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TNAaron Wood's Impact: Cage vs. Angle In A Cage And Then An Angle
By Aaron Wood
 ...
LAST WEEK ON IMPACT: Robert Roode, Booker T, Peyton Banks and Traci Brooks engaged in some light bondage, Rhino ripped off Johnny Devine's idea and Kevin Nash went TIMBER~!
THIS WEEK… Again so much stuff happened last week that you can't care about. I don't why they bother at this point. Also, this week's episode is called "Fighting For The Edge". Now, I don't know where the U2 guitarist comes into this, but, I'd have brought him in sooner than now... This week's "pre-credit segment with the Angles" sees Kurt giving Tomko & AJ a pep talk about tonight's action. Apparently whichever team wins 2 out of 3 will get "a man advantage" at the PPV. So, it's a Wargames match? Or does one team have to lose a guy, making it 3 on 2? You see, when you spend 2 weeks pimping a "Six man tag" match and then at the last minute throw in an element such as this, that's what makes people dislike the company. AJ piped up, asking about Karen. Angle wondered if AJ was listening because tonight was so important to them and yet, AJ was thinking about Karen. She was at home (Yay! No screaming!). AJ wondered how she was doing. He said he had tried to call her... Borash and Tomko reeled for a reason. Well, I say Tomko reeled...it looked more like he was pissing himself laughing on the inside. Angle wondered why AJ was calling Karen. AJ said that according to Karen, she was married to both of them. Angle got annoyed and told AJ to take the crown off. He had Nash in a Street Fight. He told AJ to go for his legs. Tomko was facing Samoa Joe in a First Blood match, while Kurt had Cage in a cage match. He looked for a chant, which only he and Borash did before they immediately cut to the credits. I don't care...either way, there's gonna be some spanking! After the credits rolled, Mike Tenay and Don West reiterated everything that Angle had just said regarding the matches tonight and the point about them, before it went to Jim Cornette and Matt Morgan in the ring. He ran over some of the matches at the PPV before telling us all about the matches between players of the PPV main event and why they were happening. THREE TIMES INSIDE FIVE MINUTES. Three times inside of the first five minutes of the show they repeated the same information to us. WHY??? Why was it scripted to happen so many times? I mean, I get why they'd do it separately. Angle would logically have that conversation with his team, Tenay & West would logically introduce the show and what was happening on it and Cornette would logically tell the people in the live crowd about what was happening. But why have all three together? That's just f***ing overkill. Why not cut out Cornette's iteration of it all and go straight to the next bit? Why not have Tenay and West say "You heard Angle with regard to night's main matches, but we also have...". It's just too much on a show that is far too rushed in the first place. Anyway, to Cornette's credit, he did mention that there was to a be winner in each match with no interference and no DQ's because the team that won 2 of the 3 would get an advantage. To his dis-credit, he failed to elaborate on the one point of it all that needed elaboration. he then moved on and brought out one of the competitors in one off the other main matches this coming Sunday, Booker T, hinting that there were stipulations to talk about. As Booker came out, we saw the whipping that took place last week. Tenay called it hard to watch, but seeing Traci's top ride up against the ropes revealing her buxom cleavage is anything other than hard to watch, I tell ya. Corny recapped the stuff that had gone down in recent times, before announcing that in their PPV match on Sunday, it would be a strap match, so that Roode couldn't run or hide. Nice. Makes sense. that's different for this show. However, there was MORE! Traci would be in Booker's corner and Peyton Banks would be in Roode's corner and whoever won the match, their second would get to give their opposing female 10 lashes with the strap. Booker was about to comment when Robert Roode's music played. Also, Tenay referred to it as a "Stand By Your Man leather strap match". STOP GIVING MATCHES STUPID F***ING NAMES!!!!! JUST CALL IT A STRAP MATCH AND MOVE ON! Roode told the men in the ring that they could screw themselves, before telling the crowd they could do the same. Roode said that unlike Booker, he didn't want to put a woman in harm's way. Booker might think it would be funny to see Peyton get strapped, but to him, it was pathetic and against his moral fibre. He said the situation was just between him and Booker. He told Booker to stop hiding