This Week In TNA
This Week in TNA: Bobby Roode's Entire Family is Disappointed in Him. Very Disappointed, Indeed!
By Mike Johns
Dec 4, 2011 - 7:40 AM

Apparently, Jackie Moore is, once again, no longer with TNA.   She had this conversation with former Women's Champion Madusa Macelli recently on Twitter, discussing the matter -

Meanwhile, Jeff Hardy's Idiot Brother managed to make bail, which was dropped from $1,000,000 to a mere $100,000, on the condition that Hardy once again goes into rehab.   Failure to complete the program this time would put him back in jail and raise his bail to $250,000.   While all this was going on, Reby Sky responded to a fan on Twitter, claiming that what she really wants for Christmas is an honest, sober boyfriend.

Speaking of Twitter, apparently Chris Masters is attempting to rally his fans on there to tweet Dixie Carter directly about bringing him into the company.   You'd have to think, Masters was in the WWE for a few minutes, right?   You mean to tell me TNA hasn't already called you? They know you're out there.  Will Twitter really help?

Random Fan-Service Pic of the Week
If you looked this good at Tara's age, you'd flaunt it, right?

This Week in Impact
We get a video package to start the show featuring Bobby Roode's parents, talking about how disappointed they are in him now, claiming that he wasn't raised to cheat, as well as Roode's wife, talking about how Bobby's not the one there having to explain to his kids why he's cheating.   So, now, Bobby's Roode's entire family, friends, anyone TNA can manage to get on camera that knows him, really, are telling us that Bobby's never home, that no one can get a hold of him, that he's betrayed them, and so on.

The show proper begins with, you guessed it, more talking.   All year, this show has started with wrestling a total of once.   ONCE.   Even WWE shakes up this formula more often...

So here comes Pointless Authority Figure #4957, Sting, whining about he's not able to maintain control in Impact.   Sting then calls out Bobby Roode.   They bicker at each other a little bit, as Sting complains about Roode taking out AJ Styles and Jeff Hardy last week.   Sting then brings out AJ Styles and Jeff Hardy to confront the champ.   Jeff Hardy, of all people, is the one to speak next, telling us that he and AJ respect Sting's authority, unlike Roode.   Sting then makes a 3-Way Match tonight between Roode, AJ, and Jeff Hardy.   I'm assuming its non-title, as no one said one way or another whether or not Roode's title is on the line.

Karen Jarrett: Knockout Law has the Knockouts Division out in the parking lot, where it's pretty cold this time of year, in nothing but robes, and one would assume, the hand-picked outfits Karen threatened last week.   Karen goes on a rant about last week's Thanksgiving Thong Throwdown and disrespect and whatnot, then tells the ladies that behind them are some of the wrestlers' cars.   The Knockouts, including Madison Rayne, are expected to ditch the robes and wash all the wrestlers' cars in the freezing cold.   As Karen and Gail Kim walk off, Madison Rayne ditches her robe revealing a bikini as she tells the other Knockouts to ditch the robes and get on with the demeaning.

Madison Rayne, in the meantime, is part of Team Karen, half of the Knockouts Tag Team Champions.   Yet, here she is, taking part in the demeaning car washing in bikinis in the cold.   Where is Gail Kim?   She's nowhere to be found, of course.   Madison Rayne is completely fine with this.   All Traci Brooks can do in this situation is facepalm at the sheer stupidity of Madison Rayne and the situation.

TMZ Guy asks Jeff Hardy about the Main Event tonight.   Jeff Jarrett confronts Hardy again.   Hardy tells Jarrett that he just wants one last shot, and Jarrett attacks him.   They brawl a bit, then Hardy runs Jarrett off.

Elsewhere backstage, Eric Bischoff is meeting with Bully Ray.   Bisch whines about his son Garrett for a bit, telling Bully Ray that a time may come where Ray is asked to take out Garrett for good.   In the meantime, Bisch needs Ray to take care of Abyss, who is suddenly supposed to be this big scary unstoppable monster again.   Ray explains that Abyss can't be taken out because one day in his life, he no-sold a table bump.   Bisch then tells Ray to talk to Abyss, try to reason with him, and bring him back into the Immortal ranks.   Ray thinks this is stupid, but begrudgingly says that he'll go talk to Scott Steiner, and see if maybe the two of them can think of a way to reason with Abyss.

Back at the Knockouts Car Wash, Tara, still in her robe, is telling Gail Kim how disappointed she is in her.   Gail then says that if she had a body like Tara's at Tara's age, she'd flaunt it (this is an insult, by the way) before telling Tara to get to work.   Karen walks in, happy as a clam to see the girls washing the cars in their bikinis.   Then ODB comes into the scene, looking to talk to Karen.   Karen tells ODB that if she can hurt Mickie James tonight in their Street Fight, ODB will get a shot at the Knockouts Title.

Yep, that's right.   We have just gone from MONTHS of not seeing ODB AT ALL, to her possibly becoming the top contender for the Knockouts Title in a matter of two weeks.   Welcome to TNA, folks!

We finally get to some wrestling, as Ink Inc., Mexican America, and the team of Pope and Devon face off to become top contenders to the Tag Team Titles.   Toxxin (formerly known as Christina Von Eerie) is one again minus her trademark Mohawk, which continues to baffle me, as Jesse Neal (who's still with TNA after all) and Shannon Moore rock the 'hawk, yet she doesn't?   It actually hurts her look, as minus the 'hawk, she looks like just another chick.   Oh well...

So, the match itself is... okay, I guess.   Jesse Neal spears Hernandez, then gets hit by a Devon spinebuster so Devon can get the pin and the win for his team.  

