Impact
TNAaron Wood's Impact: Live..But Just As Wacky!
By TNAaron Wood
Mar 27, 2008 - 11:36 PM

LAST WEEK ON IMPACT: Cage apologised after the threat of Tenay, Dutt impressed Val by being a douche, Angle went MMA and Karen Angle pulled a Houdini!

THIS WEEK…
We have a new ident! And once again, there is no replay of last week, both a smart move, given that it sucks, but a dumb one, given how the idea of this show is to attract viewers!

We start the live show with Booker T & Robert Roode brawling in the crowd! No really! They fight from the bleachers to ringside, where Booker T gets control and rolls Roode in the ring. In the ring, Booker stomps on Robert when Peyton Banks comes in the ring, as does Traci Brooks, who hits a spear. Cornette & Matt Morgan appear at ringside along with security to break things up. Booker gets one more attack in before Roode escapes. We shoot to the announcers who rundown the card. So what the f*** was that about? Jesus H. Christ. If the idea is that new eyes would be on the show,

Suddenly, Cornette screams that there would be 2 interactive matches. The previously announced one and then one against Booker & Roode. It's either Last Man Standing, I Quit or a First Blood match. And they're giving us a mixed tag at the PPV? This will be the better match!

Suddenly, we go backstage to AJ & Tomko with Borash. Styles is a bit confused as to what the point is. Anyway, he's more worried about Karen and Team 3D, wondering what Tomko promised them in return for teaming up at Lethal Lockdown. And then there's Sting! Tomko said he doesn't sweat Sting. They're the champs! Angle walks in. Angle said he needed the pair of them. He tells Tomko he needs his size and just won a shoot fight, giving him gloves to wear. And he wants AJ's speed. He said he was in the zone. Angle tells Borash to start working out because next week, it might be JB's turn for a beating...

Johnny Devine def. Alex Shelley in a "Well, the MCMG burial continues..." Xscape qualifying match
We then cut to the arena where Johnny Devine comes out, along with Brother Ray & Brother D-Von. He's also carrying a camera and tripod. You know, like Shelley used to. They showed the SAT, for once in their lives. Alex Shelley came out next with his new, s***ier theme. Oddly enough, Sabin wasn't there. Shelley got concerned with 3d, allowing Devine to get the jump on him.

Shelley came back with a Codebreaker and then a slingshot bulldog. Shelley continues to work over Devine, splashing him in the corner,, but 3D grab at him to distract him. Devine scores a roll up for 2. The lights go out and flicker, as the announcers claim that Sting might be here and now. IN THE MIDDLE OF A MATCH!!!! Devine bails out as 3D leave, and Shelley jumps out onto him. Suicide Dive by Shelley onto Devine, crushing Devine on the guardrail.

We then cut to all the women arguing backstage as part of the women's vote. JESUS, THERE'S TOO MUCH HAPPENING AND THIS SHOW WILL STINK IF IT CONTINUES LIKE THIS. BIG TIME! We then cut to commercial.

We come back to the show with a promo about how they "Cross the line". Is this show becoming a Johnny Cash tribute show?

We cut back to the arena as Devine is in control, scoring a 2 count right away. A suplex scores another 2. Curbstomp by Devine. Devine again mocks Shelley, but Alex fights back with chops and then an elbow. Low dropkick if followed by clotheslines. Spinebuster is followed by a Lionsault for a close 2 count. Devine missed a Crossbody off the ropes. Superkick by Shelley. He tried Sliced Bread #2, but it's countered. However, Devine is sent out. Shelley pushes the ref out the way, allowing Devine to use the camera as a weapon, before hitting the Devine Intervention (Double underhook piledriver) for the three count, advancing to the PPV.

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5/10 - Are we going to have Sting's lights flicker in every segment? If we do, that's some serious bulls*** munching. There's just too much happening. It looks like post-production works for them because this is moving about twice as fast as the show usually does, and it's far too f***ing fast as it is...

