Folks, it's the Emergency Speed Limit sign on the highway of life, me, James E. Couture. Y'know, as I was watching television and listening to my Trammps LP, I thought, "I wish I could relate this to a Championship Profile." Oh, that's right, I can! Burn baby, burn, cuz it's Disco Inferno, Television Champ!

Frozen in suspended animation in the late 70's, or possibly bombarded by an ABBA-ray bomb, the Disco Inferno entered WCW in 1997, and found his bell bottom tights and dancing did little to command respect, unlike his beknickerbottomed idol, turn of the century grappler Waltz Von Fire. Sensing that he was as welcome as Andrew Dice Clay at a...well, anywhere, Disco decided to follow in the footsteps of his wacky gimmick bretheren, like the Renegade, the Honky Tonk Man, and Bruno Sammartino and silence the critics with championship gold.

"Brudda, this business ain't the way it used to be, with the flips and the sex with animals and the like. I once sold out Madison Square Garden by putting Ernie Ladd in a bearhug for four hours. That's wrestling!"
-Bruno Sammartino, press tour for "Bill and Ted's Ridiculous Getaway: I Say Martina, You Sammartino", 1998

But the gold, and the respect that came with it, would not come easily. Disco Inferno would have to mow down the prodigious German, his future dancing douchebag partner, Alex Wright. Somehow Disco stayed alive in the match, and upended das wunderkind. Disco Inferno was the dancing queen.

"I believe that's MY title"
-Joey Fatone, "The Tostitos Dancing With the Stars Countdown Special", 2007

Disco Inferno managed to squeak past challengers week in and week out, until he ran into the buzzsaw named Saturn. Perry captured the title with the Rings (my bells) of Saturn,and retained it at World War 3 (the pay per view, not Iraq) in a match heralded by some as "what you'd expect".

Of course, just like real disco, the Inferno would bounce right back into the mainstream, again pulling the upset and becoming TV Champ. One can only hope that when it's all said and done, Disco Inferno goes down as more than just a cheesy goof who ripped off the macerana, the movie Boogie Nights, and Sisqo as part of his gimmick, he was also an average wrestler.

Well, my WWE Fantasy Team of KC James, Jamie Noble, and Charlie Haas nets me a #1 ranking, I am, in fact, James E. Couture.

And I'm going to go do the hustle.