It's Austin Aries turn to talk, as he makes his way down to the ring to, well... talk.   A Double complains about the lack of real competition in the X-Division.   Believe me, Austin, we ALL have an issue with the lack of competition in the X.   I swear, if TNA spent a third of the time they've put into Karen Jarrett: Knockout Law or Garrett Bischoff, and used it to build Zema Ion or Mark Haskins on TV, maybe A Double would have more people to work with besides Brian Kendrick (who isn't over) and Jesse Sorenson (who's greener than grass).   So Kid Kash comes out to say, "hey, I'm still here.   Face me."   A Double agrees.   So we're getting Kash vs. Aries for the X-Title in the near future.

Gunner is looking for Garrett Bischoff at the gym where he trains.   Meanwhile, Jason Hervey on his flip cam is talking with AJ Styles in the locker room about tonight's Main Event.   AJ wants to knock Bobby Roode down a peg.

Back at Garrett's Gym, Gunner bullies a training partner of Garrett's for a while.   Gunner then attacks anyone dumb enough to take offense to Gunner beating people up in the gym.  

Sting tells Jeff Jarrett that if he interferes in the Main Event tonight, there will be consequences.   Jarrett then bitches Sting out, telling Sting that Hardy ought to be out of TNA.   Sting stands firm by his decree.

Back at the Knockouts Car Wash, we see the ladies still on the first car.   Seriously?   It's been at least a half hour since we last saw you, and there's what?   6 of you?   How long does it take to wash one car?

We then join Bully Ray in the locker room with Scott Steiner.  Ray asks Scott how they can go about trying to get Abyss back on Immortal's side.   Steiner suggests that they try and get Abyss laid.   No, seriously, that's Steiner's plan - get a freaky hot woman to have sex with Abyss.  

Up next, ODB takes on Mickie James in a Street Fight.   After a decent brawl, Mickie James gets the win with a Long Kiss Goodnight kick to ODB's face while ODB was holding a chair.

Taz and Tenay interview James Storm via satellite.   Basically, they talk about Storm's concussion, and how, once he's cleared to compete, he's gunning for Kurt Angle.   So lo and behold, Kurt Angle comes out to join Taz and Tenay as they talk via satellite to James Storm.   Storm and Angle bicker at each other a bit, and next week, apparently, they'll sign the contract for their match at Final Resolution face to face.

We are now following what I can only assume are a pair of hookers, looking for Abyss.   Anyway, the hookers are looking for Abyss, thinking he's a rich baller with a nice ass.   In other words - casual fans.

We get a huge video package about Bobby Roode, featuring his friends, his family, and even his wife, talking about the consequences of Roode's actions on them.   It's actually a very good package.   If I could compare the video packages on Roode going into Bound For Glory to Davey Richards' sit-down interview with Jim Cornette on Glory by Honor IX, this package could easily be a "what if" scenario if Richards were to turn heel.   Basically all of the people closest to Roode lament Bobby's championship win and the dark side of Bobby it's brought out.  

We then cut to Bobby Roode.   He tries to justify his actions as he reacts to the video we just saw.

Rob Van Dam takes on Robbie E for the TV Title.   Eric Young runs in with a fire extinguisher to prevent Rob Terry from interfering on E's behalf, and the ref tries to get EY to the back as RVD nails his 5 Star Frog Splash.   Christopher Daniels then slides in, nails RVD with the Angel's Wings, and rolls E on top of RVD.   Referee Earl Hebner finally gets back to the ring and counts the pin for Robbie E, who retains the TV title.

In all honest truth, there was a time where RVD could go out and have, arguably, the best match of the night, almost every time.   Right now, though, he looks like he's working hurt, and he's not able to go out there and give those kinds of performances.  

We see the hookers come out of Abyss' cage or whatever, with their hair all mussed up, stumbling around like they were drunk.   They ask one another what just happened as Taz quips, "well I guess that's why they call Abyss 'the monster'".

Back at the Knockouts Car Wash, the ladies are still working on the same damn car.   It's been TWO HOURS and they've only managed to wash ONE CAR?   Seriously?   Anyway, the girls bicker, and it turns into one big water fight.   We even get a Doug Williams sighting as many of the wrestlers come out to complain about how the ladies are supposed to be washing their cars.   Gail Kim breaks up the fight by spraying the Knockouts with a pair of hoses.  

Hey, Gail Kim... wasn't this the sort of thing you quit WWE to get away from?

Main Event Time as Jeff Hardy takes on AJ Styles and Bobby Roode in a 3-Way Dance.   Despite Sting's warning earlier in the night, Jeff Jarrett interferes in the match, anyway, crotching Jeff Hardy on the top rope while he was going for a swanton bomb on a fallen Bobby Roode.   Bobby goes for the pin, AJ hits Roode during the count (which has always been a means of braking up a pin in the past), yet, the ref still counts three and Bobby Roode wins.   Even though AJ legally and legitimately broke up the pin, Bobby Roode still wins.

Sting comes out and isn't happy that Jeff Jarrett disobeyed him, so he books Hardy vs. Jarrett in a cage at Final Resolution, where you can only win by escaping the cage.   If Jarrett wins, Hardy is out of TNA for good.   If Hardy wins, though, he gets a shot at the World Title.   Karen Jarrett: Angry Wife comes out shrieking, and Sting then announces that he's going to handcuff himself to Karen during the match so she can't interfere.  

And then, once again, we get the stupid dramatic movie music, as we get an orchestral sting every time the camera cuts to a reaction shot of one of the wrestlers.   Impact Wrestling has officially become a Michael Bay movie, apparently, and this dramatic movie music thing at the close of every show is apparently going to stick around, despite the fact it does nothing but hurt whatever dramatic tension your final segment hoped to build.   Seriously, TNA, the movie score is COMPLETELY OUT OF PLACE HERE!!!


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