Folk's, if life were a sitcom, the semi-recurring antagonistic character (a la Bania from Seinfeld) would be me, James E. Couture. Now, this marks the first time in HISTORY I'm bringing you a "Double Fouture", so stay tuned after the Profile for a very special presentation. Also, I've mixed things up a little this week, as I didn't have time to fabricate quotes due to final exams. So, in the non-denominational holiday spirit, I bring to you "'Twas the Night Before SmackDown!" starring Undertaker and Rock, Tag Team Champions!

'Twas the night before SmackDown! (taping), and all through the arena, No one could match The Rock's cocky demeanor. Save possibly The Undertaker, who'd quip, "This is my yard", Scarier than his brother, the big red retard. And what tag champs were heading for a bad, hostile mess? Edge and Christian, of course, reeking of awesomeness! I flew to the window (TV), and threw open the sash (turned it on), Just in time to see E+C getting kicked in their ass. And what did "Team The" actually win? The tag titles, my friend, just like the Godwinns. Same Ol' Insanity: Title shot without beating anyone, But Taker and Rock were just one-and-done. MORE Same Ol' Insanity: Odd couple team got along, But let's refrain for a moment to remember Lita's thong. Ah, that was nice, but back to the Profile, And Taker and Rock's defense of their title. Y'see, the reign lasted a scant 24 hours, E+C somehow overcame Taker's magic powers. Thanks to guest ref Kurt Angle, complete with hair, Then WW_ Champion (Those damn panda bears!) Kurt Slangle Ammed Rock, far from fair play. Michael yelled "DAMMIT! Not this way! Not this way!" But let's close on this title reign that's hard to remember, And a non-denominational Holiday Greeting to you, in the month of December!

See, didn't that make you feel warm and fuzzy inside? Now, I told y'all to stick around, because the following is the first part in my sporatic new ongoing series, Jakkeding Off.

Folks, the premise of Jakkeding Off is simple. I dig through my 20 or so hours of archival Jakked footage (it's archival cuz I broke the little tab off of the tapes so you can't record over them) and bring to you one match review. The match may be a hidden gem, a ridiculous squash, or something in between. And our first match is something in between. It's the earliest match I have on tape, it's British Bulldog v. Gangrel, from December 1999.

Gangrel (w/Luna) v. British Bulldog (European Champion)

This is a non-title match, with Bulldog heading into a title defense the next night at Armageddon. PS Micheal Hayes, apparently the best writer ever according to WWI message boards, and Good Ol' MC, Micheal Cole calling the action. Tie up, headlock by the 'Dog, Gangrel pushes him off and catches Davey with a drop toe hold. Gangriene gets 2 counts off of a head and arm takeover, then a backslide. Smith shuts that down with a clothesline. Bullfrog sends G-Unit out, but 'Grelly comes back in via sunset flip, 2 count, then meets another Dog-Line. The Midcarders Chinlock is applied, but, miraculously, Gangrel doesn't immediately tap out, somehow fights through the pain, and just kinda stands up with the move still on. Gravy Boy rakes the eyes and gets a vertical suples, and another 2 count. B-Squared gets another headlock, but Gangly gets a back suplex out of it. For some reason, Bulldog gets to his feet a hell of a lot faster than Gangrel and lays in the shoe leather in homage to Ronnie Garvin, who invented stomping on people. Somehow that only garners a two count, so Limey Limedog locks on another deadly chinlock. Gangrel stays in this thing still, though, fires off the elbow, bounces off the ropes, ducks another Dog-Line, and reverses a hip toss into a double overhook belly to belly suplex, and then his patent pending corkscrew elbow, but only for a 2 count. Gangrel attempt to Impale the Bulldog (with a DDT, not a pointy stick), but Davey attempts to counter that with a body slam, only to have Gangrel float over. Gangrel bounces off the ropes, ducks another clothesline, but is caught with a powerslam for the 1-2-3! The Bulldog is "rolling" into Armageddon.

Rating; 4/10. Your typical blah match, but it gets a point for a lack of blown spots. Just imagine Kevin Thorne wrestling Chris Masters (try not to throw up). It was like that, but a teensy bit better.

Well, until Vince McMahon decides that Lashley v. Stevie Richards for the ECW Title at WrestleMania actually wouldn't be all that bad, I am, in fact, James E. Couture.

And to all our French Canadian friends, Joyeaux Noel! Now go have some meat pie.