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Hot Threads: Awesome Kong Invades WWE, Even Less Intimidating Wrestler Names, Getting that Pesky "John Morrison Contendership" Out of the Way, James Guttman's Mad Rap Skills, and More
By Mike Johns
Jan 5, 2011 - 2:30 PM

Did you know that World Wrestling Insanity has a Message Board? Yep. We've done got us one of them there fancy Message Boards, where you, the random, unnamed wrestling fan can go and vent your frustrations. From WWE's Family Friendly Direction, to ROH's Production issues, to whatever stupid stunt TNA is running with this week, the Insanity Message Boards is your place to speak your mind. You can also interact with fellow Insanity Readers, as well as the Insanity Staff. We even have an E-Fed, if you're into that whole "Role-Playing" thing, so feel free to stop on by and join in the fun!

In the meantime though, here's a taste of what you're missing –

   Well, WWE finally did it.   After spending nearly a year on the Independents after being released from TNA over that whole "Bubba the Racist Douche" thing, WWE has apparently now signed Awesome Kong to a contract.   Here's what some of the Insanity Faithful had to say about this development –

RDLee
HELL YEAH! Finally they move past the skinny model requirement and do the right thing again... at least in this case.

Mike Johns
Beth... Kong... WrestleMania... It might actually happen...

I was actually thinking earlier today at work that, considering the recent arrest, and some of the BS of the past year, plus the fact it didn't happen yet, I was pretty much going to have to accept that Nattie/Beth was the closest I may ever come to the Epic Beth/Kong.

Aaron Wood
You are going to hate this idea Mike, but what I would do with Kong is do what TNA were going to do with the Beautiful People & Mickie Knuckles and have LayCool get the big bruising bodyguard, and build a six diva tag with LayCool & Kong vs. Beth, Natalya & A.N.Other.

Mike Johns
Actually, it makes the most sense. LayCool can't handle Beth and Nattie, so they get help. It was either that, or get some cuter girl and go the Madison Rayne route and get themselves an intern. It's pretty much the only way you can go with LayCool without them breaking up in the near-term. Either get the bodyguard and go Knuckles, or get (for instance) Jessie McKay and go the Maddie route.

Also, Kong wrestling means Michelle isn't, which I'm fine with.

Also, Melina's not getting a prolonged run against Nattie, which is good, because Mel's got to learn she just isn't MsChif and can't do every night what Chif does two weekends a month. And, even then, Chif still gets hurt too much.

The Chosen 1
The LayCool bodyguard makes a TON of sense and would be awesome! (No pun intended) But we all got remember not to lose our minds to earlier.... Until it's on TV it doesn't exist. Hell, they could fire her tomorrow... they could shoot an angle on Tuesday and then fire her Thursday. Plus we gotta see if they put her through FCW.

ChemicalChloe
If this is true, then it'll be the perfect way to kick off the new year...

[Mike's Note: Feel free to welcome the latest newbie to the Insanity Universe, ChemicalChloe , who, in her debut post, gets featured in Hot Threads.   Lucky girl…]

James Guttman
She's really a nice person and more down to Earth than people would ever imagine. If you have a chance to hear my interview with her, we talk about how surprisingly normal she is. I'd like to see her really succeed in WWE. She deserves it.

The Green Teabagger
I'd run Kong tweener and just have her kill EVERYONE. Heel. Face. No matter. The Divas division has never really had the monster type (Beth was the closest) and it would be different and fun.

ZAH
I know that everybody wants Kong to be part of the women's division, but I'd actually like to see her in a "Chyna" role playing a bodyguard to somebody (maybe Tyson Kidd since his current bodyguard is pathetic?).

She's certainly big enough to believably interfere in matches against the likes of Daniel Bryan or Rey Mysterio. Plus this way she doesn't have to bury the entire women's roster upon her arrival.

Just a thought...

shooting
She will be stuck in developmental then released. I don't see her being there for long

[Mike's Note: Yes, rain on the parade, why don't you?]

Drewcifer
Everyone's missing the obvious: Kong is going to have to have a run as Santino's girlfriend before she gets any serious booking. (It's Tamina's job for now, but nothing lasts forever..)

I'm more curious as to what her new name will be.

JohnnyCraze
I didn't think Kong was that good in the first place so I can care less about her coming to WWE.

