Couture's Championship Profiles: WCW Tag Champions Bret Hart and Goldberg

Folks, it's the man of the minute who's in it to win it, me, James E. Couture. With Hacksaw Jim Duggan and Eugene leading a tag team renaissance on Raw, I thought it would be appropriate to profile a team known for their undeniable chemistry, genuine rapport, and long championship reigns. Then I remembered this is Championship Profiles, so I'll do Bret Hart and Goldberg instead.

The year was 1999, and Bret Hart was sitting pretty as WCW Champion. Sure, he had his head kicked off by Goldberg in a title match at Starrcade, and was in such a fragile state he got another concussion putting on his shoes one morning, but still, he had The Big Gold Belt, pre-Arquette, slung over his shoulder. Now, I'll be honest, my exhaustive Googling, uh, "research", I mean, led me to come to one conclusion: no one cares about this championship reign. Apparently World Championships and ending careers are more important than six days as tag team champion. Not in my world, but I don't run the internet (yet). Either way, as a result, the events surrounding the tag team title reign are lost in the sands of time. It seems I'll have to use my "Wrestling Storyline Simulation Software" (trusted by WWE Creative for the past five years) to make up, uh, "fill in", the missing pieces.

"Well, the original plan was to have Bret Hart MARRY Goldberg, live on pay-per-view. For some reason they both objected. I just had'em be tag team partners instead. Damn, I wish I coulda brought the first ever "Divorce Court" match to air though."
             -Vince Russo, from his induction speech into the WCW Hall of Fame, 2000

Since Bret Hart and Goldberg upended tag team dynasty Creative Control(Jake and Elwood Bruise), at least one of them had run afoul of the Dr.Claw character who was pulling the string at WCW at the time. Therefore, Dr. Claw had decided to PUNISH one of them with a tag team title shot! Genius!  Yet somewhere, La Parka sat without a belt to go around his full body skeleton suit. Regardless, after deciding to punish his enemies with career advancement, he revealed the twist, the partner would the opponent from the Starrcade title match! How would this odd couple tandem be able to get along? Like just about EVERY OTHER odd couple tandem in a(massively undeserved) championship match, they fared quite well, and won the sweet, sweet tag team gold.

"Yeah, that was a dark day in the history of Creative Control. It's okay though, we went out for ice cream with Ernest Miller after."
         - Ron/Don Harris (yeah, it matters), REO Speedwagon Fanzine, 2003

As I alluded to earlier, Team Hartberg was not to join Demolition, Harlem Heat or Rico and Charlie Haas as tag team dynasties, as they lost the gold six days later to The Outsiders, Hall and Oates, uh, Nash, yeah, who got a tag title shot based on past experience (the only reason that mattered in WCW) and in order to bolster the return of nWo 2000 (what a wonderful 3 weeks that was). Apparently the match Goldhart lost the match in was a House of Pain Match, which, using the aforementioned simulator, was either a lame no-DQ variation, a lame cage match variation, or a match involving jumping around (jump, jump, jump, jump). Nash and Hall were cream of the crop and rose to the top, and Goldberg (who may or may not have defended the titles solo) was terminated, like Arnold Schwarzanegger.

"That was too sweeeeeeet! Ha ha ha ha, oh, y'know? I really wish I could have a Pine-Sol/Vodka on the rocks. I love Cosby spills and Nash. Ha, ha ha ha ha ....."
                   -Scott Hall, from Drinky's Home Journal, 2004

Goldberg would rip his arm off weeks later, while Bret Hart, content in knowing he was the first guy to hold the Triple Crown (World, Secondary, Tag Titles) in WWE and WCW, plus the concussion thing, retired. Though Bret doesn't hold a grudge for Goldberg prematurely ending his 20 year career, he does hold a massive grudge for dropping the straps. This is the WCW Tag Team titles were talking about, after all.