Folks, whenever you need a quick fix of revisionist history, look no further than the 1998 Winter X Games "Icy Driveway Pole Vault" Bronze Medalist, me, James E. Couture. Y'know, as a would-be wrestling journalist (or something), I go out of my way to watch most of the weeks wrestling (why else would someone watch Tommy Dreamer v Kevin Thorne?) in order to keep abreast of the current issues. Hey, speaking of "abreast" (or two), it's time for my first ever Women's Championship Profile, it's the Kat!

The year was 1999, and the Women's Championship was in a state of flux. It's credibility rockin' and reelin' from champions like Debra and Fabulous Moolah: The Golden Years, the Women's Title needed a stabalizing force, a rock.

"Now I didn't think those broads needed more than their gazumbas and some mud to 'get over', to use an insider term. But those creativity-stifiling suits in their 'bubble' told us we needed to have'em WRESTLE. Ugh, wrestling...gross!"
-Vince Russo, "Totally Awesome Insider Shoot Video Series", VKM Video, 2001

That force was Miss Kitty, a young women whose ring name was born out of the backpack she was wearing when Jerry Lawler picked her up at a middle school dance he was DJ'ing. After serving as Jeff Jarrett's valet's valet (what?), Miss Kitty switched to seconding Chyna, presumably so she coulld actually manage a man.

After digging the leather outfits out of her stripper drawer and dying her hair black, or maybe it was a wig, because that's the most important part of the story, Miss Kitty became "The Kat", and looked kind of like Chyna, only you would want to have sex with The Kat, if you know what I mean. Eitherway, the rivalry between Ivory and Jacqueline (I was going to make a TNA joke but Canadian Bulldog wore those out for this week) was really hetaing up, and for some reason a vuluptuous EMT named B.B. (Barbara Bush, and I'm not even kidding) was brought into the fray. Then, just for an even sexier fun time, Miss Katty was thrown into the mix. Of course, you will all remember Miss Kitty had made her in-ring debut against Ivory in a mud wrestling match, reminiscent of The Shiek v. Tiger Jeet Singh with jiggly boobs flopping everywhere (a rematch between Sabu and Tiger Ali Singh is penciled in for ECW's next PPV, "2 Bad 2 Order"). But in order to "take it to the next level", The Kat needed to find a new challenge--the Swimming Pool Evening Gown Match.

"Wheeee! Breasts!"
-Excerpt from Jerry Lawler's new kid's book, "16+50=1 Good Time", 2007

And so, at Armageddon, in what many thought would be the end of Women's wrestling, Ivory defended her gold belt (and matching purse) against Jacqueline, BB (because medical personnel always get title shots) and The Kat in a pool, ripping each others clothes off. Though Ivory was considered the favorite going in, it would be Miss Kitty who proved to be the George Hackenschmidt of disrobing. The Kat had won the Women's Championship. In order to celebrate, she pulled her dress down, much akin to the way she would celebrate a $5 tip. Sable's career turned over in it's grave.

The victories began to pile up, thanks to some timely interference by Chyna. Tori and Ivory were just two of the names on The Kat's hitlist (well, they were BOTH of the people she beat, but hey they're "tough enough" as it is...get it? Because they were trainers on Tough Enough...) But, much to the dismay of 12 year old boys everywhere, this reign was not to be mentioned in the same breath as Sammartino, Flair, or Johnson (Rocky OR Ahmed). It was to last a scant 50 days...wait, 50 days? That seems like a lot. Eitherhoo, she eventually succumbed to the greatest Women's wrestler of all time, Harvey Whippleman, in the infamous "Lumberjill Snowbunny Screwjob". I'm tempted to do two straight Profiles, but I'll save that Buffalo Chicken Tender for another time.

Well, until another mutlibillion dollar company hires some employees just to tell them they suck, I am in fact, James E. Couture.

And can I just say Interceptasaurus Rex has officially rechristened the NFC as standing for "No F--king Chance?" Jeez, that's two straight years of #1 seeds proving to be fruitless.