We Want Insanity
(24 Mins) JG's Free Audio Insanity: After SummerSlam
JG's 8/24/09 Raw Insanity: Vince McMahon Celebrates 64 By Acting 20 With 40 Year Olds
We Want Gaming: Real Time Video Game News
WWE Smackdown Real Time Coverage
ROH TV Episode 257: New Blood Rising
Facebook
Twitter
Anime Verdict: Samurai 7
TGIF: Work Shoot Repeat, A Farewell To Dudleyville, and More
The Question: What's Your Favorite Stipulation Match?
(25 Mins) Honor Nation: The Making of a Lethal Legend


JG's 25 Easy Ways To Get Instant Heat In The WWE Locker Room

By James Guttman Jan 15, 2011 - 10:07 AM print


There are lots of locker room rules that new WWE hires try to follow in order to endear themselves to management and fellow wrestlers. But what about the stars who don't want to? Maybe you have a bet with someone about how quickly you can get fired. Maybe you're just crazy. Well fear not. Follow this simple guide and you'll be burning up from the heat right away. Any one of these should do it, but try them all. Why not? You'll be home in no time.


- Walk around the locker room, kicking bags, and saying things like, "Move this shit. Who's shit is this? What is this? Undertaker costume? What is this shit? Dress up? Like babies? F**k this. Move so I can put my stuff down!"

- Casually say to Vince McMahon, "Oh snap. I almost forgot. I need the next two weeks off. My kid has a science project due and I said I'd help him. Plus, I have this nagging cough."

- Stand in the corner of the locker room and loudly announce that you know for a fact that the first Ultimate Warrior died. Offer to fight anyone who doesn't agree.

- At the first big group meeting you attend, wait until they turn it over to the wrestlers for questions and say, "Yeah.  When am I going to be a champion and for how long?"

- Also ask if you can have a t-shirt made as soon as possible because, "The ladies love them."

- Keep asking if anyone thinks Goldberg will show up because he's your favorite wrestler. Show them all the WCW action figure you brought with you for him to sign in case he does.

- After going over the details of your match with the road agent, shake his hand, pull him towards you, and lick his cheek.

- As fans come walking into the arena, pop your head through the curtain and loudly ask, "Anyone know where I can get some pills in this city?!"

- During a particularly loud moment in the locker room, while clutching your cell phone, scream out, "HEY! Can everyone shut up for a second?! I'm on the phone with the dirtsheets!"

- Ask other wrestlers if they think WWE would be a good stepping stone for you to get on a reality show like Big Brother. Add, "Because if you don't, I'll quit. I'll quit right now."

- The first time someone pulls a rib on you (a missing bag or something), throw yourself on the floor and violently begin thrashing about. Try to vomit on someone who gets too close.

- Wear a wire taped to your chest like in cop shows. Have it just high enough that people can see it. Lean in when you talk to them.

- Tell Triple H that you're old friends with Chyna and she wants to visit the next time WWE's in town.

- On the first day, fake an Australian accent. The second day, fake a French accent. The third day, fake a Mississippi accent. Finally, on the fourth day, stop speaking completely.

- While eating in the catering area, ask the wrestlers at your table who you should speak to if you "accidentally might have sneezed on the food when it was being brought into the building".

- The first time you clash with another wrestler over something silly like a chair or parking spot, respond by saying, "That's it! I am going to human resources! I will not stand for this! What is your wrestling license number?! WHAT IS YOUR WRESTLING LICENSE NUMBER?!"

- Say that you heard wrestlers sometimes put feces in people's bags as a rib. So, you decided to poop in about ten Tupperware containers and brought them with you on the road to save time. Take out each Tupperware piece from your backpack. Place them on the ground in a circle. For added heat, name them and give a speech about which one is your favorite.

- Ask why they call the "Gorilla Position", the table behind the curtain, that name. Just as they start explaining about Gorilla Monsoon, say, "Oh! Man! I thought it was like Doggy Style. Like a Gorilla. Ooo! Eee! Gorilla Position!" Take off your shirt and begin acting out insane things on the table while barking.

- Inform Vince McMahon on the first day that you don't like to fly because the "TSA touches your junk". Insist that he personally drive you to each show so you can bond.

- Leer at people in the shower. Keep repeating things like, "Wouldn't it be great if there was a power outage and we were all stuck in here in the dark?"

- The first time you're on live TV, grab the microphone, say that you've changed your name to Hulk Hogan Jr., the WWE is splitting into five separate factions, and begin making up other things and storylines as you go along. After the segment, go into the back and proclaim, "How awesome was that?! Who needs writers? Yeah! YEAH!"

- Ask John Cena who he is. When he tells you, say, "Oh. I stopped watching after The Rock. You one of the new guys, huh?" Pat him on the head and say, "Us rookies gotta stick together."

- When the champion brings his family to the locker room for a visit, violently clothesline his wife. Bellow, "Now you have to fight me in a title match! You have to! It's on!" Then whisper, "Just go with it. Everyone's watching."

- Get drunk and fall asleep in the backseat of Alberto Del Rio's car right before the show starts.

