Couture's Championship Profiles: WWE Intercontinental Champion Carlito

Folks, it's the man who rocks harder than the end piece of a cafeteria meatloaf (I would eat anything for lunch, but I wouldn't eat that), me, James E Couture. Now folks, the brand extension has opened up quite a few holes in the WWE landscape. Regardless of whether they are filled or left gapingly open (ag-tay eams-tay?), it has brought about a multitude of opportunities for new stars to emerge and old characters to be repackaged. And with new stars and new looks for old ones comes new hilarious physical features. You know what I'm talking about: Kane's gut, Festus' male-pattern, Vis' tit. But there has been one defining wacky look of this, the "New New Generation". That is the fro. One could argue that without his fro, nobody would care what Carlito has to say. Of course, no one really cares what he has to say now, but that's beside the point. The point is, at one time, he was a champion. In fact, he was Carlito, Intercontinental Champion!

They year was 2005 and Carlton Caribbean Cruise was at a crossroads. At the crux of his crossroadery was his creepy crony, Matt Morgan. Having dumped his previous bodyguard Jesus (Hey-Zeus) like the proverbial bad habit, Carlito was embroiled in an epic struggle with The Big Show. While he picked up a win over the Show at Judgment Day 2005, ultimately the feud was like sugar free candy: unsatisfying. Luckily, the Draft Lottery was just around the corner, Carlito could look forward to new foes on the 'Down! or even new surroundings.

"It was true, Cole. Cahleeto looked like somebody grabbed his yambag, just like I did back in the day in the ORIGINAL ECW."
-Tazz, "Encyclopedia Tazzica:Taz-Tazz", 2005

On June 20, 2005, a monumental event took place. Shelton Benjamin, the reigning and defending Intercontinental Champion, awaited his opponent, the next selection of the 2005 Draft...or Lottery. Would it be Nunzio? Or maybe Joy Giovanni? Well, unless you just see the name "Couture" and click away, regardless of whatever the title is, you know it was Carlito. Thanks to a handful of tights and his magic fro, Carlito was Intercontinental Champion. Shelton Benjamin, enraged, mumbled under his breath, producing his best promo to date.

But, of course, it wouldn't end there. Carlito would go on to raise himself a notch higher than Benjamin ever did, intermingling with the likes of John Cena and Chris "save_X.us~229.rememberthetitans.xml/" Jericho before meeting his arch nemesis, the bada to his bing (man, those "More Taste League" commercial are so funny!!!*), Nature Boy Ric Flair! Yes, it's true folks, there was a time when Flair wasn't just a mythical figure only showing up as rumors on newz sites or some douchebag's lame article, he was a (relatively) active wrestler. And so, thanks to a handful of nuts and his magic thin wet white hair, Ric Flair had ended the Cool reign before it ever had a chance to soak the ground.

But, as you all know, Carlito would go on to....hang out and stuff. He's still got the fro, though!

Well, until UFC announces they've signed Mideon to a four-fight contract ("he's still got a lot left to contribute"), I am, in fact, James E Couture

But I don't really spit in people's faces, regardless of whether they want to be cool or not.