This Week in TNA: Matt Morgan Kicks Butt, Takes Names, and Pays His Car Insurance
By Corey Letson
Jan 16, 2012 - 7:41 AM
Previously on TNA…
TNA News of the Week
TNA will be taping an Impact or two from England during their UK tour.
Kurt Angle claimed WWE is knocking on his door via Twitter but he'll be loyal to TNA.
Hulk Hogan will be at two of the shows on TNA's UK tour at the end of January.
TNA Impact in Review
We start this week's Impact off with a highlight video of Hardy vs. Roode from last week's Genesis PPV. Don't forget you can click that convenient link right on this page to find out how it all really went down. Needless to say we get the final moments of the match just to remind us how selfish Robert is. After these shocking events how does Jeff feel?
We'll have to wait to find out as "The Selfish One" Robert Roode makes his way towards the ring, title draped lovingly over his shoulder. Bob is all smiles while he steps through the ropes. In the champs humble opinion after his dominate win over Hardy he is the most dominate man around. Robert Roode is making people discount double-down with how good he is. James Storm, AJ Styles, Jeff Hardy; these people don't matter.
But Rob will give credit to Jeff. He turned his life around and gave hopes to these creatures. It was inspiring. Unfortunately on your best night you couldn't beat the best. Rob thinks after that kind of a fight there is only one final thing left to do; shake the champs hand.
Sting feels that he should add something to this whole affair before it gets too intense. This week he seems to be doing a Beetlejuice look. Sting boss, Bobby employee. Punk kid disrupt class. Teacher annoyed teacher want to spank butt. Crowd want butt spanked. Sting no spank butt. Hardy title tonight. Jeff spank butt. TA-TA I now understand how weird it would've been to be Chuck Palahniuk and write Pygmy.
Earlier today Matt Morgan drove up to a Direct insurance branch in his Hummer. Why? Turns out he ran into Crimson who just took Matt's advice and got himself a cheap monthly payment. Morgan loves the fact his family and kids are protected better than they ever could be thanks to Direct Insurance. Blueprint is going to pay his policy while Crimson rolls out. Oh, also, there is a match tonight they need to be ready for. Hopefully the Robbies can purchase life insurance from Direct Insurance.
Robbie E and Robbie T vs. Crimson and Matt Morgan
Robbie E looks like a child compared to these three dudes. Match starts off hot and heavy with Crimson and Robbie T.
Twitter Question of the Night: What was your favorite match from Genesis and why? Use #ImpactWrestling when replying
Crimson has decided to play with his dinner by letting Robbie E attempt a tag he'll never reach. After dropping an elbow and tagging Matt Morgan in we get the only trademark this team has. Morgan hits some elbows followed with a splash which ends in a T-bone suplex from Crimson. Robbie E falls to the double choke slam as the match ends.
Magnus and Joe don't want this party to go down. The Genesis losers hit the ring and lay waste to their latest opponents. With the champs left laying Joe and Magnus hold the belts up victoriously.
Crimson and Matt Morgan Win
We get to enjoy a highlight video chronicling Garrett Bischoff's road to stardom. Quickly it's time to learn about Gunner. What is the knowledge to be gained? His father dealt with him the way you're supposed to. Immortal treats everyone like his father treated him. Garrett, you're in for a world of hurt. Sting is happy for the boy. This boy is the next big thing in TNA Wrestling. That is until Gunnar decided to start putting people on the shelf. Garrett is cleared to wrestle and back in action tonight. Gunnar, payback is coming sometime soon.
Speaking of the Bischoffs here comes Eric Bischoff on his way to the ring. We're going to get some insight into his feelings on daddy's little man's quest. Last week Sting made Garrett think his dreams had come true. Eric doesn't blame his son for it either. Eddie Van Halen and Slash make shredding a guitar look easy. They're like Eric. Those three make what they do look easy. Eric made everything look easy because he is good. WCW, remember that? Yeah, who doesn't?
But to do that the earth had to be scorched. That is why you shall ultimately fail as a wrestler son. Your dreams lead nowhere all because your daddy burnt any bridge you could ever have. Yeah, suck on those apples. Want to know how great I am? Some dads leave, others sit around and drink, but I made sure to ruin any contact in the only business you would ever know. Eat me Garrett.
