| From WorldWrestlingInsanity.com This Week In TNA
Hello and welcome back to This Week in TNA. I’m Mike Johns, bringing you the latest from the folks down South, and, tell you the truth… it’s kind of a slow news week. I mean, sure, people got released, other people got hired, and Eric Bischoff posted his near-weekly “Screw You, Wrestling Fans!” Facebook Rant, which got a bunch of people all pissed off, but, beyond that, not a whole lot is going on. So, first off, let’s get the whole Rob Van Dam situation cleared up. No, Rob’s not hurt. TNA just burnt up all his contractually obligated appearances for the year in roughly six months, and, instead of paying their current TNA World Champion the per-appearance fee, or, I don’t know, having him drop the belt on TV or PPV, they just decide to run an injury angle where Abyss nearly kills him with that 2x4 with the nails sticking out of it that Abyss has been calling “Janice”. So, now, we’re getting a tournament to determine the new TNA World Champion, which will conclude at Bound For Glory in a match between (most likely) Kurt Angle and Mr. Anderson. That’s my call, at least. They have Hardy vs. Angle and Anderson vs. The Pope going in the Semifinals at No Surrender (I know, I know, I just gave away, like, HALF of Impact for you, but, seriously, the results of this show have been online for nearly two weeks now), so draw your conclusions from there. We’re talking about the Main Event for Bound for Glory, here. They aren’t going to put Pope in there, and Angle can’t lose at No Surrender or else he’ll retire. Oh, by the way, you remember that Top 10 Ranking deal that was supposed to be released this week? Yep – didn’t happen. Big shocker there, eh? By the way, in the last set of fan voting, Samoa Joe, who had been, up to this point, ranked #4, was not even an option. This is, most likely, because of his recent suspension. It’s also interesting to note that Joe’s suspension was supposed to have ended at the most recent TV tapings this past week, and, surprise, surprise – No Joe. I was honestly expecting Joe to have been wiped from the rankings altogether this week when the new ones were released, except, of course, no new rankings released. Instead, we get told that Matt Morgan and Doug Williams, two men who weren’t even ranked in the last set of rankings, are now apparently ranked because they were in the First Round of the World Title Tournament, and Bischoff said in the first segment of Impact this week that the people in this tournament were the Top 8 Heavyweight Contenders. Okay – so where’s the rankings? I mean, I had a kick-ass video template made up ready for it and everything! Seriously, I don’t know why I bother…
Well, hell, I already put the work in to make the damn thing, so here’s LAST MONTH’s rankings, even
though, right now, they don’t f*cking matter, anyway…
In other news, TNA has signed Rob Eckos and Becky Bayless to contracts after a recent tryout where they portrayed Jersey Shore-like characters “Robbie G” (a take off of DJ Pauly D) and “Cookie” (a take, obviously, off of “Snooki”).
