Merry Christma-Kwanza-kah-don! Thank you for coming and checking out everything during this week in TNA. The gifts you receive will ideally have made up for the insufferable people you’ve had to deal with all weekend. So before you start getting ready for that thirteen hour drinking spree, sit on down with your laptop next to the fire and check out everything Impact Wrestling that went on these recent few days…
Previously on TNA…
Samoa Joe - Was on television last week. Hell, the guy even won a match. That is better than he has been doing over the past few years.
Crimson - He came in and went completely undefeated. You need to ignore tag team loses or multi-man matches in which he wasn’t pinned or submitted. Either way he was on a tear to completely win the Bound For Glory series until Samoa Joe decided to take him out. He is now a tag team champion with Matt Morgan. Also, brother or cousin of Amazing Red. This family tie doesn’t matter all that much because TNA started ignoring it just as soon as they mentioned it.
Robert Roode - Having Traci Brooks as his manager led Mr. Roode nowhere at all. If anything it gave men a reason to watch him. James Storm became a blessing for him as Beer Money ran the tables and reignited an almost stagnant tag division. Years of success led him to silently making his way into the Bound for Glory series. A surprise upset, followed by weeks of build-up, all came to conclusion when Kurt Angle defeated the money portion of Beer Money by underhanded means. The following week James Storm capitalized on Angle’s previous defense by surprising him with a super kick to gain the TNA Championship. Robbie became the TNA Champion the following week after letting his quest to fulfillment corrupt him.
Sting - Completely snapped after Nash and Booker left TNA for good. Taking time to channel The Joker he quickly went after the head of Immortal (Bischoff and Hogan). The Icon took his Bound for Glory main event record to 4-1 following the destroying of Hollywood Hogan. This brought about two big changes: A) Hollywood Hogan has seemingly become The Immortal Hulk Hogan again. B) Sting traded in his mental disorder for a jacket and some chaps. Currently Dixie Carter has given Sting power to run the brand as long as he acts like a sheriff hired for one of Universal’s attractions.
Robbie E - Before Zack Ryder even got on television weekly Robbie E was thrown into our face. After ditching his Cookie, being as she wasn’t a Snookie, E worked hard trying to find his O. Struggling around it looks like he has found stable ground as he became TV Champion less than a month ago.
Eric Young - He was the television champion. He was tryingg to fight television stars because he thought that was who you fought when you’re the champion of television. This has basically been his default position in the company for the past five plus years. Team Canada showed him in the normal-ist light. EY’s had a superhero alter-ego, a mental problem, a non-romantic love relationship with a bi-sexual Orlando Jordan, and now he is teaming up with ODB in the Wild Card Tag Tourney.
Devon - Split with his Brother Ray in middle of 2010. After going through the family war Devon has since brought his own family into TNA. The sons of a preacher are committing their own sins as they, last week, sided with D’Angelo Dinero. Father Devon got himself a few shots in on The Pope before succumbing to his sons deceit.
TNA News of the Week
TNA’s India project filmed it’s tapings over this past week. It should be airing sometime in the first quarter of 2012. The project is going to be named: Ring Ka King (translation: King of the Ring)
Rob Terry, Anarquia, and Big Brother’s Jesse Godderz have been sent to developmental territory OVW to work on some things for a bit.
TNA Genesis is January 8th 2012
TNA Impact in Review
Impact Wrestling’s opening video package is of Robert Roode’s terrible actions since backstabbing James Storm. Rob spits in the face of authority. Dixie Carter would have rather been punched in the face instead of spit at. AJ Styles failed to take advantage of Sting’s second chance coming up short two times in a row last week on Impact. Robert gets the job done, regardless. Bully Ray (The best thing going in TNA today) has the champ’s back. Even though Jeff Hardy is the number one contender he doesn’t stand a chance. The two tag team specialists are going to make sure of that.
Speaking of people inside of the video package Double R and Brother Ray make their way toward the ring. Just to make sure everyone knows the holiday season is upon us Ray-Ray is sporting a Santa hat while Roode rocks out his best Barney Stinsons.
Dudley and Robbie gave us all a present last week on Impact. What was it? Sting and Hardy down and out in the middle of the ring. They give these beatings all year long. Scrooges they are not. From strippers to hobos to cats; they give it to anything and everything. Seasons Beatings boys.
