Impact
Fritz Stephey's Real Time TNA Impact Report: Samoa Joe Defends Against Kurt Angle
By Fritz Stephey
Apr 24, 2008 - 11:06 PM

Whuzzup WWI Readers? Again it's time for some TNA: iMPACT! Wanna know what happened last week? Go read the report...no no no, I'll tell you, but first you should know Matt Morgan is kickin the crap out of Kip James. Ok, so last week, The Tag Titles, Knockout's Title and X-Division title were on the line. A New X-Division Champ was crowned, and the Tag Titles were stripped of the newly crowned Kaz and Super Eric (Because Super Eric interfered in a match that was Eric Young's and Kaz's).

Opening up the show is Ki---erm...Booker T. Booker T just wants to lay some things straight to the Stinger himself...Sting. Sting's utterly generic crappy rock music hits (Remember when he got to use "Yours" by Tobymac for like, 2 days?), and he comes right on down. Booker goes back to chatting. He's got some things to get off his chest. They go back a long way...even so much as watching a company crumble. They were there for each other. Booker T said things got pretty hot last week, and disrespected Sting. Booker apologizes, and asks for Sting's forgiveness.

James Storm and Rob Roode interrupt. James says he and Roode were joking about how Sting was cool in the 80's. You guys were always there for each other right? Why not go Brokeback Mountain (After all, Storm and Harris did a while back). Roode clears the picture that his drunken cowboy friend is trying to make. We wanna see you two fight. Cornette decides to pop out, after all, he's the "Guy In Charge". Cornette is tired of everyone, and their shelfeshness thinking. He takes this time to announced a Tag Team Tourny up to Sacrifice. He also throws out a ridiculous idea that at Sacrifice, 4 more teams will be randomly made out of singles wrestlers, and they will be included in said tournament.

Oh, and by the way, Storm/Roode vs. Sting/Booker TONIGHT! Backstage with JB, he is interviewing former Tag Team Champ AJ Styles. AJ says he and Tomko are still the champs, and they future is simple: They're gonna win the Tournament and go to Sacrifice. Karen Angle stumbles out of nowhere, and JB and AJ drop their acts and are concerned. Karen finds comfort in JB, she trusts him.

Speaking on the Tag Team Tournament (too many T's), it starts NOW. Rellik and Black Reign make their way to the ring. They will be facing...Team 3D! Ray is wearing a Confederate Flag scarfe over his head (Is that playing on the fight he and Devon had? Geeze, that's racist). Ray and Rellik (Killer...spelled backwards) will start off the match. Big side-slam from Ray, and Devon is tagged in. Devon grabs a 2 count over Rellik, and Dusty is tagged in. Shoulder takedown from Devon, and a two count. Brother Ray and Brother Devon almost crash, due to "communication issues".

<Commercial Break>

We're back, and Reign and Rellik are double teaming Devon. After a two count, killeR slaps on a chokehold and tries keeping D down. relliK goes up top buy is met with Devon and gets a Superplex! 1, 2...broken up by Goldie-locks. Ray's tagged in and gives Rellik clotheslines and a back body-drop. A couple of Rock-Bottom's (Yeah, Rock Bottom's) from Brotha Ray, and he thinks he got the 3 count, but the ref says it was 2. 3D on Rellik! 1-2-3, done. Team 3D advance.

Backstage in the Women's "Make-up" room, Crystal gives out a butt-load of invitations. They're all there, faces, heels, the like. We have no idea what these envelopes were...all we know, is ODB is really drunk.

<Commercial Break>

It'd be good, y'know if I rated the matches, 'n stuff. So that last bought with 3D and Rellik/Reign...I'd say was a decent 6/10. Not too much to get excited about, but look at the facts, it had no run ins, and had no utter confusion or sloppiness. Thumbs up.

Backstage, JB is with the love of his life, Kurt Angle. Angle says he's watched the PPV tape over and over (Can't say I have or would, willingly). Joe says he's gonna win the title...and successfully defend it at Sacrifice against Rick Steiner...yes, I said it correct, RICK Steiner. JB corrects him, to which Angle says "Whatever...now get out so I can prepare for my match". Guilty, I kinda chuckled.

