My name is Dr. Drew Pinsky, and you’ve heard my name before.  Perhaps in association with the various Reality TV shows I’ve been on, including Celebrity Rehab, Sober House, and Sex… With Mom and Dad.  For over 20 years, now, I’ve dedicated my life and practice to helping people overcome drug and alcohol addiction, as well as lead better, healthier sex lives.  But today, I’m going to share with you the struggles of yet another group of people.  As you know, I’ve helped several professional wrestlers overcome their addiction to drugs and alcohol over the years, and I have noticed that wrestlers tend to come in with their own sets of problems that differ somewhat from your average addict.  Beyond the aggressive, physical abuse they put their bodies through as a part of their profession, life within the professional wrestling world carries with it its own psychological hazards, as well.  The strenuous work schedule, constant travel, and the idea that a wrestler must always be ‘on’, remaining in character virtually any time they are seen in public, is akin to struggles many of the celebrities and rock stars that have been featured on Celebrity Rehab, but, beyond that is a world of constant politicking, back-biting, and egotism, that adds an additional stress that most celebrities only encounter sporadically.

Anyone who has seen The Wrestler knows that the decline of a wrestler’s career can be especially heartbreaking.  And while that film was a work of fiction, the reality of a fallen career in the wrestling world is often just as heartbreaking and tragic as the film itself.  Today, I bring to you a group of men whose careers have begun that decline.  Men who were once members of popular tag teams, who saw their partner go on to superstardom, while they were left behind in the dust.  Today, we document their depression, their resentment, their sheer anger, and their struggle to cope with failure.  Today, we meet… The Marty Jannettys .

*****

At the Pasadena Recovery Center, in Pasadena, California, I sat down with a group of men who were once members of popular tag teams: Joey Matthews, who, as ‘Joey Mercury’, was a member of MNM; Mustafa, who once teamed with New Jack as a member of The Gangstas; Justin Credible, one half of ECW’s Impact Players; Jim “The Anvil” Neidhart, a member of The Hart Foundation; “Primetime” Elix Skipper, who many of you will remember walking off the cage at Turning Point as a member of Triple X; “Wildcat” Chris Harris, formerly of America’s Most Wanted; Christian Cage, the alleged brother of Sexton Hardcastle, better known to most of you as Edge; Christian York, who once teamed with Joey Matthews before Joey went to WWE; Matt Hardy, who lives in the shadow of his younger brother, Jeff; our newest member, John Morrison, who used to team with “The Miz” Mike Mizanin; and, of course, Marty Jannetty.

“So,” I began, “I know that we’ve been meeting here for a few months now, and you’ve all agreed that we should open this meeting to the public, so, before we begin, I’m just going to open the floor to you, and ask you if any of you have something to say to the people who will be reading this on the Internet that you feel they should know about you, your struggles, or about being a Marty Jannetty in general.”

“Actually, Drew,” Marty Jannetty chimed in, “I have something to say… Why is it that when someone is considered the lesser half of a tag team, they’re always called a ‘Marty Jannetty’?  I mean, they never call them a ‘Jim Neidhart’, or a ‘Dynamite Kid’, or whatever his name was that used to team with Rikishi in the Headshrinkers!  They always call them ‘Marty Jannetty”!  It’s not like I was THAT BIG of a failure!  I was Intercontinental Champion, for crying out loud!  Hell, I even beat Shawn for the damn belt!  What more do you want from me?!”

“Big deal,” Justin Credible interrupted.  “I was ECW World Champion!  Lance Storm never held that!”

“No,” Christian Cage interjected, “he just held damn near every belt in WCW simultaneously, that’s all…”

“F*ck off,” Justin replied.  “Just because you were TNA ‘Big Acquisition’ #35, you think you’re better than all of us!”

“No, I think I’m better than you because I’m the only one in here who still has a job in a major company, dumbass!” Cage replied.

Matt Hardy cleared his throat and said, “Um… I’m still in WWE, too, Christian.  Remember?”

John Morrison added, “Me too!  I’m like, the #3 guy on SmackDown right now.”  The room filled with laughter.

“Yeah, that’ll last,” Chris Harris scoffed.  “As soon as WWE realizes the fans are singing along with The Miz and turn him face, your days are numbered.”