Here’s a pic from their tryout -
For those who don’t know, Eckos is an independent wrestler who’s worked primarily in the Upper East Coast area, for places such as Jersey All-Pro Wrestling, the East Coast Wrestling Alliance, and Mikey Whipwreck’s New York Wrestling Connection. Bayless, on the other hand, is best known for her roles as a backstage interviewer in Ring of Honor and SHIMMER, as well as her more recent work in Women Superstars Uncensored, and Wrestlicious. Going forward, it appears that Robbie G and Cookie will be showing up on Impact, possibly as soon as September, bringing the Long Island Guido, fist bumps and all, to a wrestling show near you. Of course, with every new addition, there’s always a need for subtraction. This week, it came in the form of a string of releases - Tomko, Rosie Lottalove, and Homicide. Tomko, some may remember, was a pivotal player for TNA in 2007 and 2008, holding the Tag Team titles with AJ Styles, and eventually finding himself on the verge of a Main Event push before leaving the promotion in 2008. He returned to WWE briefly in 2009, just to find himself out just as quick as he came in, and returned to TNA in late 2009, eventually revealing himself as the Man in Black who kept attacking AJ Styles in the first few months of his last TNA World Title run. From there, Tomko’s push seemingly went nowhere, as he had only made a handful of appearances for the company in 2010. Rosie Lottalove was brought in earlier this year after a controversial try-out match that saw her injure perennial fan-darling Daffney. Her TV debut, which featured her losing to Roxxi after she refused Madison Rayne’s interference, followed by a promo where she kissed Jeremy Borash, was heavily scrutinized (especially by yours truly on ClubWWI.com), primarily for her garish gimmick that saw her in Mimi-style makeup and lingerie, touting a “Big is Beautiful” message wrapped up in an obviously comic package that reminded many (including me) of Bertha Faye and Mimi from the Drew Carrey Show. Since her debut, though, she had only made a handful of appearances, primarily for TNA’s International Market Show, Xplosion. Homicide, though, is the biggest story in all of these releases. Homicide was an integral part of TNA since 2006 and the inception of the Latin American Xchange, which, many consider to be the most important faction to ever grace TNA. Having won multiple Tag Team Championships with partner, Hernandez, participating in some of the greatest matches in TNA history, including a Tag Team Ultimate X and a Six Sides of Steel Cage Match against AJ Styles and Christopher Daniels, Homicide found himself lost in the mire as TNA decided to break up LAX in favor of a Hernandez singles push (which has yet to manifest in any real way). Homicide won the X Division title in 2009, but his reign was both brief and unmemorable. He eventually joined Eric Young’s World Elite faction in 2009, but when Hulk Hogan took over in 2010, and World Elite was more or less forgotten about entirely, Homicide once again found himself with nothing to do. It has been well known across the Internet that Homicide had spent the past 2 years seeking his release from TNA, each time being told that TNA had plans to reunite him with Hernandez as LAX and return them to the Tag Team ranks, and each time, surprise, surprise – nothing. This past week’s release has been a cause of celebration for fans of the Notorious 187, including WWI’s own Matt Dawgs, who can now look forward to seeing Homicide return to doing what he does best, free and clear of his obligations to TNA in about 4 weeks’ time, as he is currently recovering from injury.
And then, there’s Bischoff.
Not only did I just find that there’s YET ANOTHER Tweet from the Bisch swearing that, this time, he’s SURE Hulk Hogan’s official Twitter account is @
HulkHogan4Real in the process of looking this up, but it seems Eric’s been all rant-happy on the Facebook again.
Here are a couple of the fun quotes –
“…one could recognize the direct connect between what TV ratings, PPV buy rates, and ticket sales have proven time and time again, as well as what legitimate focus groups conducted by
credible media companies in the business of such have clearly identified: the TV audience (including 18-34 males) rate with ESTABLISHED (and yes older) stars!
Admittedly, these facts are kind of dry compared to the subjective opinion of those with their own agenda or the inflamed rhetoric that appeals to those perpetually pre-pubescent, parasitic internet “experts” who neither have any legitimate experience or success as executives in the television or wrestling industry, and the rants of the terminally irrelevant trying desperately to hold on to their last 200 fans.
But they are facts non-the-less.
In my opinion Vince Russo, Dixie Carter and the team at TNA have done a great job of utilizing veteran stars to help elevate some of the young emerging talent in TNA and at the same time gaining awareness and credibility within the media industry.
That’s just my opinion. And my opinion is backed up by facts.
