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Fantasy Fights: Samoa Joe vs. Triple H
By Justin Ballard
Aug 3, 2008 - 8:59 PM

Hey there folks!   Time once again for WWI Fantasy Fights!   Before we get started I just wanted to say the following: How frickin' incredibly, orgasmically awesome was The Dark Knight???   There's just no need for a movie to be that good!   Heath Ledger has delivered the greatest comic book movie performance of all-time.

Okay, back on the clock...   This week's Fantasy Fight is between two men who are currently the face of their respective organizations.   Both champions are regarded as among the toughest in the business, both had to pay considerable dues to get where they are today, and both have proven themselves quite versatile against a wide variety of competition.   Which of today's World Champions would win an all-out melee - Triple H or Samoa Joe?

Triple H: Stands 6'4" and weighs 260 pounds....A 12-time World Champion (Current WWE Champ), and one of the most decorated wrestlers in history....Renowned for his ring generalship and broad experience against nearly every top name in the sport....Three best moves: Pedigree, Indian Deathlock, running knee to the face....Biggest strength: Ring intelligence....Biggest weakness: Cumulative injuries

Samoa Joe: Stands 6'1" and weighs 280 pounds....Current TNA World Champion....Former TNA X-Division and Tag Team Champ, and ROH World Champion....A dominant wrestler, often considered one of the men to carry the TNA company and the wrestling industry into the next decade....Three best moves: Coquina Clutch, Muscle Buster, running kick to the face....Biggest strength: Brutal toughness....Biggest weakness: Slowed down by excess weight

Saturday Night's Alright for (Ultimate) Fighting

The UFC smashed all previous pay-per-view records one chilly October night when they paired UFC legend Chuck Liddell against newcomer and former WWE Champion Brock Lesnar.   MMA and wrestling fans alike plunked down hard cash to see the UFC's most celebrated athlete take on the outsider, who after a disappointing UFC debut had gone on an astonishing winning streak that left 5 knockouts and several broken bones in its wake.   Brock Lesnar had become in UFC what he had formerly been in WWE - The Next Big Thing.

The event sold out in mere minutes, most of the tickets scooped up by celebrities and sports luminaries.   Will Smith could be seen in the crowd chatting with Kurt Angle.   Funnyman Steve Carell shared a skybox with New England Patriot Tom Brady.  

Seated in the second row, four seats away from each other, were WWE Champion Triple H (accompanied by Vince and Stephanie McMahon) and TNA Champion Samoa Joe.   As Lesnar made his way to the octagon, Hunter leaned over to Vince and remarked, “This punk’s lucky he never got in the ring with me or he’d be in a wheelchair right now.”   Joe overheard the remark and rolled his eyes.

Chuck Liddell entered the cage and the ring introductions were underway.   Ring announcer Michael Buffer took a moment to acknowledge a few of the noted guests in the audience.   Triple H’s face was flashed on the giant TV screen above the octagon, third in the introductions.   “….Also among tonight’s celebrity guests, the number-one professional wrestler in the world, the WWE Champion, Triple H!”   The WWE Champ rose from his seat and waved to the crowd.   Samoa Joe’s name was not mentioned.   Joe glared over at Triple H, unnoticed, sat fuming for a few moments, and stormed up the steps to the exit.

The action in the cage was furious and hard-hitting.   Lesnar’s power attack was dominant for much of the bout, only occasionally countered by Liddell’s tenacity and experience.   In the fourth round, Lesnar countered Liddell’s front facelock by climbing to his feet with Liddell on his shoulders.   Liddell squirmed but Lesnar held on and spun him to the mat with a devastating F5.   The impact knocked out three of Liddell’s teeth and gave Lesnar the win by knockout.

By this time Joe was back in his hotel room, having destroyed two concession stands and a plate-glass window on his way out of the arena.

Another Live Mike

The following week at TNA’s pay-per-view Bound for Glory, Samoa Joe took to the ring for a scheduled promo hyping that night’s title defense against Sting.   He arrived in street clothes and yanked the microphone out of Jeremy Borash’s hand.