“Even then, you’re the #3 guy on a show that’s technically in syndication, now!” Christian Cage added.

“Don’t worry, John,” Justin agreed, “I’m sure, once WWE cans your ass, you can go and be TNA’s ‘Big Acquisition’ #3011!”

“Dude!” Joey Matthews shouted.  “Don’t you know?  Hulk Hogan’s signed to TNA!”

“You’re f*cking with me!  Seriously?  TNA signed Hogan?” Credible asked.

“Yeah,” Chris Harris answered.  “Where the f*ck have you been?”

“It’s only the biggest news in the industry right now,” Joey Matthews added.  “I mean, God knows TNA will find a way to f*ck it up something serious…”

“Like going head to head with RAW on Monday Night?” Christian Cage interjected.

“…but it’s still big news, Justin!” Matthews continued.  Justin got up out of his chair and grabbed the Singapore Cane sitting next to him on the floor.  “Don’t you read the sheets, or the internet, or…”

*THWACK*

Justin Credible nails Joey Matthews with a violent blow to the head.  The cane breaks as it makes contact, busting Matthews open as he falls to the floor.  Security comes in to break up the scene, pushing Justin away from the chaos and holding him away from the rest of the group while a doctor comes in to patch Joey up.

“Well, my day’s been made,” Christian York smiled as the doctor stitched Joey up.  “How’s your head, Joey?”

“F*ck you, York,” Matthews replied as he sat back in his chair.

“Well now,” I said, “I was hoping it wouldn’t come to this, but guys, we can’t have this sort of violence in group.”  Looking to Justin Credible, who was still off to the side being held off by security, I said, “Justin, I think you owe someone an apology.”

“F*ck that!” Justin responded.  “F*cking douchebag, try and call ME stupid?  Who the f*ck do you think you are?  Lance Storm?  I’ll kill your ass, mother*cker!  ‘Cause I’m not just the coolest…”

“Justin!” I said, going over to the alleged ‘Hardcore Icon’.  “Justin, listen to me, okay?  You know just as well as I do that Joey wasn’t calling you stupid.  Right Joey?”

“Actually, I kinda was, Dr. Drew,” Joey replied.

“See?” I said. 

“Didn’t you just hear what he said?  I’ll f*cking kill that bastard!” Justin screamed as Security struggled to hold him back.

“Justin,” I whispered to him, “just sit down and promise me you’re not going to hit anybody else, okay?  You’re not the only patients I have today, after all…”

“What the f*ck for?” Justin asked.

“I’ll pay you,” I offered.

“How much?” he asked.  I pulled out my wallet and counted what money I had inside.

“How’s $50 sound?” I said.

“Well,” he pondered, “it’s more than the cheap-ass promoter paid me last night to do his sh*t-house Indy show.”

“So we have a deal, then?” I asked.

“Yeah,” he replied as I handed him the money.  Justin relinquished the cane and calmly took a seat back in the group.

Jim Neidhart, who was sitting next to Justin, leaned over and asked, “So how much did you milk this sucker for?”

“Pssh!” Justin replied.  “F*cker only had $50 on him!”

“50 bucks?” Jim asked, incredulously.  “What kind of doctor is he?”

“The kind who lets us all come here for free,” Marty Jannetty injected.  “Shut up, and don’t ruin it for the rest of us!”

“What’s his deal?” Justin asked Jim.

“Ah, he’s just doing this to butter up the suits in Stamford,” Jim replied.  “He actually thinks Vince wants to get him back on payroll.”

“Again?” Justin asked.  “What is this?  Like, the 30^th time, now?”

“Yeah…” Jim sighed.  “Something like that.”

“Now that we’ve settled these… interruptions,” I began, “I think it’s time we got on with this meeting.  Now, as we know, we recently introduced a new member to our group.  John, why don’t you stand up and tell us a little about your situation.”

John Morrison stood up in front of the group and said, “Hi, my name is John Morrison, and I’m…”

“Go ahead, John,” I said, sensing his hesitation.  “It’s okay, you’re among friends here.”

“I’m John Morrison, and I’m… I’m a Marty Jannetty,” John said.  The group applauded John.

“You’ve made the first step, John,” I said to him.  “Admitting that you’re the lesser half of a tag team is never easy, especially when you’re used to being the stronger half of a team.  I believe you and Joey Mercury…”

“Matthews, doc,” Joey interrupted.  “I don’t go by my slave name, anymore.”

