The Insanity Universe is not our Universe.  It exists in the head of Mike Johns.  Who lives there?  Every wrestler you've ever known....

After an intense victory over Chavo Guerrero and Zack Ryder, the duo of Evan Bourne and Yoshi Tatsu make their way back to the WWE Locker Room, celebrating their victory.

“Yoshi, man, that was awesome!” Evan exclaimed, excited about his most recent victory.   “The way you rolled Chavo over to the corner with that leg lock, then tagged me in to finish him off…”

“Perhaps, we should team together more,” Yoshi replied.   “One day, go after ShowMiz?”

“Hmmm…” Evan thought.   “That’s an idea.   It’d be nice to work both shows.   We’d get paid better.”

“Yes, then I could afford better apartment,” Yoshi said.   “No longer stay with Golden Dust.”

“You’re living with Golddust?” Evan asked.

“He speak Japanese,” Yoshi replied, “and doesn’t charge rent as long as I occasionally take off shirt and rehearse lines from New Moon with him.   He is odd fellow, that one.”

“Um…” Evan stuttered, not knowing how to reply to the information just given to him.   “I don’t think I want to know this, but… Edward, or Jacob?”

Just then, Layla ran between Evan and Yoshi, scared out of her mind, followed shortly by the Glamazon, Beth Phoenix.  

“You think you’re going to get away with this, you little bitch!” Beth screamed as Layla tripped and fell to the floor.

“Hey, it’s not my fault you’re a tranny, you, you… MAN!” Layla replied.

“You really think I’m a guy?” Beth said, grabbing Layla by the hair.   “Really?”   Beth then proceeds to knock Layla down to her knees with a kick.   As Layla knelt in front of her Phoenix screamed, “Take a good look, Layla, and tell me, you still think I’m a man now?”

Meanwhile, Evan and Yoshi looked upon this scene, not sure how to react to Beth Phoenix, forcing Layla’s to stare at her groin.   Just then, Beth looked over her shoulder to see Evan and Yoshi staring at her exposed behind.

“What the hell are you two looking at?” Beth shouted.

Yoshi, matter-of-factly, began to reply, “Your…”

“Um,” Evan interjected.   “Nothing!   Nothing at all.   Let’s go, Yoshi!”

“Go?   And miss live lesbian sex?   Are you insane?!” Yoshi replied.

“I KNEW IT!!!” Layla shouted, standing up.   “You’re a total lesbian!   No wonder!   Wait ‘til I tell Michelle about how you tried to make me….ew!”

“Great,” Beth sighed.   “Now, everyone’s going to think I’m gay…. not that there’s anything wrong with that.”

Layla immediately dialed Michelle McCool on her blackberry.   “’Celle?   You’re never going to believe this!   Beth Phoenix?   She’s Post Op!   I KNOW!!!   Oh, and she’s like a total into girls, too.   She just tried to have her way with me and everything!   Uh-huh…   Oh, please, you know she had the surgery just so she could get a shot at your Women’s Championship!   I know, right?   She’s totally in love with me, too!”

Beth muttered to Evan and Yoshi, “Thanks a lot, guys.”   Walking away in defeat, she sighed, “I should have just stayed in SHIMMER.   Hell, at least there, Allie gave you a break if she thought you were into her!”

“Yoshi,” Evan said.   “The next time we see Beth Phoenix do something like that, just shut up and let me do the talking, okay?”

“This is something that happens often?” Yoshi asked.

“I have a feeling it will now,” Evan stated.   “In fact, the over/under on it happening to Matt Striker should be about…”

In the distance, the voice of Matt Striker could be heard shouting, “I KNEW IT!!!   I KNEW YOU WERE A WOMAN ALL ALONG!!!”

“… Now.”

“This is a strange place, this WWE,” Yoshi said to Evan as they made their way back to the WWE Locker Room.

Meanwhile, in the Locker Room, Cody Rhodes is talking on his cell phone, while Ted DiBiase is counting his money, smiling over the financial windfall that was The Marine 2.

“What do you mean, ‘it’s over’?!” Cody asked, hysterically.   “What did I do wrong?”

“One Hundred Thousand… Two Hundred Thousand… Three Hundred Thousand…”

“Bubba the Love Sponge?!” Cody shouted into his cell phone.   “You’re kidding me, right?   I know you’re a Howard Stern fan, but I don’t have XM radio, okay?   WHY?!   Because I’m a midcarder in WWE, dammit!   I can’t afford Satellite Radio!   Hey!   At least we have jobs!   What about you, Miss Unemployed?   Oh, yeah, blame a radio DJ because you have a bad temper!   So what if he said, ‘f*ck Haiti’?   Doesn’t mean you have to go punch the guy, then get yourself fired!   Released, fired, what’s the difference?   You know what I’ve had to go through lately?   First, Randy Orton.   He totally turned on us!   Now he’s teaming with John Cena and sh*t.   Oh, and then there’s Ted…”

“Here we go,” Ted sighed.

“Nowadays, he doesn’t even speak to me!   He’s too busy counting his royalty money from that sh*tty movie he was in!   And now you’re giving up on me, too?   What the hell?”   Cody complained.

“You ever think that maybe the reason why everyone’s leaving you, Cody, is because you just flat-out suck?” Ted suggested.

“Man, stay out of this!   You cut out of this relationship a long time ago!” Cody scolded.

“Relationship?!   Cody, this thing with Kong, it was a one-night deal, okay?   We all got drunk at Matt Hardy’s New Year’s Party, things happened, and we’ve all moved on.   Well, everyone but you,” Ted explained.