“Kill the music!    I got something to get off my chest, people……SHUT UP for a second!!   TNA Management, when will you guys learn not to give the angry Samoan a live mike?   No Dixie, don’t try to wave me off – anyone wants to stop me from saying what I have to say, I dare you to come try to take this mike from me.   Last week I decided to take a trip to Vegas and catch UFC’s latest offering.   I gotta say, I’ve been a fan of theirs for a few years now.   And they’re getting really big.   Everyone’s watching UFC these days.  

“I was one of several celebrities, athletes, musicians, and pro wrestlers in the crowd that night.   In fact there was one guy in the crowd who got a nice fat acknowledgement from the announcers and the audience.   He got some great face time; got to show his old leathery mug and Pantene Pro-V hair on the big screen as they announced him as the number-one pro wrestler in the world.   Meanwhile, who knew I was in attendance that night?   No one.   The actual best wrestler in the world was not acknowledged whatsoever.  

“To the average fool watching Vince McMahon’s House of Steroids every Monday night, the top wrestler in the world is a manipulative piece of crap named Triple H.   But to the TNA fans out there, the REAL fans of this sport, the top wrestler in the damn world is standing right here!   Hunter, you had no business getting within 50 miles of an Ultimate Fighting event.   I heard your little wisecrack about Brock Lesnar, and if you got in the ring with Lesnar, or any of those guys for that matter, they’d break your stupid face apart in ten seconds.   And the same would happen if you got in the ring with me!   You call yourself a champion?   I call you a relative of the boss!   You’d be nothing right now if your wife didn’t happen to be Vince’s daughter, you phony!   You should’ve taken a cue from your buddy Scott Hall and pulled a no-show!   Anytime you wanna tussle with a real champion who works his ass off and defends against real competition, call me up!   Until then, you’re nothing but a pathetic joke!”

Later that evening, Samoa Joe retained his title in 49 seconds after breaking both of Sting’s arms.

RAW Reaction

RAW’s rating shot up 1.3 points the following night, as fans tuned in to see if Triple H would respond to Joe’s tirade.   The episode featured a John Cena-Batista slugfest, a Shawn Michaels-Kane bout, and a World Title defense by CM Punk against Chris Jericho.   Triple H interrupted the Title match, defying Vince and Stephanie’s warnings, and seized a mike.  

“First off, Punk & Jericho, I know you guys were in the middle of a match, but let’s face it – I’m the real Champion of this company and I need to use my ring for a minute.   I promise you can have it back when I’m through.  

“Now then down to business.   I understand a certain ‘champion’ of a certain rinky-dink, Mickey Mouse organization down in Florida has a little problem with the fact that I’m actually a household name in this business and he isn’t.   See we both attended a sporting event last weekend and the host of said event decided to recognize yours truly as the face of professional wrestling, which as I’m sure everyone here can agree, I am.   But pudgy little Samoa Steve or Scuba Joe or whatever your name is got a little upset ‘cause only major celebrities and athletes get to be mentioned at big-time sporting events.   You don’t see people wasting valuable air-time on the starting pitcher for the Pawtucket Red Sox ‘cause he’s a minor league player.   Just like you, Jungle Joe.   And don’t take this personally, but given the fact that you’re a dead ringer for the Head Janitor over at Titan Tower I question the wisdom of your company allowing you to become their champion in the first place.   I mean I’ve made Kurt Angle look silly in this ring numerous times, but at least he’s been to The Dance.   What have you done, Janitor Joe?   No wonder Jeff Jarrett’s Fun Emporium can’t get above a 2.0 – their main guy is Chunk from The Goonies.

“To answer your little challenge, I’d honestly be happy to meet you anywhere and beat the tar out of you – hell, I can probably spare 15 seconds – but unfortunately my in-ring schedule is all booked up with real contenders.   And there’s not much point in embarrassing you in a parking lot when no one’s watching and I won’t be getting paid for it.   But if you feel like a good ass-kicking, all you gotta do is sign up with WWE and work your way up the ladder to the only Championship that matters a damn in this business – the one currently over my shoulder.”

