Impact
TNAaron Wood's Impact: Two Men With Other Things On Their Mind Meet Face To Face
By Aaron Wood
Feb 22, 2008 - 5:16 AM

LAST WEEK ON IMPACT: It was just so really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really bad...

THIS WEEK…
Stuff happened last week. Too much to talk about and all of it poor.

And RIGHT AWAY we have Karen Angle screaming. And yes, I'm going to keep calling her Karen Angle. You know, given how she didn't stop being married to Kurt. Actually it's a surprise Karen was there. I mean, she ended up committing bigamy on national TV last week...

Anyway, the Angle's were arguing about what happened last week. Kurt said he didn't appreciate her kissing AJ last week, and apparently Karen said she'd take care of things over the last week, but she only had tonight to do it now. Or else. She called him jealousy. Borash tried to calm things down, but Angle threatened him. Angle said he didn't like the boys laughing at him, which set Karen off again. I would tell you what she said, but she was screaming at such a level, I think only dogs could be able to hear her. Kurt got fed up and told her to take her drama to her other husband. Karen said she'd go to someone who'd appreciate her.

AJ Styles & Tomko def. Kip James & Bullet Bob Armstrong in a "Well, at least they didn't charge us for the Kip heel turn, even though they probably should have..." match to retain the TNA Tag Titles
After the opening PYRO & BALLYHOO~!, they opened with a near rematch from the PPV. Kip & Bob came out first, with BG coming out on crutches. And as per usual, Tomko was rather annoyed with AJ's goofing around with the crown. YOU CHOSE TO BE PART OF IT!!! Bob & AJ started things off. And BOB got the better of it! After chopping AJ down off a whip, Bob grabbed the arm and tagged in Kip.

James worked AJ over and then gave him a hiptoss, but AJ tagged in Tomko. They began to slug it out. Tomko got knocked down, but AJ came in and managed to hit the Pele kick, with Tomko hitting a clothesline. Karen Angle then came out to ringside. Tomko out Kip in a headlock. James got out of it and hit a neckbreaker, before managing to tag in Bob. Armstrong took it to both Tomko & AJ, with open hand slaps to both men. AJ Tomko went to make a Bob Armstrong sandwich, but Bob ducked out and the champs collided. Karen got on the apron and Kip grabbed one of BG's crutches. But very obviously, Kip smacked Bob Armstrong over the back with it instead. Tomko rolled Bob over and scored the three count.

BG got in the ring to confront his "brother” but Kip kicked the gammy leg and broke the crutch over BG's back. And they IMMEDIATELY cut away. Literally. The millisecond Tenay finished the sentence he was saying after Kip broke the crutch on BG, it cut to the back.

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3/10 - Nothing to the match outside of AJ & Tomko having to sell for the old geezer, but, and I can't believe I'm saying this, but they should and could have made Kip's turn so much better. I mean, I truly don't get the booking of the PPV now, and it was confusing enough when they did it. I mean, this was NOT a swerve. I bet Russo, or whoever wrote it, think it is, but it's not. But why in the hell did they go with a completely unsatisfying ending of BG getting "injured" at the PPV? I mean, now Kip has turned, but all it amounted to was a crutch shot to each Armstrong and it came when the focus was on AJ & Karen's storyline. If they did it when they should have, at the PPV, then it would have been much more effective, because they sure as hell gave BG's leg injury more time on camera after the match was over than they gave the actual turn here. In fact it happened so quickly, I bet no-one watching remembered the turn by the end of the show, and since this is TNA, they will barely give you a 10 second reminder of what happened. And Kip James sucks as a heel, but that's a WHOLE other argument...
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Anyway, the thing we had to immediately cut backstage to was ODB & Gail Kim with Crystal. Crystal said there was a communication breakdown and how would it affect them later. Kim said tonight they'd be on the same page and they had a common goal in bringing down Kong. Kim left and ODB said she'd go through anyone, including Kim, to get to Kong. AJ & Karen then wandered into the picture. So, Crystal decided to ask about the kiss to Karen last week. AJ said he got caught up in the moment, but Karen said it was great. despite his protestations to the contrary, Karen tried to convince AJ that they did indeed get married (so now she's gone from an accidental to a willing bigamist...), as people saw them get married. AJ got confused. Karen said all he had to worry about was their honeymoon TONIGHT. AJ said he didn't have anything planned, but had inspiration and had to make a phone call.

After the break, Don West sent to Crystal with Kip James. And he did it with this exact quote...

"Crystal's in the back, as HE tries to get a word with Kip James..."

