Happy May, WWI members. May is a great month, and not only is today the first day of May (And convientely, 24 days away from my Birthday...just an FYI for you...get out your Fritzmas gear and start spreadin' the cheer), it's Thursday. And in case you've forgotten, TNA iMPACT! is on!
What happened last week? Jim Cornette continued, slowly but surely, going crazy. Joe and Angle had a title rematch, which was interrupted by Scott Steiner, and that set up a 3-way Title match for Sacrifice. Now, are you ready...to Cross The Line?
Immediately we are informed by Tenay that Samoa Joe and Kurt Angle will face off against Scott Steiner and Petey Williams tonight. We're kickin' off iMPACT! with Curry Man! He is taking on a man I dubbed Stone Deep Shark Stevens, Shark Boy. Oh wait, I'm mistaken...they're tagging and taking on The Motor City Machine Guns. Sabin will take early control of the match, getting in some kicks, hip-tosses, and a drop-kick. MCMG double team on Da Man and Sharky. Nice teamwork in from The Boy and Captain Curry. Sharkboy pretty much botches a hurricanranna, he managed it, but it was sloppy. Double-DDT from Shelly to both Sharkboy and Curry Man. Double suicide dive from the MCMG! But, Scott Steiner's music interrupts the match. The match is thrown (Because that's what TNA does...random run-ins).
Scott's pissed (shocking, right?). He interfered in the match last week, and someone Angle weaseled his way into the Sacrifice match (Yeah, because he clocked himself over the head with a lead pipe?). Angle's music hits, he runs out and slaps on the Ankle Lock! Unfortunately, Angle isn't too bright, and gets hit from behind by Petey. Steiner Recliner is locked on...and out comes Samoa Joe!
Backstage, JB's with AJ Styles...apparently AJ needs to find a partner, or he's out of the Deuces Wild Tourny. Jim Cornette then interrupts to say tonight he will announce the 8 Singles Wrestlers who will be combined to form random tag teams to compete in tournament for the Tag Team Titles. Jim see's that AJ is really doing nothing, and asks what day is it? It's Thursday! What does TNA do on Thursdays? (Sleep in?) iMPACT! Get tah wrestling, or you're out, boi!
<Commercial Break>
Back from the break, Don West appears to be flying solo as Tenay has seemed to have pulled an Adamle. Oh wait, he's in the ring. He's calling out Angelina Love and Velvet Sky. Both of them try tempting Tenay (...how the hell is HE scoring the babes?). Mike goes over the Knockouts match...it goes from Battle-Royal, to Ladder Match, to loser gets her head shaved Match. Skye or Love, or both of them, are giving suggestions on who need the makeover. They show a baldheaded Gail Kim and ODB (It looks as if they were photoshopped with Kurt Angle's forehead, just to keep some part of Angle on the show at all times). Guess what, they're INTERRUPTED by Gail Kim and ODB. ODB shoves Angelina down, and Gail Kim follows suit with Skye. A cat fight breaks out...the thing that impressed me most? ODB never dropped her flask while in the scrap. A match is set up, Love/Skye vs. ODB/Kim, tonight...in about 30 mins.
Backstage, Angle and Styles are having words. AJ enters Booker T's locker room. He's looking to get Booker's help. Booker shoots him down...he mistakes him for a crazy hapless fan. Way to put over talent, Booker.
<Commercial Break>
We come back to Samoa Joe. In the background...Kevin Nash, with TNA Title draped over HIS shoulder. Joe and Kev see everything coming, they knew Sacrifice wouldn't be a 1-on-1 match. Joe loves competition...and loves being Champion.
Our next Deuces Wild match is Eric Young and Kaz taking on LAX. Eric Young and Hernandez will kick off the match. Hernandez easily powers over Eric. Eric tags in Kaz, Hernan tags in Homicide. Dropkick from Kaz, followed by a scoop-slam. Atomic Drop and another dropkick, but Kaz will get taken out by Hernandez. LAX gets some big double-teaming in while Eric sits and watches, like a good tag team partner does. Sit-out power-bomb from Hernandez, but he'll only grab 2, thanks to Eric breaking up the count. Homicide picks up the 3-count after rolling up Eric Young. Kaz/Young and LAX share respect, and leave the ring. Homicide is on the mic, and calls out Hector Guerrero (Remember him? He's on the Spanish broadcast team).
<Commercial Break>
Homicide is talkin' with Hector. He says LAX studies tapes, especially ones of your brother, Eddie. They have respect for him, they wanna be like him and the Guerrero family. LAX is asking for a manager, and they say Hector is the man. Hector doesn't think twice...we're takin' home the gold!
Backstage (boy I say that alot...) Jim Cornette is being bombarded by his Roster. First he turns away Traci, and then deals with Matt Morgan, who wants in on the Deuces Wild. Kip James runs in and starts beating the crap out of Morgan. That feud has $$ written all over it.
Back from a quick commercial break, and AJ Styles is still searching for a partner. AJ is going to ask Kevin Nash. Kevin is humoring Christy Hemme. Apparently, Christy is apparently having naughty dreams (More at 11). Nash says the big money is in the Heavyweight Championship. AJs a little confused...Samoa Joe is the champ. "You're Damn right he is...you're damn right," says Nash.
Angelina Love and Velvet Skye are taking on Gail Kim and One Dirty B*tch...ODB. ODB instantly has the crowd behind her (...whoa, maybe I should think before I say). Gail Kim is tagged in, as well as Skye, and some real action starts. Dropkick from Gail...followed by a scoop-slam.
