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Fritz Stephey's Real Time TNA Impact Report: Who IS The Champ?
By Fritz Stephey
 ...
THIS
report is being written in REAL TIME, (and I am insanely HYPER!) you
may need to hit refresh in order to see the latest updates.
Last Week: Beer Money and LAX feuded some more; Sting came back...again; Kurt Angle took 70% of the airtime and Frank Trigg IS his long lost friggin' brother. PPV Results: There was a controversial ending to the World Title match ( Hence the title of this weeks report); Team Mexico pulled a victory to WIN the World X-Cup; Angle pinned AJ Styles...and Frank Trigg was there; Taylor Wilde retained the Knockouts Championship; LAX beat Beer Money; The Guru beat Black machismo; and Gail Kim beat Angelina Love. Buckle up, kids...it's time to cross the line. Tonight's episode is entitled: Why Sting, Why? What a better way to kick off iMPACT! than with the leopard-robe, TNA Title possesin', Booker T. Tenay and West mention a record 97 times that the referee did not register a 3 count, or Booker T victorious ( ...like a title being stolen hasn't happened in Wrestling before?). Booker and Sharmy are convinced...he's proved he's the greatest champ EVER! He shall raise the title and declare himself the NEW Champion...but Jim Cornette interrupts...albeit with this controversial line: "Wait one cotton-pickin' minute" - Jim Cornette. Corny is here to take that belt and give it to the REAL owner, Samoa Joe. Joe enters the iMPACT! zone, decked out in a suit. Booker is sick and tired of Joe's bitchin'. He repeats his famous "You know you can't beat me, Joe!" lines. The crowd seems to think Joe will kill T. Formal Joe tells Booker he can have his fun in his rat skin jacket, claiming he's the champ. Joe tells Robert Huffman to keep the belt...he doesn't accept give-backs. Enjoy it Booker...at Hard Justice...he's taking the belt...and, well, I quote: "And a piece of your ass, too". He also tells T to tell Sting...he's coming for his ass too. ( Joe's having a gay day, I guess) Backstage, Lauren is with Beer Money...laughing it up. Roode doesn't find that funny. He hasn't been able to sit comfortably for 4 days ( odd, seeings how this was taped the day after the PPV...time travel I tell you. It's that damned Universal Studios). <Commercial Break> Backstage, JB is with Kaz...JB mentions Team TNA's demise in the World X-Cup...Kaz says JB is right...he's been a letdown to everyone. But tonight is different...He's going for the X-Title, against Maple Leaf Muscle, Lil' Petey Pump, Petey Williams. They start off the match with a lock-up the goes to the corner. Petey and Kaz try hitting high-flyer moves and are dodged. Petey nails a hurricanrana and send Kaz to the outside. He follows up in-ring with a neckbreaker. Kaz builds up some steam with a clothesline and reverse elbow strike, tried for a backslide pin, but ended up in the Canadian Destroyer setup. He flipped out of it 3 times, to pick up a 2 count on Williams. Another try for the Destroyer, but Kaz flips Petey and slams his down to the mat, head first. Kaz gets another close 2-count...Kaz hits a huge kick as Petey sat on the top ropes. He sets up for the flux-capicitor up top, but Petey fights out. Petey rolls up Kaz, grabs the trunks and picks up the 3-count! Backstage, JB is in wait for Petey Williams. Eric Young interrupts, saying there will be a top secret meeting of the Prince Justice Brotherhood. He tells JB not to tell anybody, or he'll kill him. <Commercial Break> Back- friggin-stage, JB is with Samoa Joe...he wants to specifically talk about Sting. Nash walks in, however, before Joe can even speak. Nash doesn't doubt Joe could've beat Booker. He was trying to get your prepped. However, there's more to winning a fight than just the 1-2-3...and a Victory Road...you won. Joe says he failed. He didn't win. Nash goes back to the basics...it's mind games, Joe. Booker didn't win the match...you did. Joe says he didn't walk out of there with the belt. Nash does drop a line of pure wisdom, however: " When a man doesn't believe in himself, he's got nothing left" Backstage in the production truck, Beer Money take out the workers in the prodcution truck...one must now ask how we cut to this: <Commercial Break> As we return, Tenay tells us Sting has arrived! JB is at the limo! It's Brotha Ray and Brotha Devon in Sting masks. Shark Boy, Curryman and Super Eric are having a secret meeting behind the limo. Eric had tot ake a piss, so he walked off...and Shark Stevens and Fake Japan man get a beating from Beer Money. Up next is The Rock N' Rave Infection's Jimmy Rave taking on Matt Morgan. Jimmy starts this match off by blind-siding Morgan. Matt takes quick control and hits one move and wins the match. Christy ran backstage, bring back the one and only, Slash...no-no-no-no...Lance Hoyt...now named, Lance Rock. A new match is started, and Matt gets a big knee from Hoyt. Hoyt goes up top and misses a moonsault, and Morgan follows up with a big boot. Morgan picks up the 3-count...and keeps the title of "Squash King". Genetically Jacked, Athletically stacked... Backstage, Jim Cornette is in the women's locker closet. They're doing what they do best...argue. Jimmy C is probably having a worse head-ache than I. They all want a shot at Taylor...Jimmy has a great idea...10-women Gauntlet match...winner gets a title match next week. <Commercial break> As we return, we preview TNA's version of an interview show...titled Karen's Angle. Outside, Lauren is following Beer Money, who attack Security outside the stadium. A line outside watches from afar. Speaking of Angle...Kurt makes his way to the zone. Angle and Team 3D...make their way to the ring decked out in their Sting gear. They're here to welcome Sting into the group. In TNA, anything is possible. Just like McDonald's...it COULD happen. With one swing