Welcome to the 
TNA Final Resolution 2009
Real Time Report

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Good evening, everybody!

Your Empress of "iMPACT" is here to provide you with real-time goodness from TNA's last ppv offering of 2009, "Final Resolution." Will AJ Styles and Daniels tear down the proverbial house? Will the Motor City Machine Guns finally wear tag team gold? Who gets the title shots? Who gets fired? Find the nearest line and cross it, and let's find out!

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[Joker voice] And here we go!

Tag Team Championship Match: British Invasion vs. Motor City Machine Guns: I can't believe they're opening with this! Don't expect much of a recap, as this is my reason for watching this show! Oh, Alex Shelley and the future Mr. Bulloch would look so very fine in tag team gold! Loud chants of "Bloody wanker1" Sabin and Williams start, but Shelley tags in quickly. Lots of hold exchanges. Magnus tags in and has a go against Shelley. Shelley kicks Magnus in the knees repeatedly, then tags in Sabin. The Guns double-team Magnus, then the Brits go to the floor. The Guns hit a pair of beautiful high crossbodies from the top rope! Back in the ring, it's Williams and Shelley. Williams uses a version of the Gory Special on Shelley, and drives him into the corner. Shelley lands a flying cross body on Williams for a two-count. The Brits double-team Shelley with a necktie. Sabin breaks up a pin on Shelley. Shelley and Williams go, and it's more technical exchanges. Magnus yanks Sabin off the ring apron, then tags in and locks in a full nelson opn Shelley. Shelley fights out, but Magnus catches him in mid-air. Magnus tags in Williams, Shelley tags in Sabin. Sabin cleans house, and drops Williams with a tornado DDT. Williams kicks out at two. Magnus tags in, and Shelley does likewise. Shelley drops Magnus head-first into the turnbuckle. Shelley and Magnus go in the ring. Sabin dives through Shelley's legs to the floor to take out Williams. Shelley hits Sliced Bread on Magnus, but Magnus kicks out at two. All four men enter the ring and it's a mess. LOUD chants of "Motor City!" Shelley and Magnus go. The Guns hit every awesome move they have, but the Brits keep kicking out. Behind the referee's back, the Brits double-team Sabin. When the referee turns around, the pin and count is made, and the Brits retain. NOOOO!!!!!! That was rubbish! I'm pouting for the rest of the show. 

Winners (and STILL) Tag Team Champions: British Invasion

Knockouts Championship match: ODB vs. Tara: Tara tries to employ technical finesse, but ODB outpowers her at every turn. ODB dominates for most of the early going. ODB hits a fallaway slam on Tara. ODB continues the power game. Tara fights back and gets the advantage. Tara rolls up ODB and gets the pin!

Winner (and NEW Knockouts Champion): Tara

Post-match, Christy Hemme asks Tara how she feels. Tara thanks the fans, and exits with the title.

"Feast or Fired" match: Jay Lethal, Consequences Creed, Cody Deaner, Robert Roode, James Storm, Eric Young, Homicide, Kevin Nash, Rob Terry, Kiyoshi, Sheik Abdul Bashir, and Samoa Joe: This is impossible to call, so we'll be going by highlights. Twelve guys in the ring is a bit of a mess. Deaner goes after a case, but gets pulled down. Later, Bashir and Deaner fight over Case #2 and it falls to the floor. Bashir and Deaner both hold the case and pull it back and forth. Bashir hits Deaner with the case and claims case #2. Big Rob Terry retrieves Case #4. World Elite is not happy with this, as Terry did not seem to follow the plan of NOT grabbing all the cases. Beer Money double-teams Eric Young. Then Kiyoshi. Then Homicide. Nash retrieves Case #1 and goes to the floor with it. Samoa Joe throws Deaner to the floor and retreives Case #3. Now it's time to open the cases!

But first, to the back! Christy Hemme interviews Kurt Angle and AJ Styles about their respective matches tonight. Angle is a smarter, more devious bastard than Desmond Wolfe. AJ has bigger issues to worry about tonight than Angle. 

To the cases!