The match, what we saw of it, was fine enough, but it was almost about anything other than the match, with Sting, the women and the break, as well as Tenay & West trying to make sense to the million things that just happened.
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That gives us Lethal, Curry Man, Sonjay and Devine with 2 more spots open.

We cut to the next part of Lethal and Val's date. They're now in the gym, and he wanted her help. He decides to try a 204 pound weight, although he's nervous about it. Petey Williams walks in and mocks him. Val helps Lethal do presses. Sonjay walks in and distracts Val, leaving Lethal to choke. COMEDY!!!

We cut to ringside as the announcers mention who is available to vote for to face Awesome Kong later on as well as the stips for Booker T & Roode.

We cut backstage to Booker T & Crystal. Booker yells that that's how he had to get Cornette's attention and after tonight, Roode would never stand in the ring with his wife. He wouldn't be making it to Lockdown. Booker said he wanted Roode's blood, asking the fans to vote for it.

After the break, JB was with the whole of Team 3D. Bubba cut right in. He congratulated Devine for winning against Shelley. He needed to continue what they started in destroying the X Division. They turned their attention to Sting. Their paths had never crossed, while Sting was being coddled in WCW, the Dudleys were ripping it up in ECW and WWE. They wanted to keep it simple. Stay away form them and they'd stay away from him.

The lights AGAIN started to flicker and 3D promptly crapped themselves.

They showed WWE's Robbie (albeit by his real name, although the graphic said "WWE Wrestler") in the crowd. He's gonna get screwed. They were told not to associate with TNA... He did look like he was trying to hide...

LAX & Salinas def. Scott Steiner, Petey Williams & Rhaka Khan in a "Please tell me that Steiner isn't going to win and get Contendership to the Tag Titles too!!!" match
The heels came out first and they showed that as part of his initiation this week, Steiner was ELECTROCUTING PETEY WITH JUMP LEADS! LAX & Salinas then came out. Homicide jumped Williams, while Hernandez and Steiner squared up to each other to start the match properly. Henry ducked a clothesline and LAX double-teamed Steiner with the Drive-By. Petey was also double-teamed, as LAX stood tall. Williams jumped Homicide from behind, taking him into the heel corner, tagging in Steiner. Steiner hit an overhead belly to belly suplex for a 2 count, but Steiner lifted Homicide up. Steiner hit another belly to belly from the second rope for another 2 count he broke himself. Williams was tagged in. Homicide fired back and hit the Gringo Cutter.

Both men made tags in an awkward spot. Hernandez went to work on both male opponents, with crackerjacks and dropkicks. Sit-out powerbomb to Petey was broken up by Khan. Khan got in Herny's face. Salinas came in and jumped on her back, but she got tossed off. Hernandez dived over the top onto Steiner. Meanwhile in the ring, Homicide went for the Gringo Killer but that was blocked. The Destroyer was blocked too and Homicide hit a T-Bone with a bridge for the three count.

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5.5/10 - Is this show going to be about everything other than what's happening in the ring. This time, they were busying themselves with showing WWE'S ROBBIE, as if he was something to shout about, and pimping their mobile news about a "confrontation between wrestlers", hinting at something with WWE guys than the match.

As it goes, this was OK and the women did next to nothing, which given their skill levels, is a very good thing. Hernandez as usual was a star.
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Steiner led Petey away again for more torture...

We cut to "Rough Cut" and we're more or less up to date as the theme is the Feast or Fired match. BG said they were partners in the match. Kip points out that he got the case, but he handed it to BG and yet BG didn't know who his partner would be. BG said it was his chance at a dream. Kip said he understood that idea, but still, he'd pick his dad when he did all the work. BG said that he didn't understand how he'd be jealous but Kip had an ego. BG said he let his ego get in the way when he had claimed they were brothers.

We came back form break to see a Lockdown and then a another Consequences Creed promo. BOTH WITHOUT SOUND! We saw a couple of baseballers, before we cut to Mike Tenay's interview with Karen Angle.

