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So, here we are. JG tapped yours truly, the Lord of the Insanity Universe, Mike Johns, to bring you the Blow by Blow for this sham TNA calls a Pay Per View - SACRIFICE. And what a fitting name it is, as we're about to sacrifice the next 3 hours of our lives to this inane crap.
Now, some of you may know me for my other work on this site, the glorified fan-fiction that is "Tales From The Insanity Universe", and your weekly dose of Carlito Colon, otherwise known as the WWE SuperStars SuperReview.
This, sadly, will not be anything like those. Those are actually good. This, though, is going to suck. Why? If you've been unfortunate enough to have seen Impact in recent months, you already know that answer. If not... Be afraid. Be very, very afraid.
So, with no further ado, let's get on with WWI's coverage of TNA Sacrifice 2010...
So, sitting through the pre-show, I can tell you, right now, TNA's pretty much betting on one match selling this entire show. Obviously, RVD vs. AJ is the draw here, and, for the most part, I'm totally cool with that. In fact, I'm expecting it to be just as good, if not better, than the match they had on Impact about a month ago. I'm just hoping the rest of the card is going to hold up.
And here we go... Showtime!
Our opening video is, honestly, pretty lame. A lot of guys bleeding and talking about what they're willing to sacrifice. You remember when TNA PPV opening videos were works of AV Art, narrated by this kick-ass African dude? Me too. I miss those.
And we're starting off the show with the #1 Contender's Match for the TNA Tag Titles The Motor City Machine Guns vs. Beer Money vs. Team 3D
We get an AWA on ESPN Classic reference early on, thanks to Taz, and the match starts off with Shelly of the MCMG, and Robert Roode of Beer Money. Headscissors by Shelley and a bulldog for 2. Roode with a backbreaker on Shelly for 2. Tag to Storm. A series of double team moves on Beer Money by the MCMG as Shelley tags in Sabin. High knee by Storm on Sabin. Ray tags himself in, takes over on Sabin. Devon tags in and 3D double teams Sabin for 2. Sabin misses a slingshot to the outside on Devon, and 3D takes over back inside the ring on Sabin. A slam and a legdrop by Devon for 2. Tag to Ray, who continues to dominate Sabin. Ray misses a senton splash, allows Sabin to tag Shelly in. Shelley dives on to 3D, who catches him, and Sabin dropkicks Shelly to drive 3D down. The guns take over from here with a fast paced offense on both teams. Shelley goes for a Warrior's Way on Ray, but misses, and Beer Money takes over. Roode tags Storm, nails the Beer Money Double suplex. Neckbreaker off the middle rope on Shelley by Storm for 2. Tag to Roode. Double team by Beer Money for 2. Tag back to Storm, working over Shelley. Storm misses a stinger splash, goes for a tag, but is stopped by Beer Money. Shelley tags Sabin for the hot tag, taking out Beer Money. Tornado DDT on Storm by Sabin for 2. Devon tags in, and 3D takes over. Doomsday Device on Roode by 3D. Sabin with a springboard crossbody on Ray for 2. Ray tosses Sabin out of the ring. Storm spits beer in the face of Ray to break up a 3D attempt. Roode with a spinebuster on Ray. The Guns double team Roode in the corner with kicks to the head. Shelley with a splash off the top rope on Ray with Sabin holding back Ray's head for the win.
Winner: MCMG
Up Next: Orlando Jordan vs. Rob Terry - Global Title Match
Terry starts off strong, overpowering OJ. As OJ tries to crawl away, Terry chases after him and throws him back into the ring. Running powerslam for 2. OJ begs off, luring Terry into a trap, as OJ takes over on Terry's knee. Yes, ACTUAL WRESTLING!!!! OJ works over the knee, grounding Terry. On the Superstars SuperReview, I'd implement the MVP rule here about now, as OJ has just been working the knee for the last few minutes. Terry manages to kick OJ off after 5 minutes, but to no avail, as OJ goes right back to the knee. Knee drop by OJ for 2. OJ's now moved on to the back and neck as Terry just lies there and takes it. OJ goes to the middle rope for a knee drop, but Freakboy rolls out of the way. OJ back to his feet and picks Rob up, but Terry nails the freakbuster for the win.
Winner: Rob Terry
OJ carried the HELL out of this guy, BTW. And, even then, I STILL almost had to impliment the MVP Rule, because NOTHING HAPPENED.
After the match, OJ clipped Terry from behind and continued to attack the knee, driving it on the Global Belt.
To The Back! Team 3D talks with Ink Inc. 3D wishes the Ink boys luck in the Tag Title match tonight, and warns them about 3D's bad blood with the Band, and how it may affect them. Ray blows a gasket when Jesse Neal says that Ink Inc. will take care of 3D.