- Show the other wrestlers Youtube videos you made, acting out your eventual feuds using WWE Action figures. Be sure to prop up VHS tapes for a barricade around the ring.




blog comments powered by Disqus

JG col

JG's 10/19/15 Raw Insanity: Hell of a Sell
JG's 10/5/15 Raw Insanity: Flashing The Brock Signal
JG's Insanity: The 12th Annual WWE Memorial Day Barbecue
JG's Insanity: The 11th Annual WWE Memorial Day Barbecue
JG's Ten Facebook Posts To Annoy Your Friends
JG's Ten Beloved TV Characters Who Were Obvious Psychopaths
JG's 10 More Fun Ways To Infuriate People Online
JG's Ten Insider Wrestling Terms You Shouldn't Use When Talking About Something Besides Wrestling
JG's Insanity: The 10th Annual WWE Memorial Day Barbecue
JG's Ten Demented Ways We Misused Our Toys
JG's 15 Fun Ways To Infuriate People Online
JG's Ten Sesame Street Muppets That Are Missing And Presumed Dead
JG's Scene From WWE Raw (After Vince McMahon Goes Senile)
JG's Ten Signs You Were A Wrestling Fan Of The 1980s
JG's Insanity: Stone Cold's Greatest Moments (Without Stone Cold)
JG's Ten Wrestling Moves That Really Hurt When You Try Them At Home
JG's Insanity: Everybody Is Tito Santana
JG's Ten Reasons Why WWF LJN Figures Were The Greatest Toys Ever
JG's Ten Judges Who Would Make American Idol Worth Watching
JG's 2012 in Pictures (As Hulk Hogan Will Remember It)
JG's Quintuple Bypass Surgery Insanity
JG's Five Episodes of Diff'rent Strokes That Scarred Me For Life
JG's Ten Facebook Posts That Are Slowly Driving Me Crazy
JG's Ten Truly Terrible Reality Competition Shows
JG's Ten 1980s TV Characters Who Taught Me To Hate
JG's Ten Wrestling Characters Who Went Through Massive Personality Changes
JG's Ten Old School Wrestlers Who Would Terrorize Today's PG WWE
JG's Ten Crazier Fanbases Than Wrestling's
JG's Ten Copycat Wrestling Characters (and The Gimmicks They Copied)
JG's Raw 1000 Insanity: The Rocky Road To Royal Rumble

TGIF: Work Shoot Repeat, A Farewell To Dudleyville, and More
Anime Verdict: Samurai 7
The Question: What's Your Favorite Stipulation Match?
The ROHbot Report: Death Before Dishonor Review, Honor Rumble in NY, and More
TGIF: Goldberg Does Brooklyn, Rexdow, and More
Anime Verdict: Wanna Be the Strongest in the World
The Question: What's Your Favorite Terrible Wrestling Gimmick?
The ROHbot Report: Ospreay Coming to ROH, DBD Preview,and More
TGIF: Oh My Gone, A Pumpkin Shall Lead Them, and More
Anime Verdict: FLCL
The Question: Who Did The Best Promos of All Time?
Worth Your Money? ROH "War of the Worlds: New York"
TGIF: Fed No More, Conor McGregor Has Like Four Dons, and More
Anime Verdict: Deadman Wonderland
The Question: What's the Worst Finishing Move?
Worth Your Money? ROH "War of the Worlds: Dearborn
TGIF: No Wellness In Suplex City, Broken Jeff Juggalo, and More
Worst Video Game Parents
The ROHbot Report: Philly Results, Field of Honor Dream Match, and More
TGIF: Finally Ibushi, No Confetti For Charlotte, and More
Weirdest Wrestling Video Game Moments
TGIF: Here Comes Balor, Must Watch Matt Hardy, and More
Greatest Summer Video Game Releases
The Question: What's The Greatest '80s Movie?
The ROHbot Report: Aftershock Baltimore, Return to England, and More
TGIF: The Viper Heads To Suplex City, Down Goes Jones, and More
Greatest Video Game Patriotic Moments
The ROHbot Report: Concord Tapings, CMLL Star Debuts, and More
TGIF: New Day vs Bullet Club, Russo To The Rescue, and More
Worth Your Money? ROH "Supercard of Honor X: Night 2"

-

JG's Ten Facebook Posts To Annoy Your Friends
Apr 30, 2014
JG's Ten Beloved TV Characters Who Were Obvious Psychopaths
Oct 8, 2013
JG's 10 More Fun Ways To Infuriate People Online
Sep 10, 2013
JG's Ten Insider Wrestling Terms You Shouldn't Use When Talking About Something Besides Wrestling
Jul 29, 2013
JG's Ten Demented Ways We Misused Our Toys
May 15, 2013
JG's 15 Fun Ways To Infuriate People Online
May 2, 2013
JG's Ten Sesame Street Muppets That Are Missing And Presumed Dead
Apr 23, 2013
JG's Scene From WWE Raw (After Vince McMahon Goes Senile)
Apr 18, 2013
JG's Ten Signs You Were A Wrestling Fan Of The 1980s
Mar 13, 2013
JG's Insanity: Stone Cold's Greatest Moments (Without Stone Cold)
Feb 20, 2013
JG's Ten Wrestling Moves That Really Hurt When You Try Them At Home
Feb 13, 2013
JG's Insanity: Everybody Is Tito Santana
Feb 4, 2013
JG's Ten Reasons Why WWF LJN Figures Were The Greatest Toys Ever
Jan 30, 2013
JG's Ten Judges Who Would Make American Idol Worth Watching
Jan 15, 2013
JG's 2012 in Pictures (As Hulk Hogan Will Remember It)
Dec 31, 2012
JG's Quintuple Bypass Surgery Insanity
Dec 20, 2012
JG's Five Episodes of Diff'rent Strokes That Scarred Me For Life
Dec 13, 2012
JG's Ten Facebook Posts That Are Slowly Driving Me Crazy
Dec 4, 2012
JG's Ten Truly Terrible Reality Competition Shows
Dec 3, 2012
JG's Ten 1980s TV Characters Who Taught Me To Hate
Nov 26, 2012

Even More From This Category >>

ClubWWI.com Contact Us Forums
All content contained here Copyright - We Want Insanity Dot Com