Case #1: Kevin Nash: Tag Team title shot

Case #2: Sheik Abdul Bashir: Fired

Case #3: Samoa Joe: World Heavyweight title shot

Case #4: Rob Terry: X-Division title shot

8-Man Elimination Tag Team Match: Team 3D, Rhino, & Jesse Neal vs. Hernandez, Matt Morgan, "The Pope" D'Angelo Dinero, & Suicide: Hernandez enters alone, and now has to last five minutes against the entire other team. The expected beatdown ensues, but Hernandez refuses to stay down. Hernandez dodges a Gore from Rhino and rolls him up for a pin, eliminating Rhino. The clock ticks down, and Jesse Neal's chair shot to Hernandez's head is interrupted by the arrival of Matt Morgan, Suicide, and "The Pope" D'Angelo Dinero. Not to the entrance music of "The Pope," unfortunately. In the ring, it's Suicide and Jesse Neal. Some really solid back and forth action here. Hernandez steps in and smashes a steel chair over Jesse Neal's head, and is disqualified and sent to the back. Team 3D pins Suicide and eliminates him. Now it's a comatose Jesse Neal and Team 3D against Matt Morgan and "The Pope." In the ring, it's Pope and Brother Ray. Pope lays elbows into the heads of Ray and Devon. Pope gets hit with a 3D, and is eliminated. Now it's Team 3D against Matt Morgan. Team 3D drive Morgan down into the corner. Morgan fights back, and drops them both with a double clothesline. Morgan lays into Devon with the rapid-fire elbows to the head. Morgan tries to chokeslam Ray, but Devon sweeps the leg. Team 3D double-teams Morgan in the ropes. Morgan hits Devon with a bicycle kick, and pins him to eliminate him. The last two are Morgan and Ray. Ray tries to hit Morgan with a chair, but Morgan counters with the Carbon Footprint and pins him for the win.

Winners: Matt Morgan (and Hernandez, Suicide, and "The Pope" D'Angelo Dinero)

Last Man Standing match: Bobby Lashley (w/ Kristal) vs. Scott Steiner: Steiner and Lashley fight up the ramp after Kristal is sent to the back by the referee. Brawling up and down the ramp, and up the set. Lashley uses a chair. Steiner uses a pipe. Nobody stays down for the ten-count yet. It's all power on both sides. I shouldn't be so biased, but this is really boring. Steiner gets his pipe, but Lashley spears Steiner and hits him with the pipe. After the fastest tenj-count in wrestling history, Steiner doesn't get up, and Lashley gets the win.

Winner: Lashley

Tag Team Grudge Match: Raven & Dr. Stevie vs. Mick Foley & Abyss: Foley announces that this match will be "anything goes." All parties concur, and it's on! Foley gets Dr. Stevie in the Tree of Woe and drops an elbow on him. Foley goes to the floor after Raven, and they fight to the back, out of our sight. In the ring, it's Dr. Stevie and Abyss. Abyss drags Dr. Stevie around the set, slamming his head into the broadcast table. Speaking of tables, Abyss drags out a fresh table and sets it up next to the announce table. Abyss drags Dr. Stevie to the top of the ramp and prepares to throw him through the table. Raven runs out and shatters a kendo stick across Abyss's back. Raven and Stevie continue to double-team Abyss, with no sign of Foley. Raven bites at Abyss's burned leg at several points. Raven pulls a gasoline container from beneath the ring, but before he can pour it over Abyss, Foley runs down the ramp, flattening everyone with a shopping cart filled with barbed wire-wraqpped implements of destruction. In the ring, a cradle piledriver for Raven. A double underhook DDT for Stevie. Raven and Stevie are piled on to of one another, and Abyss drops a leg. Foley goes for the sock, but Raven throws powder in Foley's face. Sort of. He kind of missed, but that's as may be. Abyss hits Dr. Stevie with the Shock Treatment while dropping a leg on Raven. Kickouts! Up the ramp, Foley has wrapped Stevie in barbed wire, and lands a big elbow drop on him from the ramp through a table. Back in the ring, Raven tries a DDT on Abyss. Daffney runs in and hits Abyss with a chair. Abyss is not affected, and grabs her by the hair, pulling her up for the Shock Treatment. Raven kicks Abyss and pulls Daffney down. Raven tries the DDT again, but Abyss counters with the Black Hole Slam and gets the pin.

Winners: Abyss and Mick Foley

To the back! Samoa Joe ponders when to cash in his World Heavyweight Championship title shot. Great promo here! I love this Samoa Joe.

"Three Degrees of Pain" match: Desmond Wolfe vs. Kurt Angle: The first fall is pinfall, within the Six Sides of Steel. The second fall is submission. The third and final fall is escaping the cage. Let's go! Wolfe enters first. Have I mentioned that I love his music? I do. Angle is second. This is going to be some fantastic wrestling, so just sit back and enjoy it. Wolfe takes control of Angle by scissoring the leg and applying a front facelock. Wolfe continues to target the head and neck of Angle with different holds, taking Angle's base out from under him. Angle switches it into a hammerlock. Reversals on top of reversals. Wolfe drops Angle with a European uppercut. Okay, this is just some flat-out beautiful wrestling that has to be seen to be believed. Powerbomb into the turnbuckle by Angle. Wolfe recovers eventually. Reversals upon reversals again. Series of German suplexes by Angle. Tower of London on Angle. Angle kicks out at two and a half. Angle rolls Wolfe up in a schoolboy, but Wolfe kicks out. Another Tower of London is countered with a backdrop suplex. Angle misses a moonsault. Again. Wolfe hits another Tower of London on Angle, and gets the first pinfall.