<Commercial Break>
A big knee from Skye to Kim as we return from the break. Skye and Love manage to double team Kim while ODB is in a war of words with the ref. Double-clothesline on Kim and Love, and both are down. Fallaway slam from ODB, but she gets hit from behind by Skye. Running power-slam, and ODB picks up the win. Roxxi Laveuax makes her way to the ring. Angelina Love is now surrounded by Kim, ODB and Roxxi. The three of them take out Love.
Jeremy Borash is backstage with Roode and James Storm. AJ breaks in, bottle of wine, but Storm doesn't like the gift. Neither Roode nor Storm are interested in helping out Styles. AJ seems to be at the end of his rope. He looks off camera, and asks if he would be his partner...JB and AJ look excited.
<Commercial Break>
So who is AJ's partner? It's time for the 4th and Final Deuces Wild Match. The Rock N Rave Infection will be taking on AJ Styles and his mystery partner. The Prince of Phenomenal breaks out and dawns his crown. He's looking pretty confident. His partner is none other than...Super Eric. The crowd is chanting and I'm grabbing the Tylenol.
Big back bodydrop from AJ on Rave. As soon as Super Eric is tagged in, Rave stumbles to his own corner and tags in that...um...the tall guy. Big dropkick from AJ to Rave! Christy tries to distract AJ, but he shouts "Your not Karen!" Lance Hoyt is tagged in, he strums AJs butt and slams his to the mat (oh dear God...that should never bee said or done...ever again). Pelé! Pelé! By God a Pelé and Super Eric is tagged in. Big dropkick from Styles again, and Eric Young picks up...sorry, SUPER Eric picks up the 3-count. AJ and Eric advance!
JB is backstage with Sting. Sting wants to know what everyone is drinking...because Cornette is right. Ya'll crazy. You don't know who you can trust...
<Commercial Break>
We are BACK! Tenay says innovation is what separates TNA from the competition. I'll drink to that...and guess what...TNA has ANOTHER concept match. It's called the Terror Dome...it combines a cage, and ultimate X, apparently. It can also hold back a Great White Shark (Damn Universal plugs...).
Two new Divas have been debuted...in ONE sitting. Cheerleader Melissa and Daisy Hayes. Headscissors from Hayes to Melissa! Nice move! These two actually appear to have some skill. VERTIBREAKER from Melissa, and she picks up the win.
Backstage, Scott Steiner gives his thoughts on the Title Match. The Genetic Freak is...well, just that...a genetic freak. In a 1-on-1 match, normally it's 50/50...but, the genetic freakness takes away 25% from the norms. He then goes on a tirade of mathematical numbers, thus proving he will win the title match. Man, now TNAs trying to teach me math? BOO!
<Commercial Break>
It appears to be MAAAAAAIN EVENT time, as Scott Steiner and Petey Williams make their way to the ring. In case you've forgotten, they are taking on Professional Wrestling's ONLY Olympic Gold Medalist, and what the "A" in "TNA" stands for...Kurt Angle and his partner, The Samoan Submission Machine...and World Heavyweight Champion...Samoa Joe! Kevin Nash is nowhere to be found.
Petey and Joe will start off the match. I must first, however, note how much Petey really does just look like a Scott Steiner midget. It's really weird. After a quick start, Joe tags in Angle. Scotty is tagged in, and keeps up on the Angle beat down. Belly-to-belly from Angle! Joe tagged in, and gives a headbutt to Steiner's back. Joe keeps working on Steiner, but lil' does he know...Petey tagged himself in a lil over 10 seconds ago.
<Commercial Break>
We're back from the break, and Steiner is doing push-ups in front of Samoa Joe. Lil' Poppa Canuck is tagged in, and he keeps Joe down. Steiner tagged back in, and he slaps on a chin-lock. Belly-to-belly from Steiner to Joe! Petey tagged in, and as he leaps from the top rope...he eats Samoa Joe's boot. Joe flips off Angle, and slams Petey down to the mat! Petey fights back with a Jawbreaker! Joe slaps on the rear naked choke on, but Angle strikes Joe! Muscle buster from Joe to Petey! 1-2-3, and Joe picks up the win. Angle runs up and gives Joe a german suplex! He slaps on the Ankle lock, but dodges, because Scott is in the ring with the lead pipe. Steiner takes out Joe with it.
JB is backstage with JC. Cornette says if you thought that was chaos...wait for him, after this final
<Commercial Break>
Before Jim Cornette comes out and tells us what we've all been dying to know, Tenay and West decide to show us something we just watched a minute ago. In the ring, Jim Cornette presents to you the TNA Tag Team Titles. 4 Tag Teams are qualified...and now, we will combine random wrestlers into teams...because that's fun right? Out first, is the Genetically Jacked, Athletically stacked, Matt Morgan. Cornette then calls out...Kip James. Next? BG James. And who else? James Storm, Booker T, Robert Roode, and STING. There is one more guy involved...Awesome Kong. Sting looks shocked! Everyone else is frustrated...
Fritz's Thoughts: When it came to the in-ring action, we got decent/good stuff. I didn't like the fact that they debuted two new divas in one match, but they actually surprised me.
TNAs newest "innovation", the Terror Dome, hopefully turns out good. By the sound of it, (a cage match with an ultimate-x twist), it could be great. But they've rushed out these concept matches before and have had "meh" results.
Awesome Kong is one of the 8 singles wrestlers in the tag team tournament. WTF, indeed. Yeah, that's crossing the line...I'm just not sure why I should care that Kong, the KNOCKOUTS CHAMPION, is in the all male Tag Team Tournament...
And the Tournament itself is confusing, because they're throwing together 8 random superstars to make a team, to participate in a Tag team Tournament...for the TITLES.
Minor headaches aside...it was a good edition of iMPACT! Thanks for reading guys, as always, I really appreciate it!
