Tonight's Impact is....who knows anymore??? I would assume we get some type of build for RVD vs. Sting, Abyss will be accompanied by Chelsea, Mr. Anderson will probably offer up a handshake and be rejected by Jeff Hardy again, Orlando Jordan will suck....literally and figuratively, Kurt Angle will attempt to fight his way through the TNA Top 10 Rankings, and Hulk Hogan will likely give away another title to one of his buddies. Oh wait! He already gave Sting a World Heavyweight title match even though he hasn't done anything to deserve it.
Out to start off the show is Jeff Hardy. He grabs a mic and greets his creatures. He's out for a very simple reason, and that's to find out what's up with Mr. Anderson. Out comes Anderson wearing his pro wrestling is real shirt. Hardy hands him the mic and Ken parodies Jeff's name. Anderson says he does things sometimes to confuse people because he's an A--Hole. He tells Jeff to embrace his inner A--holiness. Out come AJ Styles, Ric Flair, Beer Money, and Desmond Wolfe. AJ tells Anderson he doesn't deserve to be in the same ring as he. Anderson does his mic bit and sends us to commercial. How can you not like this guy?!
Back from the break, Ink Inc. and Team 3D await the nW...oh wait, they're The Band now. It looks like we get Hall and Young as the Tag Champs tonight. Moore and Young start things off. Being X-Division guys, this starts off fairly quick. Moore tags in Neal and they hit a double hip toss on Young. Neal lands some nice offense, but EY rakes the eyes and takes over. Brother Ray gets a blind tag and comes in to punish Jesse Neal for what has transpired over the last few weeks. Devon gets the tag and allows Neal to tag in Moore. Moore comes in with some quickness and baffles Devon. Moore tags in Neal, and Ray gets another blind tag and punishes Neal some more. Ray goes for a chair and Devon strips it from him, allowing Neal to spear Ray for the win in this non-title match. Post-match, Ray tells Devon he will deal with him later. Ray challenges Jesse for a one-on-one match at Slammiversary.
Backstage, Christy Hemme interviews Kaz about being in the Top 10. Flair comes in to congratulate him. He tells Kaz he wants him to manhandle Jay Lethal tonight. In comes AJ saying he has been looking for Flair and asks him what's going on. Flair says he is talking to Kaz right now and he will be with him shortly. I sense a little tension there between Flair and AJ. I wonder if they will continue to build on that. Commercial.
Kaz is out first for his match against Lethal. Lethal then makes his way to the ring for this singles match. The crowd gets a "Let's go Lethal" chant going and Kazarian gives looks like he smells a fart. This is a very fast paced match, as two elite X-Division guys go at it. Flair makes his way down the ramp to distract Lethal. Kaz takes advantage and shows some major aggression. Kaz shows off for Flair, but Lethal fights back. Flair looks concerned on the outside. Lethal sets Kaz up for a Figure Four and applies it. Flair is going nuts on the ramp and urges Kazarian to the ropes. Flair then taunts Lethal, who decks him. Kaz sneaks up and rolls up Lethal for the win. Post-match, Flair beats Lethal down in the ring. Flair plays to some ladies in the front row, and Lethal turns the tables. He lights Flair up with some chops and a back body drop. He then clotheslines Flair to the floor and AJ comes down for the save. During all of this, Kaz continued to lie in the corner. He eventually pulls AJ off. They argue for a minute over who is going to impress Flair, and then Lethal dropkicks both of them out of the ring. Back on the ramp, Flair scolds Styles.
In the back, Shannon Moore is seen laid out with an Ace of Spades card on his back. Who did it? I guess we will find out after the break.
Orlando Jordan makes his way to the ring wearing pasties with pictures of Abyss on them. Very odd. I hate this guy so much. Out next is Abyss with Chelsea. Abyss gives Jordan a weird look as this match starts. Jordan works on Abyss' stitched up arm to start, but Abyss reverses it and rips off the pasties on Jordan's nipples. Abyss misses a shoulder block in the corner and Jordan continues to work on Abyss' arm. He rips off the bandages and pounds on it some more. Jordan attempts an elbow drop onto Abyss' arm, but misses. Abyss hits a big boot and a slash in the corner. After a couple of power moves, he clotheslines Jordan out of the ring. He picks up Jordan for a body slam, but Jordan slides off and pushes Abyss into Chelsea. As Abyss is checking on her, Desmond Wolfe comes out and attacks him. Wolfe rolls Abyss back into the ring and both he and Jordan continue the attack. Rob Terry comes out to make the save. After he scares off Wolfe, Terry hits the Freak Buster on Orlando Jordan. Abyss the slides back out of the ring and picks up Chelsea to walk her to the back.
