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Fritz Stephey's Real Time TNA Impact Report: Nash Probably Hurts Himself...or sumthin'
By Fritz Stephey
This report is being written in real time, you may need to hit refresh in order to see the latest updates.
*OPENING NOTE: My internet crapped out right after the first post, and I apologize for the report not being up* Last Week: Kurt Angle beat up AJ Styles (again!); Joe and Nash argued (again!); and The MCMG defeated Daivari and Tyson Dukes in the 1st round of the World X-Cup. This week...Kevin Nash will attempt to stay in one piece in a match against Booker T. Hey WWI Readers, and welcome to another episode of TNA: iMPACT! Hope you've all had a great week...and if I may take some time to throw out some shameless self-plugs here: On ClubWWI I participated in the 2nd Edition of the 3:10 Countdown AND I debuted my own weekly audio show, so if you're a ClubWWI member and missed out...check that out! Enough of the shilling, tighten your seat belts, we're crossing the line! This iMPACT! is entitled "Karen's Return". For the past few weeks, TNA has been naming their episodes. We're kicking off TNA: iMPACT! with action! Consequences Creed will be taking on the man that Tenay said opened the door for him. AJ Styles. They give a handshake, and the opening bell sounds. Kurt Angle is sitting backstage in a fake parking lot, watching on (I guess there's a f***in' TV outside?). AJ flips out of an armlock and reverses it. Roll up pin from Styles, but it's only 2. Big dropkick by AJ! Big knee to the gut from Styles, but Creed follows up with a boot to the face. Creed goes for a springboard move, but AJ grabs him. AJ drops him on his feet and gets decked. Spine buster from Styles!AJ went for a flying forearm, but ate the ringpost. PELE from AJ, followed by the Styles Clash! 1-2-3, and your winner: AJ Styles JB runs out after the match and is frantic to get AJs attention. Borash tells AJ that Kurt is waiting in the lot for Karen to show up. AJ runs off. <Commercial Break> *NOTE: Apology for the Real-Time Delay...my Internet Connection crapped out, so I lost the first paragraph I wrote. We're back, and a huge crowd of security is between AJ, Kurt and Karen. AJ tells Karen to chill backstage. Up next, Team 3Ds own Brother Ray will be taking on Christian Cage! Brother Ray comes out first and is on the Mic. Last week, they took out Rhino...they wanted to break his frickin' neck! Tonight, is the last night of Christian's Pro-Wrasslin' Career, so saith Brother Ray. Christian Cage makes his entrance...and we cut to <Commercial Break> We're back and in time for the opening bell. Christian is being a lil' cautious, anticipating a Brother Devon run-in. Christian is on the receiving end of a back body drop. Later, Christian goes up top, but Brother Ray meets him. Christian shoves him off and hits the Frogsplash! 1-2-NO! Johnny Devine immediately runs in with a kendo stick. Ray comes from behind and slams Cage down. He grabs the kendo stick and nails Christian across the back. Brother Devon and Tomko rush out with a GLASS table. Ray is up top, Tomko and Devon hand Cage over, and Ray power-bombs Cage through the table! Ray picks up one of the huge shards of glass and gloats. Kaz and Eric Young rush out to provide help as an EMT holds a bloody towel to Christian's back. <Commercial Break> We return to a quiet iMPACT! zone, as they replay (for the 27th time) Christian being power-bombed through a glass table. Backstage, JB is with Kevin Nash. JB cracks a "Diesel left in the tank" line. Nash is really doing this to help out Joe. Joe enters the room, talks about boobs and Nash's crappy legs...and cracks a warrior reference. Joe wont stop poking fun at Nash, who is chillin' on the couch. He asks Joe if he thinks Booker is doing jumping jacks right now? Take care of them knees, Big Sexy... We're back in the zone, and Awesome Kong is making her way to the ring. That can only mean more relentless public executions of loyal TNA fans! JB announces the rules of the $25,000 challenge. It's funny how they seem to pick out the hottest and more athletic women each time... During the break, Siaed and Kong picked their victim. Need I call this, folks? I hate it as much as you do. One of the other wanna-be-challengers was standing at ringside and got in Kong's face...not a good idea as she got shoved to the nose-bleed section (and it's the frickin' iMPACT! zone). Horrible Awesome-bomb, and your winner, Awesome Kong. She kicks Danielle out of the ring. The other possible contestant, Taylor from last week, jumped the guardrail and went at it with Kong. TNA Security storms the ring and breaks it up. Cornette is also in the mix and very pissed. Taylor and JC are trying to negotiate... We have a video package on Angelina Love...about her rise to wrestling...which included a clip of her in a contest with Jerry The King Lawler, in full on "King" outfit. She bashes Gail Kim, saying she wasn't helpful to her. <Comm Break> Backstage, Moose is preparing for her Bimbo Brawl match against ODB by loading up a cart full of stuff. World X-cup Match: Team Japa---NO, it's Frank Trigg. Last week he and AJ had a misunderstanding...how dare you hit Frank Trigg...in the back...in the parking lot. In real fighting, Styles...I look people in the eye and deck 'em! AJ Styles backstage was ticked enough...as Frank continues asking were AJ is...his music finally hits and he goes out to the ring. Backstage, Kurt enters the locker room with Karen Angle. Kurt ain't gonna hit Karen...The Beautiful People will take care of her. They have a cat fight, bag Karen and split. <Commercial