Couture's Championship Profiles: ECW Champion Bobby Lashley

Folks, if wrestling were a football team, the backup punter would be me, James E. Couture. Now, I don't know if you've heard this, but apparently the recent "December to Dismember" PPV offering was quite terrible. Heck, I got bored reading a recap. Tommy Dreamer v Daivari? OOH! Disregardless, the purported reported distorted crumminess of the show has led yours truly to offer up his second ever current champion profile, and my first ECW profile (well, "ECW", really), it's Bobby Lashley.

Fall 2006 was/is a tumultuous time in the WWE omniverse. It seemed like the whole division of brands was blurred a little bit, with the ECW Champion Big Show assisting the McMahon's with their feud with DX on Raw, in addition to the Survivor Series, which seemed to throw all of the brands into a big blender and see what horrible protien shake poured out. Another occurence of the interbrand bedlam was the open contract for the final spot in the Extreme Elimination Chamber match for the ECW title. Sure, the others had earned their way in, but one lucky bastard would just have to sign on the dotted line. Who would be that lucky bastard?

"Yo! I heard that, like a record put into place. People always cheesing me just cuz I'm rat faced"
-Lyrics from "Yo!(I Suck Balls)", from former lucky bastard K-Fed, feat. Young Jeezy, Ying Yang Twins, Shaggy 2 Dope, and TradeMarc, off of "I Need Some Money For Rent", WWE Records, 2006

Bobby Lashley himself had a tumultuous fall. After earning a World Title match with a dominating DQ win over Finlay, Lashley saw his one on one opportunity just kind of go away. That, coupled with a dubious loss in a subsequent singles World Title match, left Lashley at a crossroads. What do you do when appear to have reached your maximum success? Lower the standards, of course!

"That's some smart thinking, brother. When you think the World Title well has dried up, dude, you just got a dig a little lower, brother, and dominate some untalented hacks, like Ric Flair and Sting, dude. Brother, dude, brother!"
-Hulk Hogan, from VH1's "The Knob of Love", 2006

And so Slobby Lashley burst onto the scene in ECW, showing up and busting up Hardcore Holly to get that open contract. Lashley managed to somehow leapfrog over top ECW powerhouses like Mike Knox and Steven Richards to title contention. Lashley would face Big Show, Test, Jesus Christ, er, CM Punk, sorry, Hardcore Holly, who got in anyway after Sabu fell asleep (probably on a comfy barbed wire board), and Rob Van Dam, who, ironically, saw his OWN earned title match devolve into a multiman clusterfu**k.

And clusterfu**k they did. In what has to be called the second best Elimination Chamber match this year, Lashley managed to survive the onslaught of five men, well, two men, as the other three had already been eliminated. Eitherway, Lashley overcame the combined forces of the former Hardcore Champions and speared his way to the ECW title he coveted for oh so many days.

Last Tuesday, Lashley pinned Big Show in a rematch after a bodyslam. Wait, an "extreme" bodyslam, since Big Show is "extreme"ly huge. Will Bobby Lashley ever be considered amongst the classic ECW Champions like Terry Funk and Taz? Only time will tell....us that the ECW Title is now the WWE Junior World Championship. Perhaps after the man whose entrance graphic proudly displays the term "soft spoken" loses the ECW Title, he can move to Raw and win the Heat World Title, besting Val Venis, Rob Conway, Snitsky, Rory (but not Robbie) and a jobber (let's say Phil Friedman) in a Chamber match.

Well, until Rex Grossman manages to finish a game with a QB Rating of -12.5, I am, in fact, James E. Couture.

By the way, I'm still convinced Bobby Lashley is a time traveling super soldier, made by combining the DNA of Ron Simmons and Brock Lesnar. All hail Brock Simmons!