Backstage, RVD is walking. Commercial.
ROB VAN DAM!!!! THE WHOLE F'N SHOW!!! RVD makes his much hyped up entrance to the Impact Zone. He says he's out to talk to Sting. He tells Sting that he's well aware of his iconic status and that he too has some major accomplishments in his career. Sting's music hits and RVD looks around for him. A video package comes on the big screen of Sting attacking RVD. Sting talks from the rafters and tells RVD that he is going to take the title away from him.
A video from earlier in the day shows Hogan talking to Mr. Anderson in a conference room about his recent actions. Anderson says he is turning over a new leaf and that he has been doing some serious soul searching. Commercial.
Christy interviews Roxxy in the back. Roxxy says she's excited to be back after breaking her ankle. Christy tells her she will be facing Madison Rayne at Slammiversary for the Knockouts Title, and Roxxy gets really excited.
The Beautiful People come out to the ring for their Tag Title match against Taylor Wilde and Sarita. Velvet Sky....mmmmmmmmmmmmmm. She matches up with Sarita to start things off. Sarita gets some quick offense and tags in Taylor. As Velvet sends Taylor to the ropes, Sarita gets a blind tag and keeps up the offensive barrage. Taylor back in with a double team trip and drop kick. Lacey distracts her and gets the tag from Velvet Sky. Lacey applies The Claw and picks up Taylor for the slam and the win. The midget wrestler from the new Half Pint Brawler show comes in to celebrate with them and slaps Velvet Sky on the butt. Velvet slaps him and Madison DDT's him. Lacey sticks around to check on him, and they start making out. Commercial.
Kurt Angle makes his way to the announce table. Desmond Wolfe is out first for this match. Jeff Hardy is out next. The match starts with a hookup and Wolfe gains control. An extensive rope sequence ends in Hardy catching Wolfe for a pin attempt. Wolfe kicks out and backs Hardy to the corner and down to the mat. Hardy battles back and Wolfe rolls out to the floor. Hardy hits a cross body from inside the ring to the outside. He rolls Wolfe back in and Wolfe catches him off guard with a baseball slide kick. Back in the ring, Wolfe attempts a pin, but Hardy kicks out. Hardy gets back up and goes for the Twist of Fate, but Wolfe reverses it to snapmare takedown. Back up, Hardy goes for another Twist of Fate, but Wolfe reverses it to a double arm DDT. Hardy reverses a corner to corner and takes Wolfe down. He goes for the Swanton, but Wolfe moves and Hardy hits the referee. He picks up Wolfe and delivers the Twist of Fate, but there is no ref to make the count. As Hardy checks on the referee, Wolfe grabs a sack of something and knocks out Hardy for the 3-count. Commercial.
Back in the Impact Zone, The Blueprint Matt Morgan is in the ring. They are continuing his schizophrenic gimmick. He keeps referring to himself as "We." He is issuing an open invitation to be his (or is it theirs?) tag partner. He calls out Angle, who is still at the broadcast table. He calls him the little bald guy and asks him if he wants to be a star. Angle gets in the ring and says first of all, he's not a little bald guy. And second thing is he pinned Morgan the last time he was in the ring with him. Morgan asks him if he wants to be his partner or not. Before he can answer, Morgan pushes him down and says "NOT!" Security comes down to break up a potential brawl. Joe's music hits and he storms the ring and Morgan backs out. Joe then turns around to Angle and they go face to face. Angle then leaves the ring. They clear the ring as Tenay announces some of the Slammiversary matches.
Main Event time. AJ enters the Impact Zone. Misterrrrrr.....Anderson........................................................................................ Anderson!!!!!!! Commercial break.
Opening bell sounds, and the two dance around each other. They lock up and Anderson backs AJ into the corner. He backs away and AJ comes back out and grabs a headlock. Anderson reverses it into a headlock of his own. AJ reverses that into a headlock takedown. Back up, they exchange some blows and chops. Anderson gets caught with a beautiful drop kick after AJ sends him to the ropes. AJ gets yet another headlock and Anderson works his way back up and gets sent into the ropes. He hits a cross body for a pin attempt, but AJ rolls through it and hooks the ropes for the pinfall and the victory. Anderson stares at AJ and calls for his microphone. He tells AJ that he got him. He asks the fans if AJ pulled his tights and they say yes. Anderson then gets some pay back as he beats AJ down. Beer Money comes down to help out AJ Styles. As AJ goes for the Figure Four, Jeff Hardy comes down with a chair and everybody scatters. Jeff then extends his hand and Anderson shakes it. Full blown face turn folks.
That's it for tonight. Check back next week for another Impact.