They’re wanting us to know that Stinger and Santa share a naughty list with Rob’s name on it. Money should be suspended. The dude shouldn’t even defend the title against Jeff. He is a menace. Bobby just wants Sting to come down and do what anyone in Sting’s position to do.
Disappointingly for him the improved Jeff Hardy decides to answer the calling.Jeff is either rocking four snakes on half his face or five eyes. I can’t tell which. This isn’t about that or Sting for that matter. Jeff knows Bob won’t be suspended tonight. Genesis is three weeks away. The title goes back to Jeff’s house in, presumably, North Carolina so soon. After letting the evil-doers in the ring know there is a tag match tonight between them and a party to be named later Jeff takes time to kiss a fan. When Ray tells Hardy he has no friend we hear The Icon blare through the Zone.
Sting comes down to make the match. Not only will it be Roode and Bubba vs. Jeff Hardy and Stinger…it will be JOKER STING1! TA-TA!
AJ Styles and Kazarian vs. Rob Van Dam and Christopher Daniels in a Wild Card Tag Tourney First Round Match
Once the bell rings I won’t be able to say this, but boy-howdy isn’t this a swell match? Fortune members on one side of the ring with an ex-member across from them who is teaming up with a man he went to battle with just PPVs ago. Something is telling me Mr. Daniels and Mr. Dam may have a hard time coexisting on this one.
NOTE: Also before this match begins we are informed that the main event tag match later tonight shall now be a STREET FIGHT
T’n’T assure us that these teams are completely random as the duos make their way through the ropes. ECW’s alum begins things with KAZ. ‘Zarian is showing he can hold is own with the great RVD by out chaining him throughout the opening moments of the match. After a quick back-and-forth we hit a stalemate that leads to Styles tagging in. Christopher Daniels refuses a tag before saying “I got’em. Don’t worry. If I can beat’em. You can beat’em…maybe.”
The phenomenal one picks the pace-up starting things off with a beautiful dropkick. Van Dam doesn’t let that go on for long before knocking a springboard back kick. The Whole F’n Show tries to tag while in control of AJ, but Daniels happens to start heckling fans at the exact moment. The Ex-Fortune members tag and, again, Kazarian keeps control of RVD.
Quick tags with basic moves allow Fortune to cut the ring in half. Daniels comes in off a tag as Van dam puts Styles on the mat. Dissension me thinks. Kaz comes in like a bat out of hell. Van Dam kicks Daniels in the head when The Fallen Angel wants to get out of the ring. Fortune advances. RVD could really care less.
AJ Styles and Kazarian advance to the 2nd Round of the Wild Card Tourney
JUST A REMINDER: THAT MAIN EVENT IS STILL TOTALLY ON
We get a nice video package of Jesse Nese and Zema Ion. These two are about to go head-to-head in the second of their best of three series. Remember: Jesse wants it more but Ion is just so damn pretty.
Zema Ion vs. Jesse Nese in the 2nd match in a best of 3 series. Zema Ion leads Series (1-0)
Nese is making his way to thing ring as Tenay reminds us the winner of this series gets inserted into the four way at Genesis. Before the bell rings Ion baseball slides Jesse to the ground following it up with a moonsault off the turnbuckle. As Nese is rolled into the ring he hits Ion with a hurricanrana before Z can go on the offensive.
The match is quick moving very quickly as Nese has complete control hitting dropkicks, moonsaults, and outmaneuvering Ion at every corner. The crowd has come alive for the first time tonight. GIGANTIC flapjack from Nese to Ion before giving him a deadlift german suplex.
Ion moves away from a springboard and has control. He would love for me to tell you / remind you how pretty he is. Z takes to long to brag about what he is about to do which allows Jesse to hit a top rope hurricanrana.
After kicking out of the two count Zema gets control reversing an Alabama Slam by hitting Code Red. Ion cracks Nese with the modified That N****s Dead to get the assured win. Z’s cockiness gets the best of him this time. After picking Jesse up off the mat when the match was one second from being over, he was surprised by a roll-up and lost.
Jesse Nese wins the 2nd match in the best of 3 series. Series is tied (1-1)
Madison Rayne is backstage with a referee shirt on. Breaking news comes out in the form of Rayne letting us know that Karen Jarrett made her the Vice President of the Knockout Division. Madison promises me that if I don’t go anywhere I won’t want to miss what she is going to do in that ring with her ref shirt on. Come on pumpkin pie making contest.
