Other Columns Hot Threads: J-Woww Arrives, Impact Goes Live, Texting Paul Roma, Kurt Angle's Major Introduction, and More
By MIke Johns
Oct 13, 2010 - 9:20 PM
Did you know that World Wrestling Insanity has a Message Board?Yep. We’ve done got us one of them there fancy Message Boards, where you, the random, unnamed wrestling fan can go and vent your frustrations. From WWE’s Family Friendly Direction, to ROH’s Production issues, to whatever stupid stunt TNA is running with this week, the Insanity Message Boards is your place to speak your mind. You can also interact with fellow Insanity Readers, as well as the Insanity Staff. We even have an E-Fed, if you’re into that whole “Role-Playing” thing, so feel free to stop on by and join in the fun!
In the meantime though, here's a taste of what you're missing –
JWoww of the Jersey Shore is going to be on Impact. How do I know this? Because I saw it in the Stupid TNA Videos thread on the WWI Message Boards…
Yes, this, and more like it populate our resident archive of TNA's Insanity in our Matches Section, where you can view such gems as "A Midget Jerking Off in a Trash Can", "Tony Schivone: Heel", "Orlando Jordan enters the Impact Zone", and, of course, the entire Voodoo Kin Mafia saga, all collected in one thread, just for you!
Speaking of the JWoww, here's what some of our members had to say about TNA's $15,000 Publicity Stunt –
The Chosen 1 Oh dear God...
F*CK. THE. JERSEY. SHORE!!!!
THE ONLY way this is good, is if she comes in and exposes those Shore f*cks as fakes, making them change their stupid names
Um… wow, The Chosen 1. You really hate the Jersey Shore kids. Why's that?
The Chosen 1 (posted on August 18, 2010) My main problem really, is the fact that I met Pauly last year, a couple of moths before the show debuted (he actually even told me about it THE DAY AFTER e was contacted to be a part of the show for the first time and was there the day he left to go film it) and it sickens me to no end to see how goddamn famous these douchef*cks are for being trash. I mean don't get me wrong, I didn't hate him as a person when I met hi, although I knew he'd be the kind of girl that smile to face and then try to F my girl behind my back,... then again.. I did the same thing lol.... but look the pint is that even when I met him I thought "wow this guy is just a complete ass" and now he's just a complete ass that EVERYONE I talk to brings up at some point during a conversation...NONE of them have ANY Talents, I mean at least Pauly could DJ but he's NOT famous for DJing is he? I guess hat when you know someone BEFORE thy become a character it just feels more personal because you can imagine them as normal people as opposed to some fake tv guy....but how could you not wanna strangle a guy who when you first met him in 2009 his facebook age was 30 years old, and then all of the sudden dropped to 27 when he showed up on TV!
And now there's a TNA wrestler based on this f*ck head. F*CK THE JERSEY SHORE
See what I do for you people? I remember sh*t you posted months ago and reference it when needed. Unfortunately, now the rest of the board is going to have to follow you, The Chosen 1.
Mike Johns
why the f*ck is JWow making more for ONE NIGHT than RVD, Angle, Anderson, and Hardy COMBINED?!?!?
James Guttman She looks nothing in TNA like she does on Jersey Shore. This is they typical outfit she wears clubbing:
I saw those pics on TMZ and was surprised at how much she got cleaned up for TNA.
Mike Johns Wow, Ke$ha looks horrible as a brunette. Like, it was bad enough she looked like a coked up whore as a blonde, but... damn.
I should probably note, until I saw her on a cover of People Magazine while waiting in line at the grocery store a couple months ago, I didn't even know what a "Snooki" was, let alone that it was a person. THIS is how far behind I am on the MTV Generation, folks. I may know your music, but I don't get your TV. AT ALL… Now back to our coverage of the JWoww -
Aaron Wood Here's the whole ironic thing about it all. They only taped one episode of Impact, and when they do that, they tape it as live, and it runs in that order. They film this segment in the penultimate slot right before the main event, so it was in hour 2.
