Couture's Championship Profiles: World Tag Team Champions The Spirit Squad

Folks, it's the man who's irrevocably irresponsible, irrational, irreverent and irrelevant, me, James E. Couture. Last week I mentioned briefly the tag team renaissance on Raw being led by Hacksaw Jim Duggan and Eugene. Since the Goof Troop and the Bushlanders are running rampant over the tag team division, titles or not, I decided to MAKE HISTORY and profile the CURRENT World Tag Team Champions, the (insert explitive) Spirit Squad!

The year was, uh, is, 2006 and WWE needed male cheerleaders. The Ent had previously thought they had run the gamut of goofy sport characters with the Goon (hockey), Abe "Knuckleball" Schwartz (baseball), Kerwin White (golf) and Kurt Angle ("wrestling"). Then someone saw the movie Bring it On 3: Just Bring It On (starring Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson) and saw Kerwin White's wayward caddy Nick Nemeth and thought "why not?" And thus the idea of translating male cheerleaders, high school and college movie cheap punchlines, into wrestlers came to pass. But if one cheerleader could generate interest, and thusly, money, then, using multiplication, something I learned in business school, FIVE cheerleaders could generate FIVE times as much money!

"That's true. It's called nWo Theory. If three guys in the ring can sell tickets, fifteen guys could sell five times the amount, just as long as they're top stars like Virgil and Scott Norton."
-Eric Bischoff, from his lecture in WCWBUS 101: Basic Thuganomics, 2003

And so the Spirit Squad came into existence. There was the aforementioned Nick(y), as well as the young, athletic Ken(ny) Doane, OVW standout Johnny Jeter, and two other guys named Mikey and Mitch. Not soon after their debut, they were recruited by Mr. McMahon in his epic war with Shawn Michaels.

"Yes, I really see myself in those 20 year olds. Spirit Squad? I was talking about the Diva Search contestants! Ha, ha, ha, ho, ho...LAUGH DAMMIT! YOU'RE FIRED!"
-Vince McMahon, from "Fortune Magazine: Wacky Billionares-Steve Jobs to Ron Popeil", 2006

As a reward for their (futile) assistance, as well as key victories over top stars like Val Venis and Viscera, the Spirit Squad was given a Tag Team Title shot against Big Show and Kane. Somehow, through pentuple team chicanery and the grace of Marty Jannetty, er, God (wrong tag team partner) the Squad pulled the upset.

"I was shocked and appalled. I was really pulling for the guy who set me on fire, too"
-Jim Ross, Okie Journal of Medicine, 2006

Proving to be one of the most groundbreaking teams of all time, the Spirit Squad followed in the footsteps of the Freebirds (3-person rule) and The Nasty Boys (Don't-have-to-be-good rule) and established two new precedents:

1. Five men defending the Tag Team Titles and the use of a trampoline as a
weapon.

2. Despite losing several encounters to D-Generation X, Triple H and Shawn Michaels chose not to challenge for the gold.

"Tag Team Championship? Never heard of it. Are sure that's not something they have on Friday Night CrapDown? *snickers*"
-Triple H, from the article "10 Reasons Triple H Hates SmackDown!", WWE Magazine, 2006

And so, with their titles barely intact, the Spirit Squad continues to reign to THIS VERY DAY, fending off the likes of the previously mentioned Old Hack Jim Duggan and Eugene and the Highwackers, Rory and Butch, and the occasional ACOGFHWTT (A Couple Of Guys From Heat We Threw Together). How much longer will their reign last? Days, weeks? Who will unseat them? Will anyone care? I don't know, but I can guarantee the titles will change hands on a Monday or Sunday. Isn't it funny how that happens?

Well, until the Devil Rays beat the Pirates to win the World Series, I am, in fact, James E. Couture

Jimmy!