behind women and for once, be a man and fight his own battles. Booker decided he wanted some right now and they got into a brawl, but security and Matt Morgan broke it up...eventually... Redundancy of the constant repeating of the show's theme aside, pretty good segment. We cut backstage to the main event babyfaces and a HOT~! looking Crystal. She was the first one to give any clue on what the advantage would be saying that the losing team tonight would have to "start short-handed" at the PPV. Joe said Kurt should be warned. He said that Tomko would be leaving bleeding. Cage said that they had talked about how they had come to an understanding and in the business, you shouldn't take "no" for an answer. It was working the system. Between them they were 2 former champion and a future one. Their style may not be popular, but it was effective. He called themselves "the Usual Suspects". He told Kurt that he'd be returning the favour of getting screwed out the title twice. Nash wondered how he was supposed to follow that. He then did a mocking Hogan impression asking AJ what he'd do when his 17-time surgically repaired knees came down on him. Kevin Nash def. AJ Styles in a "I knew Nash must have felt he took too many back bumps on TV last week..." Street Fight After the break, made his way out, and even though he was dressed like a builder, he still had his crown on. Nash came out dressed like...well, Nash. Tenay FINALLY elaborated on the "advantage". And suddenly I understood why they wanted to keep it implicit, because it sucked. Basically, one team would get to start the match 3 on 2 for a grand total of FIVE WHOLE MINUTES!!!!! Wow, that's one hell of a game-breaking advantage right there. AJ went right after Nash, but it didn't work in the slightest and Nash fired back, sending AJ reeling. Nash punched AJ to the outside. Nash got out as well and we had the usual brawl on the outside. They went into the crowd, where AJ was sent into the wall of the bleachers as we took a break. We came back with them in the ring and AJ was somehow in control. During the break, AJ dived off the bleachers and then rammed Nash's head into the steps. AJ ran into a sidewalk slam for a 2 count. Nash gave AJ knees and elbows in the corner. AJ took Snake Eyes. Nash went for the powerbomb, but his knee buckled. AJ went up top and dived off, but he dived into a chokeslam from Nash for the win. ---------- 4/10 - Next to nothing was on the TV including the one back bump Nash took in the one major high spot. Why was this a "street fight" in the first place? No weapons were used! And then Nash, who had been booked to be hurt, went over AJ as clean as a sheet. Outside of putting the babyfaces 1-0 up, this was utterly redundant. Last week's main event, it was not. ---------- We cut backstage to Crystal, who was in Black Reign’s workshop. Dustin told Eric Young to look at him. He liked torturing people. What happened in movies was just in movies, whatever that means. He moved onto Kaz, complaining that Kaz dyed the rat, before promising to eat Kaz's face. Lots and lots of random things that happen After the break, we cut backstage to Crystal who was with Jay Lethal and So Cal Val. Crystal pimped Lethal's upcoming matches, but the bigger issue that everybody apparently wanted to know about was when the Lethal/Val date was supposed to happen. Lethal was, unfortunately, back in full-Savage mode. I think Lethal said that they'd be going out after Sunday's match. Thankfully after the barely orated garbage coming out of Lethal's mouth, Val said it'd be sometime next week. Tenay & West were at ringside to pimp the rest of the show. As they did that, as seems to be happening on a more weekly basis these days, Tenay got word in his ear-piece that someone was fighting in the back, which, of course, he over-acted to the hilt. This time, it was Traci & Peyton who were a-scuffling. We randomly cut to the arena solely so Tenay could send us TO THE BACK~! where we cut to find Jeremy Borash with his intellectual equivalent, Eric Young. Eric was still crapping himself about the "monsters". Borash brought up the PPV tag match. Eric was scared of them and he didn't know if Kaz would be able to make it. Borash told him to do what Kaz told him to. Somehow this made Eric think the heels were going to give him a wedgie... Borash repeated that Kaz said Eric needed to find his "alter-ego". Please, please, please, please, please tell me that we're not going to have another wrestler pretending to be someone else, even if it isn't a WWE guy... Just before the break, people came out entirely at random as Tenay went over why this match existed. Everyone in the match had a match at the PPV. It should be noted that the MCMG, LAX & Rock & Rave