This report is being written in real time.  Simply hit refresh in order to see the latest updates.

Check Back For Real Time Coverage!

Evenin', peoples! Try not to wail and weep, but this is the last writing that you'll be getting from your Empress of Impact, your Girly Parts Jesus, for the rest of the month. I'm moving, and won't have tv or internet until the end of the month. Some of my fellow staffers here at WWI will take over the sinking ship that is TNA in my absence, and I do promise that I have not completely broken, and that I shall return!

[Joker voice] And here we...go!

We open with a video recap of the Foley/Bischoff confrontation, the Band's beatdown of Nash, and what it all might mean. What it might mean, cretins, is that people are changing the channel. But I digress.

Who will fill the last spots in the "Eight Card Stud" tournament? Who cares, it's time for the entrance of the immortal Hulk Hogan. Yay. HH enters alone. Much bowing to the fans. Much bile rising in my throat. The audience is cheering a lot more than they used to. Hmm, I wonder why. The guy with the "Bubba Army" sign is still in the front. "Welcome to your Impact Zone, brother!" HH has his swagger on now, when he's hangin' and bangin', getting his pump on (I swear, he really said that), everyone is talking about TNA. The TNAmaniacs have made HH feel like he's cool again. However, tonight, the building is on full lockdown to keep Scott Hall and Syxx-pac out. Ok, I'm lost now. This promo is nonsensical babble that means nothing. If Hall and Syxx-pac sneak in, he'll put the yellow and red on and deal with them.

Cue Eric Young! YES! Thank you, Eric Young!!! Chants of "Underrated!" Young says that he and Nash are friends, and that HH knows that in this business, good friends are hard to find. Young wants Hall and Syxx-pac allowed to enter the building and get what's coming to them. HH says, "Is it my turn now?" HH knows who Young is, what he's about, and where he's going. More rambling babble, sprinkled liberally with "dude"s and "brother"s. Lots of kissing ass in both directions. Young is by far the better promo here, as he says that if HH won't let the Band in, he's going out after them. HH won't let that happen on his watch, but Young can take it off the property and beat them up there.

To the back! Mick Foley asks a backstage staffer where Eric Bischoff is. She says that he's in his office, and has been there for some time.

To the outside! Scott Hall and Syxx-pac sneak around the Impact Zone.

Orlando Jordan vs. "The Pope" D'Angelo Dinero: This match is part of the "Eight Card Stud" tournament. The Pope still has the greatest entrance in wrestling today. Period. The new camerawork is terrible. We didn't see ANY of POpe's entrance video, most of the money rain, or any of his making the referee hold the ropes open for him. And I HATE the ramp placement. The best camera angles so far have been during the commercials. "Let's go, Pope!" chants are huge. Lock up and grapple in a collar and elbow tie-up. Pope works the arm of OJ. OJ fights back, and gets taken down with several armdrags. Pope lands a series of elbow shots to OJ's head. Pope gets OJ in the ropes, but OJ pokes the eyes and escapes, targeting Pope's knee. Pope fights back with punches, but a swinging spinning neckbreaker by OJ drops him. "You still suck!" chants at OJ. Backbreaker from OJ. Punches exchanged, and an inverted atomic drop by POpe. Flying forearm from Pope drops OJ, who drops into the ropes. Pope hits the Coronation, and covers OJ for a two-count. Spinebuster from OJ, and covers Pope for a two-count. OJ kicks Pope in the face several times, talking trash. Punches are exchanged in the corner, and Pope hits the DDE for the win. YES!!!

Winner: "The Pope" D'Angelo Dinero

To the back! Jeff Jarrett enters Eric Bischoff's office. Jarrett asks if Bischoff if he watched Jarrett's match against Mr. Anderson two weeks ago. Bischoff praises the match and Jarrett's psychology therein, and he may have misjudged Jarrett's value to the company. Jarrett would like one of the two spots left in the "Eight Card Stud" tournament. Bischoff doesn't know if Jarrett is really ready. If Jarrett goes to the ppv and wins three matches and becomes the #1 Contender to the World Heavyweight title, that wouldn't be starting at the bottom. Nah, he doesn't think so. Bye, Jeff. Jarrett is pwned publicly again.

Suicide vs. Matt Morgan: Suicide goes after Morgan with kicks and dropkicks, but Morgan catches Suicide and tosses him overhead. Morgan throws Suicide into the corner and lays into him with elbows. Morgan picks up Suicide for a sidewalk slam, and simply drops him instead. Morgan hits the running knee to the back. Suicide has been completely bitchified in this match. Suicide dodges a charge by Morgan and pulls Morgan's neck down across the ropes. A Missile dropkick only scores a one-count. Morgan attempts a chokeslam, but Suicide lands on his feet. Suicide hits another dropkick. Morgan hits the Carbon Footprint for the win.

