Impact
TNAaron Wood's Impact: Angle vs. Nash For The First Time
By Aaron Wood
Feb 29, 2008 - 5:28 AM

LAST WEEK ON IMPACT: Kip James remembered what he was supposed to do at the PPV, the side of Rhino we had supposedly never seen before was the same Rhino but with music playing in the background and amazingly, AJ Styles was the sensible one when it comes to the law...

THIS WEEK…
Stuff happened last week. If you missed it, none of this show will make any sense and TNA won't help you out here. It's more or less stated policy.

We cut backstage to Kurt Angle doing squat thrusts while Borash counted. There was a knock at the door, and it was Kurt's wife, Karen. Yes, Kurt's wife. Not AJ's... She wanted to talk. She had been thinking they were hard on each other last week and needed to find what brought them together again. She said she wanted to start over, but Angle laughed. He reasoned that she must have realised that "Gatorland" wasn't all that and she had come crawling back. She didn't want to argue again, and Kurt said if she kept her mouth shut, it would be simple. He said if she stuck to that, it would be simple. Karen said that he may not realise what he has until it's gone. Suddenly, Kurt didn't know what she was talking about as he wondered if she meant the TNA Title, because he could live without her. He told "Heather Mills" (and as much as I dislike Karen intensely, she's nothing compared to that woman...) to get out while he warmed up for his match.

Shooting the messenger...with boobies...
Insert PRYO & BALLYHOO~! reference here. Booker T started things off tonight. And ONCE AGAIN, for a company that ABHORS Man-on-woman violence, they have shown the clip more than enough times. I mean, last Saturday a soccer player in England had his leg broken in a tackle. The broadcaster at the time never showed a single replay, because even though the original shot was far away enough so that they didn't see anything "gory", it wasn't their "thing". So like I say, for a company that is supposed to be against it happening, they've hit the replay button far too often.

Booker said he wanted to get something off his chest. He said he was sick of the underhandedness of it all and liked to do things face to face, so he wanted Robert Roode to come out and face him. He's in the building. So he wanted him out there and take an ass whooping.

Roode's music kicked in, but only Peyton Banks came out, much to Booker's chagrin. Banks said that Roode hadn't arrived yet, but he was on his way, but in the meantime, she had a message from Robert. Well, it wasn't so much a verbal message as an action. Indeed, a slap to be precise.

She started yelling at Roode, but suddenly, Traci (who was sporting her hair in pigtails, which is frankly, one of my turn-on's...Why do you think I latched onto Molly Holly from Day 1?) came out and took her down, starting a catfight off. Security came to the ring to separate them.

They sent it to a video about Team 3D's efforts to make weight. Ray & D-Von were outside a diner. Ray said he was sick of their diet and he wanted to have some fun. D-Von said they had to stick to the plan. We then immediately jumped to a buffet table where Devine was loading his plate up with fatty goodness while Ray bitched. Ray saw D-Von was loading up on Ribs. We then saw Ray ask for stir-fry. The chef goaded him about their weight limit, to Ray's chagrin. We then randomly saw D-Von try to get Ray to eat some vegetables. Man, that was badly put together. Just utterly random. Bubba's complaining was amusing as ever though.

After the break, Borash was backstage with Scott Steiner, Petey Williams and Rocka Chan. Petey said that he didn't know what to say about what Steiner did last week. It was unexpected and how he had the title shot at the PPV. He thanked Steiner.

Scott said he had to admit that it was all a misunderstanding on 2 fronts. Petey's and, well, Petey's. I guess that that is technically only one front, but it was such an important one, it was worth mentioning twice (I hope some of you comedy fans get that reference...). But he was willing to forget that and that he was a short squatty bastard from Canada, since he had the heart of a lion. Steiner said they had a match again Black Machismo and some guy whose name he couldn't remember, before leaving for it.

Scott Steiner & Petey Williams def. Sonjay Dutt & Jay Lethal in a "So, is Steiner a heel or babyface now? What is Petey?" match
Just before the interview, Tenay said this match was coming up "later". Not too much later then... The heels came out first before Dutt make his way out, and once again, he was looking to collect money. They barely explained why Dutt was doing this even though it has been literally months since he last begged for spare change. He went over and flirted with Val. And speaking of Val, Lethal made his way out next, to her delight.

