Folks, it's the only man who thinks a Mr. Perfect t-shirt and dress pants counts as "semi-formal", me, James E. Couture.

This week I've decided to profile Dave/"Fit"/Mr. Shilaleigh in the Bank.  Finlay's reign as Hardcore Champion in WCW.  Now, I know what you're thinking: "Jim, I know my WCW Hardcore title reigns from Smiley to Meng and back, and Finlay ain't there."  Well, while he didn't hold the beautiful WCW Hardcore title belt, he did win a crummy trophy with a saw blade and the words "Hardcore Champion" on it, and if WCW considered Brian Adams worth money, then I can count a trophy as a title, dad-gummit.

The year was 1999, back when WCW was just putting on bad wrestling shows, and had not yet moved into the realm of post-modernistic expressions in the realm of pro wrestling.  While some WCW shows (all of them) were nonsensical or overdone, one show stood out above the rest among the greatest cards of all time, like that episode of SmackDown! where Rikishi faced Too Cool in a handicap match.  That show was Bash at the Beach.  It had it all: a David Flair U.S. title defense, to a match between Van Hammer and Rick Steiner that set a new WCW record: THREE blatant low blows in plain sight of the ref with no DQ.  It was like ECW or something!

"Yes, Van Hammer would be perfect to drink some Kool-Aid and be the new face of ECW. OH YEAH!!! He is still alive, isn't he?"
-Paul Heyman, from his memoir "I'm Really Not The Kool-Aid Man, I Swear.", 2004

Speaking of Extreme, WCW's attempts to start a "Hardcore Division" were extremely weak, and all but kiboshed when WCW President/AARP representative Ric Flair said "no more hardcore, in an arena, in the WCW!" So, taking some initiative, Hardcore Hak (the more famous alter ego of The Sandman [the wrestler, not the Spider-Man villian]) laid out an open challenge to a Hardcore Invitational in a junkyard in Florida.  Despite the match being non-sanctioned, it was still shown on pay-per view, with commentary, and came with a chopper for aerial shots.  Sounds like an awful lot of effort for something that's not recognized by its parent company.  Sounds fishy.

"Hey, we knew what drew buys, like Silver King hitting someone with a tire. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to sew my kneecap back on."     -Kevin Nash, "Wheelchairs and Crutches Monthly", 2002

Irregardless of a few logic holes, the "match" went on with a bevy of useless, uh, "Hardcore", I mean, warriors, from the aforementioned Silver King, "Nasty" Brian Knobbs, and Finlay to some other indeterminate cruiserweights.  They dove on cars, they flipped a car, and they even hit each other with stuff...repeatedly.  After minutes and minutes of fresh, exciting brawling that never seemed repetitive or futile, Hak attempted a little homocide (just a little) by attempting to lock Finlay in a trunk and crush the car.  But Dave, showing the mettle that it takes to be champion, just up and got out, then tipped over a flaming 55-gallon drum and hopped the fence, and took the trophy as champion.  The match that had redefined "garbage wrestling" was over.

"Der, I'd've wished I won that match, but it's okay.  Me and the Hulkster went out and had some sandwiches.  Well, actually, I ate two sandwiches and told Hulkster about it.  Well, I left him a message, but he probably heard it."
-Brian Knobbs, from his book "50 Reasons it's Okay to Have a Mullet in the 21st Century", 2001

Of course, Finlay would use this win as a springboard to a rebirth in WCW, losing to the No Limit Soldiers in a 6-man tag match on Thunder, and beating Jerry Flynn by DQ on the next weeks Nitro.  Brian Knobbs would then rip Finlay's leg clean off during a house show. Doctors thought there was a 50/50 chance he might not be able to use the leg.  Well, Fit showed them, returning to the ring (rumors that he had a midget grafted to his torso in place of a leg were unfounded, and dumb) to mentor Brian Knobbs (out of respect) to superstardom in the legitimate Hardcore title ranks, before fading away, then returning at roughly 48 years old to full time competition, since what's old is new (but still kinda old)

Well, until TNA releases "In Deep: The Best of Sharkboy", I am, in fact, James E. Couture...

and I love to fight (one legged midgets)!