Winner of pinfall, #1: Desmond Wolfe

The match continues. The second fall is submissions. Wow, there's some creative stuff going on here! Wolfe continues to work over the arm of Angle. Angle goes for the Angle Lock repeatedly. Reversals galore, and lots of MMA-style submissions. Loud chants of "This is wrestling!" Angle locks in the Angle Lock while scissoring the leg, and Wolfe taps out. This round was awesome!

Winner of submission, #2: Kurt Angle

The match continues. Fall #3 is escaping the cage. Wolfe superplexes Angle back into the ring from the top rope as Angle tries to climb out the cage. Wolfe's head is busted open after hitting the cage face-first. Angle goes for a frog splash off the top rope, but Wolfe brings a leg up to block it. Wolfe is really bloody now. The referees open the cage door, and Wolfe tries to crawl out to the floor. Angle drags him back in and locks in the Angle Lock with the body scissors. Wolfe taps frantically, but it doesn't matter. When Wolfe is prone, Angle climbs the cage to escape. Wolfe crawls for the cage door at the same time. Angle drops to the floor at the same time that Wolfe slides out the door. It's Angle's music that plays in victory.

Winner: Kurt Angle

World Heavyweight Championship title match: AJ Styles vs. Daniels: JB makes the ring introductions. Slick Johnson is the referee. Again, I say, if a movie of "Transmetropolitan" is ever made, Daniels is the only man alive who can play Spider Jerusalem. Here we go! AJ and Daniels lock up and throw each other around. Daniels slaps AJ. Daniels works over the arm. Daniels yells at the audience, "Next World Champion!" and "Who you booing?" Great! Daniels grounds AJ and keeps up the focus on the arm. AJ and Daniels take turns grounding each other. Daniels has AJ face-down in the mat, and wrenches the arm. Lots of rope-running and jumping here. Leapfrogging galore. AJ drops Daniels with a dropkick. Punches in the corner. AJ stomps on Daniels in the corner. Tremendous action and fantastic moves here. AJ lands a HUGE running flip dive over the ropes onto Daniels on the floor. AJ drops Daniels with a discus clothesline back in the ring. AJ slows the pace and controls the match now. Daniels monkeyflips AJ into the corner. Daniels clotheslines AJ onto the apron, then hits him in the head to drop him to the floor. Daniels sets up multiple chairs. Slick Johnson takes one away, and when his back is turned, Daniels plants AJ on the other chair. Back in the ring, Daniels hits AJ with a sideslam. Daniels and AJ are on the top rope, and Daniels raises up AJ and drops him on the ropes. Daniels has focused on AJ's back for the past several minutes. Daniels hits a split-legged moonsault on AJ, followed by a crossface submission hold. Daniels is in totalcontrol now. AJ fights back, countering a hammerlock into a back suplex. AJ drops Daniels with a series of punches and a spin kick. Daniels slingshots himself over the top rope down to AJ on the floor, but AJ turns it into a powerbomb. Back in the ring, AJ is still dominant. Daniels crotches AJ on the top rope, then suplexes him back into the ring. Daniels drives AJ into the corner, and AJ fights it off. Daniels hits AJ with a HUGE open-hand palm thrust. Daniels covers AJ, but AJ kicks out at two. A series of suplex attempts ends in a brainbuster for Daniels. The ten-count begins. AJ hits a Pele kick on Daniels. AJ covers Daniels, but Daniels puts his foot on the ropes.AJ goes for the Styles Clash, but Daniels grabs the ropes. Daniels pokes the eyes. AJ gets hit with the Best Moonsault Ever, but kicks out. AJ hits another Styles Clash, but Daniels kicks out. AJ hits Daniels with a Styles Clash from the top rope and gets the pin.

Winner (and STILL World Heavyweight Champion): AJ Styles

Jana's Last Words: Wow. The last two matches saved this, and were some of the best that any true wrestling fan could possibly want. It's simply criminal that the MCMG are not tag team champions, and I'll be bitter about that for the next month. "Feast or Fired" wasn't as awful as it has been in the past. Rob Terry having an X-Division title shot is a horrific joke, but the way that the X-Division has been handled recently, that seems to be the theme. Is anyone else terrified that Kevin Nash's tag team title shot means that Scott Hall is coming back? Tara should be the Knockouts champion, so that was good.

Thanks for joining us here at WWI, and I'll dig you cats later!

Peace out,

Jana