What runs against Impact's second hour? Jersey Shore.
I mean, where is the logic of booking something to happen on a show involving a celebrity when anyone who cares about that celebrity will be watching that same celebrity in tiheir usual show. This would/will be fine if it's moved to the first hour, because then it's some sort of lead-in for JWOWW fans.
But if a Jersey Shore fan tunes into TMZ and reads that JWOWW is on Impact and says to themselves "I'll tune in and watch that" and that second hour comes up and there's no JWOWW, that Jersey Shore fan is going to say "F*ck it, JWOWW's going to be on Jersey Shore anyway, screw this".
And if this chick is getting 15 grand (which would book a $300-per-show knockout for a year) and they screw up and don't shuffle the order, then they are actually probably dumber than I thought they were.
To note, Madison Rayne supposedly makes $300-per-show. Madison Rayne. You know, the top heel of the current Knockouts Division? Yeah, that Madison Rayne. Now back to our coverage of the JWoww –
Bundorama I'm sure that potential viewers tuning into to see JWow on Impact in that time already know they can just tune into MTV later that very night to catch her on J.S., but can't do the same if they want to see her on Impact.(Since TNA has apparently nixed all replays of Impact.)
Anthony.Analog TNA striking while the iron's still hot w/ Jersey Shore and The Shore is an excellent idea. Pro wrestling, ever since the Tyson/DX/Austin angle, has always seemed just slightly behind the times enough for it to be noticeable that they're clamoring for mainstream attention, but not quite willing to pay top dollar to be up to speed in twitter-time. Like booking Myspace's Tom to host Raw the week The Social Network came out (obviously never happened, but an analogy that amused me.)
That being said. If they air JWoww against her own show... then they're pretty dumb.
So, it turns out last week's Impact was live. Apparently, that also meant that our Board Members actually bothered to make an Impact Thread this week to discuss the show as it happened. So, as we'll likely not see another Weekly Impact Thread take off again until about Christmas, I should share with you what happens when the Boards stop being Raw, and start getting Real.
I told you, I'm behind the times. You want me to make MTV references, it's going to be to shows my mom used to watch in the 90's while I was listening to the radio and waiting for Beavis and Butthead to come on. Now, back to our coverage of Impact -
ZAH I appreciate this thread reminding me. I had no idea it was tonight.
JT This is gonna be my first episode in 4 months. What am I doing to myself?
The Green Teabagger --Feeling pity for Mickie James.
--Imagining Velvet Sky naked.
--Laughing at the debacle that is Foley-Flair, which was a debacle when WWE did it
--Complaining when I can't put the Angle intro up here because its considered "spam"
--Trying to decide if this is better than NXT Divas on the Internet
--Feeling pity for Mike Johns because he has to watch this sober so he can review it, I mean he could do it drunk but then Guttman might as well get Crazy Uncle Ralph to do it
--Wishing Bob Carter would sell TNA so that his daughter and her f*cking Twitter can stay the f*ck off your TV
JT I could really care less about Mickie James, was never really into her.
Velvet Sky is the one thing I missed about watching iMPACT!
OH NO Foley vs Flair, will one of them die tonight?
The Angle intro is the other thing I missed, too bad it's considered spam.
F*ck NXT Divas season, I haven't watched a single second of that crap.
I feel no pity for those who volunteer to review iMPACT!.
Didn't you know all the kids are doing the Twitter thing.
The Green Teabagger Who said Mike Johns volunteered? I heard he lost a coin toss between him and Aaron Wood.
Aaron Wood That is probably not TOO far from the truth. If I were an American, I may well have been doing it. And then fired shortly thereafter from the site for melting down and going on a profaniy-laden tirade about the booking and such.