Yeah… just one question there, Eric – If TNA’s doing so well with the older, established stars, how come you’re struggling to pull 10,000 buys on average on Pay Per View? WWE is pulling, on average, about 150,000 buys in 2010, thus far. I mean, if the formula works, and TNA is gaining all this credibility and whatnot, where’s all the people who would, in theory, buy your product? I’m asking this because, honestly, I don’t know. I want you to explain this to me, Eric. Explain this so we actually understand what your measure of success is, and why TNA is struggling to pull a tenth of WWE draws without trying. Is it brand recognition? And, if that’s the case, how come pushing Sting and Hogan and Angle and Nash and Flair hasn’t done much to improve things, as they all have just as much name recognition as anyone in WWE, if not more in most cases? I mean, a simple Google search into your company’s recent numbers, including PPV buys and television ratings show a sharp decline since you and Hogan took over this year. These are not things the internet made up. You guys bet the farm on Mondays and got spanked, so much so that Spike made the call to pull you back, and you’ve yet to recover fully from the move and reestablish the average you had pulled on Thursdays before the Monday Experiment. So where’s the buys, Eric? Where’s the 1.5 average rating (or higher) on Thursday Nights? Where’s the increase in revenue for the company in any measureable way? Please, explain your standards, and what exactly has improved under your watch in TNA, because, honestly, we don’t know. Eric, I have no agenda, other than to see a plethora of good, strong products being made in the wrestling industry. That’s the main, if not only, reason I do this crap here. Beyond that, I’d much rather help create the product than review it, which is something I’ve been fortunate enough to do at the regional level in the past decade. Do I have your experience? Hell no! Few do. But, at the same time, you can’t continually use your experience to denigrate those who disagree with you simply based on the fact that they don’t share your experience in television or professional wrestling. If you have a measure of success, and can show us anything you’ve done since you’ve come aboard that has lead, in any real way, to an increase in attendance, viewership, or revenue for TNA Wrestling, please, do so, because we’d all like to see it. Beyond that, we only have the numbers to work with, and they aren’t in your favor. In other words, if you’re going to bitch at the Internet on your blog, at least have the decency to make a case for yourself proving your points rather than just talking down to people because they don’t have your experience. Honestly, I think you’d fare much better all around if you simply took the time to try and connect with fans, rather than degrade them wholesale based on what one writer says on [Insert Website Here]. If anything, you may end up with a few more people actually willing to pay for your next pay per view extravaganza, instead of pirating it via a live stream in order to review your show for their little blog in Insignificantland.
Now let’s get on to the REAL reason anyone reads this crap – The Impact Review!
But first -
This Week in Impact: This Week’s Impact begins with Jeff Hardy and Abyss fighting in the back. The fight continues through the interview area and into a half-filled Impact Zone. Apparently, the footage we’re seeing was recorded about a half hour before showtime. The fight then goes to the other end of the Impact Zone and into more backstage area before making their way outside where fans were standing in line waiting to get in. Eventually, Gunnar and Murphy, the local jobber boys who work security for TNA, pull Hardy off of Abyss as we go to Eric Bischoff, making his way down to the ring. Bischoff then goes on to say that Fortune won’t get away with assaulting EV2.0 last week, then talks about Abyss and his brutal (off-camera) assault of Rob Van Dam with the sick 2x4 of his, “Janice”. Bischoff then tries to explain RVD’s current condition. The short version: RVD is f*cked up. He’ll be gone for a while. So TNA is forced to vacate the World Title, and is starting a tournament to determine a new TNA World Champion, the finals of which will be held at Bound For Glory on October 10. Our first match is a First Round Match for the TNA World Title Tournament between Rob Terry and Jeff Hardy. Hardy nails a Twist of Fate and a Swanton to pick up the win after a rather forgettable match to advance to the Semifinals, which will be held on September 5 at No Surrender. We then get a video recap of last week’s assault on EV2.0 by Fortune. We then cut to Hulk Hogan on his cell phone talking to… someone… saying he’s about ready to quit TNA, that he “didn’t sign up” for the kind of violence Abyss was dishing out, that he built TNA around