The most convincing transvestite I've ever seen was indeed with Kip James (I know, I should have made the joke about Kip James...). Kip yelled into the mic that he had dumped a 250 pound bag of *beep*. He blamed BG for throwing away their friendship. He told BG to bring it.

So, am I to assume that Lethal is Kurt, Sonjay is AJ and Val is Karen?
Jim Cornette was in the ring with Matt Morgan, Sonjay Dutt & the MCMG, as he introduced Jay Lethal. he came out and stood as Jim Cornette put over his achievements in almost beating Jeff Jarrett and beating Kurt Angle. And then there was Against All Odds where Cornette, like Tenay seconds before him, put over Lethal's solo efforts in defeating Team 3D. Look, I know Lethal did end up doing it by himself, but a little recognition wouldn't go amiss. The MCMG are right there, Jim!

Lethal got given the microphone. And without doing the Savage impression, Lethal said that he had gotten his smile back (hey, he did that quicker than HBK!). Lethal said he couldn't have done it on his own. He put over the "founders" of the X Division, like Chris Daniels, Jerry Lynn & AJ Styles. And then there was more people to thank. the MCMG (nice to see someone cared). Lethal put them over big. He then said it was a privilege to stand in the same ring as Sonjay Dutt. They shared a hug.

But there was someone else! An inspiration, and with just one look encouraged him to hold the world on his shoulders. He called to Val and asked her to come in the ring. Is it just me, or have her breasts suddenly gotten a little bigger? Might just be outfit, but she looked more buxom than usual... Lethal said he was nervous, as he got down on one knee to ask a question. Would she do him the honour of...going out on a date with him? I have to admit, even I chuckled. She said "Oooh Yeah!" I believe this played off how Savage proposed to Liz. It should be interesting to note that in the background to all this, Sonjay was acting annoyed about it all. You know, in the EXACT SAME way that AJ holds a candle for Karen (hence the headline).

We went backstage to Crystal and Kaz. Crystal mentioned his win over Black Reign a couple of weeks ago. DID HE REALLY WIN? I mean, it was for possession of the rat, and I see no rats! (See how utterly retarded that booking was...). She mentioned his match tonight against Rellik. He said that his trouble with Black Reign started after a match with "Relish". Eric Young ran in, scared out of his mind. He was scared of Rellik and that Rellik was really a monster. Kaz said he was just a man like the two of them. Kaz left for his match. Kaz really needs to make up his mind. Be a heel or stop talking with the arrogance of a douchebag.

Couldn't he, like, have a "fair" title shot written into his contract?
After the break and some pimping of live events, we went backstage to Jim Cornette's office, where he was with Joe. Cornette said that for the last few weeks they had been trying to do the contract signing in public, and maybe that's what was wrong (no kidding). That's why they were now in private. The door was locked. The office was harder to get into than Fort Knox right then. All Cornette wanted to for Joe sign on the dotted line. He'd be ever so thankful. Joe said he wouldn't thank Joe just yet. As Jim began to pitch a fit, Joe explained himself. He said he realised that maybe all his issues have nothing to do with money. He wanted to be champion. And while he got the title shot, it meant nothing if it wasn't a fair shot and while the Angle Alliance was involved, it wouldn't be fair. So, it'd be a tag match at the PPV and then Joe could get his shot at Lockdown. Jim wondered if he'd sign the contract then. Joe said "Not exactly". Joe said that once he had secured his title shot, and when there was no-one left to help Kurt at Lockdown and once Joe had won the title, THEN he'd sign the contract. If he didn't win the title, there'd be little use of him being there anyway. So it's really title vs. career at Lockdown. I suppose that guarantees Joe's win. Shame it’s X number of months too late (and I write "X" because there are too many for me to instantly remember...).

Thing is, Joe must have a pretty sweet contract as it is. I mean, he's not only demanding title shots when he wants them, but he'd also now making matches. Why would he want a new contract in the first place?

Kaz def. Rellik in a "So that is now the guy TNA were going to make their next home-grown star and the guy who main evented a recent PPV that are feuding with Rellik and Black Reign now..." match
Rellik came to the ring first. Kaz chuckled to himself as the bell rang, but Rellik grabbed a choke when Kaz ran at him. Kaz freed himself and ran out to the apron. Rellik stared him down, but Kaz hit a shoulder to the gut. Forearm blows did little damage., but he fired in more shots before sending Rellik over the top to the floor. Kaz dived over onto Rellik. Rellik was the whipped into the guardrail, but Rellik booted Kaz down. Rellik whipped Kaz into the rail himself before rolling him back in the ring.