I still wouldn't bet against her costing Joe the match you know...
Tenay asks Karen about her request for a separation, noting he was a sceptic, but they've now moved out the house in Pittsburgh, so his opinion had changed. Karen said she had no other choice and that Tenay was right to be wary given the things she had done to innocent people. But she couldn't do that anymore and so she made the decision. Tenay asks what drove her to it. She said he was possessed about Joe. He was on about him 24/7 and he showed no feeling to the kids, so that's why she did what she did. She could understand she had to take a backseat, but the kids couldn't. Tenay brought up rumours of her "Seeing" another TNA wrestler. She more or less confirmed it, although neither person flat out said "AJ Styles". That can only mean one thing. When it comes time to reveal, it's NOT going to be AJ Styles...

They again pimped the website votes before sending it to the break.

Well, at least Joe's still on TV if not actually doing anything worthwhile...
We saw a video of Joe in training. He had been training in an actual cage, given that it was a cage match. he said it was about money & the championship. An MMA Fight made comments, likening him to Mike Tyson (from the old days). He said that he had faced Kurt before, but there was always someone else around. The MMA guy said Joe was an animal. No, that's Batista...

Mike Tenay then said that Joe was standing by in California. He said his training camp was the most extreme thing he's been through, but was getting closer to taking Angle out. Tenay talked about Joe's record against Jo. Joe said the people don't want to hear excuses (you mean unlike what you just said in that video) and that he was going to win the title the right way. Tenay brought up Joe's promise to leave if he didn't win. He said he regrets saying it, but if he can't be the best, it wasn't worth hanging around for. He promised to be the new TNA Champion.

Tenay & West were join by Frank Trigg. Looks a bit like Angle...

Kurt Angle vs. AJ Styles & Tomko in a "Well, is it MMA or not?" match
Speak of the devil! Well, not quite, because Tomko & AJ made their way out first. Now, remember last week? They said this would be another MMA fight. Not any more. It's simply "sparring". Indeed, they announced there's be 1 minute rounds when the Champions came out. They didn't say how many though. There could be a hundred for all we know...

Then it was time for the Frank Trigg look-alike to come out. Angle, again, had his wrists and feet taped up. Tomko was first up, and he was MMA'ed up again. Tomko & AJ would alternate in rounds. Angle rocked Tomko with a punch, but while Tomko picked the leg, Angle reversed it into an Arm triangle. It was broken, but Angle took Tomko down again, going for the leg, but the clock ran out.

It was now AJ's turn for a minute with Angle, and AJ was in his goofy wrestling gear. Tomko was busted open as Angle & AJ circled each other. AJ danced around for a full 40 seconds, before Angle even went for AJ. TAJ managed to avoid him and danced for the rest of the minute. Tomko came back in. They touched fists. Tomko went for Angle, but Angle blocked him. They ended up getting tangled in the ropes. Tomko took Angle down, but Angle somehow grabbed the Ankle Lock. However, before Tomko tapped, the time ran out.

Back to AJ. Tomko & Angle shook hands as Tomko left. AJ went for Angle, but Angle got the headlock for a second, but Styles got out. Kurt offered AJ a shot, but it went nowhere. Angle got a guillotine on but it was only with 3 seconds left. AJ & Tomko got pissy with each other before Christian Cage's music played. He came out with Kevin Nash & Rhino. We'll call it there...

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4/10 - This was both cool and utterly boring at the same time. Kurt & AJ did next to nothing, and hell, the one minute rounds meant that as soon as it looked like something was going to happen against Tomko, the time ran out.
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Cage asked if this was a joke. Joe was being serious, while Kurt was trying to manipulate Tomko & AJ but just embarrassing himself. Cage said if Angle wanted to spar, then they, as a trio, would offer their services. Angle decided he'd had enough and left. The babyfaces attacked, but Team 3D joined in and a heel beatdown began. Tomko & AJ got a table for Ray. It was set up and Cage was put onto it.

And guess what happened? The lights started to flicker, before going out. They came back on and Sting was in the ring. The heels got a speedy powder as the crowd went nuts. Sting smashed the table with his bat. Sting got the mic and said it felt good to be back in Orlando, and really good to be live. He had a message from Team Cage. They wanted to get it on tonight. Tomko accepted!!!

