Hey folks! John Madden here! No…wait…sorry. MAD TV moment there.. Let me start again.

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Hey guys and gals, I decided for this column to focus on something which is actually very near and dear my black heart; WWF/WWE theme music. A few weeks ago, while working out (hey, these guns don’t sculpt themselves..), I decided to put on WWE Anthology for a little light soundtrack to all this heavy lifting, sweating, farting and grunting. Around 10 minutes or so into this festival of sweat marks and pleas for a set of ribs which don’t stick out like I’ve just devoured a cow, I came to a solid conclusion. James A. Johnston is a god-damn genius. This man has been responsible for making Vader seem like so much more of a bad-ass through the manly chugging guitar riff which accompanied the ‘bowling shoe ugly’ behemoth to the ring. He’s culpable for making me think Edge really was the ‘enigma’ with his “You think you know me?” lyrical repetition while the now “Rated R Superstar” made his way to the ring all the way back in the summer of ‘98 when days were long and shorts were short. Mr. Johnston is the man directly to blame for me listening to wrestling theme music as a young adult. I just love the stuff.

Recently, a friend and myself were waxing lyrical about the sheer awesomeness of the entrance music for Goldust. I know he’ll appreciate me saying this but he could see my eyes light up with gooey excitement over this music. It is just…brilliant. The original character of Dustin Rhodes was that of a man obsessed with film and being a ‘star’. He was over the top, he was wacky, he was almost like a cartoon (as we all know most mid-90’s WWF stars were). To be frank, the music composed for him by our geeky, criminally under-mentioned friend was perfect. The soundtrack to his entrance into an arena WAS over the top. It WAS wacky. It fitted better than a beefcake of a man into a white and gold jumpsuit. Ok, so not everything was awesome about the character. His costume still gives me nightmares. Surely this was all part of the charm however, he was after all supposed to creep out wrestlers and audience members alike by uh...rubbing them up the wrong way.

I actually remember the days when entrance theme music was scarce. Remember the Royal Rumble of 1993 where all that accompanied superstars down the long, LONG aisle was a solitary horn which Bobby “The Brain” Heenan thought was Gorilla Monsoon blowing his nose? 10...9...8...7...6...5...4...3...2...1.…HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONK! Beautiful! Can you recall the days when “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan marched down to ringside, 2 x 4 in hand with only the crowds chants of “Hoooooooooooooooooooooo!” to greet him? I for one rather sad and lonely Scottish weirdo can. Those were awesome days, they really were. When only main eveners such as Hulk Hogan or Randy Savage had their own tune to waltz down the ramp to. Entrance music has really given professional wrestling more of a rock concert feel to it, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing at all. The excitement generated when the glass shattered and “Stone Cold” Steve Austin would emerge was off the hook (thank you Josh Matthews, thank you) and really added to the overall frenzy his appearance would create. When “If You Smeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelll..” would blast out of the sound system, chills would go up ones spine. The music creates a tremendous sense of drama which never fails to excite.

I have read that James Johnston suffered from serious ‘stage fright’ and this fear of performing music in front of a live crowd led him down the path of studio-based music. I think I speak for every wrasslin’ fan who has ever played air guitar to “The New Age Outlaws” theme when I say a hearty; THANK FOLEY FOR THAT! If he had been able to play in front of an audience, we never would have experienced those same chills when Flex Kavana made his entrance or The Ringmaster made a one-fingered salute at each corner of the squared circle. Our childhoods or teenage years would forever be tarnished.

Personally, I know so many wrestling fans who look down on fellow lovers of the grap game who enjoy listening to wrestling music. They laugh in the faces of us who spend hard earned cash on copies of “Piledriver - The Wrestling Album 2” off of eBay. They fart in the general direction of those who know the full lyrics to “Gettin’ Rowdy” by K-Kwik. I’ve never understood this. I mean yeah, I understand that it’s extremely geeky to be able to rhyme off the songs on “WWF The Music: Volume 3” in order track by track but, it shows passion and a real love for the wrestling business. Doesn’t it? (If I get any emails saying “lol ur ghey” I will understand). Simply put, I just love the whole aura surrounding pro wrestling. Much like Barry Blaustein, I love the cheesy factor, I enjoy the really hammy acting. Wrestling to me is supposed to be good fun. The music which has been composed by one James Johnston over the years has done nothing but add to that fun for myself and countless other fans across the globe. It’s made hairs stand up on the back of our necks, it’s made icy chills run up and down our bodies. Perhaps most importantly of all however, it’s made one dude markout like Jerry “The King” Lawler during a power cut in the Diva’s locker room while he works out and “sculpts the guns”. Until next time, TAKE IT HOME!