"No, Danny.   No.   It's fine.   Yeah.   Go out there and choke him with the tie.   Go on.   It'll be funny."  
- Triple H, Backstage Raw June 9, 2010

"Oh cool!   Can I pin him?"
- Hulk Hogan learning that WCW had signed The Ultimate Warrior

"I've loved you since the day I first saw you during your WWF debut.   You were so tall.   I was so ten…"
- A portion of Michele McCool's recent wedding vows

"Oooo yeah.   Dig it!   I'm gonna drop the big elbow.   I'm gonna stomp ya.  I'm gonna pin ya!   I'm gonna run around this stadium and knock people out!   Ooooo, yeah!   Snap into it!"

- Randy Savage's last words to his minor league baseball coach before being fired and moving onto wrestling

"Oh cool!   Can I pin him?"
- Hulk Hogan learning that WWE wanted to book him against Shawn Michaels

"You have mystosis.   In plain terms, your saliva takes on a tint that could be too toxic for your esophagus to handle.   It's nothing too serious, but it could cause long term heartburn and digestion problems.   My advice is that when you feel, you know, that buildup in your throat, you need to delicately clutch your Adam's Apple with your thumb and forefinger.   Then you just need to spit it out.   That's it.   Just spit it out. You should be okay if you do that.   The good news is that you shouldn't experience this issue all that much unless you're engaged in some sort of high-stress physical activity."
- The Great Muta's Doctor, 1989

"I'll pay you eleven zillion dollars."
- Dixie Carter's initial offer to Mickie James

"Oh cool!   Can I pin her?"
- Hulk Hogan learning that Dixie Carter offered eleven zillion dollars to Mickie James

"… not."
- Ric Flair, inside his head, after his WWE retirement speech

- Vince McMahon, the first time he met Kaval in person

"…Fine.   I get what you're saying.   The Pee Wee Herman thing wouldn't work.   Even if I got the suit, I couldn't get my hair like him.   Forget it.   Here's my second idea.   I just saw this movie called 'The Crow'…"

- Sting, pitching ideas for his new look to WCW 1997

"What?   Oh.   I was just thinking I could do some speeches and scream loudly.   Maybe do that machine gun thing I do.   I didn't realize there would be fighting involved."
- Batista's negotiations with Strikeforce hit a snag

"The people weren't really laughing at his stuff.   He did like a sock puppet deal and all that.   But it wasn't going over too well. Then, out of nowhere, he flings himself off the stage and through the bar and spit blood at us.   People were screaming.   It was horrible."
- Witness statement to police after Mick Foley's most recent stand up comedy show

- Emminger Family Memorial Day FCW BBQ

"I don't understand what you're talking about.   This is a talk show appearance.   You get interviewed.  You don’t pin anyone."
- Jay Leno's producer responding to Hulk Hogan's request upon hearing that they had also signed Justin Bieber to appear

"I love you, Dad.   When I grow up, I want to be just like you.   Seriously.   Same name.   Same gimmick.   Same title.   EVERYTHING!"

- Ted DiBiase Jr, 1992

"Don't listen to Teddy.   I don't want you to be anything like me when you grow up.   You hear me, boy!?   Now go eat some Ding Dongs!"

- Irwin R. Shyster to his son right after

"A floating hat?   Why would we need a floating…? Oh.   No, dad.   I said, 'Mystery GM.'   Not 'invisible.'   What?   No.   They're not the same thing…"

- Stephanie McMahon on the phone pitching the Mystery GM angle to her dad

"What do you think he'd do if I ran in there with a chair right now?   I'll grab the mic and be like, 'It's all fake!   It's all fake!'   I betcha he'd start crying.   That'd be funny as hell."

- Steve Austin whispering to Jim Ross during Lesnar-Carwin UFC 116

" Just finished watching the LOST series. Better late than never. I am more lost than ever but loved it. Not everything needs to make sense."

- Dixie Carter, This Morning on Facebook….

…wait.   That last one wasn't off-the-record.   She actually posted that this morning on Facebook.   Man, sometimes you just can't make this stuff up.