Dutt & Petey started things off. Dutt used his speed to take over Williams a bunch of times before getting and arm-lock off an armdrag. Williams fired back with a dropkick before posing. Lethal too the tag, but Dutt sent Williams out the ring. Steiner came in, and Lethal ducked a clothesline to hit a suicide dive onto Williams. Freak-woman stalked Val away while checking on Petey.

We came back with Steiner chopping Lethal in the corner. Steiner hit a press slam before getting clotheslined out the ring. Rocka Chan sent Lethal into the ring steps. That's right, she over-powered him. She rolled him back in the ring for Steiner to pick apart some more, with him hitting a bell-to-belly suplex, although he lifted Lethal up at 1. William came in off the tag, taking Lethal over and putting on a chinlock. Lethal quickly got out of it and made the hot tag. Dutt sent both opponents flying, before hitting a spinebuster. The then shook the ropes. Spinebuster...shaking the ropes...Oh God...PLEASE someone tell me that Sonjay isn't going to start thinking that's he's Dave frigging Batista!?!?!?!?! Thankfully, his next move wasn't a powerbomb, but a Lionsault. That scored a 2 before Steiner broke it up. Lethal came in and sent Steiner out the ring, but Lethal got shoved off the top by Petey. Somehow, the ref decided not to see Steiner smack Dutt in the back with a case, leaving him prone for a Canadian Destroyer for the heel win.

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5.5/10 - it was OK, but nothing too special
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We cut to another Team 3D video. Devine was leading 3D into somewhere for their "Final test". It was a cake & candy shop. Ray hugged the display. Devine looked at the kinds of fudge with his camera, before he spied Ray & D-Von literally sucking down sweet out of a dispenser. Devine forced them to spit everything out. I don't quite get the logic of Devine taking them to a candy store for all of a minute when he supposed to be getting Team 3D to lose weight. I mean, I was the inspiration for the "Fat Bastard" character in the Austin Powers movies, and even I know that when I want to lose weight, I should think about going to somewhere like a gym and not "Choco-world", but still Ray was highly amusing.

Backstage, Borash found Eric Young hiding from all the monsters. What’s with all the Borash so far? Where's Crystal. I mean, last week, she did this...



And this week? None of that fine ass!

Anyway, JB reminded Young that he had a match coming up and maybe he should worry about that. Kaz entered the picture. He said that he got his ass kicked last week, but he'll be the one kicking ass next week. Kaz showed EY some picture of fictional monsters. All monsters were made up. Even Hilary Clinton! Vince Russo will be here all week with shows at 1, 3, 5, 7 and 10pm. The 10pm show is adults only. Please try the fish...

Young didn't believe him. Kaz said Black Reign and Rellik were just "alter egos" of normal guys. even EY had an alter ego inside of him.

Shark Boy & Curry Man def. Team 3D by forfeit in a "How could they not make weight when both have managed it in the last couple of weeks?" match
Team 3D made their way to the ring. As they did so, Tenay introduced another video. Now, that's nothing out of the ordinary. However, Tenay said this was another video from "Paparazzi Productions"!!! Maybe that would have been the case if maybe Alex Shelley hadn't just feuded with Team 3D for a long time so I doubt he'd be filming them. Or it might have been the case if Shelley hadn't dropped that gimmick almost a full year ago. Or maybe it would have been the case if was a "Paparazzi production", if it hadn't already been established that Johnny Devine was doing the camera work. Anyway, this video saw Ray and D-Von out of a some sort of back-street BBQ. Ray said he just made it out of the Chinese buffet OK, but D-Von couldn't be trusted around BBQ. D-Von banged on the gate door and gave the password to come in, but Ray told him to put the meat down.

Curry Man came out next. And after having an epileptic fit with the graphics, I noticed that Shark Boy came out too. Hebner made his starring role ready to weigh them. Ray told Earl not to worry. D-Von took to the scales first. Earl said he was too heavy. After Ray's protestations, Ray wondered if D-Von had been sneaking behind his back. Ray took to the scales. But Earl rejected him. Team 3D started to strip down. Ray stripped down to his "Looney Tunes" underwear, and both men pulled out rolled up socks that were acting as enlarged...packages, shall we say...

But again, neither D-Von nor Ray could make weight. Earl told them to get to steppin'. So, let me get this straight.

2 weeks after the gimmick started, we finally started getting skits about Team 3D going on a diet.
In the 2 weeks before now, both men, without any mention of a diet, have managed to make weight, including the very first show after the PPV, when both men were announced as being over 275 pounds.
Now that they have started a diet, neither of them can make weight.

