The year was 2004, and John Cena was dominating the U.S. Title scene. After dispatching France's Greatest Athlete, Rene Dupree, and beating Booker T in a classic...well, satisfactory Best-of-5 Series, John Cena was standing on top of the world. But on the horizon, a storm was brewing.

For weeks, video vignettes hyped the debut of Carlito Carribbean Cool. Fans wondered how his apple spitting jerkery would translate to a wrestling ring. Would he light up the sky like Razor Ramon, or go bottoms up like Savio Vega?

"Hey yo. So say hello to da REAL unintelligible spitting hispanic."
                - Razor Ramon, "Best of Danny Davis", Coliseum Home Video, 1994

John Cena would find Carlito to be no Sunday afternoon in the park. On October 7, 2004, Carlito would make his debut against John Cena for the United States Championship on SmackDown!, like the time they let the Tampa Bay Devil Rays play in the ALCS their first year as a franchise. To up the ante, the match was in Cena's own faux hometown of Boston.

In the ensuing melee, John Cena, unchained, ironically fell victim to his own horrible fashion sense. Carlito decked him with his padlock and chain number, and we had a new United States Champion, in his first freakin' match!

From there, Carlito would try to have John Cena stabbed a little, break his own shoulder or something, and get a wacky pal named Jesus, leading to the least likely Pay-Per-View Championship Street Fight in history. Sould bonkers? That's just Carlito's way.

Well, until K-Fed shows up to help Johnny Nitro fend off the challenge of CM Punk, then pins Gerald Brisco in a tag match to become ECW Champion, I am, in fact, Top Jimmy, aka James E. Couture.

Count the Van Halen references. I'm begging ya. And post them on the messages boards. Winner gets....the smug satisfaction of being right ?