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Fritz Stephey's Real Time TNA Impact Report: Heading for Houston
By Fritz Stephey
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This report is being written in real time, you may need to hit refresh in order to see the latest updates.
LAST WEEK on iMPACT: The Icon STING marked his 1/2million return; Taylor won a chance to fight Awesome Kong; Nash Wrestled (AGAIN! Two weeks in a row! Forget that fact that it was all in the same night); Beer Money rocked the house; Something-Something Kurt and Karen Angle w/ AJ Styles as the 3rd Wheel Cross The Line... We immediately start with JB in the parking lot with Robert Roode and Homicide having a parking lot brawl! All the cars are encircled about with all their lights on. (Oddly enough, there are no announcements over the com about someone leaving their lights on...). Among the cars are a plethora of weapons, including dumpsters, pipes, boards of wood, dead end signs, highway cones, led pipes and trashcans. Homicide sets up for the gringo killa, but Roode breaks out and James Storm and Jacqie storm out with handcuffs. They drag him through from the outside to the arena, to the very 6-sided-ring. Finally the MIA Hernandez shows up and takes out Storm and Roode. As he attempts a border-toss on Storm, Roode pulls him off and they slam him down. Hernan fights them off with a double clothesline. He pulls out his belt and whips Roode and Storm and they fly off. Immediately after they flee, Sting appears in the rafters. A perfect time to cut to <Commercial break> As we return, we have a promo package for the World X-Cup, highlighting the different teams. We are apparently still on Round 2 (I believe we were last week too?). Yoshino of Team Japan will be facing Doug Williams from the UK, of Team International. They lock up, with Williams driving Yoshino to the corner. Yoshi goes for speed and hits a head-scissors take-down. That flips Dougy to the outside of the ring and Yoshino hits a suicide dive. Williams hits Yoshi with a big knee to the face. He drops a knee across Yoshino's throat. Yoshino did a funky, spinny, almost bulldog like move and rolled up Doug for a 2-count. Doug Williams picks up the win for Team I. Backstage, JB is with Kurt Angle...and he's looking for The Beautiful People. They drop a mark line, saying you guys pay to see them cuz they're hot ( I dunno about you...but I didn't pay a damn dime for ANY of this). Angelina stops her workout as JB stands behind her...she says "That better be your Microphone". They then bag JB. <Comm Break> As we return, we get a "Filmed Earlier" video package of The Guru Sonjay Dutt, shirtless, teaching those mini-guru's a few weeks ago. Petey Williams was a part of the class until Sonjay kicked him out for not making proper payments. He then beats up Black Machismo...who pops up out of nowhere... Backstage Lauren is with Taylor. She's shaky and excited...this is what dreams are made of...( this is how Santino Marella got started! ). As we return from a commercial break that I didn't tell you about ( SUCKERS!), Matt Morgan's continued segments airs another chapter. He talks about leaving WWE, and Jim Cornette and Kurt Angle mention seeing a bright future. Up next we are treated to a 6-man Falls Count Anywhere match. It's putting Kip "I Still Have a Job" James, X-Division Champion Petey "You Forgot about the X-Title, Didn't You?" Williams, and Tyson "Who Gives a Damn" Tomko taking on BG "I Still Hate my Brother" James, Eric "You Know You Love Me" Young, and Matt "Ima Star" Morgan. This is a six-man Falls count anywhere match...meaning that it's gotta be No-DQ, and it's a tornado tag...meaning there is NO actually tagging that needs to take place. Matt and Kip are fighting in the middle of the ring while everyone else is scattered about outside. BG and Kip cross paths and start fighting. Eric Young is fighting Petey Williams in the crowd. Eric Young hits his magical cutter move in the middle of the ring on Williams but only grabs a two count.It appears that Eric Young gets pinned and Tomko, Kip and Petey win. Tomko has a lead pipe and the 3 roll Eric into the ring. Before they can do anything, Abyss interrupts. He cleans house...picks up the lead pipe, but drops it...hating the fact he even picked it up. <Comm Break> Up next is Taylor Wyld (sp?) taking on Awesome Kong. Kong immediately slams her in the ring post and tosses her to the mat. Taylor retaliates by jumping on Kong's back and striking back and fourth quickly. Riasha trips up Taylor and Kong takes control. Roxxi comes to the ring to even the odds as we cut to <Commercial Break> We return and Kong gives Taylor a big chop. Kong goes to the second rope and misses a big splash! Dropkick from Taylor, folloewed by a top rope missile-dropkick! She only gets a 2-count, and then kicks Kong like mad. She gets to her feet, virtually unaffected. She goes for an Awesome Bomb, but Taylor fights off, dodges the sit-down as Kong falls flat on her ass. She follows up with a dropkick to the face but only grabs a 