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Hello again, WWI readers. It's time for some TNA: iMPACT! Last week, Awesome Kong was revealed to be a participant in the second half of the Tag Team Tournament; Heavyweight Champ Samoa Joe and Kurt Angle faced off against Scott Steiner and his genetic freak-experiment gone injured Petey Williams; and TNA revealed their newest innovation, The Terror Dome. This week? Who knows...let's CROSS the LINE and find out.
Just a quick note...did you know Sacrifice...is this Sunday? Shocker! JC is in the ring with info about the "Egotistical 8". He wants all of them out here, asap! Each one comes down to the ring, own theme music and entrance (it's a great way to waste 3-5 minutes). Gentlemen and "Lady", Jimmy C is fed up with the calls about who's who partner. The only one who didn't call Cornette? Sting. 2 Teams are being drawn tonight! One right NOW, the next at the top of the hour. The crowd is extremely confused, as they are chanting names like "Christian!" and "JOE!". Guess they didn't know the "Egotistical 8" are...well...ONLY those frickin' 8.
The first name? STING. His partner? Sting is allowed to draw the next name. The second name? James Storm. James grabs the mic. He's not Sting's friend, buddy, nor does he wanna be his partner. Sorry bout your da---Sting throws a huge punch to Storm and they brawl out. JC throws another swerve, the partners that are revealed tonight, will have 1v1 matches against each other. Sting vs. Storm tonight, no DQ!
A video from minutes earlier rolls with JB outside the arena. A limo pulls up and Steiner and Petey exit. Before they can even talk, Angle comes out. Angle and Steiner have the same mindset for tonight: Destroy Samoa Joe.
<Commercial Break>
We're back with a Promo for TNA's Terror Dome. It's just a modified cage match...the trick being climbing up 30 feet, escaping from a 1ft wide hole.
We are underway with TNAs opening contest. A 6-man, non-title X-Division match! Curry Man vs. Jimmy Rave vs. Consequences Creed vs. Johnny Divine vs. Stone Deep Shark Stevens vs. Lil' Papa Canuck, Maple Leaf Muscle, Genetic Side-Show, X-Division Champion PETEY Williams. This match works random X-Division Tag style. Starting off the match is Creed and Divine. Creed does some breakdancing then flies into the corner-post. Curry Man tagged in. DDT from Divine. Shark Boy is in, and stomps a mud-hole in Rave's ass. Petey was tagged in for a short period, and mainly just posed. Big back body drop from Curry Man to Jimmy Rave. Cross body from Curry-to-Divine. Petey hits a perfect Hurricanranna outside on Chris Dan---Curry Man. Chummer! Chummer! CreedDT on Shark Boy! Canadian Destroyer on Creed! Rave with a kick to the face of Williams! Rave hits the Move that Rocked the world on Curry Man and picks up the win!
That...was actually a good match. A lot, and I mean, a LOT of action.
Backstage JB is with Sting. Not only does he have a partner in James Storm...he has a No-DQ match against James tonight! How do you feel? Sting says they're gonna beat the sh*t out of each other tonight to work things out, and together win the titles on Sunday.
<Commercial Break>
Upon return, we have a video package highlighting the history of LAX (Sans any Konan footage/references).
Backstage, Jimmy C is with the entire Women's Division. Look, Jimmy ain't a bad person...he's a father figure. Tonight, ya'll in an immunity match. The winner is immune from getting their head shaved on Sunday. From a 10ft poll in the corner of the ring, a pair of barber sheers will be hanging. All you gotta do is grab them, and win. Great...now all that "running with scissors" stuff from my childhood is really starting to sound like sh*t.
Back from a break, and Cage and Rhino are having an interview. Team 3D do what they do best, interrupt. Brother Ray goes through a number of addition problems that add up to twenty (WTF is with TNA and their talent being Math Wizards lately?). Anyways...20, b*tch! That's how many times Team 3D have been champs. A brawl ensues, and Team 3D give Rhino and Cage an old fashion beating! Homicide and Hernandez run in a continue the beat down! Hernandez even Border-tosses Christian into the wall!
<Commercial Break>
We're back and we're having an Immunity "Sheers on a Pole" Match! The winner must grab the sheers. Angelina Love, Velvet Skye, Tracie Brooks, Jacquelin, Salinas, Christy Hemme, Roxxi Laveuax, Gail Kim, and ODB.