I honestly wonder if Doctor's, on a Friday morning, see an surge in the number of migraines they have to treat...

We cut backstage to Borash (again) and Karen Angle. She was upset with what was happening. He asked where things go from here, when AJ walked in. Borash explained what had happened and AJ looked concerned. He said wrestlers aren't the most sensitive people in the world. He said Kurt loves her. Karen said AJ wasn't like that and he made her feel special.

Shark Boy & Curry Man def. Black Reign & Rellik in a "Well, Shark Boy got what he didn't want. His hand was raised." match
We came back with Shark Boy & Curry Man somewhat celebrating their remarkable victory. Shark Boy said that he didn't come out to get his hand raised by a referee. Well, nothing new in that statement. He made an open challenge to any team. I haven't noted any of the Austin ripping-off that Shark Boy did because I refuse to. I don't care. He's a guy called Shark Boy. He's already "low-rent" enough. Anyway, Black Reign & Rellik thankfully interrupted.

The heels took control right away. They double-teamed Curry Man. Shark Boy came back with punches, taking down Black Reign with a Thesz Press. Curry Man then worked on Rellik before squashing both opponents in the corner. CM went up top and hit a crossbody. 3D ran out and Devine smacked Curry Man with the kendo stick. However, that only scored a 2 count. Curry Man splashed onto Team 3D on the outside while Kaz took care of Devine before hitting Black Reign allowing Shark Boy to hit the stunner for the three count.

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3/10 - 2 minutes of meh...
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After the bell, the heels went to work on the babyfaces. Devine got a table in the ring. Eric Young's music hit, and he got in the ring. He hit punches to 3D, but then "reality" kicked in when Black Reign and Rellik caught sight of him, sending him running. With the heels back in control, Ray powerbombed Kaz through the table.

Backstage, Crystal (AT LAST!) was backstage, looking fine, and she was catching up with Robert Roode. He said the running would stop and the legend of Booker T would fall.

After the break, they sent it to a video documenting the history of VKM. I have to say, this was a very good package, going all the way back from BG's debut through 3 Live Kru to the James Gang to VKM, albeit not exactly admitting the utter failure that was the "war on WWE" even though it was mentioned. Shame it was BG & Kip that got this quality of video...

Tenay & West were at ringside as they talked about how next week, we could see the debut of something called "TNA Rough Cut", in so much as the cameras would be following BG & Kip 24/7 and we'd see "unprecedented" footage. I wonder what percentage of that 168 hours of footage will see Kip saying to himself "How much more homosexual can I make myself look today?"?

The bit they forgot to do earlier...
Robert Roode's music played and he finally came out. Funny note, he came out right away even though Tenay & West wondered if he'd really be coming out given how Peyton Banks was the one to come out earlier. Really. Roode was on screen as they said this. And then they cut the music just in time to hear Roode tell them to cut the music. The joys of this programme sometimes...

He told Booker T that if he was looking for him, there he was. He was sick of the stalking and threats and sick of hearing about what he was going to do. Roode said the talking was over and there'd be no more running. He told Booker to meet his fist. the same one with his wife's blood on it. Booker duly obliged. They started to have a brawl. It went outside the ring. It went back in the ring. Peyton Banks got in the ring, but it distracted Booker for long enough for Roode to hit a DDT.

Peyton reached in the purse she brought with her and it was time for the glorious return of that once over-used staple in TNA...HANDCUFFS! Roode handcuffed Booker to the top rope by both wrists. Gotta like that. Not giving him the free arm to swing with as you usually see. Roode took off his belt. Traci ran out again and went after Roode from behind. However, Banks pulled her off. Banks used the belt to choke Traci. Roode pulled out another set of handcuffs, and Peyton cuffed Traci to the rope. Banks pulled off her belt and they whipped their respective arch-enemies. Security tried storming the ring, but Roode whipped them too. The heels eventually relented and left. Good stuff here, and I would say that's mostly because unlike what they're aiming for with most of the roster, you have a out and out heel and an out and out babyface. It could only have been bettered if Tenay & West had a long tall glass of "Shut The F*** Up". I can imagine this angle playing out in the WWE with barely a word said by anyone, and even if they did, it would be to express disgust and not telling us everything that was happening in absolute detail as if it were a radio broadcast.

