You can imagine this hardcore n*****'s surprise when hearing about the announcement of ECW coming back in the next couple months. I was sitting in my living room, getting my **** ****** by a fine ass white bitch supplied by Kevin Kleinrock when the phone rang. It was that crazy ass crackah Michael Moody telling me that Vince  McMahon was starting up ECW again without New Jack.  Without f***'n new jack?  what the f*** is that cracker piece of **** thinking?! Didn't they learn anything during that so called f***'n "ECW invasion" back in 2001 that flopped harder than that duck billed lip bitch Missy Hyatt's vixxxens website? The ECW faithful want to see the original gangsta New Jack do what he does best, and in this case that might mean stapling a Weight Watchers ad to the forehead of that thick waisted rich c*** Stephanie McMahon. I mean Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley-Michaels-Whichever one of the boys just nailed her.

Apparently someone smartened up as the next day I got a FedEx from that stooge, mole, flabby boy b**** hardcore wannabe Tommy Dreamer. Who in their God damn mind thought I would sign this ****?! I ain't no house n***** like D-Von Dudley! New Jack needs to see the Benjamins along with other changes before I single handedly revive this dead ass company.

Dress Code:  I damn near **** myself laughing when reading the section concerning the so called dress code. Do they really think New Jack is gonna dress up like some hoi poloi crackah who goes to church on Sunday but eats a little dark meat on the side? F*** no!  Can I dress like this? Sure, like cheese to get a rat b**** to come home with me, but wearing this at all times?  N***** please! Maybe I should put some white face on and dance a little song while I'm at it. Shine your shoes boss? Tupac t-shirts and camoflaged pants are the new standard, case closed. I should note that if I see that John Cena poser coming my way, I will take the largest shiv I own and cut off the top of his pump sneakers, shove them up his white ass, and then make him my spinning bitch!

Talent Showing up for Events: I have to be there how early? Now you've gone and lost your God damn mind. What's the point? So I can play f***'n chess or watch Brokeback Mountain with that c*** smoking Spanky? Discuss money with that nazi loving piece of  *** JBL? I'd sooner pay my respects to that fat f*** Mass Transit. However, I have noticed that video games are banned, but rats aren't. I agree with that 100%.

Talent Wellness Program: HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA please.  You take away a wrestler's medicine, you take away the wrestler.  I can’t puff puff before the match?  Are you s***ing me?  I’m supposed to jump off the balcony onto a table… sober?  Who’s on the mother f***'n junk now? I ain't some lazy ass n***** like Mustafa, I go all out each and every single night and need a little something to take the edge off. If I have to follow this laughable policy I can't be held responsible for slitting the throat of some cracker ass Spirit Squad prag that gets in my face backstage.

When these conditions are met will the one and only New Jack will step back into an ECW ring. I can't promise I won't strangle that mutha f***'n cheap Jew Heyman in the back for all the money he's screwed me out on, but I can guarantee that old school hardcore action will be back in the house!