Up Next: Kazarian (c) vs. Doug Williams for the X-Division Title
Tenay and Taz go over the X-Factors, explaining how Williams got stripped of the X title due to travel issues beyond his control, and how Kaz won the title at the last PPV.
Williams comes out wearing the X belt he never technically lost, followed by Kaz. The match begins, and Williams takes the early advantage, outwrestling the current X champ. Kaz fights out, and the two tie up again. The two continue their wrestling clinic until Williams drives Kaz into the corner, snapmares him to the mat, then nails Kaz with a shoulder tackle. Kaz comes back with an armdrag into an armbar. Tenay tells us the story about how he first met Kaz at an autograph signing with Rey Mysterio as Kaz works over Williams' arm. Williams counters out into a rowboat-like submission, but Kaz rolls it into a surfboard, and Williams gets the rope break. Slingshot rollup by Kaz for 2, then into an armbar. Greco Roman knuckle lock into some bridging and counter wrestling as Williams powers up to his feet and drives Kaz to the mat for 2. Williams goes from a stranglehold surfboard, then Kaz flips out into a stranglehold of his own. Williams gets the rope break. Flux Capacitor attempt by Kaz, and Williams blocks it by tossing Kaz off the top rope to the floor. Neckbreaker on the middle rope by Williams as Kaz tries to get back in the ring. Williams takes over as Kaz rolls back in. Dropkick to the outside by Kaz to regain momentum, then a slingshot to the outside on Williams. Srpingboard dropkick on Williams back inside the ring by Kaz. Neckbreaker by Kaz for 2. Williams goes for Chaos theory, but Kaz counters for 2. Slingshot DDT by Kaz for 2. Shortarm clothesline by Williams to take over. High knee in the corner by Williams, attempts the powerbomb, but Kaz counters for 2. Kaz goes for his weird piledriver, but Williams counters, throwing him into the turnbuckle. Brainbuster by Williams for 2. Williams goes for Chaos Theory again, but Kaz nails the Wave of the Future for 2. Kaz goes for Acid Rain, but Williams counters into the Chaos Theory for the win.
Winner and NEW X-Division Champion: Doug Williams
KICK ASS MATCH!!! Straight-up awesome showing by both men.
To The Back! Desmond Wolfe and Chelsea argue about the whole BS that went down on Impact where she accused Abyss of attacking her or whatever. Chelsea's all mad because Des put her up against Abyss's ring and she's all worried and junk.
Up Next: Title vs. Career for the TNA Knockouts Championship
Madison Rayne (c) vs. Tara
Maddie does not show up alone, as Lacey Von Erich and Velvet Sky accompany her. Or not... they just got sent to the back. And now, Ashley Lane gets to prove herself as a singles competitor in TNA. Who's Ashley Lane? if you;re asking that, you don't watch enough SHIMMER...
Tara takes the early advantage, beating Maddie in and around the ring. And she looks PISSED, too. Maddie with a sunset flip for 2, Tara rolls it back for 2, and Maddie rolls Tara around the ring for yet another 2. Jackknife pin by Maddie for yet another nearfall. And Tara continues to work heel, bullying and bieling Maddie around, then going for the suplex into the guillotine choke, trying to get a submission. Maddie works to her strengths, playing babyface, coming back and going for a Zack Attack before getting decked with a clothesline and a Widow's Peak. Major cheers for Tara as she nails her finish, but Maddie rolls out of the ring and avoids the pin. Tara rolls her back in, nails a slam and a moonsault off the top for 2. Maddie's really being made here tonight, although as a babyface. Tara goes for a another top rope Moonsault but misses, and Maddie nails a Zack Attack for the win.
Winner and Still Champion: Madison Rayne
Tara's career comes to an underwheming end in TNA as the heel Madison beats a heel Tara in a completely babyface way. Tara takes centerstage in the ring as security escorts her out of TNA.
Up Next: TNA Tag Title Match
Hall & Nash (c) vs Ink Inc.
But first, we're forced to listen to Eric Young explain to us why he joined the Band. Meh... Then Nash and Hall invoke the Freebird Rule, giving Young the opportunity to replace Hall and/or Nash at any given time.
I wonder why...
So, we have a team with a guy I hate (Moore) and a guy who's greener than sh*t (Neal) against two old farts, one of which is probably drunk right now. God, this match is going to suck.
Meanwhile, Taz and Tenay explain the Freebird Rule to the three people watching this who don't know what that is.
Hall starts off throwing his toothpick into Shannon Moore's eye. And it's all downhill from here, folks...