RVD, then compares RVD to the President. Hulk apparently ain’t too happy with the tournament, or the folks working Abyss up. Our next match is another First Round Match in the TNA World Title Tournament, Jay Lethal vs. Mr. Anderson. Anderson wins (obviously), hammering yet another nail into the coffin of Jay Lethal’s push with a Mic Check in order to move on to the Semifinals at No Surrender. Now, to the back, where we see Christy Hemme and Angelina Love, talking about Love’s rematch with Madison Rayne for Angie’s KO Title. Love says she’s looking forward to seeing Maddie’s back-up, the Biker Chick (who in NO WAY could POSSIBLY be Tara *wink*), because tonight, Angie’s got some back up of her own. Let me guess… Velvet Sky? Wow, TNA. Way to reunite one of the hottest properties in the history of your company, eh? At this rate, I’d half expect you guys to just recast Chris Harris as Robert Roode and just start “accidentally” calling Beer Money “AMW”… And now, a recap of the MCMG from last week, winning the Best of 5 against Beer Money and retaining the TNA Tag Titles. By the way, their Neckbreaker/Frogsplash combo they’ve been using as a finish lately is called the Skull and Bones. At least, that’s what Sabin and Shelley were calling it here. Also, a note as far as this ReAction show is concerned – basically, wrestlers cut promos in poorly-lit backrooms to make it seem more like a documentary, and therefore, more “real”. Seriously? You expect THIS to help you compete in the post-Kayfabe world against UFC? Maybe this is news to you guys, but this ISN’T the way to go about making wrestling seem more realistic. On the other hand, that match last week between Beer Money and the MCMG? THAT is what you want to focus on if you want to compete in the post-Kayfabe world, on a spectacular in-ring showcase where athletes show off what they can do within the confines of this Performance Art we call Pro Wrestling. Of course, that’s just my opinion. I’m sure there are just as many people out there who are impressed by poor lighting, bad audio, and shaky camera work… Our next match is for the “TNA Knockouts Ladies Championship”, as Jeremy Borash is now calling it for some reason, between current champ Angelina Love and former champ, Madison Rayne. Maddie comes in riding bitch (on the back of the bike… yes, sadly, Mike speaks ‘biker’) with the Mysterious Biker Chick (who is definitely NOT Tara. Not at all! *wink*). And, to no surprise AT ALL (you only gave this away TWO SEGMENTS AGO, after all, TNA), Velvet Sky comes down to the ring backing up Angelina Love. Biker Chick tries to run interference, but Velvet takes her out, then Velvet trips up Maddie, helping Angie win the match with a Botox Injection to retain her title. After the match, Angie and Velvet celebrate their win, then Maddie and the Biker take them out. Here comes Evolution… wait, no, it’s just Fortune. Ric Flair starts off by talking about Power before officially inducting Doug Williams and Matt Morgan into Fortune. Moving on to EV2.0, Ric Flair talks about how their brand of violent crap isn’t pro wrestling. You know, the same sh*t Flair talked when it came to Mick Foley in his book 5 or 6 years ago. The mic passes to AJ Styles, talking about how EV2 just HAD to have their “one last run”, then talks up his credentials. Then comes Dixie Carter to remind us who owns TNA, then brings out EV2, who are now officially on the TNA Roster. Flair and Foley then get into some story where a down on his luck Nature Boy drunkenly called Mick one night, and how Mick talked Ric into coming to TNA. Wow, worked shooting. I’m so NOT impressed… We then set up tonight’s Main Event, Tommy Dreamer vs. AJ Styles. We then get another one of these ReAction promos with Kurt Angle, leading me to, once again, ask the question, “What is the purpose of this?” It’s just a promo in bad lighting with the guy in street clothes. Big deal? Seriously… This leads into the third First Round Match for the TNA World Title Tournament, Kurt Angle vs. Doug Williams. Angle moves on to the Semifinals at No Surrender after reversing a Chaos Theory attempt by Williams into an Ankle Lock for the submission victory. Oh, look, another ReAction promo, with Mr. Anderson talking about No Surrender and RVD while shaving! Yep, TNA is trying to build ratings and PPV buys by giving us Mr. Anderson, SHAVING. I’m just in AWE of Bischoff’s Marketing Genius here… Up next, we get more talking with Kevin Nash and Sting. At least Sting managed to bring the right color facepaint with him this time. And here we go with the worked shooting again… Here’s the recap – Kevin Nash and Sting are mad about… something… and Jeff Jarrett, Hulk Hogan, and Eric Bischoff are the good guys because… I don’t know… and quite frankly, I’m sick and tired of these segments every week. Old guys argue about WCW without actually talking about WCW, try to respin history