to be bleeped, too. Jarret gets no entrance music, video, or pyro. Tenay announces that Bischoff had Jarrett's entrance pulled. Jarrett has tremendous crowd support, with chants of "Jarrett! Jarrett!" Jarrett dominates at first, but Anderson gets him in a corner and pummels Jarrett's back. Jarrett lands some hip tosses. Running clothesline from Jarrett knocks Anderson to the floor. The Jarrett Strut! Commercial break. Anderson has Jarrett outside of the ring on the stairs, one arm wrapped around the ring post. Anderson smashes Jarrett in th ehead repeatedly. Back in the ring, Anderson gets Jarrett in a hammerlock and drops him down. Jarrett's left shoulder and arm are hurt. Anderson continues to work the arm. Jarrett fights back, but Anderson counters with a kick and a flying elbow. The audience is entirely behind Jarrett. Anderson drives Jarrett to his knees by twisting the shoulder. Jarrett fights back, but Anderson hits a running shoulderblock. "Double J! Double J!" Anderson tries a top rope swanton bomb, but Jarrett rolls out of the way. Does this mean that Jeff Hardy isn't really signed with TNA? Anderson goes for the Mic Check, but Jarret counters and attempts The Stroke. Anderson low-blows Jarrett out of sight of the referee. Anderson pins Jarrett for the three-count. Bischoff laughs in his office. "This is great!"

 

Post-match, Anderson attacks Jarrett with a double sledge, then rolls him back in the ring. Anderson waits for Jarrett to recover, then hits him with the Mic Check. Bischoff continues to gloat. "Jeff, it's going to be a long, hard climb to the top of MY mountain." That sounds dirty.

 

Ugh. I'm out, everybody. Thanks for reading!

 

Peace out,

Jana