Hall dominates Moore in the early going, but Moore gets a roll up on Hall for 2. Hall then beats up on Moore some Moore until Shannon nails a middle rope dropkick. Spinkick on Hall for 1. Hall then tags Nash, and Nash convinces Moore to tag in Neal. The match actually improves as Nash beats up on Near in the corner. Nash misses a shot, allowing Near to take over on Nash in the Corner. Then Nash takes a cheapshot and chokes Neal in the corner. Hall clotheslines Neal and Nash pins him for 2. Nash and Hall old-school on Neal, frequently tagging and beating up on Neal for a while. Neal gets away and tags in Moore, who takes out the Band for a moment, nailing Nash a crossbody and tags Neal back in. Moore nails the Mooregasm on Nash, setting Nash up for Neal's gore as Moore takes out Hall on the outside. In the ring, Neal accidentally takes out the ref. Young runs in and tosses Nash a Kendo Stick. Nash nails Moore with the stick and Neal gores Nash. Neal then takes the stick, but Young stops Neal. Brother Ray runs in to take out Young, taking the stick from him. In the ring, Ray yells at Nash, and Neal tries to calm him down. Ray nails Neal for his trouble. Young rolls the unconscious Nash onto the unconscious Nash, and the ref wakes up long enough to count the pin.
Winners and Still Champs: Hall & Nash
Up Next: Desmond Wolfe vs. Abyss
If Wolfe wins, he gets Hogan's Hall of Fame Ring. If Abyss wins, he gets Chelsea for 30 Days
As Des and Chelsea walk to the ring, Abyss runs out and attacks Des from behind. Chelsea tries to run for the hills, but because... I don't know... the ref forces her back to a chair by ringside to watch the match take place. In the ring, Abyss takes the early advantage over Des, overpowering the former Nigel McGuinness. Chelsea runs some interference, allowing Des to take the advantage on the outside. Des works Abyss' arm as Chelsea pretneds to have any business as a ringside second, looking snidely as Des rolls Bys back into the ring. Nigel takes over, doing what he does best, working the arm of the Monster. And Chelsea proves she knows how to nod while looking smug on cue. Bys overpowers Wolfe, but it does little good, as Des goes back to attacking the arm. Chelsea misses a cue, as she's caught on camera looking clueless before relaizes she's on camera and goes back to the British smug nodding thing. Des loses a battle of the shoulder blocks to Abyss, but the goes right back to the arm, again. Dueling chants take over, amazingly enough. I say that, because I had no idea ANYONE was into Abyss these days. Bys tales over, nails a splash in the corner and a sidewalk slam for 2. Bys telegraphs a chokeslam, but Des snaps Abyss' arm and DDT's him for 2. Des takes back over, nailing his running Euro uppercut, and back into the battle of the shoulder blocks. Abyss nails a chokeslam, and Chelsea runs interference again. Bys goozles Chelsea as she throws in some brass knucks to Des. Des nails Bys with the knucks for 2, and Abyss Hulks up. Dear God, I just wrote that sentence... Yes folks, Abyss is HULKING UP. Black Hole Slam for the win
Winner and Owner of Chelsea for 30 Days: Abyss
And Chel's acting contines to prove disasetrous as her reaction to being the property of Abyss is... um... pathetic. You'd think that if a MONSTER just WON ME for 30 Days, I'd SCREAM or CRY or RUN. Chel just sits there with a blank look. Yeah... she belongs in the business, all right.
To The Back! Anderson cuts a promo on Jeff Hardy and the Undertaker's Fans. Wait... Jeff's calling his fans that, now? Really? I could have sworn Jeff Hardy fans were called "emos". And, apparently, Anderson agrees. Unfortunately, he doesn't say that. Anderson goes on to call himself and his fans "Assholes", and the fans eat it up.
BEST. SEGMENT. EVER.
Okay, not ever... but still pretty awesome.
Up Next:
Jeff Hardy vs. MISTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANERSON.....
..... Anderson!
The moment a full version of Jeff Hardy's new TNA theme is available, I'm playing it on Maverick Radio. That's a promise. Now go subscribe to ClubWWI.com, and check out Maverick Radio, hosted by me, Mike Johns.... or else!
So, the match begins, and Hardy takes the early advantage on Anderson. Jeff goes for his bottom corner dropkick on Anderson, but Ken puts his foot up and nails Hardy low. Anderson takes over, working Hardy's ribs, and goes for a cover. 2 count. In the corner, Kenny continues to work the ribs as the crowd chants "ASSHOLE". Yep. TNA's brought back the "ASSHOLE" chant to wrestling. I missed that.
No, seriously. I did.