of the bat, you broke the hopes and dreams of all the lil' stingers, Sting...you're pissed and not gonna take it anymore. Angle has the answers, people! He's tired of the young punks with no respect. Think Angle is kidding? He chatted with Sting last night... AJ Styles, Cage and Rhino make their way out. AJ lays it straight...nobody knows why Sting did it...except for Sting. But AJ trusts Sting...and in due time, Sting will probably tell us why. Enough about Sting though...we're here to talk on your 3 morons. Ray asks if they want a rematch. I mean, hey...we put your through a glass table, Christian! And Rhino? We tried to break your neck. Ray grants a rematch at Hard Justice...Six-Man Table match! Cage wants to ask a question...who are you to give orders? It's like this...Hard Justice? NO. Next week! It's not gonna be JUST a table match...it's going to be a 5-Table Elimination match...you go through a table, you're OUT! Up next is the 10-women Gauntlet for a title shot next week. Like HELL I'm gonna call this...what do they call it..."cluster-f***"? Gail Kim and Jaquelin start things off. Angelina Love enters in at #3. Salinas enters next. Velvet Skye enters at #5. She breaks off Salinas from eliminating Angelina Love. Roxxi is next to enter. She immediately goes for the Beautiful People. Salinas is eliminated as Rokka Kan comes in. Tracy enters next. Christy Hemme is out next. The crowd knows who's next...ODB. <Commercial Break> Back from the break, 3 eliminations happened over the break: Rokka, Christy, Traci. ODB is immediately eliminated as we cut back to the match. Jaquelin takes out Roxxi...somewhere out there JohnnyCraze cries. Jaquelin is taken out immediately following. The Beautiful People are now in 2-on-1 mode, against Gail Kim. Angelina and Gail fight on the apron, and finally Agelina falls off. Velvet from behind rolls up Gail and grabs the 3-count! Backstage, JB is with Booker T and Sharmell in the locker room. Booker T gets to choose his match and opponent tonight. He's decided it...Consequences Creed will get a title shot tonight! He calls 911, requesting an Ambulance immediately. It will be a stretcher match...for the title...which last I checked...belongs to no one. <Commercial Break> BACKSTAGE JB is with Jay Lethal and Val. Things will end when Jay says so, Mean-JB. Val actually defends Sonjay...he has feelings for her, what are you gonna tell him to do? Up next, a 3-way match with Johnny Devine, Eric Young, and Sonjay Dutt. Johnny Devine hit an awesome move...well, would've been awesome if he didn't f*** up the landing. Eric hits a nice move, but Sonjay comes up from behind for the pin on Young. Black Machismo rushes out and lays out a beat-down on the Guru. Devine decides he will help Dutt out. It's to no avail, as Lethal over powers both. SoCal Val runs out demanding Jay to stop. Dutt pulls a page from the Eddie Guerrero book, slams a steel chair onto the ring post ands tosses it to Jay Lethal...and plays as if he decked him. SoCal Val is infuriated...thinking Machismo hit Dutt. <Commercial Break> It's 10:36...sorry 'bout your damn luck! Beer Money make their way to the ring. The fans screwed us at Victory Road...you laughed and whipped us. Who gets the last laugh tonight? They exit the ring and circle around the guardrails. They grab a member wearing an LAX shirt, sending him in the ring and begin whipping him down. The referees flock to the ring but suffer at the belting from Beer Money. Scott D'amore and another TNA Official try to stop them, but they get whipped too. They then go for Hector Guerrero and whipped him and beat him into the ring. They cuff him to the ring corner and belt him. Finally LAX storm the ring, and Beer Money bails. Backstage, JB is with Angle and Team 3D...and Tomko. The guys seem to agree, AJ, Rhino and AJ are crazy. Hello, Tables Match? That's a Team 3D staple! Kurt gives Tomko some work...crash Karen's show next week. <Commercial Break> Backstage, Lauren is with Consequences Creed...who is syked. This is exactly what he's been waiting for! He does a decent Booker T spinaroony, and says he wont forget the name Creed! WOO! WOO! It's like Sting on crack! It's FEATURED CONTEST time. Booker T...Consequences Creed...Stretcher match...speaking of Consequences...who's gonna pay the price when they figured out some random dude called 911 to ask for an ambulance for a stretcher match? The Honorable Earl Hebner, Referee... They start the match with a lock-up, into a flip from T. Side-headlock from Booker. We return from a commercial break, were Booker T is in control. Big spinebuster from the T, but Creed fights back with some elbows. However, Booker with slam him into the corner. Big kick from Booker. Axe kick from T. Booker hits a few knees to the head, and now has Creed by the stretcher. He puts him on it and the EMTs take him out. Your winner: Booker T. Backstage as Booker follows...Samoa Joe fights Booker and shoves him in the ambulance. We fade to black. All in all...it had some good segments and alright matches. They're back to the formula of sticking in too much nonsense though, so the show dragged a lot at points. When the flow goes by like that, that can make a decent show seem relentless... That's it for me. I had internet prolems last week which prevented me from recording audio, so expect an episode this weekend! It's bound to be good...I promise! Until next time, CYA! Alphabetical Listing of Guests You Can Hear on ClubWWI.com : Aaron
Aguliera Christian
Cage Jackie
Gayda Chalie
Haas B.G.
James Bruno
"Harvey Wippleman" Lauer One
Man Gang Diamond
Dallas Page Sylvester
Terkay
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All content contained here Copyright
2008 by James Guttman *** World Wrestling Insanity and ClubWWI are not
affiliated with any wrestling promotion.
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