Rellik whipped Kaz hard chest first into the corner. Rellik put on a Cobra Clutch, but Kaz got out of it with elbows. Rellik got it back on, but Kaz ran up the ropes and flipped over, pinning Rellik for the three while the hold was still on.

On the bell, Black Reign hit the ring and despite a brief flurry, the "monsters" beat down Kaz. Eric Young came out, but when he caught sight of the heels, he stopped in his tracks. The heels left and Eric checked on Kaz.

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4/10 - Absolutely nothing match, but the angle is of some mild interest.
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Backstage, Crystal was backstage with Booker, asking if he could focus on Angle tonight. given his doings with Roode. He said to expect the unexpected. Hell, his first title win came because Rick Martel forgot his boots and Booker had to step in. 38 titles later, he was still standing. It might be non title, but Angle would get done like he was supposed to. As far as Roode goes, he might not show up tonight, but if he doesn't show up next week, he'd be suspended.

After the break, they showed a video about Elevation X. You know showing pictures of fans in FEAR rather than excitement is NOT the best way to sell a match...

After that, we saw a video about Chris Parks. It talked about his love of pain. Apparently Parks has nothing left to hide. The James Earl Jones rip-off wondered if there was more to the man than the monster. Tenay and West wondered where Parks had sodded off to.

Petey Williams def. Sonjay Dutt & Johnny Devine in a "So the case means nothing?" match to become Number One Contender to the X Title
Sonjay came out first, all smiles again. Devine was out next. So, no automatic rematch for him then... Petey rounded out the field. After the bell rang, almost right away, Scott Steiner and his new "freak" came to the ring. Devine got the upperhand early, but Williams and Dutt fired back on Devine. Dutt scored a 2 count on Devine. Williams scored a backslide for a 2 count. Dutt hit the swinging kick in the ropes, before hitting a seated senton for a 2 count. Snap suplex by Devine on Dutt scored another 2 count. Devine hit a double-knee gutbuster to Devine and then suplexed Williams onto Dutt before getting himself another close 2 count. He scored a 2 count on Williams. Dutt hit a hurricanrana and Williams hit the gutbuster. Dutt got sent out the ring and Williams rolled Devine up for 2. Steiner may well have hit Dutt with a Feast Or Fired case, but the camera missed it. After Steiner punched Devine, Williams cradled him up for the win.

Steiner and Khan got in the ring, but as Williams backed away, Steiner gave Petey a golf clap and extended his hand. Petey hesitated, but took the handshake. We then cut backstage to the first part of the honeymoon video.

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4.5/10 - Again, there was nothing to the match, and Steiner is now just plain confusing in his motivations. First he spends all this time trying to screw over Petey and now he's helping him. And why are they deciding a contender to a title, when there already is one? Why doesn't Steiner, if he likes Petey so much, not offer Petey the X Title case that Petey had and that Steiner never wanted in the first place?
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We cut to somewhere unmentioned, but it was some sort of restaurant. Borash protested to Karen, but she told him to shut up and keep filming. They sat down at a table. AJ pulled out a candle and lit it, but burnt himself while doing it. He pulled out some fake flowers, reasoning that they'd last forever. His last gift was a snow globe. Apparently, snow globes were precious to him. He told a story about how he never had snow fall when he was a kid. Apparently he prayed for snow as a kid and there wasn't any. But one heartbroken year, his Granny produced the same globe as he was giving Karen. My heart is actually melting... AJ snapped out his romantic mood and said he was starving.

Tenay introduced a pre-taped interview with Rhino. Thankfully, Tenay called him Rhino and not by his real name, as you would have expected out of TNA. He said he had gone down the wrong path and needed to sort himself out. He said James Storm wasn't responsible for what Rhino did, but he didn't help by making fun of his addiction. They talked Elevation X. Tenay said it was the most dangerous match in TNA (didn't they say that about the Barbed Wire Massacre?). Rhino said that he'd be afraid up there, but he'd block it out and get his revenge. This was edited to be made faster than lightning.

Backstage, Crystal was with Curry Man and Shark Boy. She welcomed Curry Man to the US. His music played and he started dancing. Crystal joined in and she looked SMOKIN' HOT doing it. Damn... He then cut a promo in Japanese. This led to a "hilarious" bit where Shark Boy could do the "What?" bit in not understanding Curry Man. From the highs of seeing Crystal shake her perfect ass, to the lows of seeing Shark Boy pretending to be Steve Austin...