Back to the match, Anderson works Jeff over in an ab stretch. Knee lift by Anderson for 2. Anderson goes for a middle rope elbow, but Jeff sees it coming. Anderson saves himself, catching Jeff's feet and nails an elbow for 2. Anderson contiunes to work the ribs and a dueling chant begins. I wonder how Spike TV is going to feel about TNA bringing back the "ASSHOLE" chants. Jeff tries to come back, but Anderson hangs Jeff to dry on the top rope. Anderson sets up for a clothesline, but Hardy backbody drops Anderson to the ramp. Jeff gets a chair and sets it up on the ramp. Air Sabu, coming up. That's right, I called it AIR SABU!!! Jeff Air Sabu's Anderson back into the ring for 2. Back to their feet, Jeff and Ken slug it out. Jeff wins over, nailing a series of clotheslines for 2. Corner clothesline/bulldog combo by Hardy for 2. Gordbuster attempt by Hardy, reversed into a Green Bay Plunge by Anderson. Anderson nails the Mic Check, but is slow to make the pin. 2 Count. Anderson goes for another cover. Another 2. HArdy comes back with his flip back kick. Gordbuster on Anderson. Hardy goes for the swanton, but Anderson tries to get up. Hardy comes down, nails the twist of fate, and goes for the swanton again. Anderson cuts Hardy off and sets him up for the top rope Green Bay Plunge. Hardy fights out, driving Anderson face-first to the mat. One last swanton attempt for the win.
Winner: Jeff Hardy
Anderson and Hardy stare down in the ring after the match. Anderson offers his hand to Hardy to the cheers of the Impact Zone. And Hardy declines.
WHAT?! The babyface doesn't accept the handshake?! Seriously?
And Anderson just stands there. Um... not sure what to think of this.
To The Back! Christy Hemme interviews Ric Flair and AJ Styles. AJ goes on a moral tirade while wearing a robe that pretty much smacks of every reason in the world why the current AJ Styles shouldn't be playing the Moral High-Ground Card as a heel. But I digress.
Up Next: Sting vs. Jeff Jarrett
And we begin this fight in the back, as Sting beats the hell out of Jarrett, pushing him to the ramp. They continue to brawl along the announcers' table, and Sting then drags an already bloody Jarrett to the ring.
You know, I can buy a heel Sting. At this point in his career, it's the only thing left the man has yet to really succeed with. Hell, I even use Sting as a villain in the Insanity Universe (more or less)! But unless TNA is going to have Sting give a reason WHY he's suddenly evil, none of this is going to make sense.
So, while I told you all of this, Sting continues to beat Jeff up on the outside, finally rolling Jeff into the ring and nailing the Scorpion Death Drop for the win.
Winner: Sting
What a f*cking waste. Seriously.
Sting then takes a mic and asks if Jeff wants to play the deception game, just like 'those guys". So, obviously, he's talking about either Hogan, Bischoff, and Dixie, or the WWE. Either way, this still isn't making much sense. Sting the heel is only a heel because he's against the dipsh*ts who're turning TNA into a dog & pony show? Okay...
So, obviously, the fans are wise to this, and start chanting for Sting as Double J is carried off in a stretcher. And then, Sting dumps Jeff off the stretcher and onto the floor, bringing out the Hulkster. Sting backs into the ring and Hulk heads towards him, but security stands in between them. Hulk then goes over to Jeff and the EMTs, and makes sure Jeff is wheeled to the back.
Taz and Tenay try to sell all of this to us as if it made any real sense, and we get a replay of this BS. And, when I say 'replay', that's what I mean. They basically replay the entire segment over again, in case we missed it the first time.
To The Back! Hemme interviews RVD. RVD talks about being stoned as champion and forgetting belts, then boasts like a total dick for a few minutes. RVD then laughs off AJ's Moral High-Ground, then tells us that RVD = Ratings.
You remember when RVD used to cut promos like this in ECW? That's pretty much what we just saw here
Up Next: MAIN EVENT TIME!!! TNA World Title Match
Rob Van Dam (c) vs AJ Styles
It needs saying - AJ Styles looks like an absolute f*cking tool in that feather robe.
This also needs said - While RVD's new theme might just be the single worst entrance theme I've heard since the old Right To Censor theme 10 years ago, it does serve it's purpose. It gets people shouting "RVD" and shouting along.
It also begs the question - if TNA can afford to sign Hogan and run live on Mondays, how come they couldn't talk Vinnie Paul into lending them the rights to use Pantera's "Walk"? Is it really THAT EXPENSIVE?