Infection had come out. Did you know they had a match? I sure as s*** didn't! Nice of them to hype such an event ahead of time. That said, most of the guys here haven't had matches confirmed ahead of time. I believed that there would be tag match between Black Reign, Rellik, Kaz and Eric, but it was only confirmed just now. I believed that there was going to be a tag match between Team 3D, Shark Boy & Curry Man, but that was only confirmed by their presence in this match. No...really. Scour the last 8 hours of TV time. See if you can find a single reference to any of the three PPV matches I've just mentioned here. Curry Man won a "What? No Gauntlet?" Battle Royal to choose a match type at Destination X After a break, Team 3D came out to round out the field, coming out to their own music. They got in the ring for their weigh-in. Brother Ray promised to win once they made weight. However, D-Von failed. Ray then got o and failed too. Hebner asked what was wrong with them, at their inability to make weight. Ray claimed they didn't want to be in the Battle Royal anyway. The actual Battle Royal contestants got in and started as Sonjay Dutt turned up looking for donations, before kissing Val's hand. Scott Steiner then came out to get a view of things. This led Tenay & West to mention that Steiner was sending Rhaka khan out with Petey to make sure he won on Sunday. Hernandez was sent to the apron and after a Petey dropkick failed to knock him off, Steiner pulled Herny off to eliminate him. He tried the same trick on Eric Young, but got busted and bumped form the ringside area. Random stuff happened otherwise, before Williams hit his opponent on Sunday, Jay Lethal, with a Canadian Destroyer before eliminating him. The final four were Jimmy Rave, Curry Man, Rellik and Petey. Curry Man eliminated Petey quickly after that. Rellik went to work on both remaining opponents, before Curry man and Rave teamed up on Killer spelt backwards. That didn't last long and Curry Man hit the Spice Rack to eliminate him. than in a cool spot, Rellik sent Curry man up over and out of the ring, but Curry Man ended up standing on Jimmy Rave's body, thus not touching the floor. Curry Man then clotheslined Rellik out the ring for the win. Curry Man asked for a microphone. He spoke "Japanese", which again consisted of Japanese names, before Shark Boy came back and took the mic form him. Shark Boy said that their match on Sunday, it would now be a "Fish Market Street Fight" and if Team 3D either lost, or worse, couldn't make weight, then they'd be gone from TNA for good. And A "Fish Market" Street Fight? Given how the "Little Italy" match saw them in a pizzeria and the "Bar-room Brawl" saw them in a bar, I shudder to think of the scene and the "comedy" we'll see on Sunday... ---------- 5/10 - Random stuff, but at least it had a purpose. ---------- We went backstage to JB, who was with Team PRON~!. Roxxi Leveaux nervously wondered around behind them. Angelina said that Roxxi was right with her premonition last week. As an apology, they said they'd give Roxxi a makeover and make Roxxi one of the "beautiful people". The word I'm hearing is that forum member JohnnyCraze has just jizzed his pants at the idea... Tomko def. Samoa Joe in a "Please excuse while I heartily laugh for a good 10 minutes at that booking..." First Blood match Tomko and then Joe made their way out to the ring first just before the break. We came back to the opening bell, and immediately, Tomko ducked outside where Joe followed him out to ram Tomko's head into the announce desk. Tomko blocked a shot with the ring bell hammer. Tomko got the hammer and missed a swing himself. He shoved Tomko into the ringpost. He gave Tomko a headbutt before sending Tomko's head into the steps. Tomko managed to slam Joe onto the ramp. Tomko missed a chairshot, with Joe giving Tomko a piledriver on the ramp. No blood though. Back in the ring, Joe landed some punches, but Tomko hit a clothesline. Tomko punched away at Joe, but didn't bust him open. Tomko put on a neck vice, before locking in a sleeper, with occasional punches. Joe got back up, but took a boot by Tomko. Tomko went back out to get the chair again. Tomko wedged it in the ropes. Joe blocked the whip before sending Tomko into it himself. Again, no blood. Joe tossed the chair to Tomko and kicked the chair into Tomko. Yet again, no blood. Tomko picked the chair up and smacked Joe in the arm (which Joe had put up to block it hitting his head) with it. Tomko went for a boot, but Joe ducked and put on the Kokina Clutch. Suddenly the ref called for the bell. Joe somehow though he had won, but then got pissed when the ref raised Joe's arm. The ref pointed at Joe's arm which had a trickle of blood (and I