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TNA Impact: Surprise!...Just Kidding
Tonight on Impact, we get the fallout from Slammiversary. Tommy Dreamer is now in TNA. Did he bring anybody else with him? Kurt Angle will continue his climb up the TNA Top 10, Jay Lethal will hopefully continue his push, and Mr. Anderson will continue to be the most awesomest A**hole in the world. We start the show with Eric Bischoff in his office. He says because of Scott Hall's recent personal issues, The Band is stripped of their TNA Tag Team titles. There will be a 4 team tournament to decide who faces the Motor City Machine Guns at Victory Road. The first match of the night is the first match of the tournament. The Band (now just Eric Young and Kevin Nash) are out first. Their opponents are Ink Inc. As soon as they enter the ring, Ink Inc. is attacked by Young and Nash. It is announced during the match that tonight's main event is Jeff Hardy vs Mr. Anderson vs Abyss in a triple threat match to determine the number one contender for RVD's TNA World Heavyweight title. Neal and Young have been in the ring for a while to start this match. Neal eventually gets to Moore and he gets his initial offense in on EY. Moore hit a nasty Hurricanrana off the top rope. As he goes for the pin, Nash breaks it up and attempts a Jackknife Powerbomb, but Neal spears him. Moore and Neal then team up for a finisher for the win. As Tenay and Taz are talking at the broadcast table, Ric Flair's music hits and his entire group follows behind. He says he is about to make a history making announcement. Commercial. Backstage, Chelsea is telling Abyss that she doesn't want to be with Desmond Wolfe anymore. She wants to be with him. Abyss tells her that she's not going to want to be around him after tonight. Back in the Impact Zone, Flair says that they are going to reform the Four Horsemen, but they will call the new group "Fortune." He then tells his guys to step up and become the Horsemen. Out comes Jay Lethal. He does his Ric Flair gimmick. He talks up the original Horseman and says it looks like they took a dump and left "Fortune" in the ring. Flair rips off his jacket and throws it into the crowd. Lethal then rips off his jacket, throws it down, and elbow drops it on the ramp. They have a "WOOOOOO" fest. This is crazy. It might be the most entertaining and funniest piece TNA has ever done. Desmond Wolfe then grabs the mic and challenges Lethal to a match and Lethal accepts. Lethal rips off some more of Flair's lines and they argue over who's lines they are. Flair tells Wolfe that if he wins tonight, then he is the first member of Fortune, but if he loses, he is out. Backstage, Lacey Von Erich is getting a massage. Commercial. Back from commercial, somebody asks Mr. Anderson if he is ready for his match tonight. He sarcastically says "Yes." Hernandez comes out for the next match. His opponent is Samoa Joe. The crowd is hot for Joe. Joe backs Super Mex into the corner and pounds on him. Joe continues to dominate and the crowd chants "Joe's gonna kill you." Super Mex makes a comeback and overpowers Joe with some shoulder blocks. Joe rolls out of the ring and the ref checks on him. Matt Morgan comes into the ring and give Hernandez a low blow and rolls back out. Joe gets back in and hits a T-bone Suplex for the win. Outside, Morgan tells everybody how smart he is. As Joe walks up the ramp, he sees the replay on the big screen. Morgan is standing in the ring begging Joe to come back. Joe gets in and he and Hernandez run Morgan off. At Victory Road, Super Mex and Morgan will go at it in a Steel Cage. In the locker room area, AJ tells Desmond he needs to get his girl in line and win tonight. Commercial. Backstage, Jeff Hardy is talking about the threeway match. Anderson walks in and says may the best man win. In the ring, Douglas Williams is talking about the death of the X-Division. His opponent tonight is Max Buck. Williams controls the match with his technical style for the most part. Buck gets some high flying offense in, but in the end, Williams wins with his tordado DDT off the second rope. After the match, Williams tries to choke Buck out. Brian Kendrick comes down for the save and puts Williams in a rear naked choke. Commercial. In the ring, Angelina Love is back. She says that she is not going to waste another second of her career. She says tonight, she is going to take out Lacey Von Erich, next week it's Velvet Sky, and then at Victory Road it's Madison Rayne. Out comes Lacey Von Dumb Dumb. As Lacey gets in the ring, Angelina jumps on her. During the middle of the match, Angelina exits the ring, tosses SoCal Val out of her chair, reenters the ring and DDT's Lacey on the chair. Lacey Von Erich wins via DQ. Backstage, Lethal is talking to Hogan about his imitations. Hogan tells him he's funny, but the imitations are not the reason why he likes him. He talks up Lethal's talent and says he belongs at the top. Commercial. At least I'll get to see the 4th quarter of game 7 of the NBA