After the break, we saw a clip of Booker's face after the un-cuffed him before sending it to a video regarding the Elevation X match. Like the clip about VKM, this was pretty well put together, but again I have to wonder how much selling the fear of the crowd that someone would get seriously injured works in terms of making people, outside of sick f***ers who enjoy seeing that sort of thing, want to see such a match.

Crystal was backstage with Jackie Moore & James Storm. Jackie was telling Storm to clam down. He was annoyed that Jackie asked for a ladder match for him when he'd been partying. She said she did it to get him ready for the height of the scaffold and overcome his fear. Storm said that when he was in AMW, he was the one doing all the high spots. She said it was OK to be afraid. Jackie said Eric was scared of monsters! Storm said she wasn't going to be the one in the air and putting her life on the line. I think this may a sign of the apocalypse. They had a segment explaining something. They explained why it was a ladder match and, even better, why it was Jackie that asked for it, instead of him. Sure, it didn't explain why it was a ladder match for a DRINKING title, but still, they tried...

James Storm def. Eric Young in a "Well, didn't Jackie win the match? She got the frigging belt!" Ladder match for the "Drinking" Title...yeah, that's right. Again, they had a WRESTLING match for the DRINKING title...
Oh yeah, and thinking about it, it didn't explain why Storm would agree to a scaffold match if he was scared of heights in the first place, because he must have had to agree to it, right? Anyway, Storm & Moore came out first, followed by Young, who was still spooked, looking for monsters. Young took the usual bump when his pyro blew, allowing Storm to attack, but Young got the better of it. Young set the ladder up on the edge of the ring and hit a baseball slide to it onto Storm, but Storm avoided another attempt and hit Young with the ladder. He removed some of the floor padding, but Young reversed position and suplexed Storm onto the floor as we took a break.

We came back with them still fighting it out. Storm kicked Eric in the head, using the ropes for balance, sending Young across the ring and out to the floor. He used a ladder on Young before setting it up between the ring and guardrail. Young avoided the whip into the ladder, but Storm kicked the ladder into EY. Storm set up the ladder. And once again, we saw that TNA had been their typical selves and had hung the belt far too low, so only part of the ladder needed to be climbed. However, Storm had second thoughts about climbing it. They jockeyed for position on the apron. Storm managed to drop in the ring and hit the superkick, with Young hitting the ladder and then falling off it to the floor.

Again, Storm was left to his own devices with the ladder. He gingerly began to climb. Jackie got in, trying to boost him up. But Storm hesitated. Jackie climbed up the other side of the ladder. She unhooked the belt and handed it off to Storm.

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5/10 - The 4 or 5 minutes we saw was OK. The angle they're doing with Storm is interesting. But still, they're doing a 5 minute ladder match for a "drinking" title on free TV.
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As Storm celebrated, Rhino slid in and waited until Storm turned around before he got gored. Good gore as well, although it took forever to happen. I hate that sometimes. The guy doesn't realise the attacker is there despite the valet telling them that someone is there to attack him and yet they always walk into it. I'd love to see someone stalk someone else like Rhino did there, only for the victim to listen that he's about to be attacked and slide out the ring right away leaving the attacker look like a goof. Oh, and Rhino took the "Drinking Title" with him.

Backstage, we saw Kurt & Borash. AJ Styles came in and said he wanted to talk. Kurt asked if it was about Karen. AJ said he got a bit carried away. AJ said that Karen had been crying, but Kurt laughed it off, saying she did that when she didn't get her way. AJ suggested he treat her with dignity and respect. Kurt's rationale was that she was a woman. Kurt said that if AJ knew anything about Karen he'd know she was a bitch. AJ told him to take it back, but Kurt laughed at him.

Awesome Kong def. Angelina Love in a "Is it just me or are these squashes rather redundant at this point?" match
Team Pron~! came to the ring first. First handcuffs come out and now Team Pron~! are actually wrestling... We cut to a video form "moments ago" where Roxxi Leveaux felt that Angelina would get hurt. Tenay suggested that Roxxi was right about the Feast Or Fired case, so maybe Angelina should listen. When Kong came out, we saw random shots of Kong hurting people.

They tried doing some comedy at the start with Angelina making the ref check them for weapons, while Kong intimidated the ref into just checking her boots. Angelina tried, but ultimately failed in any and all attempts to take Kong off her feet. Kong pounded on Love for a bit before having a splash blocked. Love got some more shots in, but again, they did nothing. Kong then hit the spinning back fist, Implant Buster and Awesome Bomb for the win.