Tenay says lets revisit the Angle/Joe history. Unfortunately, we revisited it already...exactly 2 episodes ago. Not much has changed...save it be one ppv. I'll give TNA one thing...they sure are hyping the Free TV Title Match. They did take the history a bit further, starting with Samoa Joe's 2005 debut (Remember, back when TNA was nothing but at least put on kick-ass wrestling matches?).

We are taken to an "Earlier Today" video interview with Joe in a training session. He is training with Kevin Nash (Oh dear god...Joe's gonna learn how to hurt himself!). He tells Kurt he'll learn he's always gonna fall short. Come Sacrifice, Steiner will learn the same.

<Commercial Break. Up next, MCMG vs. Rhino/Cage>

We're back, and jumping right into Wrasslin'! Oh wait...NOT. We're revisiting last week, Kaz/Eric vs. Tomko/AJ and the ridiculous stripping of the Tag Titles due to interference by one, Super Eric.

Kristall is interview Eric Young and Kaz backstage. Eric says he IS NOT Super Eric. His Mom told him not to be a liar, and he simply isn't gonna be one. Kaz says it's hard to get mad at Eric, but he needs to play it straight. Get in touch with Super Eric...and tell him to steer clear of the iMPACT! Zone. They shake hands and split.

Deuces Wild Tag Team Tournament Qualifying Match (Not kidding, that's the name of the tournament). The Motor City Machine Guns (probably your favorite tag team) are taking on Rhino and Christian Cage. I have now decided that Christian...is a face. He acts like a heel...but the crowd can't help but cheer the guy. Shelly and Christian will start off this match. You know what's funny, Christian's trunks match the MCMG's. Shelly attempted the Sliced Bread #2, but Cage threw him back. Christian is impressed with Shelly's speed, and tags in Rhino. Sabin gets taken down with a clothesline and gets pinned, but it's only a 2-count. Rhino measures up for a GORE but he'll meet the ring post. Shelly flys over the top to take out Rhino and Christian on the outside!

<Commercial Break>

Back from the break <insert humorous line here>, Rhino hits a spinebuster but will skip the pin. Cage is in now, and he throws on a sleeper. That works for all of 5 seconds, and Christian ends up giving Alex an elbow to the chest, and picks up a 2-count. Alex Shelly nails the Sliced Bread #2, and rolls over and tags in Sabin. Sabin goes nuts with a dropkick, enziguri, back body-drop, clothesline off the top rope onto Christian! Big DDT from Cage, and picks up a close 2-count. Sabin counters a double-team move into a double DDT. Missed frog-splash from Cage! GORE on Shelly! Unprettier on Sabin, 1-2-3, your winners, Rhino and Christian.

The Gunz may not have won, but the match was GOOD. I'd say 6.5-7/10 range. I just really enjoyed it.

<Commercial Break>

Back from the break and we're gonna find out what those Knockout Invitations were. Cornette brings out ALL the Knockouts. JC says there is a special match at Sacrifice for the ladies. A TNA Kncokout Makeover Battle-royal. It's gonna start off as an over-the-top-rope match. When the last 2 women are remaining, it becomes a Ladder Match for a contract hanging over the ring. The Winner gets a match with Awesome Kong. The Runner-up will get a makeover...A Brittany Spears style makeover. Head shaved...in the middle of the ring. One match that kind of had an intriguing twist, with a hint of nonsense on the side...that's TNA in a nutshell!

Backstage, Sting and Booker T are under the lights for an interview. Booker T says he and Sting are ALL ABOUT winning. Tonight? No different. It's gonna get ugly. Sting says he can handle that.

Up next? Robert Roode (who should be fined for having to many different pyro-techs in his entrance...I mean seriously, who gets sparks and fireworks?). His partner, of course, is James Storm, and they are taking on Sting and Booker T. T and Storm will start things up. Booker gets a suoer kick in and tags in Stinger. Sting goes 10 for 10 in the corner, grabs a 2-count. Double elbow to the chest of Storm from Booker Sting. James Storm gets an illegal kick in on Booker.