Brother Ray def. Curry Man & Shark Boy in a "This was only 0.87% better than last week..." match
Wingus and Dingus came out first. And boy, did the production truck go nuts with the graphics during Curry Man's entrance. 3D were next out. Earl Hebner brought out the scales as we cut to a break. When we came back, ray was getting ready to stand on the scales. And Earl gave Ray the thumbs up. However, D-Von was too fat. So Ray, who was, if you remember, "Way, way over" the limit last week is now light enough despite clearly having not dropped a pound, and D-Von who made it, and similarly looks no different this week, doesn't. The hilarity. Ray called D-Von a fat bastard. He accused D-Von of eating Twinkies. D-Von left the ring.

The bell rang as Ray apologised to D-Von who seemed to be leaving. However, Curry Man rolled Ray up for a 2 count. He then got a crucifix pin for a 2 count on Ray. However, Ray came back and hit the Flip, Flop and Fly. Ray then did some break-dancing. Jawbreaker by Curry Man. Devine & D-Von got on the apron, allowing Ray to hit him with a kick to the nuts. Ray sent Curry Man out. While the ref dealt with a bitching Shark Boy, D-Von sent Curry Man into the guardrail. Ray applied a bodyscissors, scoring a 2 count off a pin.

Ray hit a scoop slam and a big elbow on Curry Man. As Tenay talked about it had been a singles match to this point, Curry Man tagged in Shark Boy. He threw punches at Ray before hitting a Thesz Press. He scored a 2 count off a fist drop. Shark boy hit a neckbreaker. Devine came in, but Curry Man dealt with him. D-Von came in with the scales, but took a stunner. Ray picked the scales up and hit Shark Boy in the head. Ray then played dead before crawling over and scoring the three count.

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3.5/10 - Meh...
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Crystal was backstage with Kurt Angle. He was set for his first match with Booker T...in TNA. But Karen & AJ were on their honeymoon. Kurt said he didn't care about they could have each other. He said his focus was on keeping the title. He said Booker was mistaken if he thought he was going to win before facing "the three stooges" at the PPV.

After the break, it was back to the honeymoon. They were now at a "Gator" place. Karen was becoming more annoyed by the occasion. He showed Karen a couple of the gator's in a pool. He poked one with a rake. AJ said that even if they attacked, they'd leave Borash behind. AJ said that birds were the next thing on the itinerary. And the last thing we focused on? One of the Gator's taking a dump.

Jackie Moore & Roxxi Laveaux def. Gail Kim & ODB in a "So, does this make Jackie & Roxxi the bigger threats to Kong now?" match
The heels came out first. Roxxi had new music and video, but she still looked the same, albeit with a little less make up around the eyes. Tenay said that Roxxi's future was "limited to wrestling". ODB was next out, followed by Gail Kim. ODB offered Gail a shot form her flask, but got turned down. Gail & Jackie started things off. They locked up, with Gail getting the hammerlock. Jackie reversed it and then whipped Gail into the ropes. Kim avoided the charge and got a roll up for a 2. Roxxi was tagged in, but she took a headscissors. ODB was tagged in. He took Roxxi into the corner and chopped her a couple of times. She went for a crossbody, but ODB caught her and hit a fallaway slam. Jackie distracted ODB and Roxxi booted her down for a 2 count. Jackie came in off the tag and they hit a double flapjack on ODB. Jackie scored a couple of 2 counts before they took a break.

We came back with ODB & Roxxi in the ring. Laveaux scored a 2 count on ODB, before hitting a back elbow in the corner. ODB scored with an enziguri. ODB tagged Gail, but the ref didn't see it, so he didn't allow it. Jackie slapped ODB before hair-maring ODB over. ODB floated over and dropkicked Jackie into the corner. Both women made tags. Gail took it to the heels. Kim monkey flipped Roxxi before arm dragging Jackie. Roxxi attacked, but Gail countered with a Codebreaker. A neckbreaker scored a 2 count. ODB dumped Jackie out, but that allowed Roxxi to pull ODB into the path of a Gail Kim missile dropkick. Jackie pulled ODB out the ring and Roxxi hit an overhead slam for the three count.

After the bell, ODB & Gail Kim got into the device that TNA's dictionary describes as "Overused", the pull-apart brawl. It didn't end before we got fed up and cut away.

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5/10 - First match worth ANYTHING, but still wasn't much and only served as a prelude to the Kim/ODB fight. And the very clean pin on Gail by Roxxi isn't going to mean anything.
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Backstage, Crystal was with Christian Cage, Samoa Joe & Kevin Nash. The Destination X match was finally mentioned in full (it hadn't been to this point...). Crystal said that they were an unlikely trio. Cage spoke, confirming that AJ attacked him last week. He said Kevin phoned him last week about the six man and he accepted with aplomb. Cage said AJ & Tomko were family to him. But they said they wanted to do their own thing, and he accepted it. But he realised they didn't want to be their own men, but at the end of the day, they knew they'd never be as good as him. So at the PPV, the Unlikely Alliance would end the Angle Alliance.