The little Bischoff has some thoughts on this though. See, he hasn't burnt all of his bridges. He has friends. Garrett won't go anywhere at all. The kid is proud to be in a wrestling ring. GB is even proud to be in the Impact Zone and learning from around 30-year-old club. Want to send Gunnar to end this? Keep trying. He'll keep coming back no matter how hard daddy tries to stop him.
Garrett teases a new trainer before leaving. Daddy Bischoff will say when this is over, but is instead silenced by his son. If you ever put your hands on your boy again…bad times…bad times will be brewing.
Angelina Love is following her bestie, Winter, around the back wondering just what is up with the knockouts division. Do they really need a new leader? Gail Kim can just walk in here and take full control? No. It is time to remember who Winter is. They also won't be able to forget about Angelina Love ever again.
Eric Young and ODB defeated a tag team after going to dinner one time. TNA takes the time to show us this via a old-timey highlight reel. After that they lost a match but Eric didn't understand. Seconds later they kissed. These two this week? ODB just wants Eric to know she was horny. They aren't an item. She squeezes his ass before walking to the ring.
Winter w/ Angelina Love vs. ODB w/ Eric Young
Ok last time I was around Angelina Love was being drugged into being with Winter. Now they are just together but Angelina still kinda acts like she's drugged? While ODB hit's the ring Eric Young decides to lock-up with the ref. And it's everyone's favorite time of the week.
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The bell has already rung with these two ladies getting to it. ODB misses a bronco buster much to Eric's chagrin. Winter puts ODB in the tree of woe as Eric holds onto the tag rope because he thinks this is a tag match. With the ref distracted Angelina Love chokes out ODB leading to Winter getting a chinlock on her opponent. Eric‘s girlfriend fights out of the chinlock and takes her opponent down to the ground.
After a bronco-buster/fall-away slam combo things break down.. Angie tries to get to ODB but is thwarted by Eric Young after airplane spinning her out of the ring ODB hits ‘The Bam" to gain the win.
I am. I am. He is. He is. AJ Styles is coming to the ring probably to address Kazarian leaving him last week. Yep. AJ Styles has questions for Kazarian that better have themselves some good answers. Unlike Robert Roode, AJ gets the person he is requesting with answers seeming to follow.
Styles was surprised last week. He thought wrong. Never would he have considered Kaz turning his back on him. The Phenomenal One is tired of being a broken record. One year ago he has had the same problem with Christopher Daniels and now you? What the hell is going on?
Kaz can't tell his friend. Alas, Christopher Daniels can. He'll solve this mystery in a heartbeat. Frankie sees AJ as a lost cause. The future realized that the best future lay with The Fallen Angel instead of The Phenomenal One. The moral of the story is this: Kaz is done carrying AJ Styles ass.
While Daniels forces Kaz out of the ring AJ thinks it's time to throw a fastball at The Fallen Angel's back in the form of a microphone. The prophet pulls Kaz to the back just as Kaz tries to let his friend know "it's not like that AJ."
Highlights from the monster ball at Genesis are shown which is followed by Bully Ray bragging to the champ in the back. Guess who was trending worldwide? Bully Ray mothaf****. YAY TWITTER! Who cares about Sting's decision? Has Sting ever trended on Twitter? It's ok Robbie. You don't have to worry. Ray has been trending on Twitter. Someone trending on Twitter totally has your back tonight. Of course that better come with a title match of it's own in return right? It should. That moment would trend on Twitter. Come on, I mean, Bully Ray trends. You want your title reign to trend right?
James Storm is in the ring and currently upset about Kurt Angle's low road he took at Genesis. He doesn't feel like having this conversation with himself so, uh, Angle get out here. I must say all the talent is very prompt in their response tonight. Kurt just doesn't understand why James wants him here. The guy looks like he came to Impact to relax. Looks like it's time to face the music tonight Olympian.
Kurt can't even speak before Storm stops him. James Storm doesn't expect anything but the low road from Kurt Angle. The Gold Medalist only wants a W in the W/L column. Who cares about that win? James Storm wants to do this again tonight. He wants to set more records than the ones he has already set beating Kurt's ass.
Kurt can't do this tonight. Angle isn't dressed to wrestle. Angle is here to hang out with his crew. He just wants to be around main event dudes who are in no way, shape, or form a mafia. Sad news for Kurt: Sting is his boss. The Icon has some things to bring up to these boys. Quick FYI: A disqualification will lead to Hardy becoming World Champion.
Kurt and James are about to go one-on-one for their rubber match. Right after the commercial break these two are going at it in a number one contender match.
