Here it is the Summer of 2010, so I figured it was time to celebrate with a virtual picnic here at WorldWrestlingInsanity.com. Help yourself to some hot dogs and lemonade and enjoy a look back at the wacky antics from a past WWE company picnic, virtual-style, of course.
This column originally appeared on June 28, 2006. The cast of characters has changed, but not much else.
* * *
It's the time of year for company picnics, and WWE is no exception. Not long ago, the combined forces of WWE gathered in a park somewhere in Stamford, Connecticut. We were able to get our hands on some snapshots from the WWE company picnic, and they told quite a story.
The dress code for the day had been the usual attire mandated for appearing in public places. Even parks. Of course, that meant the official WWE company picnic tee shirt (available to all employees and "independent contractors" for a mere $29.95 at EmployeeShopZone.com) had to be worn with dress slacks or similar business attire. Comfort is never a consideration when it comes to dressing to impress the fans.
With the brand expansion this year, it was reported that Mister McMahon chose to delegate the responsibilities for the picnic to the various brands. For obvious reasons, ECW was assigned to bring the tables and Sandman was in charge of bringing the beer--a questionable assignment.
The Spirit Squad (remember them?) directed the games for the kids, but things didn't go so well. Since the dress code applied to family members, too, the kids were just a little cranky about playing stupid games in their Sunday best. Before Kenny, Mikey and the crew finally gave up entirely, a tiny future WWE champ had kicked each of them in the shins. That McToddler...so precocious.
The crowd was getting restless by the time lunch was announced. HBK said grace, but he had an evil twinkle in his eye when he got to the part about "the bounty they were about to receive." Hmmm...what could he have meant?
If you only had ants at your picnic, consider yourself lucky. As the covers were removed from the large aluminum pans of food, screams filled the humid summer air. Each container held something more wretched than the next--trays of vile-smelling animal parts, rotten deviled eggs, spaghetti-like worms, and the ever-popular chocolate-covered Madagascar hissing cockroaches. When the sound of hysterical laughter came from behind a nearby tree, everyone knew those DX guys had pulled another prank. Mister McMahon didn't see the humor, however, and did a slow burn. Who in their right mind had put DX in charge of food? They'd obviously headed straight to Fear Factor Catering for the picnic fare.
Hoping to salvage the get-together, someone hustled to the store for a few packages of hot dogs. Since Torrie had experience with hot dogs from her summer magazine photo shoot, she was pressed into action. Too bad no one checked to see if she knew what to do with hot dogs other than pose with them.
In the end, they'd had to make do with whatever was available from the convenience store down the street--Slurpees, overcooked chicken wings, beer nuts and cream pies. The Divas set the food out, but the temptation was just too much for them. You know what happens when Divas participate in an activity involving food. One claimed another had spilled something on her and the chicken wings started flying. It was the misfortune of the McBoss to be walking by just as one of them took aim with a cream pie, which hit him squarely in the face.
"I can't take you people anywhere," bellowed Mister McMahon as he ordered everyone to go home and get out of his sight. Sighs of relief were heard as employees and their families fled yet another festive WWE company function.
I hope your company picnic turns out better than WWE's fantasy picnic did.
Thanks for reading and see you back here next week.