Aside from wrestling magazines, Mad Magazine was one of the publications I went out of my way to get as a kid. Also, like wrestling magazines, I can't remember the last time I bought one. One thing I remember distinctly though was the Mad feature "Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions." Nine times out of ten, they involved funny little pictures and someone calling someone else "Schmedrick." But they never addressed the problems wrestling fans go through. You know - The questions you get, the insane inquiries we're presented with from non-fans when they hear you follow the televised traveling carnival. Well, fear not. I'm here to help you along. Read on and never be stuck for an answer again….

Q:

You know all that stuff is fake, right?

A:

- I like fake things. You ever eat Cheese Whiz? That stuff's delicious!

- What? You mean like the breast implants?

- It's actually real. No one knows this but in 1994, wrestling became real and didn't tell anyone.

- Your mom is fake.

Q:

Whatever happened to Jimmy Superfly?

A:

- What do you mean "what happened to Jimmy Superfly?" I thought he was with you!

- He was eaten by a Bobby Superfrog.

- He's a Senator now. He got surgery after wrestling and goes by his new name Barbara Boxer.

- Your mom happened to Jimmy Superfly.

Q:
-
Does Vince McMahon own the World Wrestling Federation?

A:

- Who the hell is Vince McMahon?

- He owns the ring, but they let him run the show in exchange for using it.

- He died in a car explosion back in 1997. Here. I'll show you on Youtube.

- Yes he does. But the guy who plays him on TV is actually Simon Schmeckerbottom, a character actor from Toronto. The real Vince McMahon is a dwarf with an eye patch, so he's self-conscious about appearing on television.

Q:
-
Hulk Hogan and Brutus Beefcake were brothers, right?

A:
-
- No. They're actually grandfather and grandson. Hulk fathered his first kid when he was four months old.

- I can't eat Beefcake. It gives me gas.

- That's a personal matter and I can't really talk about it.

- What? Actually, no. I think they're both white. 

Q:
-
Remember that WrestleMania with the Ultimate Warrior?

A:
-
- No. I was kicked in the head by a camel while vacationing in 1997 and I can't remember much of anything. Who are you?

- It's pronounced Wrestle-Mahhhhnya.

- Yes. That'll be $20.

- Your mom remembers WrestleMahnya.

-

Q:
-
I think I read something about Ric Flair in the paper?

A:
-
- No. Your reading skills are subpar at best.

- Yeah. He's the new Limousine riding, Jet-flying Czar.

- Ric Flair is my uncle, so watch what you say.

- That's so funny! Ric told me yesterday that he read something in the paper about YOU!

-

Q:
- 
I heard the Hogans got divorced, right?

A:

- They never recovered after Valerie's car accident. Poor David, Mark, and Willie.

- Actually, Hulk and his wife both became so tan that they couldn't be in the same room with one another without giving off radioactive fumes. The government  forced them to get divorced. Shhh. It's a secret, though.

- WHAT?! NO!!!! AHHHHHH!

- Yeah. They did. But hey. Buck up. That doesn't mean they don't still love you.

Q:
-
Why do you watch that stuff?

A:
- 
- Well, I'm talking to you, so obviously my standards aren't too high.

- Why do you ask questions about that stuff?

- I'm doing my thesis on Triple H's phallic obsession with sledgehammers.

- Your mom watches this stuff. Here. Look at what I'm pointing to. Yeah. This stuff. Bam.