Finals tonight after Impact is over. At halftime, Boston leads 40-34. Christy Hemme is interviewing Jeff Hardy about the match tonight. He says he would love to mix it up with RVD but it's all about tonight. Christy asks Jeff if he can trust Anderson, Anderson comes in and says people need to start stirring up trouble. Anderson says at the end of the night, they can look each other in the eye as men and still be friends. Next match is Beer Money against Team 3D. Out first is 3D. They have issues with each other walking down the ramp. Ray tells Devon he is sorry about what has happened lately. Beer Money makes their way to the ring. Roode and Devon start things off in this semi-final match in the tag team tournament. Ink Inc. makes their way to the broadcast table for commentary. As Devon and Ray were about to land the 3D, Ray realized Neal and Moore were at the broadcast table and he went to beat them up. Back in the ring, Storm spit beer in Devon's face and Roode rolled him up for the pinfall. Beer Money advances to face Ink Inc. next week on Impact. Backstage, Desmond is telling Chelsea she has a chance to redeem herself for what happend at Slammiversary and what she told Abyss earlier. Commercial. Desmond Wolfe is already in the ring as we come back from the break. Jay Lethal is out next.....as Jay Lethal this time. Wolfe pushes Lethal out of the ring to start things off. He then yells at Chelsea as Lethal rolls back into the ring. Tommy Dreamer shows up in the crowd and the crowd doesn't pay any attention to the match. Wolfe screams at Chelsea some more and she runs away, but trips on the ramp. Wolfe chases after her and Lethal chases him down and tosses him back into the ring. Lethal is incredibly talented. He gets the win with the flip over neckbreaker and celebrates with the crowd. I guess this means Wolfe is not going to be in Fortune. He attacks Lethal after the match and tosses hiim back in the ring. Flair makes his way down the ramp and joins Wolfe in the attack. Out comes The Hulkster and the crowd goes nuts. Flair and Wolfe jet out of the ring and Hogan helps Lethal up and raises his hand. He grabs a mic and says enough is enough. He says guys like Jay Lethal are why TNA is on fire right now. Uh...Ok? I like Lethal and agree they should be pushing him, but TNA is far from on fire. He says he wants Flair to come back out for a special announcement. Hogan makes the match at Victory Road of Jay Lethal against Ric Flair. Sting is shown walking down from the rafters. Commercial. Back in the Impact Zone, we get the new TNA Top10. 10. Angle 9. Desmond Wolfe 8. Pope 7. Jay Lethal 6. Samoa Joe 5. Sting 4. AJ Styles and the top 3 are Anderson, Abyss, and Jeff Hardy. Jeff Jarrett is in the ring and he calls out Sting. Sting comes out in street clothes and no face paint. I guess he's just Steve Borden tonight. Jarrett says he wanted to remind Sting that he called him when he started TNA. He said he wanted Sting because of his professionalism and icon status. Even though they haven't always been on the same side of the fence, they had always treated each other with dignity and honor, but that ended last month at Sacrifice. He said Sting made a mistake by leaving him standing. He says next week it will be no laughing matter when they have their rematch. He says Sting is wrong about Bischoff and Hogan and that they've given their all since they have been in TNA. Some annoying girl keeps screaming in the arena. It's rather distracting. Commercial. Mr. Anderson is out first for the main event to determine the number one contender. Out next is Abyss then Jeff Hardy. Anderson and Hardy team up on Abyss to start the match. As Hardy goes for the pin, Anderson pulls him off and goes for the pin himself. Hardy pulled him off and they stare each other down. Abyss pops up and goes on the offensive. Tommy Dreamer is shown in the crowd again. Hardy hits the Whisper in the Wind and Abyss rolls out. As Hardy is preoccupied with keeping Abyss out, Anderson hits a baseball slide and Hardy dives out onto Abyss. Earl Hebner counts to 10 and counts out all three participants. Abyss lays out both Hardy and Anderson outside the ring. He hits the Shock Treatment on Anderson after rolling him back into the ring. Abyss then goes for the bag of glass and a kendo stick. He nails Hardy with the stick. He rolls back in the ring and dumps out the glass. He whacks Anderson with the kendo stick and hits the Blackhole Slam right on the shattered glass. He then makes his way back up the ramp and grabs Hardy and chokeslams him off the stage and too the floor below. Hogan walks out behind and confronts him. Abyss points and yells "YOU!" at Hulk. That takes us off the air. This was a pretty fun show to watch. Lethal and Kennedy are awesome, the tag team tournament is fresh, and the Abyss heel turn was nice to see. Check back next week for Impact to see where all of this is headed.
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| All content contained here Copyright 2012 by James Guttman |