<Commercial Break...a quick one, Don West claims>

And we're back with more Line Crossing action (I wonder how fun it is to actually cross a line). Good double-team action from Roode and Storm on Booker T. Good job from Sting, being a team player and just standing in the corner. Stinger Splash to Roode and one to Storm. Booker T unleashes a mass of kicks to Roode, goes for the scissors kick but Jackie trips Booker up. Booker and James clothesline each other down. Roode almost hit James with his own beer bottle. Sting comes in from the outside, wearings Storms hat, and hits the Deathdrop, and picks up the 3-count.

Roode and Storm are having a little spar, but no matter. We go backstage with Borash and The Angles. Kurt wonders if Karen is here to get back with Kurt. He says as long as theres him and Joe, there is no him and Karen (Whoa! think before you speak, Kurt...)

<Commercial Breakage>

Lauren is backstage with the "going" senile Jim Cornette. He has plans for a special match at Sacrifice. He's laughing maniacally, saying that careers will be sacrificed, and that it's gonna be fantastic.

It's time for the MAAAAAAAAAIN EVENT! Joe/Angle, for the title, on FREE TV! Does it not blow your mind (Or at least anger you that you spent 40 bucks on the PPV?). The opening bell...is after this

<Conveniently timed Commercial Break>

Here we go! They start with a lock-up, into the corner. Side head-lock from Angle, into a shoulder block from Joe. Angle spins outside and chills. He slowly climbs back into the ring, and we go into a lock-up, into a side head-lock from Joe. Angle again scrambles to the outside of the ring. Another lock-up into a side head-lock from Joe, a clothesline and a sitting side head-lock on Angle. Angle goes shoulder first into the ringpost, after trying to get Joe. Suicide dive from Joe to Angle!

<Commercial Break>

We return with Angle hitting an uppercut to Joe. A big kick and senton from Joe, and a 2-count. Snap suplex from Samoa Joe, and now has a cross arm lock on, but Angle gets his foot to the rope. Big old release german suplex from Angle, and slaps on a reverse chin lock. Earl Hebner is referee...so you know something scrwey is gonna happen (I mention that now because I just realized Hebner was ref). Kurt has held tight with this choke-hold. Big slam from JOE as Angle charged him in the corner! Joe charges toward Angle, who dodges, and bends the top rope, sending Joe outside, landing on his knee. Joe tries to get up but falls down flat.

<Commercial Break>

Back from the break, and Angle just smacked on Slick Ric's figure four! During the break, Nash tells Joe essentially to fight through the pain (Because that's what Nash did, right?). Joe frantically tries to fight off the Figure 4, and eventually gets to the ropes. Ol' Hebner had to break Kurt off. Joe grabs Joe, drags him to the middle and applies more pressure to Joe's knee. Joe is back on his feet and hits Angle with shot after shot. 2-count for Joe after hitting a spine-buster. He immediately follows with a snap slam, but still only a 2-count. Angle goes for the Ankle Lock, but Joe fights off. Angle hits the Angle slam, but Joe kicks out!

Angle misses a moonsault, and Joe puts on a rear-naked choke, but Angle drops and applies the Angle-Lock! Joe slapped on a sitting rear-naked choke, rolls his eyes, but Angle is right by the ropes. Hebner is OUT, Angle low-blows and Angle-slam's Joe! Angle-Lock is on, but Steiner runs out with a lead-pipe! He nails Angle, and Joe picks up the 3-count! Your winner and STILL Champion, Samoa Joe.

The match up until that point, was good. I was gonna commend TNA for scrapping out the nonsense, but then, obviously, the ref had to go down and Steiner had to interfere. JC is out, and he is pissed. Sacrifice, it will be JOE ANGLE AND STEINER for the TITLE! 3-Way match! Somebody is gonna make a Sacrifice!

And that was iMPACT! Overall I'd say this was a decent edition, albeit a little tag-heavy (But hey, they're having a tournament, right?). Definitely better than the last two episodes I've reviewed. That's it for me, folks. Thanks for reading this report, whether your read it as it happened or are reading this Friday morning (hell, even beyond). Keep your eyes peeled for my HEAT report later this week.