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Couture's Championship Profiles: WWF Tag Team Champions Tazz and Spike Dudley
By James E. Couture
Jul 26, 2007 - 2:30 PM

Folks, it's the man more satisfying than a Shasta Cola, me, James E. Couture. Now, with wacky champions like the Great Khali, fabulous he, and Hornswaggle running around, you'd think now would be the perfect time for a "Current Champion" Profile, but man, are you wrong. No, it's time to Profile another guy who can't speak English and a wacky 87 pound midget, that's right, it's Tazz and Spike Dudley, Tag Team Champions!

Christmas 2001. While normal folk were decking the halls and learning the true meaning of egg nog, Tag Team Champion Bubba Ray Dudley and Cruiserweight Champion Tajiri were donning some pretty gay apparel, beyond a fabulous gold and leather belt. Yes, they were doing Santa duty at their respective "Heel" and "Face" Christmas parties. Then, for some reason, Tazz told off Bubbles Ray, prompting a match between Dudley and Tazz---wait, Tajiri. During the best Santa Match ever witnessed by human eyes, Tazz interfered, causing Bubba Claus to lose to Tajiri Claus and his peppermint mist.

"What I have is a list of all the men I've been in the ring with who have used peppermint, either straight or lacing their hot cocoa. How many more people will make this list before they realize wrestling's got a problem with peppermint abuse?"
             -Marc Mero, "Marc Mero and His Shocking Mint-List!", eXtra! Edition!!, 2007

So naturally this led to a tag team match between The Dudleyz and Tazz and Taj---Spike Dudley. 'Kay, whatever, small is small, I guess. After a 5 minute classic, the Dudley Dog decimated D-Von, and we had ourselves an upset. But what the?!?--it was non-title! With the gold on the line, the Dudleyz managed to eek out a win, leading us to the ragin' climax. In a DQ's Count Anywhere, No Hard, Streetcore Weapons Match, David and his also short fat friend (St. Jerome?) defeated They Might Be Goliaths. We had new Tag Team Champions.

And despite a combined weight of roughly 380 pounds, or Big Daddy V's left 2nd roll of fat, the wins kept coming. They fended off the return challenge of the Dudleyz, and even choked out Booker T and Test like pimps looking for their money. But, like any upset special, the other shoe fell. But against an assemblage of talent like Billy Gunn AND Chuck Palumbo, could any team have survived?

Tazz would go on to become easily one of the top ten commentators of the 21st century, while Spike Dudley would acclaim international fame as Lindsay Lohan's stunt double in "Herbie The Lovebug".

Well, until TNA has a Pay Per View main event that doesn't begin the words "The First Ever...", I am, in fact, James E. Couture.

And a selection from the James E. Couture Fake Dictionary:

Fladgsticulation-The act of hitting someone in the face while gesturing.