Winner: Matt Morgan

To the back! Mick Foley enters Eric Bischoff's office. Foley is willing to climb on board to save the careers of JB and Abyss. Bischoff is surprised, he says. Abyss will have one of the two remaining spots in the "Eight Card Stud" tournament. His opponent will be Mick Foley. Bischoff doesn't like Foley's look, and there shouldn't be any more of the Cactus Jack flannel. Also, if any "shenanigans" take place in the Foley/Abyss match, Abyss's mask comes off at the very next "Impact." Bischoff congratulates himself for his cleverness.

My mistake. The last two spots in the 8-man tournament go to Mick Foley and Abyss. They aren't fighting each other yet.

To the back! Christy Hemme asks Mr. Anderson and Kurt Angle about their tag team match tonight. Anderson says that he's carried so many people in the ring that his back has been broken five times. He'll win the tournament anyway. Angle says that if Anderson screws him during the match like Hogan did, he'll snap Anderson's ankle faster than that ridiculous microphone can fall from the ceiling. Angle walks away, and Anderson makes mocking faces. Angle returns and holds up both of his hands and says, "Snap." Angle leaves again. Anderson holds out his hand, and a ridiculous microphone does descend from the ceiling. Anderson makes his introduction. Backstage. I really don't get the Anderson/Kennedy love. He's not THAT great.

To the locker room! Kurt Angle tells Eric Young not to go out there and attack Scott Hall and Syxx-pac. Hogan could be waiting in the shadows. Angle is going alone, and Young has to stay here.

Amazing Red vs. Doug Williams: This is an X-Division title match. Amazing Red's rematch for the title that he lost under bizarre circumstances. Why are we getting a title match with absolutely no mention or hype, almost an hour into the show? Oh, THAT. That's why. The person with the "4 sides 4 Life" sign in the front row needs to die. Oh, it's the same guy with the "Bubba's Army" sign, just using the other side of it. That explains everything. Wow, this is hard to call! Very fast-paced action with reversals and near-falls galore. Red is all speed and agility, Williams all technical prowess and cunning. Nice combination. Williams does a figure four headscissors on Red which is Alex Shelley's Skullfuck move. "Let's go, Red!" chants. Williams drops a knee on Red's throat. Williams lands a running knee to Red's chest. Red lands a twisting corkscrew moonsault over the top rope to the floor onto Williams. Top rope missile drop kick from Red scores a two-count. Spinning heel kick from Red. Capo kick to Williams's head. Red dives from the top rope, but Williams dodges. Williams hits the Chaos Theory suplex for the win.

Winner (and STILL X-Division Champion): Doug Williams

To the video package! The history of Tara and Angelina Love, and the involvement of The Beautiful People.

To the back! Christy Hemme interviews Angelina Love and Tara. The past is the past between them, and tonight, things are going to get ugly for The Beautiful People.

Angelina Love & Tara vs. The Beautiful People: This is a 3-on-2 handicap match. Love and Tara enter separately, with Love coming out first. Velvet Sky poses in the ring against Tara. Love tags in. Sky bails, and Love chases her around the ring on the floor. Love punches Lacey Von Erich in the face, making her the greatest person in the history of people. She kicks Madison Rayne in the gut from the ring apron. Sky is back in the ring first, and catches Love off-guard with a choke. Love fights out, and Sky bails as she tags Rayne. Love drags Rayne across the ring and tags in Tara, who pwns Rayne. TBP regroup on the floor. Tara and Love lands stereo drop kicks on TBP. The Hogan creature in the front row with the Hogan gear, the "Bubba Army" sign, and the "4 Sides 4 Life" sign seems to have other signs as well. This one reads "Pipe Down, Nerds," and he holds it up when people not in the front row start chanting. Chants like "You can't wrestle!" at Lacey Von Erich. He's one of about three people with signs. There seems to be a special club for signs now. Remember when the Impact Zone was awash with signs? I do.  I digress. It's Rayne and Tara in the ring. LVE grabs Tara's foot as Rayne slams into Tara from behind. Tara is driven into the corner, and all three of TBP take shots at her. LVE hits a top rope moonsault into an elbow drop. Frankly, it looks like she slipped and fell, but that's what the announcers say happened. Rayne jumps on Tara's back and chokes her in the corner, which gets the referee's attention. Love hits a bicycle kick on Sky and covers her for the pin, but the referee won't turn around. LVE hits Love with the Ugly Stick, and Sky gets the pin. Post-match, LVE hits Tara with the Ugly Stick as well.