“I’m sorry, Joey,” I said.  “John, I think you and Joey Matthews here have a lot in common.”

“Yeah, I guess we do.  And I’m really sorry about how I treated you after MNM broke up.  Going off and changing my name and all that,” John said to Joey.

“It’s all good, John,” Joey said to him.  “I never really hated you, man.  You just did what they told you to do.  If anything, I’m pissed at WWE for not thinking I could do it, too.”

“Now this is what I like to see,” Elix Skipper added.  “People feeling good about their partners’ success, you know?  Because, I mean, come on!  Any of us could have gotten the same opportunities.  And God knows if I’d have gotten that X Division Title Shot before Christopher Daniels did, maybe I’d be headlining Pay-Per-Views with AJ Styles now, instead of him!” The room, once again, filled with laughter.  “What are all you guys laughing at?”

“Well,” Chris Harris began, “the idea that you think you could headline a Pay-Per-View, for one.”

“And who says I couldn’t, Chris?” Elix asked.  “YOU headlined Pay-Per-Views once!”

“Hold up!” Christian Cage interjected.  “Wasn’t that when you guys were still doing that weekly Pay-Per-View bullsh*t?”

“Yeah, so?” Chris Harris and Elix Skipper answered.

“And the two of you still considering that on par with headlining, say, a monthly Sunday Pay-Per-View with an actual name, and a respectable price which actually managed to make TNA more money overall, despite being held less often?” Cage asked.

“Um… we headlined one of those, too.  It was called Turning Point 2004,” Harris answered.

“Yeah,” Elix added.  “I did that kick-ass cage walk and everything!”

“Yeah, ONE Pay-Per-View you guys headlined.  And how many have I headlined? Let me see here… one, two…” Cage counted.  “Hell!  I don’t think I have enough fingers to count all the Pay-Per-Views I headlined in TNA!”

“And exactly how many Pay-Per-Views have you headlined since coming back to WWE, hotshot?” Matt Hardy countered.  “And how is that brother of yours doing, by the way?  I mean, besides being a spiteful, girlfriend-stealing son of a bitch.  What is he now?  A 9-time World Champion?  And exactly which ones were they again?  Because, really, they obviously ALL had to mean more than the NWA Title.”

“What’s wrong with the NWA Title?” Cage asked.

“You mean BESIDES the fact that Shane Douglas basically took a sh*t on it in 1994 when he named himself the first ever ECW World Heavyweight Champion?” Justin Credible injected. 

“Well, there’s that,” Matt said, “and then there’s the fact that without TNA to support it, the NWA Title has become little more than a glorified Indy belt held by some no-name in Mexico!”

“Blue Demon isn’t a no-name!” Christian Cage countered.  “He’s one of the most well-known and respected names in Lucha Libre!”

“And outside of Mexico, nobody’s even heard of him,” Christian York conceded.  “More people know who I am than know who Blue Demon is!”

“See what I mean?” Matt said to Christian Cage.  “I mean, you have to be a REAL GEEK to know who the hell Christian York used to be!”

“Oh, I see” Cage began.  “So what about you, Matt?  What about YOUR brother?”

“Hold it,” I said, sensing where this argument was going.  “Before we even go there, please, keep in mind, the charges are pending, and that everyone has a right to a fair trial.  Jeff Hardy is innocent until proven guilty.”

“Um…” John Morrison hummed, “wasn’t this supposed to be my time?  You know, to talk about my problems?”

“Yes,” I answered.  “Of course.  I’m sorry, John.  I’ll try to do a better job of quelling these interruptions.”

“Thanks, Dr. Drew,” John said.  “So, I get traded to SmackDown, right?  Miz hits me with a Reality Check, tells me to go f*ck myself, you know. So I get to SmackDown, and it looks like I’m really going to get a spot here, you know?  Matches with CM Punk and Jeff Hardy… it really looks like I’m going to climb the card, right?  So, then, one day, Bragging Rights, and I’m there representing SmackDown.  I’m the Intercontinental Champion, and I’m facing The Miz, the US Champ.  For the first time in months, I finally have a chance to go out there and prove to the world that I’m a better wrestler, and… that son of a bitch has to go and cheat.  I swear to God, Miz has got to be the most selfish…”

As John paused to compose himself, I got up, put my hand on his shoulder, and lent him my support.  “It’s okay, John.  Take your time.  We have all day.”