mean a trickle) on it. ---------- 5.5/10 - Very decent stuff up until the ending. For a guy who is the Number one contender and likely to win the title at Lockdown, they sure are doing their damnedest to make Joe look like a complete pussy. ---------- After the utterly retarded Elevation X promo based on people's fear of something horrible happening to one of the guys up there, they debuted their "TNA Rough Cut" segment. Both men, separately talked about how "they" first came together, how they begged "them" to put the pair together and how the rest was history. Of all the times that TNA have been desperate for attention from the WWE and for all the times that they have openly said "WWE" on their TV show, THIS was the time they chose to be vague?!?!? Kip claimed he was the workhorse while BG was the mouth, although BG spent his time slacking off. BG said the omens were there, given how they were different people. It's still BG & Kip we're talking about here, but that was far better in execution than it was in theory. And bizarrely enough, they seem to be holding off on the match, even if it's one I don't particularly want to see. Kudos. We went backstage to Borash with Jim Mitchell & Judas Mesias. JB asked about Chris Parks. Mitchell said he wasn't one to brag, but he was there to tell us unwashed masses that we shouldn't doubt him again, as he did what he said he was going to do as "Abyss" was no more. He took off his mask and left in shame. He changed tack to Rhino...or as it probably should be...Wino. Mitchell said that he told Rhino when they were on speaking terms that the key was indulgence, not compulsion. He said he told Judas to drink some of Rhino's blood. Damn, Mitchell's awesome. Rhino def. Judas Mesias in a "Well, let's hope that's the end of that belt..." match Rhino came out first with the stupid-ass "Drinking Title". He got a mic and called Storm a piece of crap. He then smashed the belt up with the corner, before promising to win their match on Sunday. After the break, Mesias came out to face Rhino. Tenay said that no-one had heard form Chris Parks and he had disappeared off the face of the earth. Things spilled outside early on, although not much of note happened. Back in the ring, Mesias got control with a hard whip into the corner. He then hit a Russian legsweep for a 2 count. After a faceplant, Mesias went up top, but he missed a splash. Rhino then got up and hit the Gore for the win. After the bell, James Storm hit the ring and gave Rhino the "Last Call"/Superkick. ---------- 5/10 - It was alright. It was there. It let Storm get some sort of heat on Rhino before Sunday. ---------- Backstage Crystal was with Kong & Raisha Saeed. Raisha read a statement form Kong that basically said that she didn't want to hurt Salinas, but she was going to have to. She then addressed ODB & Gail Kim, saying that they would both suffer the Wrath Of Kong...  KONG!!!! Saeed said that the fatwa had been issued before LAX wondered in. Homicide went to lift Saeed's dress, before Kong choked him away. Then in a fairly awesome visual, Kong & Hernandez went nose to nose!!! Awesome Kong def. Salinas in a "Yeah, squash her right out of the gate, why don't you?" match Salinas came out first, on her own. Kong then joined her for her weekly killing spree. Salinas went for leg kicks, but ran into a body block. Kong stood on the back of Salinas's neck. Kong picked her opponent up into the torture Rack before throwing her to the mat. The spinning backfist and an Awesome Bomb finished things off. ---------- 2/10 - Yeah, like we needed another one of these. ---------- Backstage, Crystal was with Kong's opponents on Sunday. Gail said that Kong might seem unstoppable, but she could be beaten. At the PPV it would be a different story to normal as there would be two of them and all they needed to do is get Kong off her feet. Crystal wondered who would get the pin. Gail said "The better wrestler". ODB said that’s what she wanted to hear. Tenay & West FINALLY went over the PPV card. Not in full mind you. Just the main matches. Christian Cage def. Kurt Angle in a "Well, he is appropriately named..." Cage match Cage came out first, followed by Kurt Angle. And I just realised...I haven't seen Kurt since the opening segment. This I like. the bell rang after the break. They exchanged side headlock takedowns as Tenay pointed out that escape was the only way to win. Cage gave Angle a flapjack before laying in some punches. Angle blocked a corner charge and started climb although Cage did enough to put Kurt off, but he jumped down and worked over Cage come more. Christian blocked Kurt's attempt to ram his head into the steel, but Angle ducked a shot hitting a powerbomb into the cage. They took another