You know, it's a good thing I have this unhealthy fixation on Madison Rayne, or else, I'd have probably gone on said tirade already. Also, note, I wrote a Watchmen Parody for this very website for this very reason, but no one remembers the Watchmen Parody. They all remember the Divas: NXT…
Back to Impact Thread, already in progress -
exx I just hope Mickie doesn't do the "WWE ruined my life" promo that most of the ex-WWE folks do when they go to TNA.
The Green Teabagger Oh boy.
Abyss kidnapped Dixie.
JT Wait, Abyss kidnapped Dixie????
The Chosen 1 Dear God, okay I'm done.
haha, already I'll give it a chance, Abyss is really good, but there is 0..0..0..0 reason for Dixie to be on TV.
exx This looks like one of those cut scenes from dead rising 2 when you fight one of the bosses.
The Chosen 1 why is Mike Tenay speaking over Abyss?
Abyss is good though. What's that new weapon? It's name is Bob? Didn't anybody realize that weapons need girls names?... the whole point is that the maniac looks at like his love.
Oh and Mick Foley's BARBIE... was ya know... BARBed Wire
RYTMAN I would ask why no-one had Abyss arrested, but that's more effort than this warrants.
The Chosen 1 Mickie's big debut.. was her getting out of her car and her going "oh, hi" and somebody saying "Hey, What are you doing here, TNA?" and her going "well, you're gonna have to wait and see"
wolfchild Why not..
They did it for Flair and RVD...
RYTMAN Side Note: Is Mickie legit native american? She seems to keep going w/that look.
Not that I'm aware of, RYTMAN. But you're right, she really does seem to want that Pocahontas look.
See? Not every reference Mike makes is about an Indy-Level Female Wrestler you've never heard of!
Now back to our Impact Thread, already in progress –
wolfchild Is Rain coming to TNA or something? I've seen the "Rain all over Madison" sigh a lot the last couple weeks...
Dammit, wolfchild! Don't you think that if Rain were coming back to TNA that I'd be all over that story?! Jesus Christ, I thought I had a reputation, here…
Sorry. Back to the Impact thread –
James Guttman Flair looks so old that I just texted Roma to tune to Spike TV and see him. I was genuinely shocked. I guess he does a backwards comeover usually because, without gel and Aqua Net, the Nature Boy is friggin' bald.
JT WOW that's a lot of old guys in the ring. When did TNA become a retirement home?
The Green Teabagger Is that a rhetorical question?
TheGreatWhiteDope even after all these years, I still don't understand why people cheer for Eric Young.
"I'm kind of a big deal around here." -Well....not saying that much there Mr. Young
The Chosen 1 So let me get this straight?
Eric Young fell on the floor and hit his head so that turned him back into the old Eric Young... except Stupider... so now he's in a storyline where hes in Tag Team where he doesn't realize his tag partner wants to bang him AND he doesn't know how to wrestle matches any more?
and how did Jesse Neal grow that thing on his head since the last time I watched?