in order to not look like a bunch of douches, then go down and proceed to have some the most poorly-coordinated fight scenes in the history of broadcast television. You know, we could have had an Amazing Red match against [Insert Job Boy Here] in the time it took for you guys to do all this crap. It would have likely been just as interesting… Then, the lights go out, and Fortune takes out all the old guys. ALL of them. Jeff, Sting, Nash, and Hogan, all down. God I love Fortune right about now… Also, to note, Fortune has a new hand signal. They still throw up 4 fingers, but now, the keep the ring finger down instead of the thumb. I could have sworn I saw a blur over Flair’s hand in one of tonight’s recap videos, too, but the clip was quick, so I’m not entirely sure. It could very well be a copyright deal forcing the new hand sign… ANOTHER ReAction-style promo with the EV2 guys. Tommy and Stevie try to talk Raven out of just taking the violence to Fortune in what may have been the only GOOD or even remotely meaningful segment in this style all night. Of course, it’s ruined by the fact that the camera seems to be covered by a sheet the whole time. Our final First Round Match for the TNA World Title Tournament is next – Matt Morgan vs. The Pope. Morgan tries to nail Pope with the Carbon Footprint into the ring post, but misses. Pope nails the DD Express on Morgan crotched on the ring post then rolls Morgan into the ring for the pin. Pope advances to face Mr. Anderson at No Surrender, while Jeff Hardy takes on Kurt Angle in the Semfinals of the World Title Tournament. And now, yet ANOTHER ReAction-style promo, this time, with Mick Foley, sitting… outside, I guess. Foley says he’s with EV2.0, even though his doctors and common sense he really should just hang back and let this sh*t go. Our Main Event brings us AJ Styles vs. Tommy Dreamer for the first time ever. This match is also apparently NOT for the TV Title. Dreamer seems to have the match well in hand after catching AJ in the middle of a springboard move with a Manhattan drop, followed by a DDT, but, of course, here comes Fortune. And as Fortune makes their way down, EV2 runs into to take it to Fortune. Meanwhile, in the ruckus, Abyss comes out from under the ring and nails Dreamer with the Black Hole Slam, allowing AJ to pick up the win. The show comes to a close as security tries to pull Fortune and EV2 apart.
This Week in Xplosion: We start off the show with Eric Young telling us that he doesn’t seem to notice the after effects of his recent concussion. In other words, he has no idea he’s acting stupid. Great. He then thinks he and Generation Me are facing the Freebrids for the World 6-Man Tag Titles. No, seriously. THIS is the angle. I’m not making this up. We then hear from Amazing Red, who’s looking forward to his non-title match with Doug Williams. Then, we go to Max in the back with Christy Hemme. Eric walks in talking about the supposed 6-Man Tag Eric thinks their in. We then hear from Doug Williams, bragging about how he destroyed Red in the past, and how he’ll do the same tonight with his classic technical style. We then see a recap of RVD being taken into the ambulance on ReAction last week as we get Emmy Award Winning Over-Acting from both Eric Bischoff and Dixie Carter before FINALLY getting on with the damn show. First up, we have Eric Young vs. Max Buck of Generation Me. The whole match, we get the story of how Eric is convinced he and Max are teaming tonight, while never noticing that the opponents Eric thinks their facing didn’t bother to show up. As I’m watching this, I’m thinking that these shenanigans would go over far better in Mexico than they are here with the Orlando crowd. Eric tries pinning the referee a few times before the ref explains to Eric that Max is his opponent, and the match finally seems to move forward. Just when you think this match can’t get any stupider, here comes Orlando Jordan with the mannequin. OJ then starts licking and making out with the mannequin. Once again, I’m not making this up. OJ then throws the mannequin into the ring, distracting EY and Max. OJ then tries to whack Eric upside the head with the mannequin’s arm, but accidentally nails Max instead, allowing EY to roll Max up for the win. OJ walks away disappointed as EY continues to act stupid. Our final match of the night is Amazing Red vs. Doug Williams, in a non-title match. In the course of the match, Doug shoves Red into the ref, knocking him head-first into the turnbuckle. As the ref sells the shot, Doug brings in the X title, but Jay Lethal runs in, snatches the belt, and clocks Doug with it, then slides out of the ring long enough for Red to nail the Red Star Press for the win. Lethal, getting payback on Williams for costing him that streetfight with Ric Flair a couple weeks back, walks to the back as Willaims vows vengeance as our show comes to a close.