We came back from break to JB with Robert Roode. Apparently Borash had the result, and it is going to be... A First Blood match! Booker got his wish... Roode said that Booker thinks he suckered Roode in, but it wouldn't work because at Lockdown, Roode would get Sharmell in the cage. Booker's worst nightmare would become reality and there was nothing he could do about it. In terms of tonight, if Booker wanted Roode's blood, they were on the same page because he wanted Booker and at the PPV, he wanted Sharmell's...

Booker vs. Robert Roode in a "TNA should never do a First Blood match again..." First Blood match
They showed James Farrior from the Steelers in the crowd, claiming you had to be in Orlando. An early report says that most of the crowd tonight (700 out of 900) is invited VIPs! Apparent up to 1000 normal fans were turned away. Roode made his way out first, followed by Booker. Roode tried to get the jump, but Booker fired back quick, taking control. He hit a back elbow, before hitting a back kick. Booker stayed in control as Tenay jizzed himself saying that the main event would be commercial free (AS WAS ALREADY ADVERTISED), before plugging the new Jackie Chan film as replacement. Roode avoided the Ace Kick and the Book End, but Booker sent him up and over to the floor as we took another commercial break.

We came back with Roode in control, as he rammed Booker's head off the apron. The ref checked, but there was no blood. Roode did it again, but once again, nothing. Roode rolled Booker back in the ring and got himself a chair. Roode set the chair up, but Booker fired back. However, Roode managed to hit a drop toe-hold on the chair. No blood though. Roode set the chair up in the ropes. IN another corner, he chopped Booker a few times. However the inevitable whip was reversed and Roode was sent into the chair, albeit back first. They began to slug it out, but Roode gave Booker a knee to the gut. He grabbed the chair. Booker then got it, but went for a Van Daminator. That missed and Booker took a shot to the head. No blood. Roode went for another shot, but it missed and it came off the ropes and he hit himself. Roode was clotheslined out. No blood yet though. Roode set for a piledriver on the floor, but it was blocked, with Booker catapulting Roode into the ringpost.

Booker picked Roode up and Roode was apparently busted open. I've seen heavier blood flows on sanitary towels... Well, I haven't but I'm trying to paint the picture of how s***ily poor this cut was...

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4/10 - it was OK enough, but once again, it was a match affected by a commercial break, and I'm taking a full mark off for that piss poor blood when everyone involved talked it up as if it was going to be a bloodbath.
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We cut to the back with Awesome Kong & Raisha Saeed. Crystal asked Raisha who she thought Kong would be facing. But he decided not to answer, reading a statement saying it didn't matter who was chosen. What did matter was that it would be a vote for defeat and a vote for destruction. Saeed said Kong would show tonight why she is Champion. Crystal said after the break, we'd find out who Kong was facing.

We came back to see Borash with Gail Kim & ODB. As if it'd be any other way. And the winner was ODB, but only around 500 votes. Kim told ODB to get the job done.

Awesome Kong def. ODB in a "Did you really expect different?" match for the Knockouts title
ODB made her way out first, followed by the champion. They locked up, but Kong was easily the more powerful. ODB got some shots in, but a slam attempt just did not work. In fact it backfired because when she managed to pick Kong up, Kong ended up squashing ODB for a 2 count. Kong choked ODB in the ropes. Kong gave ODB a faceplant, before putting on a camel clutch. However, Kong had to break it as she was using the hair to wrench on ODB's back. ODB tried a whip, but it wasn't happening. It was reversed and ODB got squashed in the corner. Kong went back to the camel clutch. It was broken again, and then Kong missed a splash. The referee started a count.

ODB kipped up to her feet. She put some shots in, rocking Kong. Kong didn't leave her feet though. ODB got her hip flask before climbing up. She took a drink and hit a Thesz press, scoring a 2 count. A whip was reversed by Kong, but the squash was avoided. ODB hit a bulldog and she scored a 2 count from it. Kong surprised ODB with a backfist before hitting the Awesome Bomb for the three count to retain the title.