break here. We came back with Angle in control and Cage on the mat. Angle went to go out the door, but Cage made a last-ditch effort to stop him. Angle remained in control with a knee to the gut. Angle hit a suplex, before sending Cage into the...well, cage. Angle hit an European uppercut before putting on a sleeper. Cage got up an fired a couple of shot, but Angle picked the legs and catapulted him into the cage. Olympic Slam was reversed, with Christian hitting a DDT. Cage started laying in shots before hitting an inverted DDT. Cage climbed up, but Angle cut him off. A belly to belly superplex was blocked, and Cage hit a frog splash. Kurt was pulled up, but he shot Christian into the cage. The Olympic slam was blocked again with an armdrag. Christian charged, but Angle moved and Cage met the steel. Angle climbed up and made it to the top, before Christian grabbed a foot. Angle went for a German from the top rope, but Cage held on and blocked it. Cage got a little separation, but Angle grabbed Cage and hit an Olympic Slam off the top rope. Angle called for the door, but again, Cage caught him at the last minute. However, he walked into the Ankle Lock. Cage countered quickly and went for the door, but Angle grabbed the Ankle as Cage was inched away form touching the floor. Another Olympic Slam was blocked, but the Unprettier was blocked too. Angle hit a couple of German's, but Cage blocked the third and an overhead slam. Cage began climbing the cage, but was cut off by Angle. Cage threw a kick, but Angle grabbed the leg and put on an Ankle Lock. Christian only reversed it by jumping off the top rope. Cage got up first and went for the door, but Ankle clipped the leg. He stomped on Cage before trying to leave, but Christian grabbed him. Angle decided to climb up and out the Cage. Angle made it to the other side, but before he could drop down, Cage climbed up and over beside him. They dropped down at the same time. They dropped right in front of Earl Hebner, who called that Christian hit the floor first, although both of TNA's camera's angle's sucked the meat missile. ---------- 7.5/10 - Nearly an 8, but I just can't quite do it. Really good match though, and they gave the meat of the match plenty of time without interruption. Another pretty strong TV main event, even if it is the second wacky finish these matches have had. ---------- The Angle Alliance attacked Cage. The three of them put him back in the cage. Tomko then pulled out a chain and padlock. locking the door. They each hit finishers on Christian while Joe tried to get in. Tomko kept him at bay while trying to climb the cage, and the show ended with Nash & Joe still trying such great ideas as hitting with a hammer and a steel chair to get in. OVERALL - 6.5/10 (+ 2.5 on last week) - Pretty good show this week. Yeah, I said it. But let's face it. There was nothing overly insulting here. Really rather head-scratching, yes, but not insulting. More or less every single thing on this show, unlike most weeks, was done with the PPV in mind. Indeed, the comparison of how well Impact & Smackdown promoted their respective PPV's became something of a discussion point on the forum. I hope those who said Impact last week did a lot for Destination X now see how it, in fact, didn't, given how last week's Impact and this week's were like night and day in terms of PPV hype. Indeed, if the wrestling, especially in the first two of the three main matches, had been only a little bit better, I would have gladly scored this higher. Aaron Wood is still as giddy as a girl after meeting a couple of celebrities yesterday which, if you don't already know about it, will be covering it later in his Smackdown review as it will be relevant then. The only thing he had to cope with was filtering his inner-mark and inner-smark. When he's bored, and he gets bored easily, you can normally find him on the WWI Forums or playing "Wrestler" on Facebook with many of his WWI friends. Or he'll be playing one of his many PS3 games, which include Burnout Paradise, Unreal Tournament 3, Uncharted and the new Lost game (although when you read this, he won't have yet even opened the box). You can find him with the username "aaron24wood", if you want to so battle with him. Aaron's mood today was...joyous. Alphabetical Listing of Guests You Can Hear on ClubWWI.com : Aaron
Aguliera Christian
Cage Jackie
Gayda Chalie
Haas B.G.
James Bruno
"Harvey Wippleman" Lauer One
Man Gang Diamond
Dallas Page Sylvester
Terkay
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All content contained here Copyright
2008 by James Guttman *** World Wrestling Insanity and ClubWWI are not
affiliated with any wrestling promotion.
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