And, because I love you guys, and this may just be the funniest thing ever posted on our boards, EVER, I'm going to share with you the Epic Awesomeness that is The Green Teabagger's Infamous Kurt Angle Intro –
The Green Teabagger Hey look, it's The Greatest Wrestler of All Time, Best Wrestler Alive Today, 47-time World Champion, 206-time Tag Team Champion (162 of which he carried a partner, of those 3 he held with a midget as a partner, one reign where his partner was a blind three-legged alligator with lockjaw, rabies, and hepatitis B, and Spider-Man (contractually obligated to do so by Universal Studios Florida)), The Greatest X-Division Champion of All Time, Greatest IWGP Champion of All Time, former Knockouts Champion, 5-time Winner of the Jeremy Borash Award for TNA's Sexiest Bachelor, Father of the Year, Time Magazine Man of the Year, 3-time Emmy Award Winning, 2-time Grammy Award Winner, Academy Award Nominated, Four Star French Chef, 41-time winner of the Annual Kurt Angle Great American Award (only other time awarded to JBL), Nobel Prize recipient in the fields of Physics and Literature, three-time NHL MVP, Masters Champion, the only person to win a World Series of Poker event with an UNO deck, the only American to ever be Prime Minister of Canada, 3-time recipient of the the Lifetime Acheivement Award for Outstanding Accomplishments in the Field of Excellence, the only man to ever beat Chuck Norris in a fight, reigning World Record Holder for eating the most sticks of butter in under eight minutes, once bowled four perfect games in a row then bowled a 400, the face on the $40 bill, American Idol winner, saved a bunch of money by changing his car insurance to Progressive (made Geico Gecko tap out in six minutes), replaced James Guttman as The Black Scorpion in WCW, 4-time Tiddlywinks Champion in Mrs. Biederman's kindergarten class, 2-time Obie award winner for his riveting performances in The Vagina Monologues, Level 80 on Hello Kitty Island Adventure, has America's highest Credit Score (8.6 billion), recieved the NAACP Humanitarian Award for beating up Al Sharpton, can cabbage fart the National Anthem, Adult Video News Award Winner for Best Male Newcomer, Performer of the Year-Gay Video, Transsexual Performer of the Year, Best Anal Sex Scene, Best Oral Sex Scene--Video, Best Threeway Sex Scene--Video, Best Interracial Release, Best Supporting Actor--Film, Best BiSexual/Gay Video, Best Couples Sex Scene (w/Karen Angle), World's Greatest Grandma (has the mug to prove it), who correctly predicted all 63 games of the NCAA Tournament each of the last thirteen years (obviously won every NCAA pool he was in), Tiger Beat Hottie of the Decade, 6-time National Double Dutch champion, 3-time Dancing with the Stars Champion (with both a male and female partner), Pokemon Master (Level 100 Pikachu with Surf and Volt Tackle, bitches), 2-time Hobey Baker Award winner for best NCAA College Hockey player, named Greatest Wrestler of All Time by "Burt Dangle" a completely impartial BNN wrestling newz reporter, Level 90 Human Warrior Full Tier 14 gear on World of Warcraft (named Anglepwns), undefeated Backgammon player, Daytime Emmy Award Winner in the Categories of Talk Show Host (pinned Regis Philbin in eight minutes), Lead Actress In A Drama Series (made Susan Lucci tap out in six minutes), Performer in An Animated Program (snapped that bitch Dora the Explorer's ankle), and Outstanding Drama Series (made the entire cast of Guiding Light tap out in seven minutes, that's why it was cancelled in September. At least The Young and The Restless held out for ten minutes. Pussies.), former American Gladiator in both the first and second version as well as the Portuguese, French, Vietnamese, Australian, Canadian, and Madagascarian versions (Gladiator name Jupiter), 111-time Pittsburgh Facebook Wrestling Champion and 25-time Pittsburgh Facebook Hardcore International Champion, 7-time AWA International Television Champion, 9-time National Scrabble Champion (would have been ten, but Jack Swagger beat him for his title by bingoing--using all seven tiles--to land the word TRAPEZOID), once pitched a complete game no-hitter for the Pittsburgh Pirates---in each inning, he intentionally walked the first two batters and made the third one hit into a triple play (seven of which were unassisted, six of those were by Kurt Angle), winner of I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here, current President of Mexico, 5-time California Little League Baseball Champion, CFL Hall of Fame Tight End (only because he considered Quarterback to be too easy), 11-time Golden Globe winner, 4-time UFC Heavyweight Champion (Fuck Brock Lesnar), owns two Everest