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Mallory Looks at Make-Overs: Hulk Hogan, K-Fed, Festus, Maryse

By Mallory Mahling Feb 10, 2010 - 9:27 AM


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K-Fed is K-Fat.

I know, that's mean and I'm certainly not one to throw stones, but the ex-Mr. Brittany Spears has put on a few pounds. Or maybe he was just auditioning for the new season of VH-1's "Celebrity Fit Club," which debuted this week.

I'll be bringing you highlights of "Celebrity Fit Club" over the next few weeks, just as long as Dustin "Screech" Diamond isn't among the cast members. That idiot has had too many chances to lose weight on that show, and I'm sure the only reason they keep bringing him back is to create controversy.

But back to Kevin Federline. So far he seems to have a good attitude toward losing weight. Whether he and Harvey the Drill Sergeant continue to get along remains to be seen.  However, they did throw K-Fed a curve ball by bringing in his ex-girlfriend, Shar Jackson, this season.  At least they didn't put them on the same team.

* * *

Just by changing personas, Festus has gone from goober to good looking. In his new incarnation as Luke Gallows of C.M. Punk's Straight Edge Society, he even looks a bit like Stone Cold Steve Austin. In fact, that's who I thought he was in Monday Night Raw's tag match. That scruffy beard, which looked like it might have a bird's nest in it, was not a good look for him.  Or most anyone else.

* * *

Speaking of birds' nests, Diva Maryse needs to do something with her hair. Hair extensions are fine, but she has so many lengths in her hair all at one time, it doesn't look glamorous, it just looks like she artlessly slapped them on her head on her way to the ring.

I've got a good idea for a cross-promotion involving WWE and the Bravo Network's returning reality show, "Sheer Genius."  It is along the lines of "Project Runway," which had contestants design ringwear for several divas last year. On "Sheer Genius," contestants do hair, and it could be fun to see what they'd come up with for Maryse.

* * *

And finally, would anybody else like to see Hulk Hogan do away with that ever-lowering fringe of hair at the back of his head?  Hiding it under that bandana isn't fooling anybody.

Bald is not a bad thing. It's worked very well for the likes of Goldberg, and bald could be beautiful for the Hulkster, too. But the fringe does only one thing for him. It makes him look old. Well, older than the leathery skin already does.

*************

Thanks for reading and see ya next week.

 

 



Alphabetical Listing of Guests You Can Hear on...

A

Sivi Afi
Aaron Aguliera
Skandar Akbar
Brent Albright
Bill Alfonso
Ole Anderson
Amazing Kong
Road Warrior Animal
Tony "T.L. Hopper" Anthony

B

Baby Doll
Buff Bagwell
Doug Basham
Paul Bearer
Giant Bernard
Big Daddy V
Eric Bischoff
Steve Blackman
Brian Blair
Tully Blanchard
Nick Bockwinkel
"The Boogeyman" Marty Wright
Bad News Brown
D-Lo Brown
"Jumping" Jim Brunzell
Mike "Simon Dean" Bucci
Bull Buchanan
Big Bully Busick

C

Lance Cade
Christian
John Cena Sr.
Chaz "Headbanger Mosh"
Bryan "Adam Bomb" Clark
Rob Conway
Jim Cornette

Justin Credible
Austin "Consequences" Creed

D

D-Ray 3000
Scott D'Amore
Christopher Daniels
Shawn Daivari
Dangerous Danny Davis
Dawn Marie
Damian Demento
Colin Delaney
"Deuce" Sim Snuka
Brother Devon
Demolition Ax
Demolition Smash
Bill DeMott
Ted DiBiase
J.J. Dillon
Nick "Eugene" Dinsmore
Disco Inferno
"Domino" Cliff Compton
Spike Dudley

Hacksaw Jim Duggan
Kenny Dykstra

E

Bobby Eaton
Paul Ellering

Armando Estrada

F

Manny Fernandez
Fifi The Maid
Francine
Mr. Fuji
Dory Funk Jr.
Terry Funk

G

Greg Gagne
Ronnie Garvin
Jackie Gayda
Robert Gibson
Glacier
Sylvain Grenier
Tod Gordon
Zach Gowen
Juventud Guerrera

H

Chalie Haas
Chris Harris
Bruce Hart
Jimmy Hart
Diva Search's Jessica Hatch
Dave Hebner
Earl Hebner
Bobby "The Brain" Heenan
Jon Heidenreich
Christy Hemme
Hillbilly Jim
Molly Holly
The Honky Tonk Man
Tim Horner
Scotty 2 Hotty
Sam Houston

Mr. Hughes


I

The Iron Sheik
Ivory

J

B.G. James
Jazz
Ahmed Johnson
Judge Jeff Jones
Orlando Jordan

K


Kamala
Kid Kash
Kevin Kelly
Pat "Simon Diamond" Kenney
Ron Killings
Cpl. Kirschner
Kizarny
Kevin Kleinrock
Brian Knobbs
Ivan Koloff

Nikita Koloff


L

Bobby Lashley
Bruno "Harvey Wippleman" Lauer
Jerry "The King" Lawler
"The Total Package" Lex Luger
Buschwhacker Luke

M

Rodney Mack
Magnum T.A.
Balls Mahoney
Dutch Mantell
Rick Martel
Clarence Mason
"Masterpiece" Chris Masters
Robbie McAllister
Rory McAllister
Matt Morgan
Ernest Miller
Missing Link
Father James Mitchell
Mo From Men on a Mission
Sean Mooney
Ricky Morton

Trevor Murdoch

N

Kevin Nash
Nidia

"The Berzerker" John Nord
Nunzio

O

O.D.B.
One Man Gang
Sonny Onoo
Paul "Mr. Wonderful" Orndorff
Oscar From Men on a Mission
Fred "Typhoon/Tugboat/Shockmaster" Ottman
Pierre-Carl Ouellet

Outback Jack

P

Diamond Dallas Page
Ken Patera
Nick Patrick
Thunderbolt Patterson
Jim Powers
Tom Prichard
Ivan Putski

R

Harley Race
Baron Von Raschke
"The Yeti" Ron Reis
Rhino
Dustin Rhodes
Tommy Rich
Rikishi
Paul Roma
"Super Hero in Training" Rosie
Jacques Rougeau
Terri Runnels

Lance Russell


S

Samoa Joe
Bruno Sammartino
Samu
Tito Santana
Dan "The Beast" Severn
Ron Simmons
Elix Skipper
Slick
Tracey Smothers
Al Snow
Dennis Stamp
George "The Animal" Steele
Rick Steiner
Scott Steiner
Idol Stevens
The Stro
AJ Styles
Dave "Evad" Sullivan
Kevin Sullivan

T

Dave Taylor
Sylvester Terkay
Kevin Thorn
ECW's Tiffany
Too Cold Scorpio

V

Greg "The Hammer" Valentine
Jimmy Valiant
Johnny Valiant
Jesse "The Body" Ventura
Sid Vicious
Vito
Nikolai Volkoff


W

 

Y
David Young
Mae Young


Z

Larry Zybszko

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