Dixie ’s Dilemma

“Joe, I really don’t know what to do with you at this point,” Dixie Carter scolded.   “You’ve burned me on this once before and I made it clear then that there is no excuse for airing your personal crap on live TV without even discussing it with management first.   I should take the title away from you and suspend you indefinitely.   But that wouldn’t exactly be good for business either.   What am I supposed to do here?”

“Do whatever the hell you want, Dixie,” replied Joe.   “You want me to go on the air tonight and forfeit the belt, fine.   You want me to defend against three guys at once and pretend one of them has a chance in hell of beating me, fine.   You wanna keep me off TV entirely, be my guest.   All I give a crap about right now is beating a rain check into Triple H’s skull.”

“You’ve gotta let this go, Joe.   As long as you’re obsessing over Hunter, you’re not representing TNA Wrestling.   Either you drop this or I will have to suspend you until further notice.”

“Well then you have two choices.   Take the belt right now and suspend me, or help me get Triple H’s ass in the ring.”

Vince’s Venom

Dixie opted to keep Samoa Joe off that week’s edition of Impact so as not to exacerbate the situation.   An announcement was made at the top of the show that Joe would not be appearing, in light of his actions at the PPV.   Despite the disclaimer, Impact’s rating reached a 2.8 that week.  

Vince’s reaction was less than favorable.   He called Triple H into his office the next morning.

“What do you have to say for yourself, Hunter?   It’s not enough that you flagrantly defied me and took over my show to get over some personal vendetta against the champion of a second-rate company, but because of your stupid move that company just gained a million viewers!”

“Look, I said that night I was sorry.   I just wanted to put an end to it.   We gained a million viewers this week too, so what’s the problem?”

“The problem is we’re allowing this garbage to escalate when there’s no way it can ever pay off.   Joe’s under TNA contract for another two years.   There’s zero money to be made off this.   We should’ve ignored this idiocy completely.”

“Ok fine.   It’s beneath me.   I said all I had to say about it.”

Mounting Tensions

In the weeks that followed, things went back to business in WWE.   Triple H resumed defending his Title, giving little thought to Samoa Joe.   He was admittedly mildly curious how much of a fight Joe could give him, though he had no doubt whatsoever the match would be brief and largely one-sided.

Joe on the other hand became more obsessed by the day.   Publicly Joe seemed his normal self, but privately the rage was eating him alive.   His matches were his only release.  

After his one-week hiatus from television he returned for a main event title match against Scott Steiner.   Within the first two minutes of the bout, Steiner had suffered a dislocated jaw, two cracked ribs, a torn quadriceps, and three broken fingers.   The referee stopped the match when Steiner passed out in the corner after fifteen unanswered elbows to the face.

Joe followed it up the next week with a four-minute massacre of Jay Lethal that left Lethal hospitalized with a shattered ankle and a severe concussion.

Alarmed by their growing disabled list, TNA Management held another meeting with Joe and came to the decision to keep him off TV for one month, at which time his frame of mind could be reevaluated.   Joe seemed to take the news rather well, destroying Jim Cornette’s desk and his office door but leaving all personnel unharmed.

Surprise Visit

That Thursday night, Smackdown was taped in Miami and featured a Triple H-Edge Last Man Standing match.   Hunter won handily after two sledgehammer shots and a Pedigree.   He headed back to the locker room after the match, showered, changed, and packed his bag before heading out to his limo.   Generally he rode in the bus that Stephanie had chartered to allow him to spend time with his family on the road, but on this particular evening Stephanie and their daughter were home with the flu.  

The sight that met Hunter’s eyes upon reaching the limo caused him to drop his jaw and his suitcase.   The limo driver lay unconscious and bleeding on the hood of the car, his head smashed through the windshield.   The limo itself wasn’t in much better condition; the vehicle looked as though it had been shot out of a cannon.   Nary a window remained intact, the tires had been cut to pieces, the body battered into oblivion.

Taped to the driver’s back was a piece of notebook paper, upon which was scribbled:

Hunter,

Do I have your attention yet?