This Week in TNA’s Spotlight Superstars – Beer Money: The Tennessee Cowboy, James Storm, began his TNA career as one half of America’s Most Wanted, perhaps one of the most well-known and honored tag teams of the past decade. Robert Roode, on the other hand, started off in TNA as the Enforcer of Team Canada, a stable of young X-Style athletes who dominated both the early World X Cups, as well as the X and Tag Team divisions in TNA’s early years. After parting ways with their former partners, each man tried to carve a path to success on his own, but it wasn’t until 2008, when, in what many deemed at the time a random pairing, that these two men once again found success in TNA. Calling themselves “Beer Money”, based on their individual gimmicks (Storm is a Cowboy who loves his beer, while Roode was a High-Priced Free Agent), the two immediately formed a bond, taking the TNA Tag Titles from the Latin American Xchange (LAX) at that year’s Hard Justice PPV. Soon, Beer Money cemented their reputation as the most dominant team in TNA with the Off The Wagon Challenge, where anyone who challenged Beer Money for the TNA Tag Titles was forced to put their careers on the line, and whomever would be pinned or made to submit by Beer Money would be out of TNA. This lead to a major feud with Team 3D, which ended with Beer Money finally earning 3D’s respect, and becoming Fan Favorites in the process. From there, Beer Money and Team 3D went on to feud with the British Invasion and the Main Event Mafia throughout the remainder of 2009. 2010, though, brought about another change in Beer Money, as they affiliated themselves with Ric Flair, AJ Styles and Kazarian, forming the faction now known as Fortune. Having failed to dethrone the Motor City Machine Guns as Tag Team Champions after a Best of 5 Series that may go down in TNA History as one of the Greatest Feuds in TNA History, Beer Money has now set their sights on the invading ECW Faction, EV2.0. Alongside Flair, Styles, Kazarian, and newest Fortune recruits Matt Morgan and Doug Williams, Beer Money is once again looking to prove to all the doubters that they are, by far, the greatest team in wrestling today.
That, in a nutshell, was the week in TNA. I’m Mike Johns, and I hope you found this all helpful. ***** Mike Johns, imbued with special, shameless self-promotional powers the likes of which haven't been seen since the height of DX's self-fellatious babyface run in 2006, is not only single-handedly responsible for WWI’s coverage of All Things TNA, he also keeps tabs on the WWI Message Boards for your amusement, as well as writing an on-going, comic-book style series of glorified Wrestling Fan-Fiction known as “Tales From The Insanity Universe”. He is also the host of Maverick Radio on ClubWWI.com. In what spare time he has left, Mike plays drums for a yet-to-be-named band in the Northeast Ohio area. He also produces and records original music under the name 'SaviorSelf.07.05.98' as well as remixes and mash-ups of far more popular songs under the name 'TMJ'. You can contact Mike via e-mail at TheMaverickMJ@yahoo.com You can also follow him on the various Social Networking Sites.
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