Winners: The Beautiful People

To the back! Christy Hemme interviews Desmond Wolfe about his match tonight. Wolfe has already proven how dangerous he is against the others. If they take cheap shots against him, or gang up against him, he'll end them. Great Mr. Anderson impression from Wolfe here.

To the parking lot! Hall and Syxx-pac "sneak" around the building.

Desmond Wolfe & Hernandez vs. Kurt Angle & Mr. Anderson: Wolfe enters without valet Chelsea, much to the dismay of Taz. Anderson addresses the audience as "imbeciles and mouthbreathers," and they still cheer him. Seriously, what has this guy got, apart from his entrance introduction? He wasn't that good in WWE, and he isn't that good now. Meh. Angle enters the ring and points a finger in Anderson's face. Anderson and Hernandez start. Chants of "Super Mex!" Anderson targets the leg of Hernandez with kicks. Hernandez tosses Anderson over, using the t-shirt as a necktie. Anderson tags in Angle. Angle gets a hammerlock cinched in, but Hernandez frees himself after a cheap shot from Desmond Wolfe on Angle results in a tag. Angle and Wolfe go, and great wrestling ensues. Wolfe misses a clothesline, and is met with a suplex. Hernandez tags in, and leaps in with a shoulderblock on Angle. Hernandez picks up Angle and drops down with a backbreaker across his own shoulder. Wolfe demands, and gets, the tag, and goes after Angle. Wolfe lands a European uppercut, then works Angle's arm. Angle works his way out and counters with an Angle Lock. Wolfe taps, but Anderson distracts the referee, and the tap isn't seen. Wolfe fights out of the hold, and tags in Hernandez. Angle hits a running clothesline on Hernandez. Hernandez climbs to the top rope, but Angle runs up and suplexes Hernandez down. Angle tries to tag Anderson, who jumps down to the floor. Wolfe tags in. Wolfe goes for the Tower of London, but Angle counters into the Angle Slam. Anderson tags himself in, throws Angle out of the ring, and steals the cover on Wolfe for the win.

Winners: Mr. Anderson and Kurt Angle

To the ring! Samoa Joe has the mic. He's here to talk to one person. AJ Styles, get out here! Huge chants of "Next World Champ!" at Joe. Yes. AJ enters, Ric Flair in tow, dressed like a mini-Naitch. Joe says that they didn't rest on their laurels, they gave everything they had to the fans. The most epic clashes in a TNA ring involved them. That's why Joe is disgusted with AJ. AJ earned what he got once, and he threw that all away. Flair says that AJ is the World Champion, and Joe, like all the fans, are gonna learn the word "respect." Joe says that Flair is welcome to come to the ring and try to teach him respect, but he'll be limping his ass to the hospital afterwards. AJ cheated the fans worse than he did anyone else. AJ interrupts, pointing out that Joe has turned on more people than anyone else. Joe knows his transgressions, but there's a big difference between Joe and AJ. When a newcomer turned up in TNA promising to shake things up, Joe was there to get in his face. AJ, on th eother hand, dropped to his knees, puckered his lips, and kissed the ring of his new sugar daddy. AJ rushes the ring and attacks Joe. Joe pummels AJ and goes for a Muscle Buster. Flair low-blows Joe. AJ and Flair beat down Joe.

As AJ Styles leaves the building, Eric Bischoff stops him. Bischoff says that he and Hogan have decided that Bischoff will be the special referee in the AJ/Joe match. Bischoff will be calling it right down the middle. AJ panics and calls Flair. "Naitch? We have a problem!"

Tenay and Taz run down the ppv card for Sunday. Four quarterfinal matches in the 'Eight Card Stud" tournament. The Nasty Boys against Team 3D. Joe/AJ with Bischoff as special referee.

To the back! HH stops Angle from leaving the building. Angle knows HH was involved all along. HH opens a back door and orders Angle to the ring, saying that if Angle is determined to get his ass handed to him, it's going to be in Hogan's house. Knowing The Band the way he does, they'll be here any moment. Angle says that he expects to see all three of them, and heads to the ring.

To the ring! Angle announces that he knows that Hogan let his boys in, and he'll be damned if he gets jumped in the back. Syxx-pac and Scott Hall rush the ring. Angle gets Hall in the Angle Lock, but Syxx-pac pulls something from his pocket and hits Angle in the head with it. The Band beats down Angle. Enter Hogan, who totally plays up being with The Band. The Band holds up Angle for Hogan to hit with the brass knuckles. Hogan hits Hall instead. Hogan is apparently with the good guys. For now.

That's it for me until the first week in March. Happy Valentine's Day, Happy Anti-Valentine's Day, and whatever else is out there. I shall return after I have moved back to Houston, set up my own Jana Pad, and gotten tv and internet up and running.

Peace out,

Jana