Aaron Wood
Well, given the last big girl in the Kong mould they hired was Bertha Faye, it could be entirely possible they give some redneck African American name like Wanda Mae Precious or something.

Drewcifer
Dear WWE,

Please don't stick her with a horrible BabyMamaDrama gimmick (because it's only a matter of time before Santino gets a storyline like that). And please don't give her a name like Lavoneekwa Marijuana Pepsi Sawyer and have her debut while Maury Povich is guest hosting.

Thanks,
Drewcifer

slimjames
Yeah but the dance following "Santino, you are....NOT the father!" would probably be a dance so epic the Men Without Hats would be forced to come back from the dead (I assume at least one of them is dead) and record a sequel to the Safety Dance.

[Mike's Note: What?   "Pop Goes the World" not good enough for you?]

The Green Teabagger
Not to mention the dance if Kozlov is the father. BOOM

Drewcifer
Come to think of it, something like that WOULD actually happen on RAW.   And then we'd all bitch about it.

Anthony.Analog
You're all aware that the WWE steals 92.7% of their storylines from this board, right?   You've all effectively just killed Kong's career.

[Mike's Note: No way that's true!   Jessie McKay hasn't shown up on TV to be LayCool's intern, yet!]

  Earlier this week, our fearless leader, James Guttman, posted a column where he listed some of the most unintimidating names in wrestling history, then challenged his readers to come up with some more.   Here's what you guys had to add to the list –

TXL
When I was a kid there was a guy who wrestled for WCCW and maybe the AWA named Rock n Roll Buck Zumehoff (sp?). And he didn't evan play intimidating rock music of the day. I mean, blaring Old Time Rock n Roll from your boombox doesn't exactly strike fear in the hearts of opponents. His name definitely would make my list

The Green Teabagger
The Ding Dongs, The Spirit Squad, Tekno Team 2000, Who, Leif Cassidy, Pete Gas, Kelly Kelly, 'The Timekeeper' Mike George

ZAH
P.   N.   News.   That is all.

The Chosen 1
Meat. His name was Meat. Who be scared of Meat?

Aaron Wood
Vegetarians

SABUISGOD
Jake The Milkman Milliman
The NightCrawler
Rocky Mountain Thunder

(ok- unfair to pick on the AWA in its dying days)

How about ECW-
Lupus?
Towel Boy?
Booger Pickin Moron?

RDLee
Bastion Booger was always the worst for me.

slimjames
Just Joe

SABUISGOD
Wasn't there a Mr Ooh-La-La and a wrestling chef in the early days of Eastern Championship or Tri-State?   And Curley Moe?

[Mike's Note: Any time I start to wonder why I'm still reviewing Impact, knowing its going to suck, I just think to myself, "Well, at least I'm not Virgil".   God, that man had some sh*tty ring names…]

  Well, it seems that they got that pesky "John Morrison #1 Contendership" thing over with pretty quick, don't you think?   So, what else happened this week on RAW?

Bundorama
Pretty smart move to start out Raw with The WWE Title Match, considering The Orange Bowl will be airing opposite on ESPN.

Aaron Wood
THE MIZ GIRL HAS TURNED HEEL!!!!

Don't ask me what Maryse and Melina are up to

.

[Mike's Note: Don't worry, Aaron.   They're just thinking of me…]

JohnnyCraze
Cole seems happy. Wonder why?

The Green Teabagger
Early Miz

Aaron Wood
Thanks for coming JoMo. We won't be requiring you in the main events any longer. Yours Sincerely, Vince McMahon.

wolfchild
Ya know... I think we're missing the obvious... If/When Awesome Kong comes to the WWE, They shouldn't change her name and just hook her with the Miz...

AWESOME.... Kong.

JohnnyCraze
why do i keep forgetting who the tag champs are?

[Mike's Note: Don't feel bad.   No one remembers who the Tag Team Champs are.]

Aaron Wood

[Mike's Note: So far, the only good thing to come of CM Nexus.   Sorry, folks, but The Maverick just ain't on board the NexSES train.   In perhaps a first, WWE has actually managed to totally turn me off to something CM freaking Punk is doing.   Amazing...   I just hope this isn't a sign of things to come with the Bellas and Daniel Bryan, because I'm really running out of reasons to watch those 8 minutes or so of WWE TV on YouTube every week.]

