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James Guttman Reveals...Future WWE Lists Designed To Piss Off The Fans
So recently WWE has come out with a "Top 50 Superstars" DVD. The link to buy it is on the bottom of this page (along with cover art and all that). But, to be honest, this isn't a list to honor a top 50. It's a shocking list of weird rankings that will cause fans to buy it out of anger and crazed emotion. Hulk Hogan at 24. Yeah. That tells you something. Almost by design, it can't help but be greeted with a sense of, "What the hell?!" It felt to me like all of this was a setup on WWE's part to purposely anger their fans and ensure that you buy the DVD just to find out what they're smoking. I didn't have confirmation though until I received this top secret memo that my top secret WWE source (Shad) found in the dumpster behind Titan Tower. The number has gone down from 50 to 5, but it's verification of all I thought as I came across...
Top Five Reasons WCW Went Out of Business 5. They never put the title on Tank Abbot. 4. Didn't have John Cena. 3. They didn't fire Steve Austin soon enough. 2. You just didn't get their storylines because you're stupid. 1. Not enough World Orders.
Top Five People Who Will Never Be World Champion
5. Anyone in ROH right now. We're keeping a list. 4. Matt Hardy 3. The people who break in at the same time as Hunter and Stephanie's daughters, coincidentally right after we make the World Title open to all genders. 2. Daniel Bryan - haha. Stop watching. 1. You
Top 5 Finishing Moves
5. Sgt Slaughter's Noogie 2. The Visagra 1. Triple H's patented Pedigree! Deadly in design!
Top 5 Longest WWE World Title Holders
5. John Cena (12 years) 4. Arn Anderson (35 years) 3. Ric Flair/Koko B. Ware (37 years ) - tie 2. Rey Mysterio (38 Years) 1. Triple H (a staggering 145 years!)
Top 5 Arenas We Make Sure To Pee On Before We Leave
5. Nassau Coliseum 4. The Cow Palace 3. The Joe Louis Arena (we also drive to Joe Louis's house and pee on that too. Not the famous Joe Louis. Any Joe Louis in the phone book)
2.
The Omni
Top 5 High Flyers 5. Big Show 4. Cousin Junior 3. Arn Anderson 2. Shawn Michaels 1. The Undertaker
Top 5 Matches of All Time
5. Mr. McMahon vs. Stephanie McMahon 4. Mr. McMahon vs. Triple H 3. Mr. McMahon and Shane McMahon vs. Triple H 2. Stephanie McMahon and Shane McMahon vs. Vince McMahon and Stephanie McMahon 1. Triple H vs. Triple H
Top 5 Most Technically Gifted Scientific Wrestlers of The Past Decade
5. Ha 4. Ha 3. You're 2. a 1. DOUCHE!
Top 5 Best Wrestling Moves Ever
5. Swan Dive Headbutt 4. The Tombstone Piledriver 3. The Tombstone Piledriver on Concete 2. The Diving Swanton Headbutt From the top of a ladder after a Tombstone on Concrete 1. The Unprotected Chairshot To The Head
Top 5 People We're Going To Induct Into The Hall of Fame Before Randy Savage
5. I.R.S. - Irwin R. Shyster 4. The Brooklyn Brawler 3. Jimmy Wang Yang 2. The Starting Lineup of the 1986 New York Mets 1. You
Top 5 Things That Were Too Good For Wrestling Fans To Appreciate Because They're Sucky Fools
5. The Katie Vick Angle 4. The WBF's Gary Strydom and his amazing physique! WOW! 3. Ico Pro - You Had To Want It 2. Those Karate Fighter Toys That Sponsored Survivor Series 1997 1. The XFL
Top 5 DVD "Top 5 Lists" We're Planning For Next Year
5. Top 5 Things Wrestling Fans Smell Like 4. Top 5 Things Vince McMahon Invented That Other People Have Gotten Credit For 3. Top 5 Legends We Make Jokes About Around The Office 2. Top 5 Divas You Really Want To Do But Never Will Because You're A Tool - Volume 2 1. Top 5 Things You Could Do With $50 Million Dollars blog comments powered by Disqus
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| All content contained here Copyright 2012 by James Guttman |