Break> Were back, for the 2nd 1st Round World X-Cup Match. Team TNA leads 1-0. Team International makes there way to the ring.Team TNA also comes out...both of these teams are strictly observing. Now for the match, Team Japan's Doi and Mushino (Forgive me for spelling errors). Their opponents from Team Mexico, Ultimo Guerrero and some other guy...sry. I have no interwebs, they aren't speaking english...yeah. Mushino gets a nice dropkick in...and again like the last match with these two amazing dudes from Japan, a lot of crazy fast sh*t going on. Nice drop toe-hold into a dropkick to the face from Team Japan! Ultimo is tagged in. They both double-team Doi for like...2 full minutes. Mushino hits a sick hurricanrana and they both dive outside to take down Team Mexico. Gurrero with a front-suplex from the top! Team Mexico picks up the win! Backstage, Lauren is with Jay Lethal and SoCal Val. Lauren wants to know how Black Machismo is feeling...he's frickin' pissed! SoCal says the wedding should be post-poned...Jay is shocked. <Commercial Break> As we return, we have a video package on the upcoming Fans Revenge match...which TNA deep voice announcer informs us, apparently is a yearly tradition. Making his way to the ring, led out by a billion small children, The Guru Sonjay Dutt. I'm not lying...They're collection money in tambourines. There is a special cause for this cash...the "Save Val" foundation. He's acting like a regular televangelist as the kids dressed as mini-guru's start playing their tambourines. So Cal Val comes out, shouting at the Guru. Black Machismo flies out and takes the Guru out. Sonjay goes for a spear, but Lethal sends him into one of the giant urns in the ring. He scrambles out to surround himself with his actual factual children mini-guru's...disturbing! Backstage, Booker T shows out his new decked locker room, courtesy of Samoa Joe. He has fancy pictures, a velvet couch, sushi...and JB is in flamer heaven. Booker is in a fancy robe, and has a pipe even. It's because of Booker that the buyrate and rating are up...he put TNA on the map (Much in the same vain that Sting, Christian and Kurt did). Tonight, Nash, he's gonna bust yo' punk ass, can you dig that!? <Commercial Break> Back from the break and we have another video package of Matt Morgan's history. Backstage, Tomko and JB are arguing with Kurt. He's been cheated on and humiliated on TV. JB says there is no proof...but Kurt has seen it. Team 3D show up. Relax Kurt, seriously...we dunno how you did it (her). Kurt doesn't have time...what is he supposed to do. Turns out, Ray and Devon have a black book full of 9s and 10s. Looks like were gonna get blind date segments next week! Angle has one rule only...no fat chicks. Ray says Kurt's happiness is all we care about and smooches him on his forehead. It's time for our Bimbo Brawl match, with Moose taking on ODB! This match is no-DQ. The whole lot is involved, from chains to hockey sticks, to shopping carts! ODB hits some mad clotheslines, and follows up with a fall away slam. Moose gets smashed with a shovel! But she kicks out of the pin! ODB flew off the top rope, flat on her face. DDT on the chair from Moose, and she picks up the win! Commercial Break We're back and it's time for our TNA Featured Contest...It's gewn be a TNA Classic, as Kevin "I Think I Tore My Quad" Nash takes on Booker "It's About Damn Time, I Rock" T. Booker T dances around, Nash kinda just, stands there. Finally, we get a lock-up and Nash shoves Booker into the corner. Joe walks out of the gate with a steel chair, and pulls up the best seat in the house. Nash does his trademark knee to the stomach while your opponent is in the corner, and nails him with the classic clothesline over the top rope to the outside. Nash continues this beating on the outside of the ring, and I just remembered...this match is also No-DQ. PERFECT time to cut to <Commercial Break> And we're back and both men are back outside the ring, and Nash sends Booker face first into the steel steps...twice. Nash goes for a pin 3 times in a row, each time Booker kicks out. Big kick from Booker! Big chop from Booker, and he sends nash chest-first into the audience guardrail. Booker gets in Joe's face...Booker wants the steel chair. He shoved Joe off and clocked him! Booker is in the ring and unleashes steel chair fury on Nash. He goes for the pin, but it's on 2. Big shot to Nash's head. Joe rushes in and starts taking out Booker. Superkick onto NASH! Booker shoves Joe out of the ring and picks up the 3-count! Joe rushes back in with the chair, and Booker flies out. Nash comes to quick, seeing Joe in the ring. Nash is pissed, and gets in Joe's face. Security floods the ring and holds off the men, and we fade to black. All in all: It was OK. I really didn't see anything spectacular though. A lot of backstage BS was cut-out, for the most part, it left me feeling "meh". And that...was iMPACT! Again, sorry for the inconveince, as my internet connection died shortly after the first entry was put up (at about 9:10pm). I got back on at 10:30ish...but this is the full show report! Thanks for reading, and be sure to check out my ClubWWI audio! Keep your eyes peeled for the next episode and of course, columns! Alphabetical Listing of Guests You Can Hear on ClubWWI.com : Aaron
Aguliera Christian
Cage Jackie
Gayda Chalie
Haas B.G.
James Bruno
"Harvey Wippleman" Lauer One
Man Gang Diamond
Dallas Page Sylvester
Terkay
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| All content contained here Copyright 2008 by James Guttman *** World Wrestling Insanity and ClubWWI are not affiliated with any wrestling promotion. |