Kurt Angle vs. James Storm in a number one contender match
Earl Hebner rings the bell with no Kurt Angle to be seen and starts the count. Angle gets to the ring, still not fully dressed, at the count of nine. Kurt coming in cold allows James Storm to get control and take him buckle to buckle.
Twitter Question of the Night #2: Who do you think will be TNA World Champ at the end of the night? Use #ImpactWrestling to discuss.
Angle's shoulder cracks the ringpost while the graphic goes away. James Storm has found his opening tonight. After taking some feet to Angle's arm he throws the man to the outside. We're getting into a fight now. Kurt distances himself away from The Cowboy just long enough to get his wits about him. Storm's hesitation leads to Angle getting the advantage. Just as Kurt gives the previously Most Wanted American a beat down in the ring; he chases Storm outside and delivers a belly-to-belly as we fade to commercial.
Upon returning the Olympian is still in full control. The crowd boos Angle has he truly admires his dissection of his opponent. After suplexing Storm and toying with him in the corner both men go down to a double clothesline.
Storm gets up at five then lays in heavy blows. Three clotheslines later, James gets a near fall using a lung-blower. James ventures up top for the win. Angle's attempt to block the high risk move gets him trapped in his own Anklelock finisher. The inventor of the 3 I's barely escapes Storm's grip. Out of nowhere he nails the Angle Slam leading to the nearest fall of the match.
Kurt goes outside to grab James' beer bottle. Just before entering the ring he takes a drink of the alcohol. While Hebner takes the beer away Angle spits some in James' face. The blinded cowboy takes a super kick to the face before kicking out at two and a half.
Kurt's furiousness at the call leads to his demise when he takes a Last Call Superkick for his troubles.
Winner and New Number One Contender: James Storm
Jeff Hardy knows all the games Robert Roode plays: Getting disqualified, running away from Jeff, cowering any chance he gets. That ends tonight. Tonight Jeff Hardy takes back the world title.
Ms. Tessmacher works at Hooters in Houston, Texas. Yeah, Impact really just totally hyped that.
Madison Rayne wants to talk to Sting about the wrong foot they got off on when Karen got fired. Sting is as giddy as a school girl, because he isn't going to do that for Rayne tonight. No, Sting knows that Madison deserves so much more than how she has been treated by Sting. Next week in a steel cage: Madison Rayne vs. Mickie James. Ta-Ta for now; it's showtime.
Jeff Hardy vs. Robert Roode for the TNA Championship
Here we are just one more time a mere four days since the last defense. Jeff is dressed as a half glow-in-the-dark mayan drawing as he enters. Roode is dressed as Robert Roode. Jeremy Borash goes through the standard introductions as we get this main event going. Robert Roode doesn't even really feel like entering the ring for this match.
Jeff won't allow the champ into the ring and goes out after him with a baseball slide. A bell hasn't sounded but Jeff doesn't seem to mind at the moment. Chairs and guardrails could be Robert Roode's demise tonight. Jeff is beating Robbie down using every single piece of metal he can find around the ringside area. After Roode is sent into the ringpost he is thrown into the ring and the match is officially underway.
Jeff puts Bobbie in the corner and then stomps a mudhole in his rival. Two-count leads to Jeff getting another two-count after a front suplex. This match is all Hardy as he sends Bob to the outside again. Coming back from commercial both men won't get in the ring. I'm sure Roode would like too, though. The Charismatic Enigma sends Robert into the stairs and then misses an extremely dangerous Poetry In Motion. Hardy hit that rail hard and it just looks bad. The ref starts the count back at one as Roode gets in the ring. Jeff can barely enter the ring at nine. Both men are feeling the effects of Jeff's high-risk exploits.
Bob is a little less worse for wear which allows him full control of the contest. After synching in a chin-lock he decides to get extreme and nails a Buff Blockbuster.
Hardy regains his composure, scoring two near falls, after Robert Roode got cocky and took too much time with the crowd. Within seconds Jeff climbs the rops for Whisper in the Wind. A two-count later leads to a reversed twist of fate. Roode pulls a spine buster out of nowhere. After that, Roode's fisherman suplex is reversed.
Jeff lays the champ out with a twist of fate then misses a swanton. Before the champ can capitalize he takes another twise of fate followed up by a swanton bomb. Just as the ref is about to count three Bully Ray knocks him out. With no ref to call the action Bobby Roode leaves the ring, Jeff Hardy's music starts to play, and the camera fades to black.