The Game Plan

“We’ll sue the hell out of Joe and TNA!” barked Vince.   “Destruction of WWE property, trespassing, assault…”

“No no,” replied Triple H.  “I want his fat ass in the ring.   What if Stephanie had been around that night?   Instead of taking him to court I’ll just beat the damages out of him and we’ll make a killing on PPV to boot.”   Vince couldn’t argue with that.   He’d see a huge PPV gate while seriously hurting his competition.

Vince made the call to Dixie Carter and made the challenge on behalf of Triple H.   Dixie was hard-pressed to find a reason not to accept.   She’d be able to avoid litigation for Joe’s attack while gaining considerable notoriety for TNA.   Plus with Triple H out of his system, maybe Joe would finally get back on track and start representing the company like he used to.

There was however one snag.   Both Vince and Dixie insisted the match take place on their own turf.   Vince said, “I’ll be damned if I’m putting forth all this effort and my top talent to generate buys for a TNA show.”   After a three-hour negotiation and a call to UFC President Dana White, a compromise was made:   Triple H would fight Samoa Joe at UFC’s November PPV, inside the Octagon.   The three companies would split the gate evenly.

The rules would vary from a typical UFC match in that there would be no rounds and all legal pro wrestling holds would be allowed.   However both wrestlers would be subject to UFC ring attire regulations – padded gloves, no shoes.   The match could be won by pinfall, submission, or knockout.   There would be a 30-minute time limit and in the event of a draw the judges would declare a winner.  

Dana White added a wrinkle: since he was doing both Vince and Dixie a favor by sanctioning the match on his show, the winner would be contractually obligated to face the UFC Heavyweight Champion the following month, under standard UFC rules.   The two wrestling promoters begrudgingly accepted.

The Undercard

Ken Shamrock came out of retirement for one final rematch against hated rival Tito Ortiz.   Ortiz dominated the bout for the first two rounds, with Shamrock narrowly escaping match stoppage on a number of occasions.   But it was a desperate third-round judo throw into an air-tight short-arm scissor that forced the impossible – Ortiz tapped out at 4:19 of Round 3.

UFC Heavyweight Champion Randy Couture put his title on the line against the promotion’s newest sensation Brock Lesnar.   The former WWE Champion steamrolled his way to a first-round knockout, following a spine-wrenching STO.   As Lesnar was presented with the title belt he issued the following statement: “Triple H, Samoa Joe; whichever of you wins tonight, just remember that in one month you’ll be facing the world’s most brutal athlete, in my house of torture!   I can’t wait to tear one of you to pieces!”

Main Event Time

Samoa Joe made his way to the Octagon, seconded by Kurt Angle.   Angle, whose beef with Triple H was well-documented, had helped train Joe in cardio and grappling.   Joe seemed leaner and better-conditioned than ever before.   The expression on his face suggested a man only barely suppressing an uncontrollable frenzy.

Triple H stomped to the ring accompanied by Vince and Shane McMahon.   He looked as focused as ever, ignoring the crowd and seething with venom.  

Ring announcer Michael Buffer made the introductions as the official instructed the grapplers.  

At the bell the two men lunged forward, mashing their foreheads together, as though trying to crush each other’s skull.   Joe shoved Triple H away.   Triple H shoved right back.   Joe slapped Triple H in the face.   Triple H returned the favor.   They locked up.   Both men’s shoulder muscles seemed to double in size as they pushed against each other, blood and adrenaline coursing through them.  

For thirty seconds neither man could gain an advantage.   Triple H rammed a forearm into the side of Joe’s head, toppling him back into the cage.   Hunter followed up with several shoulderblocks into Joe’s ribs.   The chain-ink mesh gouged Joe’s skin, leaving dozens of red squares on his back.   Triple H unloaded punching combinations into Joe’s gut and face.   Hunter’s MMA glove ripped a deep gash below Joe’s left eye.   Joe crouched and rotated toward the center of the ring.

