Other Columns
Derek Burgan's "It's the summer of RVD!"
By Derek Burgan
Jul 13, 2006 - 1:10 AM

Welcome to the summer of ROB!

By "Rob Van Dam," ECW superstar, wrestler, rebel, extremist

Aloha fans and friends of RobVanDam.com, some of you may have noticed my name appearing in the papers lately. No, not those kinds of papers - I'll leave that to my Zig Zag friend - I mean the reading kind. I realize that many of you come to my website to hear the truth straight from the horse's mouth, and since this website is getting more hits lately than X-Pac's bong, I figured I would address the issue here first.

Yes, I have been suspended from ECW for 30 days. But, you know what, I should have got myself suspended years ago as I'm having the time of my life! Seriously, do you realize how many matches I was wrestling per week as WWE and ECW World Heavyweight Champion? That's a lot of bumps off my bump card. I've spent the last few Monday's wrestling goofs like John Cena and feeling it afterward. I don't care how long you stretch, nothing prepares the body for a bad worker.  You know what I was doing while Raw was on last night? I was eating a summertime treat, corn on the cob.  A few minutes later I got the munchies again, as I was watching the show with my lady friend Mary Jane, so I had some Honey BBQ flavored Fritos, and watched a show called Hell's Kitchen. I laughed my ass off. Then I had an ice cream sandwich while watching fireflies out my bay window, or at least I hope they were fireflies, a decade of being EXTREME will do that to you.

Don't get me wrong, I'm still a company man. I flipped over to Raw and saw Eugene versus Vince and Shane in the main event, but then I realized another Cheech and Chong's The Corsicon Brothers was playing on Showtime. Hopefully my DVR taped the end of Raw for me.

Well, to tell you the truth, I'm not even sure I have a DVR.

Actually, to be 100% honest, I'm not even sure what a DVR is.

You know what? I just realized that DVR is RVD spelled backwards. WOAH!

Anyway, now that I've got some time on my hands, it's time to do things around the house that I've been putting off forever. Tomorrow I plan to finally read Alan Moore's V for Vendetta and Grant Morrison's All Star Superman. There's nothing worse than going to my comic shop (Rob Van Dam's Five Star Comics) and not knowing what the fans are talking about. One kid last week asked me what I thought about Spider-man unmasking in Marvel's Civil War. "Kid," I said, "You just blew my mind."

I also want to play a little Halo 2 and finally figure out how many licks it actually does take to get to the center of a Tootsie roll lollipop. I'm not sure I can all this stuff done in just 30 days. Maybe when I go back I'll just wear jeans and a t-shirt at the airport like Kid Kash so I can be suspended again.

Anyway, I just wanted all my true fans to know that despite not being on TV, I'm still working on my highspots. Why? Because when I come back I hope to be even higher then I was when I left.

'Cause that's how I roll.

If you know what I mean.

C U in 30.

Rob Van Dam would like to throw some Scooby snacks to his fellow High Times contributors Keith Lipinski and Sean Carless for their help on this editorial. "RVD" would also like all his fans to visit his favorite website by clicking HERE.