Conclusions and Thoughts
So far out my weeks of watching Impact Wrestling this was the most tedious episode to sit through. The entire final thirty minutes made my venture watching their ppv a waste of time. I throw the same gripe at WWE about every three months as well. Why should I have spent time/money on a product that I could watch in condensed form days later and also get another match, which is the actual conclusion of the feud, between the two for free?
TNA has jumped on the Twitter bandwagon in full force. It was never more apparent than tonight. Bully Ray did a Twitter promo. The only non-Twitter related thing he mentioned was a future title shot. To an extent I'm just amazed he didn't utter the sentence, "Yeah, I"ll help as long as you give me a shot at that title buddy. Hashtag Bully Ray is the next TNA champion."
Angelina Love looks Daizee Haze thin. I'm sure someone like Mike Johns had to have brought this up before right? It was somewhat unsettling to see her walking around and such. I remember her being in shape, but just not that unhealthily looking. She just looked so, so, so thin.
Just like the WWE crowd I think TNA fans really just want to chant something when they get so many promos every night. That is my best reasoning for a chant of "spank his butt" going on by an entire crowd for more than three seconds.
Overall thing you're supposed to take from the Bischoff/Bischoff segment? Hulk Hogan is Garrett's trainer. I don't know if they were trying to be subtle about that or not. If they were then I think they failed. Color me shocked that, when Garrett's trainer is revealed, it is anyone other than Hogan.
Highlight of the Night
James Storm vs Kurt Angle – These two put out a solid effort (again) to, it seems, end this feud. After Roode/Storm finishes at the next pay-per-view these two could easily lock back up. It will just be more interesting to see where Angle goes from here for the next month or so. Outside of Abyss I can't think of a high level face who isn't embroiled into a feud with someone. Anderson makes his comeback?
Lowlight of the Night
Direct Auto Insurance. The promo mixed with paid endorsement just came off completely terrible. There was no way to take that particular pill smoothly. I can easily see these becoming a weekly vignette. Soon it'll just be interesting to see how two people end up talking about car insurance for an entire promo before ending it with "don't forget our match" or "now we'll have a match". OH IDEA! In the back within the next few weeks TNA camera men come upon a fender bender between Hernandez and (insert name here). For this example let us use Matt Morgan.
Matt Morgan gets out of his car and goes to Hernandez, "Hey man why the hell did you run into my car?"
"Sorry vato, I couldn't see you. I was texting with my girlies."
"That is really against the law man. Can I get your insurance information?"
"Sorry man, I don't got insurance."
"What? How can you not have Direct Auto Insurance? It's cheap, affordable, and if this ever happens they got you covered. It doesn't take too long to set up either."
"Shee, you right holmes. I'll have to check that out tomorrow and hook it up. I apologize for your car, man."
"It's ok. Lucky for me Direct Auto has me covered when things like this happen. When you sign up if it ever happens to you it won't even affect your rates as much of those other insurance companies."
"Good to know."
"It is. It is. This was a new H5 though. And it will be coming out of my pocket. Now I'm going to have to beat you down for this. Don't forget our match later tonight."
"I won't. Calm down dude. I'm on the phone with Direct Auto right now getting some premium insurance for a low, low price."
Boom! Check please.
Five Questions for TNA
Seriously, this Direct Auto thing isn't going to be every week is it? Honestly if it is I'll take a very nominal fee for that small storyline up there. Hell, tag team championship match at next PPV out of it.
Does Bully Ray trending on Twitter this past Sunday tell you guys what you need to know? There is an audience out there that watches your product. These people even talk about your product. The only thing in your three hour PPV they cared to talk about was Bully Ray. That dude is your true money right now.
So you're actually going to mention that one of your knockouts works at Hooters? Kendrick does Price is Right and he gets nothing. Hell, he doesn't even mention it. It doesn't look all that good to have a wrestler in a nationwide promotion still needing to be a gameshow contestant. Female wrestler making so much money she has to be a waitress at Hooters? Yeah, this doesn't look like a positive sign for future hires.
Has Eric Bischoff done a lengthy promo or set of promos on Impact before where he didn't mention how he made WCW so huge? Wouldn't the constant reminder of that just make all his failed efforts to turn TNA into the biggest thing in wrestling look that much worse by comparison?
Will you please not stretch this ODB/EY thing out to some sort of wedding angle? I don't personally think I can take that.
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