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5/10 - Seen this enough times now...
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Tenay sent it to a break so there wouldn't be one during the main event.

Crystal was with Team Cage after the break. Cage said a while ago he didn't have a friend in the world, but look at him now. First Nash. Then he made up with Rhino and now this week, the "Ace In The Hole"...Sting. Cage said that while he was trying to change, some things wouldn't and that was that at the end of the day, he was still "the champ". He told Tomko's team they were about to find that out.

Team Cage vs. Team Tomko in a "Isn't this a co-main event of a future PPV? Why is it on free TV?" match
Team 3D made their way out first, and Ray was walking with purpose. They were followed by AJ & Tomko, who had changed into their regular attires, AJ's crown included. Tomko's eye was not great though... Rhino came out first for the babyfaces, as West realised everyone was coming out with a purpose. Hey! Christian Cage now has a new countdown. And suffice to say, it's Jericho-inspired, as it's digital numbers. Kevin Nash made his way out after his captain. Hey, Christian was just talking about politics and Nash... And then, it was the return of Sting. Well, the in-ring return of Sting. He returned earlier.

The 2 teams faced up to each other before the bell rang. Cage & AJ started things off. They locked up, and ended up in the corner. The gave each other slaps, but Cage had a quick Unprettier blocked. AJ came off the ropes, but that was avoided and Cage went up and hit the corkscrew back elbow for a 2 count. AJ for a side headlock, but Cage gave him a backdrop. AJ went over and tagged in Tomko. Cage ducked a swing and gave him chop. Cage was sent to the corner, but the charge was blocked and Kevin Nash was tagged in. The big men locked up. Tomko got Nash in the corner hitting some shots, but Nash whipped Tomko into the same corner for a shot. The side slam scored a 2 count for Nash. Rhino was tagged ion, but Tomko cut him off and tagged in Ray. He slapped Rhino in the corner. D-Von came in and they hit a double shoulder block for a D-Von 2 count. They traded chops, before rhino hit a shoulder block of his own for a 2 count. Rhino was whipped into the heel corner, but Rhino elbowed Tomko & AJ before blocking D-Von's charge. AJ & Tomko tripped Rhino and crotched him. Rhino was rolled back in the ring and D-Von hit a falling headbutt as the crowd chanted for Sting. brother Ray was tagged back in, and he hit a splash from the second rope for a 2 count.

Neck vice on Rhino by Ray. Tomko tagged himself back in. He put on a chinlock of his own. Rhino fought out of it, but was met by a Tomko back elbow. Ray was tagged back in. He put on a bodyscissors, while occasionally clubbing his head. Ray pulled him towards their corner and AJ was tagged in. AJ hit a perfect dropkick before tagging Ray back in. D-V0on was quickly brought in, but Rhino avoided the clothesline in the corner before giving Ray one himself. Rhino crawled across and tagged in Sting, who ran wild on all four guys himself.

Stinger Splash to D-Von, the Tomko and then both of 3D. He caught AJ diving in and put on the Scorpion Deathlock, but Ray broke it up. The match broke down as all eight paired off. Tomko went for a powerslam, but Sting hit the Scorpion Death Drop for a 2 count. 3D put Sting down, but Nash stood tall, putting 3D down. However, Tomko put Nash down before he dumped Cage in the corner and hitting a DDT. AJ flew in off the ropes with a clothesline. AJ ran into Sting, who press slammed Styles out the ring onto Tomko. The 3D was avoided as Rhino gored Ray and Sting got the Deathlock on D-Von. The other faces guarded the ring until D-Von tapped out.

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7/10 - That was a fun match. I seriously don't know the value of doing a tag match featuring the exact team that will face each other at the PPV (albeit without the weaponry). It doesn't exactly make me want to pay for the show, because I've seen it already. And indeed, I've seen a fair fight without weapons, so I know who the better wrestlers must be.
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Team Cage celebrated in the corners before standing tall in the middle of the ring. Pyro then shot off. However, suddenly, James Storm ran in and smashed a beer bottle over Sting's head!!!!! The heels got back in and beat down the babyfaces while Storm SCREAMED at Sting. The heels celebrated their work as the show ended.

