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The Wrath of Kane -- Or Maybe Not

By Dan Brodribb
Mar 7, 2009 - 4:34 PM


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Lately, I’ve been thinking about Kane and I‘m not 100% sure why.

 I have never held an opinion about Kane one way or the other--a remarkable feat, considering he’s been active in WWE for over a decade (*) and has been involved in virtually every possible story line from the intense to the intensely ridiculous (**). There’s no question he’s been one of the federation’s most consistent performers.

   Not only that, he’s taken a gimmick that I thought would last about as long as it took for Undertaker to finish with him at Wrestlemania 14 and turned it into a steady paycheck. In a ruthless business where names come, go, and are wished well on their future endeavors at the drop of a foam finger, I tip my hat to the Big Red Machine.

And yet…

When you think of iconic WWE moments, how many of them involve Kane? His very first appearance was the inaugural Hell in a Cell match between Shawn Michaels and the Undertaker. It’s one of the most revered matches in wrestling history and exactly zero percent of that reverence is aimed at Kane’s Big Reveal. If anything Kane’s appearance felt like an afterthought. I’ve watched this match dozens of times and every time I shut it off as soon as Kane’s music hits.

So is Kane good or bad? For over a decade he’s been one of the E’s most consistent performers. But nothing he’s ever done has ever rated above “mildly interesting.” So where do you rate him?

Kane is the wrestling equivalent of Patrick Ewing. He’s better than most guys, and if you look at his popularity and career numbers, he’s a Hall of Fame candidate. You may even have some personal favorite moments about the guy. But when you think of iconic moments in the sport, there’s nothing there.

That’s not a knock on Kane. The ugly truth is, most wrestling is stunningly mediocre. To read the internet you would think the WWE is in a creative death spiral. In actual fact, wrestling today is no worse than it was five, ten, or fifteen, or even twenty years ago (which is far back as I go). Nope. It’s always been this way. Being a fan means panning through rivers of mud to see a few moments of gold.

But those moments, they take your breath away.

Those moments are why I love this business.

For me personally, Kane hasn’t had a lot of those moments. But he hasn’t wasted too much of my time either. He’s done the best he can with what he’s been given, and in wrestling--as in life--that’s pretty much the most you can ask for.

(*) Longer if you include his stints as Isaac Yankem and Fake Diesel.

(**) Undertaker's brother! Lita's baby daddy! The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance! Okay, one of those, I made up.


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Alphabetical Listing of Guests You Can Hear on...

A

Sivi Afi
Aaron Aguliera
Skandar Akbar
Brent Albright
Ole Anderson
Road Warrior Animal
Tony "T.L. Hopper" Anthony

B

Buff Bagwell
Doug Basham
Paul Bearer
Giant Bernard
Big Daddy V
Eric Bischoff
Steve Blackman
Brian Blair
Tully Blanchard
Nick Bockwinkel
"The Boogeyman" Marty Wright
Bad News Brown
D-Lo Brown
"Jumping" Jim Brunzell
Mike "Simon Dean" Bucci
Bull Buchanan

C

Lance Cade
Christian
John Cena Sr.
Chaz "Headbanger Mosh"
Bryan "Adam Bomb" Clark
Rob Conway
Jim Cornette

Justin Credible

D

D-Ray 3000
Scott D'Amore
Christopher Daniels
Shawn Daivari
Dangerous Danny Davis
Dawn Marie
Damian Demento
Colin Delaney
Brother Devon
Demolition Ax
Demolition Smash
Bill DeMott
Ted DiBiase
J.J. Dillon
Nick "Eugene" Dinsmore
Disco Inferno
Spike Dudley

Hacksaw Jim Duggan
Kenny Dykstra

E

Bobby Eaton
Paul Ellering

Armando Estrada

F

Manny Fernandez
Francine
Mr. Fuji
Dory Funk Jr.
Terry Funk

G

Greg Gagne
Ronnie Garvin
Jackie Gayda
Robert Gibson
Glacier
Sylvain Grenier
Tod Gordon
Zach Gowen
Juventud Guerrera

H

Chalie Haas
Chris Harris
Bruce Hart
Jimmy Hart
Diva Search's Jessica Hatch
Dave Hebner
Earl Hebner
Bobby "The Brain" Heenan
Jon Heidenreich
Christy Hemme
Hillbilly Jim
Molly Holly
The Honky Tonk Man
Tim Horner
Scotty 2 Hotty
Sam Houston

Mr. Hughes


I

The Iron Sheik
Ivory

J

B.G. James
Jazz
Ahmed Johnson
Judge Jeff Jones
Orlando Jordan

K


Kamala
Kid Kash
Kevin Kelly
Pat "Simon Diamond" Kenney
Ron Killings
Cpl. Kirschner
Kizarny
Kevin Kleinrock
Brian Knobbs
Ivan Koloff

Nikita Koloff


L

Bobby Lashley
Bruno "Harvey Wippleman" Lauer
Jerry "The King" Lawler
"The Total Package" Lex Luger
Buschwhacker Luke

M

Rodney Mack
Magnum T.A.
Balls Mahoney
Dutch Mantell
Rick Martel
Clarence Mason
"Masterpiece" Chris Masters
Robbie McAllister
Rory McAllister
Matt Morgan
Ernest Miller
Missing Link
Father James Mitchell
Mo From Men on a Mission
Sean Mooney
Ricky Morton

Trevor Murdoch

N

Kevin Nash
Nidia

Nunzio

O

One Man Gang
Sonny Onoo
Paul "Mr. Wonderful" Orndorff
Oscar From Men on a Mission
Fred "Typhoon/Tugboat/Shockmaster" Ottman
Pierre-Carl Ouellet

Outback Jack

P

Diamond Dallas Page
Ken Patera
Nick Patrick
Thunderbolt Patterson
Jim Powers
Tom Prichard
Ivan Putski

R

Harley Race
Baron Von Raschke
"The Yeti" Ron Reis
Rhino
Dustin Rhodes
Tommy Rich
Rikishi
Paul Roma
"Super Hero in Training" Rosie
Jacques Rougeau
Terri Runnels

Lance Russell


S

Samoa Joe
Bruno Sammartino
Samu
Tito Santana
Dan "The Beast" Severn
Ron Simmons
Elix Skipper
Slick
Tracey Smothers
Al Snow
Sim "Deuce" Snuka
Dennis Stamp
George "The Animal" Steele
Rick Steiner
Scott Steiner
Idol Stevens
The Stro
AJ Styles
Dave "Evad" Sullivan
Kevin Sullivan

T

Dave Taylor
Sylvester Terkay
ECW's Tiffany
Too Cold Scorpio

V

Greg "The Hammer" Valentine
Jimmy Valiant
Johnny Valiant
Jesse "The Body" Ventura
Sid Vicious
Vito
Nikolai Volkoff


W

 

Y
David Young
Mae Young


Z

Larry Zybszko

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