Immediately, everyone rushes to the pole like a fully clothed stripper. Traci faceplants Gail Kim from the top rope, after Kim fought her off the pole. The B*tch is climbing the pole outside the ring, kicked of Jacqe, but got fought off by Salinas and Roxxi. Christy is now going up for the sheers but gets a couple of slaps in the ass from ODB. Hemme is back up for the sheers, but ODB and Traci are about to take her out. Love and Skye both go under all of them and super-power-bomb them! Holy sh*t! Jacqe was the last girl left standing, wasted a good 5 seconds staring at the sheers, and then slowly went up to get them. Gail Kim sneaks up the pole and grabs the sheers!
Absolutely horrible. If you though pole matches were the worst...wrong, Knockout's pole matches are the worst.
Backstage, Joe and Nash aren't intimidated by Angle and Steiner's plan to take out Joe. Joe has his insurance in Kevin Nash (Oh wow, like he hasn't suffered injury every month).
Up next, Sting and Storm...No DQ!
<Commercial Break>
Up next is Sting vs. James Storm, the two who were announced as Tag Team Partners just about one hour ago. Sting starts things off with a bang, clotheslining Storm over the audience barricade! They take this fight to the infamous "Wall" that all no-DQ matches in TNA go. James gets busted right through that cardboard wall, dawned with a thousand TNA Sacrifice Posters. James took a sip from his beer bottle, and spat it right into Sting's make-uped face. James pulls out a table and leans it into the corner. Short-arm clothesline from Sting, avoiding being sent into the table. Sting dodges a superkick, and Ref. Rudy Charles is out cold! Sting puts on the Scorpion Deathlock! Jacqe runs out and tosses Storm a chair! Sting dodges, and fights Storm off.
Question: Why the ref bump during a FREAKIN' no-DQ match!?
Stinger Splash on storm! Sting's up top and hits a splash! 1...2...NO! Scorpion death-drop! Stinger splash through the table, followed up by another Death Drop! 1-2-3, and your winner is the man called Sting.
Backstage, JB is with Kip James. He wants to know who he wants as a tag partner. I know what you're thinking..."Why does Kip James still have a job?". Kip says he made DX...not the redneck, not the heartbreaker, not even that stupid spittin', long entrance, king of fools. Up next, the next random tag team will be drawn.
<Commercial Break>
The Egotistical 6 are gonna be narrowed down the the Egotistical 4. Jim Cornette calls out the 6 remaining stars...and we do the whole damn first segment over (Sans Sting and Storm). The first name (Technically 3rd), Matt Morgan. His partner...drawn by his own hand...Jim reads the card and laughs. His partner is KIP James. Shocker, right!? They do exactly the same thing Sting and Storm did...fight. And by they way, we already know this from earlier, they have a match tonight.
In fact, their match is NOW! Back elbow smash from Morgan and we cut to break. We're back, though, and Morgan still has control. He goes for a big boot on Kip, but he dodges, sending Matt, family jewels first, on the top rope. Big kick from Matt Morgan, and he picks up the win.
Backstage, Crystal is with BG James. BG, Roode, Booker T and Awesome Kong remain. BG actually wants Awesome Kong as a partner...because that's the only way he'll look good (In more ways than one, buddy!).
<Commercial Break>
Backstage JB is with Steiner and Angle. He wonders if they can get along long enough to assure Joe is taken out. Scott says Sacrifice NEEDS two pure athletes one on one, not two pure athletes and a fat bastard. Petey says, hey, we need only like, what, 10 minutes? 3 Olympic caliber bodies...vs. the whacky Samoan and his old guy security force.
Finally it is time for the MAAAAAAAA...er...Feaaaaaaatured Contest! Big Poppa Pump Scott Steiner and Kurt Angle vs. Samoa Joe and Kevin Nash.
Nash and Angle will start off the match. Nash gets big hits in, and even drops Kurt chin first into the top turnbuckle. Joe's tagged in, and he will go no easier on Wrestling's only Olympic Gold Medalist. Steiner and Nash tagged in, and Kevin plants his huge foot in Steiner's face. Steiner and Angle swap their focus to trying to eliminate Nash from the equation (...there's that damn math again). Side-slam from Nash to Kurt! Joe's tagged in, but Earl Hebner claims to have not seen the tag. Joe blatantly ignores him clears house. Olympic-slam from Angle! Lead pipe cracks Nash! Heb didn't see it and Steiner picks up the win.
Wow. I think that's 2...3 weeks in a row for Steiner ending a Main Event with a lead pipe. After the match, Angle gives a slam to Steiner and locks on the Ankle-Lock!
And that's iMPACT! TNA Sacrifice is THIS Sunday, and I'm 100% sure there'll be Real-Time Coverage! As always, thanks for reading the report, questions, comments, and feedback is appreciated. Cya next week, and keep your eyes peeled for the HEAT Report!