The Chosen 1
I really don't just wanna see Barrett kicked out... I hope he comes grovelling back to them atleast.

The Green Teabagger
ALBERTO DEL RIO!!!

RYTMAN
BRAND SPLITS BE DAMMNED!!

The Green Teabagger
How dare R-Truth interrupt Alberto Del Rio!!! Break his arm, Alberto! Put the boots to him, Ricardo!

JohnnyCraze
OK, so why was Alberto on raw? Not that I'm complaining.

[Mike's Note: You're asking the wrong guy, JC.   What part of "8 minutes of WWE Programming a week" do people not understand?   It's just long enough to see that the Bellas haven't ruined Daniel Bryan (yet), Michelle McCool still exists, and whoever's the champ at the moment.   It's still Miz, right?]

Aaron Wood
it's funny. Twitter is kinda going nuts in hatred of Orton being contender again. To think, this time last year, people were busting their nuts to see a babyface Orton on top. He was going to be the new Stone Cold! And yet now, he seems to be as popular as herpes.

Action was good. Kinda booked a little screwy though. Morrison jobbed out clean after doing nothing as contender. Melina, the #1 contender was jobbedo out clean. ADR could have done with a dominant win to set up his match with Rey and yet had a competitive match with R-Truth, who himself fought the submission hold and held on too long before tapping and then we had a cage match where everyone seems agreed that everyone in the match was a complete dipshit since no-one really took advantage and tried to leave through the door when everyone else was down and out.

The Chosen 1
For anyone who still doesn't know that new backstage interviewer was actually former New York Sportscaster: Scott Stanford. (Apparently anyone who ACTUALLY WATCHES WWE Superstars would actually know that already, lol) He used to be pretty much all over Sports related TV in New York working on the radio as a sportscaster for NY Sports teams, he was an anchor on Fox 5, he did post game for the Yankees and pre-game for the Giants, and pretty much anything else Sports related he could get his hands on... oh and he is a FOUR-time New York Emmy Award winner and has the single greatest name for a WWE Announcer.

  And, before we go, I have one last piece of unfinished business to attend to.   A few months back, a regular visitor to our forums, known as TheGreatWhiteDope, made a request in RDLee's Video Game Thread for a custom-made theme song for his James Guttman Create-A-Wrestler for SmackDown vs. RAW 2011.   Unfortunately, at the time, I was having some severe computer problems, and had been downgraded to a backup laptop that, unfortunately, does not have the software nor the processing capabilities to do the editing worthy of my supposed reputation as the Insanity's Resident Timbaland, thus it had to wait.   Well, just today, I finally finished putting this together, and, because I happened to think it was particularly awesome, I'm now going to share this with you, the Insanity Universe.

Now, if you happened to enjoy that piece of audio wizardry, or, at the very least, found James' commentaries to be grounded and insightful, the best thing you can do is head over to ClubWWI.com and sign up!   For less than $6 bucks a month, not only can you get interviews with virtually every major name wrestling star you could possibly imagine, with new interviews going up on a regular basis, but you'll also have access to smart and insightful commentary from the likes of James Guttman, Jay Winterz, and James Bullock, as well as the brilliant and funny Canadian Bulldog, and even some more of this audio wizardry from your resident SHIMMERing Warlock, Mike Johns.   Oh, and sometimes Aaron Wood does audios, too.   You know Aaron Wood, right?   The guy who does the SmackDown reviews?   Yeah, that guy.   All this, and more, for less than the price of a monthly magazine, exclusively at ClubWWI.com!

This is just a taste of what you're missing on the Boards. Why don't you come by sometime and check it out for yourself, eh?   You never know when something you post may end up being the next Hot Thread.

http://s14.zetaboards.com/Wrestling_Insanity

*****

Mike Johns, imbued with special, shameless self-promotional powers the likes of which haven't been seen since the height of DX's self-fellatious babyface run in 2006, is a contributor to WorldWrestlingInsanity.com and ClubWWI.com, single-handedly responsible for WWI's coverage of All Things TNA.   In what spare time he has left, Mike produces and records original music under the name 'SaviorSelf.07.05.98' as well as remixes and mash-ups of far more popular songs under the name 'TMJ'.

You can contact Mike via e-mail at MikeJohns@WorldWrestlingInsanity.com

You can also follow him on the various Social Networking Sites.

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