Folks, it’s the WWI version of Steve Romero, me, James E. Couture. Now, in case you guys didn’t realize it, WrestleMania is right upon us, so I’ve decided to treat you to a Deluxe Edition of the Profile, and you don’t even have to pay me $49.95, though I won’t stop you. So, in that vein, I present to you the CURRENT Tag Team Champions, John Cena and Shawn Michaels!

The year was, IS, 2007, and John Cena is reigning as WWE Champion. After dispatching challenges from Edge, Edge again, Umaga, and Umaga one more time, Cena was wondering who he’d be facing at WrestleMania. Would it be Edge, in an appropriate 23rd rematch at WrestleMania 23? Possibly. His tag team championship partner, Randy Orton? Conceivably. Trevor Murdoch? No, but Shawn Michaels, now that’s the drunk moderately attractive chick on prom night of challengers--someone you could get behind. But whilst the participants were debating this situation, whoever makes the decisions on Raw, the “Decider”, decided that John Cena and Shawn Michaels had been such an impressive team in the WWE sponsored tandem bicycle competing in the Tour de France that they deserved a title shot. But none of this next week crap, that match was THAT NIGHT!

The match was set: Rated RKO v. Jawn Cenchaels. While Rated RKO warmed up taking turns “just looking” at the Divas, Cena and Michaels did 600 squat thrusts while debating the finer points of the power half nelson. Maybe not. Either way, much in the tradition of the Rock N’ Sock Connection, or the Stone Cold-N-Undertaker Express, somehow, these two huge personalities managed to pull it together and miraculously win the Tag Team Championship.

After roughly a month of jaw jacking, Rated RKO finally got their rematch, and lost. Somewhere in between, Shawn had beaten Edge and Orton to become #1 contender to his own partners championship! Jeez, you couldn’t SCRIPT drama like that! With tension mounting, Cena and Michaels faced off against the Formerly Self Proclaimed Now Just Plain Ol’ World’s Greatest Tag Team, Cade and the aforementioned Murdoch, and MN-Some other loser. Luckily, because regular tag teams are way inferior to the power of Thuganomicsmania, Johnny Wahlberg and Marty Jannety’s tag team partner retained the gold.

Then, the other shoe dropped, and it dropped straight into Cena’s mouth. Just this last Monday, Shawn Michaels shocked the world by doing what everyone thought he would-playing “the Champ” some Sweet Chin Music. Sure, they’ll settle this tiff at WrestleMania, but what of the tag team titles? Will they be vacated like the time Shawn Michaels and Diesel split up? Will one partner keep the titles, like the time Shawn Michaels and Stone Cold didn’t get along? Or heck, maybe they’ll just pretend it never happened, like the time Shawn Michaels and Marty Jannety won the tag titles. Either way, one thing’s for sure: the #1 contenders, Cryme Tyme, are about fifth in line for the a title shot.

But wait, there’s more!

Since it’s only natural, here are my WrestleMania picks! And the winners are:

Cena
Undertaker
Lashley
MVP
Randy Orton
Melina
Great Khali, fabulous he
The New Breed

But that’s not all! In a rare TRIPLE FEATURE, I figure I’d get in on this “Award” fad that’s all the rage. Since WrestleMania marks, both literally and figuratively, the end of the first “quarter” of the wrestling year, here’s my Quarterly My Brow R. Furrowed* Award, for the one thing this past three months that had my brow furrowed in rage, confusion, or general consternation. And the winner is:

Whoever decided to end Gregory Helms’ Cruiserweight Title reign in a multiman cluster fudge. The reign was OVER a year long, and whoever beat him could have gotten a tiny bit of rub, something that hasn’t happened with the Cruiserweight Title since Rey Mysterio lost it to Spike Dudley. Instead, Chavo wins it by ambushing Jimmy Wang Yang. My brow is officially furrowed.

Well that’s all for this week. Don’t be surprised if next quarter’s award is something similar with London and Kendrick. Until Funaki is repackaged as ECW’s next top heel, I am, in fact, James E. Couture.

*It’s like Edward R. Murrow