After the break, we finished the honeymoon. They were at their hotel. Karen said she enjoyed herself. They got to AJ's room. He said he looked beautiful before nearly diving in his room. He came back though and said the whole situation had him confused, but if she were his wife, every day would be a honeymoon. He kissed her on her cheek, before fumbling his way into his room. Borash (in an example of poor sound editing, in so much that Karen and AJ's voices were echoed by the hall way and yet Borash's sounded crystal clear and straight out a sound booth) told Karen she looked flustered.

Kurt Angle def. Booker T in a "Well, at least Kurt didn't lose to another guy they don't intend on pushing as a challenger..." match
Kurt came out first. As he did so, we saw shots of him form after the show last week shoving the preacher over and giving Borash an uppercut. Booker T then came out next. Tenay said it would Booker would face Roode at the PPV. No stipulations to mention? What's to stop Roode running away again? They circled each other, but Angle dived out to the apron. Booker looked for the lock up, but again, Angle stalled for time. They finally locked up, with Booker was taken to the corner. Back in the centre, Booker got the go-behind and the takedown. Angle got a side headlock, but Booker countered, although Angle swept the leg to down Booker. Another lock up saw Booker get the hammerlock again. Angle escaped with an elbow and Angle went to work with uppercuts and blows. However, hit Angle with a clothesline before another one sent Angle out as we took a break.

We came back with both men on the outside, although it quickly headed back in. Booker worked over Kurt in the corner. Booker was whipped into the corner and while he floated over Angle's charge, Kurt turned and gave him a clothesline. A suplex scored a quick 2 count. European uppercut sent Booker into the corner where Angle continued to get the heat. However, after being whipped across, Booker avoided a charge and hit a superkick. Back kick by Booker scored a 2 count. Suplex by Booker scored another nearfall. Booker went to work on Angle's arm, but Angle fought it off. Angle hit a belly to belly overhead suplex. Angle put on a waistlock. Booker managed to get out of it, but Angle sent Booker out the ring. Kurt sent Booker into the steel steps as we took another break.

We came back again with Angle slamming Booker down. Angle went up top, but Booker rolled out the way, before seeing him and catching him at the top. Tenay said it was unbelievable. It was, but not in the sense Tenay probably meant. Booker scored the superplex. Booker began to build momentum. A suplex and side slam by Booker was then followed by a spinebuster. Angle tried to grab the ankle, but Booker avoided the hold and kicked Booker down again. Booker went for the Axe Kick, but Roode appeared on the apron. Angle came from behind with the Olympic Slam for the three count. Roode went to work on Booker, before letting Angle get him some. Whatever happened to Roode being part of Angle's gang, by the way? I mean, didn't he officially join the Angle Alliance with Cage and then help Angle turn on Christian later that night?

Anyway, this beating continued until Christian Cage ran down and went after the heels. The numbers became too much for him though. Booker began to come back on Roode as Joe made his way to the ring. Joe managed to get rid of Angle as Nash hit the ring. Lazy sod. Tomko came out to back up Angle. Nash got on the microphone and challenged Angle to a match next week.

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6.5/10 - Decent, but standard, stuff that had it's early flow broken by 2 ad breaks. 2 ad breaks for a 15 minute match...
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OVERALL - 5/10 (+ 2 on last week) - I'll give the credit where it's due. It's just that credit isn't usually something TNA deserves, but it deserves it here. I thought that they were going to waste more of my life by playing the AJ/Karen marriage thing for laughs, but actually, they underplayed the comedy by going with the heartstrings of AJ's "innocence". If I had any confidence in TNA that this was building to a properly built match between Angle & AJ, where it didn't end up with Karen swerving AJ for the hell of it, I'd even call it good. Lethal was also put over rather well this week. But I have to say, outside of that, this was one great big ball of blah. Nothing matches. Angles were happening faster than lightning.

That’s all I got for now, but if you have something to say about this week’s Impact, you can e-mail me at MY INSANITY E-MAIL ADDRESS , or come hunt me down on the WWI Forums !
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Well, I’ll be back soon enough, but for now, I believe I’ve fulfilled my contractual obligations. For reading this, And continuing to support World Wrestling Insanity, you’re cooler than the other side of the pillow…

I’m out.

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