Gigayachts (look it up), has three Platinum Rap Albums, ruined Anthony Analog's burrito, hosts a new children's show called Uncle Touchy's Naked Puzzle Basement, lead actor on the new CBS spinoff CSI: Boise, found Saddam Hussein's spider hole, won Subway's Scrabble Contest to win free Five Dollar Footlong subs for life, who CAN believe its not butter, the only person to ever make Parker Lewis lose, can post on Twitter up to 8,482 characters, the only head coach to take a mid-major to a BCS Championship in college football, the only person to ever make that asshole Hulk Hogan tap out, can read your---can read your---yes he can read your Poker Face, won another Olympic Gold Medal in Vancouver '010 in Snowboarding using a Virginia Ham as his snowboard, the only man to ever run the Three Minute Mile........on his hands, the inspiration behind Lindsey Vonn using cheese on her shin to reduce the swelling, made a grizzly bear tap out on the set of The Colbert Report, convicted seventeen criminals during a two-year stint as a St. Louis ADA then as a defense attorney got sixteen of them overturned (the 17th one touched the gold medals without permission so Kurt made sure he is spending the rest of his life in jail for that traffic violation), can order and get beef at Chik-Fil-A, beat Red Dead Redemption already, was the first choice--before turning the roles down--to portray Spiderman, Captain America, Iron Man, Batman, the Joker, The Hulk, and Green Lantern, 11-time North American Thumb Wrestling Champion, discovered China and built The Great Wall by hand in two days, whose TNA action figure already won the third season of NXT (don't ask how, it's Kurt Angle--figure it out), the current owner of the state of Rhode Island, whose intro is too good for the World Wrestling Insanity forums, who comes out to The Impact Zone when he damn well wants to and not when some idiot tells him to, can fit this entire intro onto a Walmart Application, Olympic Gold Medal winning wrestling, and All-Around Super Ultra Mega God Kurt BY GAWD Angle!
Oh, and look, TNA even tried to run a Pay Per View this week. Let's see what our folks had to say about this year's Bound For Glory –
T-Dog So here's the deal.
Hulk Hogan, Eric Bischoff and Jeff Hardy have a secret plan to turn heel by having Abyss beat them up over and over again for seven months. As part of the plan, the heel Abyss will secretly do everything Hulk Hogan says, as opposed to openly doing everything Hulk Hogan says, which is what he was doing before he turned heel. Also, Kevin Nash and The Pope both fucked Ms. Tessmacher, who apparently told them that Jeff Hardy was going to turn heel, which is a piece of information they decided not to share with Kurt Angle, Mr. Anderson or the fans. Sting has known the whole plan since March, without even having to f*** Ms. Tessmacher. Other parts of the plan include Abyss eliminating his co-conspirators Jeff Hardy and Jeff Jarrett from a battle royal where they could have won $100,000 of Dixie Carter's money. Another part of the plan was Jeff Jarrett tricking Samoa Joe into being his tag team partner for no apparent reason, and then turning on him for also no reason. Despite realizing he'd been duped, Joe still tried to beat up Nash, Sting and The Pope by himself, but the three faces ganged up on the other face and beat him down. Jeff Hardy, the top merch seller in the company by a wide margin, is now the heel champion. Hogan and Bischoff, who were already in charge, are now less in charge because Dixie is now their enemy, but apparently it was all worth it to achieve the fiendish goal of moving the world title from their hand-picked champion RVD onto their hand-picked champion Jeff Hardy.
Did I miss anything?
exx I think you might have forgotten Dixie signing away the company to Bischoff if they decide to go anywhere with whatever she signed last week.
This is just a taste of what you're missing on the Boards. Why don't you come by sometime and check it out for yourself, eh? You never know when something you post may end up being the next Hot Thread.
Mike Johns, imbued with special, shameless self-promotional powers the likes of which haven't been seen since the height of DX's self-fellatious babyface run in 2006, is a contributor to WorldWrestlingInsanity.com and ClubWWI.com, single-handedly responsible for WWI's coverage of All Things TNA. In what spare time he has left, Mike produces and records original music under the name 'SaviorSelf.07.05.98' as well as remixes and mash-ups of far more popular songs under the name 'TMJ'.
You can contact Mike via e-mail at MikeJohns@WorldWrestlingInsanity.com
You can also follow him on the various Social Networking Sites.