“We do?!” Justin Credible interrupted.  “You told me…”

“Not now, Justin!” I said to him.

“All right,” he said.  “But it’ll cost you.”

“Fine,” I said.  “When we’re done here, I’ll hit the ATM.  Go ahead, John.”

“Anyway, Miz wins, and Chris Jericho has to go and rub it in everyone’s face how I was the only guy from SmackDown to lose at Bragging Rights.  And now, I’ve got Dolph Ziggler up my ass, I got Drew MacIntyre trying to take me out.  Hell, I think even Mr. McMahon has it out for me, now!  I can’t sleep.  I can’t seem to pull off a major win when I need it.  Hell, they’re even threatening to kick me out of the Palace of Wisdom, now!  Excuse me, but there wouldn’t even BE a Palace of Wisdom without me!  I’m the Shaman of Sexy!  The Friday Night Delight!  And these bastards think, just because the Miz was able to outsmart me ONCE in his stupid, Reality TV life, that I’m not fit to share in the refreshment of a higher enlightenment?  Who do they think they are?  And who the hell does Miz think he is, anyway?  Hello, Mike Johns called.  He says he wants his gimmick back!”

“Who’s Mike Johns?” Marty Jannetty asked.

“I don’t know,” John answered.  “Some Internet writer.  I think he works for World… Something or other .org or something.  Who cares?!  This is about ME!”

“It’s all right, John.  You can sit down now,” I said to him.  “Now, I think John’s hit on something very important, here, and I think it’s important that we all acknowledge this.  Now, I know that you all feel that,  because you were all members of popular tag teams, you are all entitled to some level of popularity as singles competitors.  The problem is, though, that you’re continuing to compare yourselves to others rather than recognizing your own level of notoriety.  For instance, instead of being happy about holding the Intercontinental Championship and being, essentially, the #3 guy on SmackDown, John here is upset that the Miz is perceived as being better than him, when, in fact, they’re really still at about the same level they were as a team.”

“Okay,” Christian Cage interjected, “but what about guys like me and Matt, whose brothers went on to become Main Eventers while we’re stuck carrying scrubs on ECW to barely passable matches?”

“Well, like we discussed earlier, Christian, you and Matt are still employed by WWE, the largest wrestling company in the world today.  You’re featured regularly on television shows that are broadcast throughout the world.  And you both have held the ECW Title.”

“And make six times more money than I did when I had the belt,” Justin Credible added.

“Exactly,” I agreed. Upon realizing what Justin has said, though, I felt the need to acknowledge it.  “Six times more money?  Wow.  No wonder you’re so pissed off, Justin!”

“I still want my money when this is over, Drew,” Justin reminded me.

“Of course,” I said, realizing Justin had no intention of letting me off the hook, here.

“Anyway,” I concluded, “I think it’s all important that each of us take the time to be grateful for what we have, and not spend so much time obsessing about others.  Besides, most of you still have enough of a name that you can sucker just about any Independent promoter out of a few hundred bucks a night just to show up!”

“Well,” Jim Neidhart said, nodding his head towards Mustafa, “not ALL of us.”

“F*cking New Jack.  Dumbass n*gga, thinkin’ he better than me just because he be diving off of sh*t.  Yeah, you go ahead, New Jack!  Dress yo mamma up as me!  Let’s see how well yo ass get over once you can’t dive off sh*t no more!” Mustafa muttered.

“Point taken,” I conceded.  “So, with that, I guess we’ll go ahead and wrap up today’s meeting.  I hope that everyone here can take something from this, apply it to their lives, and hopefully, come one step closer to accepting their reality.  Thank you all for coming.”

As each man got up to leave, Justin Credible and Jim Neidhart walked over to me.

“All right, Pinsky, pay up,” Justin demanded.  “And Jimmy wants a buck fifty, too.”

“What?” I asked, surprised.

“Jesus Christ!  This the first time you ever worked with wrestlers?” Jim Neidhart said.  “150 bucks.  Pay me!”

It’s times like this when I ask myself, Why do I bother?

Well… this, and that time I found Shifty smoking crack on the roof during Celebrity Rehab 2.