D’Angelo isn’t mad at the Reverend at all. Hell, he was there during Devon’s divorce. The Pope is a father. Father to the fatherless, father to men. Husband to the husbandless. He is there for the people who need him whenever they need him. Devon’s boys came to him because they saw him pimping. The boys then thought “Sh-- I need to start pimping too.” Poppa Dudley has questions Dinero has answers for.
1) Does The Pope dress better than you? Dress like Pope.
2) You aren’t pimping as hard as The Pope? Pimp harder.
3) What if The Pope acts and performs better than you? Aspire to be like The Pope
Old saying Pope has: “Don’t hate Pope because he’s tight. But if you get bitten, daddy, then you hate the bite. Hell, Devon, Pope can be stranded on an island, tossed-up in a whirlwind, go through hellfire and brimstone, get hit by a bus, AND I’LL STILL BE PIMPING because I’m Pope.”
Seems oddly specific for an old saying. Pope is with Double Trouble (The boys I presume) this has all come to this point. D’Angelo vs. Devon at Genesis. HERE COMES DADDY D! Dudley doesn’t care about interview time. As he chokes Dinero, Double Trouble attacks with a chair. At Genesis Pope will be taking the boys away for good.
Earlier this week Eric Young went to lunch/dinner with ODB. They toasted to their partnership and their first date. ODB grabbed herself asking men if they’ve ever seen boobs. Somehow they know their random opponent’s before anyone else did. Anarquia will be teaming with Shannon Moore. As the waiter walks up to give them more drinks EY attacks with a lock-up because he was “staring at my woman.” Young leaves the table to go get ODB flowers and such for their “date”.
We’re finally back in the Impact Zone as Madison Rayne makes her way to the ring ref shirt on and title belt in hand. After some fantastic pageant waving she gets to her message. Tara and Tessmacher are told to come to the ring RIGHT NOW! The two ladies comply and make their way down towards the 4-sided ring. Madison restates that Karen appointed her Executive VP of the Knockouts right before she was fired. I guess on the way to the office? Great responsibility is now on Madison’s shoulders. What power you ask? The power to destroy anyone beneath her. She is starting with T&T (not Taz&Tenay, the ladies in the ring) tonight. This tag team is going to go BOOM! They will be facing each other one-on-one in the ring. This happens right now.
Miss Tessmacher vs. Tara with Madison Rayne as the Special Guest Referee
The two partners are very reluctant to fight. The new VP tells them if they don’t find she will fire both of them. The two girls are trying to pretend to fight before Madison breaks it up and restates “fight or fired”. The two then go back and forth in pinning combinations that do no damage to either of them. Chants of “USA” begin as all three Americans stand in the ring. It is odd. Although this is only the second time the crowd has come to life.
Madison tries to instigate actual fighting as the two lock-up in the corner. Rayne slaps Tessmacher in the head trying to start these two fighting. The ladies go back and forth trading wrist locks before breaking and forcing Madison to yell again. She does her annoying yelling job to a tee.
Tara has full control taking Ms. Tess down to the mat multiple times before using the hair. This move pushes ‘macher over the edge and she goes right after Tara.
Madison sits in the corner pleased these two are fighting as T&T trade big blows. Ms. T goes for a cover that receives a very slow count. Madison continues to try to stretch this fight out as she blatantly blows a 10 count. The tag team stands up to face each other while the knockout VP yells “WILL SOMEBODY HIT SOMEBODY!” So they do. T&T hit Madison before Tebowing. This match is apparently a no contest.
The Last Hardy Left is in the back with Sting as they get some quick questions about what transpired earlier tonight. Sting is there for Jeff and glad he has cleaned up his act. Stinger has been a huge fan of Jeff’s for years, sans on month in 2011, and has always wanted to tag with him. Luckily, Jeff got into the wrestling business because of Sting. This team is a dream team for the wrestlers. Bonus: Found out that Jeff doesn’t have eyes on the side of his face, he is half tiger. I am now going to quote the final 3 lines of that interview.
“Do you know what the sphincter muscle is? It’s tight on both of them right now.” -Sting
“Oooo. I like that. OWWWW!” -Jeff Hardy
Eric Young is in the kitchen of their dinner restaurant looking for expensive gifts. Tabasco sauce? No. Jugs? She has those. Forks? Nope. As an employee tries to stop him he grapples with the guy. This segment thankfully ends, hopefully for the night, with him grabbing a dish strainer.
