Before he was Ron "The Truth" Simmons, he was K-Kwik, and he got rowdy. As his popularity spread like a rash, he found himself in more lucrative matches. Sufferin' succotash! On February 3, 2001, in Greensboro, North Carolina, K-Kwik became a legend like Timmy and Lassie, he got sassy, and won the Hardcore Title like he was Brian Knobbs, straight nasty! Then he lost it to Raven, which was kind of cheesy, that 24/7 rule was low down dirty and sleazy!

Please note, if any of the above sentences did not make any sense, they were directly lifted from or inspired by K-Kwik's "Rowdy" entrance theme, on WWF: The Music, Volume 5, probably available on Amazon.

Commence Bidness

The following paragraphs may contain spoiler-like descriptions of Saturday Night's Main Event. Proceed with caution!

Now, I went to Raw at MSG on Monday, and due to various delays, got there just as the Sandman-Kennedy classic was just beginning. Since I saw almost all of the show, I figured I'd give you a first hand account of Raw and SNME, if just briefly.

The Highlanders didn't even get off camera entrance music on their way to being squashed. Sucks to be them.

People got the "Let's go Cena/Cena sucks!" chant started even before the Jerry Lawler/King Booker segment, which itself led to one of the biggest (if only for a few seconds) heel reactions of the night, the Triple H fakeout. Damn you, internet rumors!

I think people sat on their hands during the Haas-Rhodes match because they knew who was winning even before the opening bell and ol' Cody still has the "aw shucks" thing going on. He needs to turn heel in a few months (kind of exactly like when Randy Orton first showed up) and he'll be fine. Plus, the actual "wrestling" match for the night wasn't all that good anyway, and Rhodes got a few boos, though I'm not sure if that was audible on TV.

The main event was okay, and the "hottest" match of the night. No breaking news there, but it really was a one match show.

Saturday Night's Main event started off with a SmackDown! tag match pitting The Great Khali (fabulous he) and Finlay against Batista and Kane. The match was, well, not good. I saw them the previous night in Portland, Maine, in seperate singles matches, and it's just a couple of bad match ups. Obviously you can't expect much from Khali and Batista, but Finlay and Kane just don't "click" from where I sit.

Up next was John Cena v. Carlito, which nobody cared about because the great Carli was made to look like a bitch about 20 minutes ago, and you knew he wasn't winning, so the crowd started a "Let's go Yankees/Let's go Mets!" chant. An RKO on Cena onto a chair from Orton got the crowd standing, though.

When I showed up at the Garden, the last person I expected to see in a match was Evander Holyfield, with Michael Buffer announcing. It was crappy between the bells, but you could argue that's the case about all boxing. At least he didn't wrestle, but I got news for ya, he ain't beating anybody for any fifth world title anytime soon.

The ECW representation was Boogeyman and CM Punk v. John Morrison and Big Daddy V. Though Cryme Tyme got a nice "hometown" response, Big Daddy V failed to garner the Harlem pop. CM Punk got some love for his entrance, but then the crowd went dead. It's probably a little bit "last match of the night and all the main guys have already been on", a little bit "third epic tag main event of the night", and a little bit "nobody cares about ECW". They really need to "send down" an established name to help all these young/"first time being focused" guys, reaction-wise.

And the real main event of the evening, the big reveal of some possible candidates for Vince McMahon's seed. Well, they went "there", kind of, with an incest joke, as well as a couple of wacky suggestions, but then came the 2nd big shock of the night....STONE COLD! Sure, it'll probably seem underwhelming and "same ol'" on TV, but it was definitely exciting live, and he got the biggest pop of the night.

Sure, it may sound like I've "Poo Pooed" everything, but seeing main eventers from all three brands, Mick Foley, The Iron Sheik and Nikolai Volkoff, Stone Cold, Michael Buffer and Evander Freakin' Holyfield definitely made it a semi-historic night, and worth the total 20 hours of travel to get there and back.

Well, until Jeff Hardy returns to Greco-Roman wrestle Rulon Gardner, I am, in fact, James E. Couture.

Remember, this Saturday, taped, from New York, it's Saturday Night !!