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Couture's Championship Profiles: World Tag Team Champions Ric Flair and Roddy Piper
Folks, it's the man with more fans than an electronics store during a heatwave, me, James E. Couture. Now, I've been under a lot of stress lately. Big Daddy V's rent-a-car levels of stress. Not the "a family member's got cancer" kind, just the "everything to do and no time to do it" kind, often described by its medical name "Anti-Too Much Time On My Hands by Styx Stress", so in some respect I'm lucky. Still, with the perfect storm of pains in my ass swirling above me, I regret to inform you that this weeks Profile will be neither "dynamic" nor "investigative", unlike my award winning (three Smarksies and counting!) pieces on iGeneration Wrestling or the "new" AWA. No, this week's a slow easy pitch right over the plate. That can only mean one thing: Ric Flair and Roddy Piper, Tag Team Champions!
Dateline: 2006. Wrestling's hottest stable, The Spirit Squad, was running rampant o'er the world of professional wrestling. After running roughshod over teams the Highlanders and Hacksaw Jim Crazy and Super Duggan, and smoothshod under DX and John Cena, the Squad set their sights on one man: Ric Flair. "Rick Flare was my hero. I'd f*** bitches three at a time and text my ex-wife about it. Holding the Tag Team Championship with Flaire was like a dream come true. I also made a stripper named Dream come, true." -Batista, from his 2nd autobiography, "Feel Like Makin' Love", Bad Company Publications, set for release during his 2008 surgery recovery. After repeated attacks, both verbal and physical, by Kenny, Johnny, Mitch, Mikey, Donny, Leo, and Raff, Flair had taken all he could stands and he could stands no more. The stage: Cyber Sunday: You Make The Matches, But It's Still Predetermined, Dumbass 2006. Fans could choose from some of Raw's hottest young stars: Sgt. "Pudge" Slaughter, "Rusty" Dusty Rhodes, or Rowdy "Rod" Roddy Piper. He may not have the chin, or the splotch, but he had the votes. Roderick Toombs, come on down! So the match was set: The Nature Boy and The Rowdy (Canadian) Scot, with a combined 267 years of experience, against Kenny and Mikey, two guys without last names. PFlairper pulled out all the stops, using punches, chops, AND eye pokes. Flair and Piper proved to be the Randy Couture of tag teams (without the muscles), besting the New JOB Squad with the trusty Figure 4. But, unlike Couture, The New This Old Tag Team would defend their titles till the end. Luckily, that only took 2 weeks, as Rated RKO, back when Randy Orton WASN'T the shit (2002-2003, 2004-2007) and Edge WASN'T hurt (brief periods throughout the 2000's) beat them so bad Flair became irrelevant and Piper got cancer. Of course, Piper beat cancer. Flair? He's currently attending sporting events. Well, until Russell Crowe films a reality show in which he purchases the Tampa Bay Devil Rays and teaches them how to play baseball, I am, in fact, James E Couture. And I saw Van Halen on Tuesday in Boston, and let me just say, Eddie, hallowed be thy name, can still rock like it's 1977, or at least I imagine, as I was quite not alive at that time. blog comments powered by Disqus
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| All content contained here Copyright 2012 by James Guttman |