“How can you be so calloused, Ted?  Didn’t anything that happened that night mean anything to you?” Cody asked him.

“No, not really,” Ted answered.   “Besides, I can afford better women, now.”

Cody reeled in pain as a scream came over his phone, forcing him to hold it at arm’s length away.   “Kong says…”

“Seriously, Cody, I don’t care what Kong, or Godzilla, or whatever monster of a woman you have on the other end of that line has to say.   I’m rich, okay?” Ted said.   “I’m going to marry me a big titty'd blonde with the brain of a watermelon, then, in about six months, I’m going to cheat on her with porn stars and strippers until, one day, I get caught, and become an even bigger Media Sensation by divorcing the bitch and dating Megan Fox, just like every other rich man in America.   So how about you get off my back?”

“Could you possibly be any shallower?” Cody asked, disgusted with his former tag partner.

“Yeah, but doing so would take effort, and, hell… I’m rich.   I don’t have to work!   I just do this for the hell of it, right Zeke?”  

Ted looks over to the behemoth of a man known as Ezekiel Jackson, who replies, “Hey, you don’t pay me to think.   You just pay me to get rid of people.”

“Oh, yeah,” Ted said, having not remembered this for himself.   “Well… get rid of Cody!”

“No problem, sir,” Big Zeke said, as he walked over to Cody Rhodes.

“Ted, come on, man,” Cody pleaded.   “We used to be partners!”

“And now, I’m a solo act.   Sh*t happens.   Nice knowing you, Rhodes,” Ted said, nonchalantly as Zeke grabbed Cody and lifted Cody onto his shoulder.

“Any place in particular you want him, sir?” Zeke asked the Fortunate Son.

“Send him to TNA or something,” Ted said.

“You can’t do that!   I’m under contract!” Cody shouted.

“Not for long,” Ted smiled as Zeke carried the son of the son of a plumber off.   Now satisfied, Ted returned to counting his money.   “Four Hundred Thousand… Five Hundred Thousand…”

Suddenly, Evan Bourne and Yoshi Tatsu burst into the locker room, accidentally knocking over a pile of Ted’s money.

“Hey!” Ted shouted.   “I just counted all that cash!   Now I have to start all over!”

“Why?” Yoshi Tatsu asked.   “Do you have OCD?”

Ted responded, “That’s not the point!”

Evan Bourne knelt down to pick up some of the fallen money and began to notice the denomination of the bills.   Large denominations of money Evan had not even known existed.

“Holy sh*t!” Evan exclaimed.   “They make $1000 Bills?”

“Of course they do!” Ted said.   “What?   You’ve never seen a $1000 Bill before?”

“No,” Evan said.

“Oh yeah, I forgot.   You’re poor,” Ted said, snatching the $1000 Bill out of Evan’s hand.

“Where the hell did you get all this cash, anyway?” Evan asked.

“From my movie, DUH!” Ted answered.

“You made all of this just from The Marine 2?” Evan asked.

“Oh yeah,” Ted replied.   “Because of all the advertising WWE did, we topped the Straight-To-DVD sales charts for months!”

“Wow,” Evan said.   “And we all thought you were an idiot for doing that piece of sh*t!”

“Yeah, well, who’s laughing now?” Ted said.   “But, seriously, you two need to get the hell away from my money before I have you both arrested!”

“Ted, we’re not like that!   We’re not just going to steal…” Evan said as he looked over to Yoshi, who had just stuffed a few handfuls of $1000 bills into his tights.   Evan just looked at him, as if to say, ‘give back the money, Yoshi’.   Reluctantly, the Cardiac Kid reaches back into his tights and relinquishes the cash, disappointed.   “Let’s go before he has Ezekiel Jackson throw us out.”

As they leave the Locker Room, Evan and Yoshi run into Matt Striker, who looks like he had just lost a fight with a paper shredder, exhausted and stumbling towards the Locker Room.

“Are you okay, Matt?” Evan asked.

“Oh yeah,” Matt smiled.   “I’m great.   Everything is great.   I love Beth Phoenix.”   Matt then passed out, falling face first to the floor below.”

“Should we call for help?   Doctor or…” Yoshi began.

“Nah, he’s fine.   He just needs a few minutes,” Evan said as the two walked away.   “So, anyway, I was thinking… if Ted DiBiase can make all that money just from doing a sh*tty, Straight-to-DVD movie, maybe we can, too.   You know?   And hell, you even have some acting experience, doing that stuff with Goldust…”

“I don’t think Mr. McMahon fund movie like THAT,” Yoshi said.

“No, no.  We just do an action film.   Like Rumble in the Bronx or something.   90 minutes of Martial Arts ass-kicking!   It’s not like WWE Films have a plot worth a sh*t half the time, anyway!   So we stick to our strengths!   Kick-ass stunts!   It’s the only thing people are going to want to see in a movie starring wrestlers, either way!”

“You think we can do this?” Yoshi asked.

“Sure!” Evan said.   “We have a better shot doing this than we do trying to become Tag Team Champions!”

“True.   No Big of Show throwing us around like rag dolls,” Yoshi said.

“Exactly!” Evan agreed.   “All we have to do is set up a meeting with Mr. McMahon, and pitch a movie to him!   All we need now is an idea.”

Evan and Yoshi take a second to think.

“You have any ideas for a movie yet?” Evan asked Yoshi.

“No,” he replied.   “You?”

“Not really,” Evan answered.   “That’s okay.   We’ll think of one!”

Evan and Yoshi think some more.   Yoshi looks over to Evan with concern.

“Don’t worry.   It’ll come.   We just need to give it some time,” Evan assured as the two continued, deep in thought.