WWE's website is turning up the heat, huh? They're on fire, baby! Then again, they're the ones creating news, so they certainly have first crack at breaking it. It must give them a head start in preparing themselves. No matter how huge the Insanity, they have advanced knowledge. It's their company. With that in mind, I've found a few stories waiting to be posted on the WWE site. They're still in the pending stages, but I got 'em first!

(I guess I should note that this a parody. It's not real. I guess legally I have to say that, right?)

Stephanie Meets Dusty!
By Billy Levesque

Dusty Rhodes's meeting with Stephanie McMahon has ended. It all began by accident. This morning, Stephanie asked her father, Lord Vince McMahon, what he would like at next year's Hall of Fame dinner. Thinking she was asking about the menu, he said "Tostitos." However, Stephanie thought he said "Dusty Rhodes" and called him. When informed that Rhodes was on the premises, many performers on the payroll who were in WCW when it died openly wept. Said Booker T, "Tell me I didn't just see that."

Once in the Tower, Dusty was gracious and didn't even get angry when Michael Cole didn't know who he was, mistakenly calling Rhodes "Louie Anderson." Despite eating the Dixie cups we use for our bottled water cooler, Dusty was a gentleman and a pleasure to be around.

Dusty's son, Dustin, who played Goldust on WWE TV for many years, joined his father for the trip. However, WWE officials asked him to remain in the parking lot during the meeting. When asked why, Mr. McMahon answered, "Because I can. That's why."

Now it's time for….

Matt Hardy Kills The Storylines
By Matt Hardy

Hi there Mattitude Followers. Thanks for joining the Mattitude Movement. It's like a Bowel Movement, only with Mattitude! After shedding some light on the Kane-Lita story Monday, I wanted to fill you all in on some other things:

Nidia wasn't blind. Ricky Steamboat didn't crush his larynx. Tito Santana wasn't a real Matador.

Sorry, folks. Hey, if you don't believe me, Vince McMahon will back me up. He's my friend, but I hate him. I'm anti-WWE. I actually throw up in my mouth a little bit when I cash my paycheck. It sickens me, you know? I can barely enjoy the things I buy with my money. The only thing that really makes me happy is thinking about Adam Copeland dying. Thank you to all of my fans that wish death on him. I know that everyone reading this would love nothing more than to see a man die at a young age because he stole the girlfriend from someone willing to exploit the situation for money. It's a….ca-ching….tragedy. Thank you. Good night.

WWE Meets With Danielle Spencer (Dee From "What's Happening!!")
By Gary Galoogore

Today, Vince McMahon met with Danielle Spencer, who portrayed Dee on TV's "What's Happening!!" McMahon said the meeting went well, but had no purpose whatsoever. He said that it was done simply so that it could be announced first on our website.

When reached for comment, Spencer said, "Oooooo, Raj! I'm telling' momma on you! She's gonna whip your be-hind!"

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