2-count. Kong misses another Awesome Bomb... roll-up from Taylor Wild, and grabs the 3-count! She wins the $25,000 AND The Knockout Championship. <Comm break> Backstage, Captain Kaz and Team TNA are with Jeremy Borash. Quick interview with Kaz, who's Team is currently dead last. Team Mexico's Ultimo Guerrero is taking on the man we just heard from, Team TNA's Kaz. Kaz hits a couple of hip-tosses. Ultimo takes him from the top rope and slams him down face-first. team TNA comes out and watches the match. Kaz hits a couple of kicks, including a spin kick to the face of Guerrero. Kaz drops Ultimo's neck across the top rope. Kaz sets Ultimo on the top rope and gives a big kick to his face. He goes up top, goes for a Hurricanrana...but Guerrero grabs him and powerbombs him from the top! Ultimo misses a moonsault! Wave-of-the-future! 1-2-3, your winner, Kaz! Team TNA: 3 Points Team Japan: 3 Points Team International: 2 Points Team Mexico: 2 Points Backstage Lauren is with AJ Styles, Gail Kim and ODB. Apparently, they have a match against Kurt Angle and The Beautiful People. Gail is gonna teach them a wrestling lesson! ODB gives the same promo she gives all the time. She's a dirty bitch, the beauties suck...woohoo. <Commercial break> Backstage, JB is with Kurt Angle...who breaks into the Beautiful People's locker area...they are tanning. Still not ready for their match which is happening in about 15 mins. Kurt tells them to screw their boobs...they have a match! Quote of the Night: "You're just like my wife...you only care about how you look...and how big your boobs are. Screw your boobs!" -Kurt Angle...I shit you not. <Insert Dirty Joke here as we cut to Commercial Break> As we return, Booker T makes his way to the ring. We have been told that he is publicly apologizing to Samoa Joe. Which of course, means the opposite. Booker calls him out, inviting him to the ring. We aren't greeted by a fat midget...Samoa Joe comes out, Heavyweight Title and all. First things first...Booker respects Joe. Booker wants to publicly apologize for his past behavior. He wants to say he's sorry. He's sorry for what's gonna happen...this Sunday in Texas. Y'see Joe...Nash is RIGHT. You CAN'T beat me. I look at you Joe, from top to bottom...you know what I say? This poo-putt paper champ ain't never beat nobody! Who have you ever beaten Joe...can you answer me that? You can't, can you? You know who I've beaten? Rick Martel? Steve Austin? Chris Jericho!? Joe is pissed. He's yelling. You're the one who's gonna be sorry, Booker. Que STING! WHOOOO! Sting has longer hair and brighter face paint. Sting is gonna be in Texas...but that's all we know. <Commercial break> We're back and it's time for the Feeeeeeeeeatured Contest. Agenlina Love, Velvet Skye and Kurt Angle are taking on Gail Kim, ODB and AJ Styles. ODB and Angelina will start off the match. They lock up, followed by ODB clotheslines. Gail Kim tagged in as well as Skye. Kurt gets tagged in and Gail tags in, slowly, AJ Styles. Kurt and AJ lock up, and go into a series of ARMBARs. Scoop slam from AJ Styles, followed by a 2-count. Big dropkick from AJ Styles. Frank Trigg, Kurt Angle's long lost brother, makes his way to the ring. Karen Angle also makes her way to the ring. <Comm Break> As we return from break, Angle is choking AJ Styles. AJ nails a DDT and is groggy...he misses a tag opp. and fights off Kurt. PELE! AJ sets up for the clash, but Angle flips him up and over. AJ tags in Gail Kim, by Kim and ODB storm the ring as The Beautiful People storm in. AJ leaps outside the ring to take out Kurt Angle. Gail Kim picks up the pin over Skye! The Beauties start beating down the girls. Kurt goes for the Ankle Lock on AJ, but Karen low-blows him! Frank Trigg runs in and slams AJ down and taunts AJ as Kurt slaps on the Ankle Lock. The Beautiful People dawn the paper bag over Gail Kim and we fade to black... Overall: Definitely, the weakest iMPACT! I've watched this month. They have a PPV on Sunday and I didn't really see much build here...a lotta talk and hype? Yeah...a lot of last minute storyline shilling? Eh...not so much. Again, Decent wrestling came about...and the Knockouts Title switch was somewhat intriguing. Overall though, I felt this was weak. Especially Sting coming back, but not stating a reason while Tenay and West shill out that he's gonna explain why he returned. That's IT! Thanks for reading guys! I am gonna be pumping out an audio for the club probably Friday or Saturday (Saturday being more doable and more likely). In it I will include TNA PPV Predictions...it very well may be an hour or more, long. Until next time, cya! Alphabetical Listing of Guests You Can Hear on ClubWWI.com : Aaron
Aguliera Christian
Cage Jackie
Gayda B.G.
James Bruno
"Harvey Wippleman" Lauer One
Man Gang Diamond
Dallas Page Sylvester
Terkay Koko
B. Ware Need More Insanity? Join The Club
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| All content contained here Copyright 2008 by James Guttman *** World Wrestling Insanity and ClubWWI are not affiliated with any wrestling promotion. |