Sorry about our damn luck. James Storm makes his way to the ring looking like Mitch Hedberg. It‘s actually scary. Kurt Angle looking for the cowboy? Put it in your GPS man. If Storm isn’t in the Impact Zone he is at the closest bar you can find. Jimmy isn’t scared of the Olympic gold medalist. Kurt might have whooped James’ ass but Angle got Tebowed. Storm went and did it in the final seconds.
Sorry about their damn luck. Kurt appears on the Impact-O-Tron. He is in James’ hometown bar. There is one thing he wants to have happen in that building. Kurt Angle is going to kick every single person’s ass in the bar.
Shannon Moore is going to win. Does he care Anarquia and him have a past? Nope, Shannon don’t give a damn. Tonight he will be winning.
Bully Ray is backstage to let us know that he is bigger, badder, tougher, from Hell’s Kitchen, the best thing in TNA today. He even gets to tag with Bobby Roode in a street fight tonight. Someone is getting served tonight. Hopefully the table is prepared.
Anarquia w/ Rosita and Sarita and Shannon Moore vs. ODB and Eric Young in a First Round Wild Card Tourney
Shannon bursts through his partners on their way to the ring. Eric Young plays with the fans, his opponents, the ref, and anyone who will pay attention to him before the bell rings. Anarquia starts it off with Eric and after a small EY only dance contest; they go at it.
The crowd is completely alive more than they have been all night as Shannon Moore tags himself in. Eric decides to go outside and grab the girls. He locks up with both of them before taking his pants off for the ladies. Eric slides back into the ring where Anarquia is waiting.
Quia puts the boots to EY then slams him to the ground while the crowd chants “Let’s Go Eric”. Moore tags himself in, again, and continues the assault on Young. Anarquia tags himself in following a Shannon Moore moonsault. The partners shove each other and squabble which allows Young to tag ODB. Annie picks ODB up slamming her to the mat. The infuriates Shannon Moore and he leaves his wild card partner. ODB is in full control. She beats down Anarquia before body-slamming him so Young can drop the top rope elbow. As the ref is distracted ODB low blows Annie and wins the match.
Eric Young and ODB advance to the 2nd round of the Wild Card Tourney
What do the champs think of this tourney? Who would want to win this contest? Crimson is still undefeated. Matt Morgan is Matt F’n Morgan. Seriously.
Back in Tennessee Kurt Angle is taking it to people in James Storm’s hometown bar. Everything from breaking pool cues over patrons to pulling out a toy pistol. Getting crazy up in this mutha. Funny line: “This isn’t a real gun. It’s a prop but I am going to bash someone over the head with it.” He is a man of his word and destroys three more men. Do you know of a bar fight cliché? It happens in this scene. Angle lines up 5 guys on barstools before super kicking each and every one of them.
“James Storm, Kurt Angle is coming to Genesis. And I’m bringing Hell with me.”
Bully Ray and Robert Roode vs. Sting and Jeff Hardy in a Street Fight
Ray and Roode come to the ring first to a chorus of boos. Although from the camera angle I’m seeing everyone is just kinda looking at them. The women in the front row flip out for Jeff and Sting. Edward and Jacob have become a tag team girls.
The brothers in paint go right after BRsquared. This action may get to wild and crazy to keep up with. Stinger throws Ray to the floor and follows as the Genesis main event battles in the ring. TNA kindly provides a split screen as the pairs just wail on each other. Sting knocks Ray with a trashcan while Jeff gets full control of Bobby Roode’s current situation. While BRsquared try to recover outside the brothers in paint simultaneously dive to the outside as the commercial break hits.
We come back to a split-screen again. The trashcan is Sting’s weapon of choice tonight. He brings it across Ray’s back once before Ray takes control. The champ and the bully go after their opponents with kendo sticks. Mr. Dudley decides to pay the icon back with a trashcan shot of his own. Jeff is sent into the guardrail outside as Sting superplexes Bully Ray in the ring. The only man currently standing is the world champ.
Bob uses this opportunity to get some shots in on Sting with a kendo stick. The money half of Beer Money is systematically taking Sting apart with that kendo stick. Ray crushes Jeff’s leg on the outside by whipping it with a steel chain. While Jeff tries to crawl away the Dudley boy chokes him out.
Roode gets the chain from Ray but Sting stops him before he can use it. After a very brief flurry of offense Sting misses the Stinger Splash and goes down to the mat.