Blood trickled into Joe’s mouth, the taste of which seemed to ignite his ferocity.   As Triple H charged, Joe knocked the breath out of him with a twisting powerslam.   Totally unprepared for the tautness of the mat, Hunter felt the wind jet out of his body at alarming speed.   Joe stumbled back to his feet, shook off the haze, and let out a guttural battle cry.

Triple H crawled to a standing position and was met with a devastating lariat that seemed to turn him inside out.   Joe went for a cover but only got 2.   He pulled Hunter back up and began kneeing him in the chest.   Hunter gasped for air with each crushing blow.   He blocked the sixth knee and flipped Joe over his head.   The first three rows cringed as Joe thudded down on the unyielding UFC canvas.  

Hunter measured Joe with a vicious knee drop to the head and attempted a pin.   Joe kicked out at two and a half.  

Triple H pulled Joe to his feet and Irish whipped him into the cage.   Joe bounced off the cage like a pinball and flopped to the canvas.   Hunter picked him up again and repeated the move with the same result, the cage cutting Joe’s skin to ribbons.   Hunter covered him again but to no avail.  

Joe crawled to the fence and began pulling himself up.   Hunter crouched over him and blasted him with several forearms across the face.   The fifth shot crushed Joe’s nose like a strawberry, spraying blood in every direction.   Joe bellowed and flailed his arms, knocking Triple H backward.   Joe rose to his feet, his face resembling a red inkblot, and leveled Hunter with a rib-crushing spear.

Joe knelt on top of Hunter and pounded him.   The blunt force of Joe’s fists reverberated through Hunter’s body and left lacerations across his face and chest.   Joe stood up as the official began counting Triple H down.   The WWE Champion got up at the count of 8.

They locked up again, this time each trying to claw each other’s faces off.   Joe drove his heel into Hunter’s quad muscle, cutting him down.   Pain zipped through Hunter’s surgically repaired leg as Joe applied a single-leg crab.   Triple H waved off the referee and pulled himself to the cage.   With no rope-break rule, Joe refused to release the hold.   Hunter pulled himself up the cage and cracked the back of Joe’s head with a straight kick.  

Joe stumbled forward, turned and charged.   Hunter sprung in the air and raised a knee to Joe’s face, fracturing his cheekbone in three places.   Joe spun a full 360 degrees and crashed to the mat.   Hunter fell against the cage as the ref counted Joe down.   Joe answered the count at 9, wheezing through the jumble of broken bone and flesh that used to be his face, and waved Hunter forward.  

The two exhausted gladiators sized each other up again.   Hunter threw a couple of quick jabs, which Joe dodged.   Joe scored a quick kick to Hunter’s calf which was met with indifference.   Hunter spun with a roundhouse kick, but Joe caught the leg, clutched Hunter’s throat, and vaulted him head-over-heels into the cage.  

The world tumbled around Hunter as he was propelled into the steel.   He crumpled to the canvas and Joe was on him.   Joe took Triple H’s head and rammed it repeatedly backward into the canvas.   Possessed with some kind of bloodthirsty madness, Joe hammered Hunter’s face with brutal punches.   The onlookers at ringside were showered with blood as each blow connected with a splat.   Joe wrapped his crimson-saturated arms around Hunter’s neck and squeezed it like an orange.   Hunter thrashed his arms about, trying desperately to take a breath as the life was being wrenched out of him.   Five seconds later he tapped out.

Aftermath

The event did huge business, and UFC, WWE, and TNA all made a hefty profit.   Triple H’s largely superficial injuries healed in due time.   He resumed his successful WWE Title run but never fully recovered emotionally from the beating he took at Samoa Joe’s hands.   He did however eventually become the first-ever 17-time World Champion of professional wrestling.

In light of the extensive facial injuries Samoa Joe had suffered, his matchup against Brock Lesnar was postponed three months (at Lesnar’s insistence) to allow Joe to get back to 100%.   The Lesnar-Joe fight also did giant numbers and was a very even contest.   Joe held his own in a strict MMA contest against his somewhat more experienced adversary.   In the end Lesnar retained the UFC Title in a split decision.  

Joe’s TNA return was met with an overwhelmingly positive response.   He went on to have a long title run and carried the promotion to new levels of success.