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3/10 - It was a Kong squash. Something of an extended one, but still...a squash. Nothing new here.
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Afterwards, Kong & Raisha were in the ring, when ODB came out. She had a microphone to say that at the PPV, they'd find out who the Knockout of all Knockouts. While Gail may be great and while Kong herself may be big and bad, they had nothing on her, and the two of them would learn the hard way. Behind Kong, Gail Kim ran in to attack, but effectively hit a brick wall. Kong set for the powerbomb, but ODB ran in get her some. That didn't work either though and she found herself set for a powerbomb. However Gail used ODB's position to hit an enziguri. ODB & Kim then teamed up to (eventually) dump Kong out of the ring.

ODB & Gail then started taunting each other.

Kurt Angle def. Kevin Nash in a "Well, what happened to Nash's "I don't wrestle for less than 100 grand" principle?" match
After the break, Kurt came out to the ring, with AJ & Tomko. Remember all those short weeks ago when Tomko seemed like he was about to be "the man"? Now? Afterthought. Nash followed, with his backup. Don West was amazed this would be the first time they squared off. I would complain about it being on free TV, but honestly, I wouldn't want to pay for it... Nash got himself a VERY long entrance. And not because he took an age to get there...

After a couple of failed lockups, Angle tried to kick the bigger man down, but Nash got the better of things, taking Kurt into the corner and working him over, hitting the elbows. Angle than ran into a big boot, and was then sent outside. Joe taunted him. Tomko stepped in. Cage & AJ then joined in a fight. Referees appeared to eject everyone as we took a break.

We came back to see Nash miss a boot in the corner. Angle kicked at the left knee of Nash, before chop-blocking it. He then worked the leg on the mat, including a Figure Four. It should be noted that at no point did Nash lie back with both shoulders down. However, Angle did lie back. For a long time. And there was never a count. Nash tried to turn the hold over, but Angle kept it going. To the match's credit, Nash was in the hold for a good couple of minutes before he finally managed to turn the hold over. Angle was forced to reach for and grab the bottom rope. Angle got up first, but Nash hit a half-chokeslam out of desperation. Angle then ran into the sidewalk slam for a 2 count. Nash went for the powerbomb, but Angle reversed it into the ankle lock. Nash, however, managed to kick Angle off and then avoided an Angle charge, with Angle hitting his head off the ringpost. Karen ran out to check on one of her husbands. However, Angle shoved Karen down before Nash got him back in the ring.

Borash and then AJ checked on Karen. Earl Hebner, the referee, just left the ring, completely ignoring the match he was supposed to officiate. Nash fired off the Jacknife and made the cover, but since Earl decided that "dereliction of duty" was his "thing", there was no count. They showed Karen bleeding from the mouth. Nash got bored of laying on top of Kurt Angle, so he got up to see what the dillio that was keeping Earl from doing his job was. That left him prone for an Angle low blow and Olympic Slam for the win. If I'm not mistaken, that was the first and only back bump Nash took... AJ carried Karen away in his arms while Angle celebrated as if nothing was amiss.
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6/10 - It was a Kevin Nash match. It was hardly going to be spectacular. It also had the massive stench of crappy-WCW booking at the end. But it was OK.
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OVERALL - 4/10 (- 1 on last week) - Outside of the Dudleys, I didn't like much this week. I would include the AJ/Karen dynamic in the positives, but the fact is that TNA and Vince Russo in particular have me so convinced that it's going to end up in one big swerve where Karen re-turns heel and sides with Kurt, because that's what they've done a million times before and I'd be more surprised if she didn't and sided with AJ, that I can't bring myself to do it. It's clear that TNA are treating this PPV as a total throwaway. A PPV with a career-threatening Scaffold Match, that is...

That’s all I got for now, but if you have something to say about this week’s Impact, you can e-mail me at MY INSANITY E-MAIL ADDRESS , or come hunt me down on the WWI Forums!
OR, you can find me along with the rest of the dribbling masses on Facebook, where The Insanity HAS IT’S OWN GROUP!

Well, I’ll be back soon enough, but for now, I believe I’ve fulfilled my contractual obligations. For reading this, And continuing to support World Wrestling Insanity, you’re cooler than the other side of the pillow…

I’m out.

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