Joker Sting kicks out of the bully elbow drop and is at the mercy of his opponents. Sting ducks out of the way which causes Ray to clothesline Roode. All four men go at it with gigantic moves that in the end only leaves Bully Ray standing. Again, for only about the third or fourth time, ths crowd is alive. As they tell Ray that he sucks, a table is brought into the ring.
Sting tries to move the table before the boys can suplex Jeff onto it but can’t move it all the way. Stinger is in full control hitting the scorpion death drop and locking in the death lock. Another table is brought in that has Robert Roode’s name all over it (figuratively). Sting plants Bobby on the table as Jeff hits a frog splash through the wood to secure the win.
Sting and Jeff Hardy Win
Conclusions and Thoughts
Ok, so Bully Ray’s entrance is actually looking at his calf muscle. That might be one of the creepiest things I’ll now have to constantly view. He just stands at the entrance, points to his oiled up calf and says “look at it”. I mean, I get you're in shape. What the **** dude?
This is more a generalized problem in pro wrestling than it is TNA specific. I dislike that a number one contender continuously fights the champion in multi-man matches leading up to their fight on PPV. Can it happen once in awhile? Sure. I just wish they’d spread the two out. Roode and Hardy spent this entire match fighting each other. Hell, they had no rules and Hardy beat Robert Roode. The other people are usually there to make it look like a huge match but give the main eventers other people to tango with. This really didn’t happen tonight.
Madison Rayne has a voice that is, somehow, far much more annoying than Vickie Guerrero. It could be due to the small arena or the dead crowd though.
That TNA crowd sure is something. I’ve read the idea about the crowd being “burnt out” and I don’t know how to feel about that really. There were moments they somewhat came alive and others they were just completely dead. Only notable times they’ve been alive tonight:
1) Bully Ray
3) T&T match
4) Eric Young
That isn’t in order of excitement either. Outside of these 4 events though this crowd wasn’t really all that there it seemed.
They did a pretty good job of advancing multiple storylines on this Impact. Dinero and Devon is moving along and compared to last week it was a positive storyline step. I still have reservations of any family matter storyline, since it can go awry at almost any moment, but this one seems to be moving nicely. Angle’s segment was hokie and corny but it helped move the story. Angle can pull these kind of things off better than most. His intensity added to his cheese ball humor worked well together here.
It seems that EY and ODB may actually make it to the tag title match. I…yeah…that is my bet.
Current TNA Genesis Card: January 8th, 2012
Jeff Hardy vs. Robert Roode for the TNA Championship
TBD vs. Matt Morgan and Crimson for the TNA Tag Titles
D’Angelo Dinero w/ Double Trouble vs. Devon
Kurt Angle vs. James Storm
TBD vs. Kid Kash vs. Jesse Sorensen vs. Austin Aries for the X Division Title
Highlight of the Night
“The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero threw down a promo that sold the match for him at Genesis. This was a really good positive for an angle that was left on shaky ground last week. Covering the conception of this feud all the way to it’s current peak. Not only did he let us know how we got to this point Dinero helped us see into the future. This is about the boys, both of whom are obviously in pro wrestling shape. Do I think they can hang? No clue at all. Does this story give them a safe place where they can show off what they got with two people covering for whatever slipups happen along the way? Totally.
Dinero laid it down and took this match from being a match at Genesis to, as of this writing, one of the matches I’m looking forward to the most.
Lowlight of the Night
Eric Young and ODB. EY’s humor just really isn’t up my ally. Santino isn’t either. There was far too much of Eric Young tonight. We had two segments that were basically identical followed up with a match that he won. As a wrestler I’ve seen Eric Young put on solid matches. The character is just too goofy for me. Almost mind-blowing for me is how much the TNA crowd eats up everything he does. Team Canada’s goofball easily got the biggest ovation of the night.
Sadly I see them winning the entire tourney. So this will probably be something I’ll just have to deal with fr the foreseeable future.
Five Questions for TNA
1) When do the MCMGs come back?
2) So this psychopathic Joker version of Sting is something he can just switch into at will? Then what the hell is up with the cowboy? Is that just something he does whenever he wants to be subtle?
3) You guys totally see what you have in Bully Ray right? I’m not saying to not be surprised. I think we all kind of are. But do you completely notice how over he is?
4) Could you please either choose to be TNA or Impact Wrestling? It just gets confusing for me. I have to go to impact wrestling.com but if I want to see your PPV stuff it is tnagenesis.com Spike TV has no clue what to call you on their site either.
5) Are there other Sting split-personalities we don’t know about?