OVERALL - 5/10 (- 1 on last week) - Well, first things first, as I have an announcement to make. This is going to be my last Impact review for the time being. I'm starting a new job on Monday for at least a couple of months, thus making Impact really difficult to review, given that I either do it when it airs and get no sleep or late on Friday after work, and that's not fair on you, the fine reader, or the site. I will still be doing Smackdown though, as there is no problem with doing that show. And while I do start this job early on Monday morning, I'll still going to be here to the Wrestlemania Real-Time, and the plan is to rest all day Sunday, get some good sleep in the evening and then go right through and then sleep on Monday evening after work!

Anyway, THIS SHOW! Buy, if this is how TNA are going to be live, then I honestly hope that they don't plan on being live often, because this was a complete mess of a show. Taking it from the top. Now, I know, and you should now, that TNA aren't going to draw many new eyes to the TV program, but given how this is "The biggest Impact in history" and "Another historic milestone for the company" and all the other self-aggrandising drivel they want to spout about tonight, you can only think that "We're gonna get new viewers" is a mentality that is around. And so with that, they again cut out the recap of things that had happened last week. Not only that, they started with Booker & Robert Roode in MID-BRAWL, and they BARELY explained why these two men were fighting. How can anyone new, even if it's a single person, follow what's going on. And then, as soon as the brawl got established, they cut to something else. Then back to the brawl. Then they went to something. At least four different things happened in the first 5 minutes. That's ridiculous pacing. And I'm being very kind when I say "ridiculous".

Thankfully, the lighting on and off didn't happen all night, but that begs the question. Why in a match that is supposed to help set up the secondary title match at the PPV, which is being contested between 2 men who have ZERO to do with Sting, was Sting's lighting set off? Sure, Team 3D were out there, but they were doing NOTHING at the time. People actually had a chance to concentrate on the wrestlers working. BUT NO! TNA couldn't have that happen, so they went the crappy way and hit Sting's lighting, just to run off a couple of heels when the heel ended up winning anyway.

Now, I get the initiation stuff, and I could dig the dunking last week. But ELECTROCUTION WITH JUMP LEADS????? Shouldn't Petey Williams be DEAD? Or at least in Hospital??? Absolutely and unbelievably ridiculous.

Frank Trigg added very little other than them being able to say "Look, a legit name is interested". The "sparring" session, I've already covered. I'm not surprised it didn't have a finish, and just segued into Sting's return. I just find it funny how they promoted the MMA aspect of it last week and then dropped it form promotional material, only to have MMA elements anyway. They clearly have no idea what they are doing to promote this match.

As I said earlier, the Booker/Roode stuff was OK. However, after all the piss and vinegar Roode & Booker had, that paper cut Roode had gave the match a totally unsatisfactory conclusion. This and the piss poor finish to the Joe/Tomko match should really make TNA re-think how to have First Blood matches. Also, in a similar point to the one I made about the main event, Why should I pay to see Booker & Sharmell vs. Roode & Banks when the women can do nothing but drag the match quality down, and given that here, I saw what was effectively a No-DQ/hardcore match that technically contained blood, and had a clean finish? TNA tonight ran 2 matches that will be on the PPV, and this match will certainly be not as good on the pay show than here.

I think they need to get the belt off Kong ASAP, even if they don't have anyone pin her to do it. I'm getting seriously bored now. I no longer believe in ODB or Gail being able to get the job done on their own, and I certainly don't think anyone else in the division has the remotest possibility of doing it either.

As I said, I thought the main event was fun, but alongside what I just said about giving away the match on Free TV, even if you want to argue that the PPV will see a different match, should they be giving away Sting's in-ring return for free?

Well, anyway, I better sign off for one last time, at least for now. Remember to check out my Wrestlemania Week audios! The 3 part Undertaker audios have been recorded and should be up. There will be one tomorrow and Saturday.