JB gives us our Main Event Introductions. Early RVD chants fill the Impact Zone. Earl Hebner presents the belt and out match begins. Taz finds a way to say RVD is high without actually saying "he's high". Five or so minutes after the bell rings, AJ and RVD actually remember they're supposed to be wrestling, and come at each other with a series of kicks, neither one connecting. They pace around a little more, then tie up. More jaw jacking, and the match I was looking forward to is REALLY starting to piss me off. then, FINALLY, as RVD points his thumbs, AJ goes on the offense. Unfortunately, RVD ducks, and knows AJ to the outside. AJ pulls RVD to the floor, and they brawl. AJ misses with a moonsault off the ramp, but RVD connects with his. In the ring, RVD plays to the crowd as AJ makes his way inside. AJ tries to slingshot onto RVD, but RVD moves. RVD goes for rolling thunder, but Flair snags his foot. Hebner and Flair get into a fight on the outside, and Flair is ejected.
We are going to get to this match someday, right?
Flair joins Taz and Tenay at ringside as RVD misses a dive to the outside. AJ nails a flip dive to the outside on RVD, and FINALLY, we seem to be getting this match off the ground. AJ rolls RVD back into the ring and takes the advantage, stomping on the champ. Slam by AJ, followed by an knee drop for 2. Spin kick by RVD, who takes over. RVD goes to the top, but AJ tosses RVD to the outside into the ramp.
If I ever get stuck doing another one of these TNA PPVs, I need to keep a count of how many times someone is dumped off the top rope to the ramp, because that spot seems to happen A LOT in this company...
Back in the ring, AJ works RVD's neck. RVD gets the rope break, and the two slug it out a bit. Tornado DDT by AJ for 2. AJ argues with the ref a bit, then goes back on the attack. Snapmare and a series of kicks by AJ. AJ chokes RVD on the middle rope. Dropkick on RVD for 2. AJ continues to work RVD's neck as the crowd rallies behind the champ. Springboard thrust kick by RVD to regain the advantage. RVD misses a spinkick in the corner, but comes back with a monkey flip on AJ. RVD misses a 5 Star, and AJ nails a springboard clothesline for 2. Oklahoma roll by AJ for 2, followed by a Pele kick, also for 2. AJ misses a stinger splash, and RVD nails a northern light suplex for 2. AJ rolls RVD up for 2. RVD crotches AJ on the top rope, then kicks him off from the top. AJ blocks a Rolling thunder attempt and gets a 2 count. AJ puts RVD in the torture rack, then spins it into a powerbomb. Flying forearm into the corner by AJ for 2. Styles goes for the Clash, RVD counters, but Aj rolls him for a nearfall. They trade nearfalls, then go for clotheslines and take each other out. AJ beats the standing 10 count first, and the two slug it out some more. RVD rolls AJ up with a leg scissors for a 2. Springboard Moonsault DDT by AJ for 2. AJ attemps a springboard 450. Flair makes a run to the ring, but is stopped by Jay Lethal. Lethal chops Flair, then locks him in the figure 4 to the apporval of the crowd.
Really? Dear God...
RVD goes to the top, but AJ stops him. RVD tosses AJ into the top rope, then nails the 5 Star Frog Splash for the win.
Winner and Still Champion: Rob Van Dam
Final Thoughts:
This show was okay, I guess. Not the worst PPV I've ever seen, but with a lot of gunks that just ruined whatever few good things I could have found in the show.
For one, the AJ/RVD match was a major disappointment. Compared to their match on Impact a month ago, this was mostly just two guys jacking jaw, trading a few punches in-between highspots, and that was it. It's not very often where the Free TV version of a match is better than the PPV one, and this is one of them. If you ask me, if you bought this show just for this match, thinking that these two would tear the house down with a little more time to work with, you got screwed. It didn't happen.
Another thing that bothered me was how the Maddie/Tara match went down. Anyone who's seen Maddie in SHIMMER (that 'Ashley Lane' chick I mentioned earlier), then in TNA knows that, hands down, Maddie plays a better babyface than heel. And, with Maddie sending Velvet and Lacey to the back, and Tara playing the heel, it seemed like the perfect setup for TNA to 'make' Madison Rayne in this match by beginning the road to a Maddie face-turn. Instead, what you got was an awkward farewell to Tara, which felt rushed and underwhelming. Meanwhile, the story that could have been told, the passing of a torch from old guard to new, was completely missed here by TNA, whether they know it yet or not.
Anderson putting his hand out to Hardy to shake was also weird. Usually, the face takes the hand, either way, and it's up to the heel to either be a good sport, or be a dick and attack the guy. Instead, Hardy does the heel thing, refuses Anderson's hand, and walks off. In return, Anderson just stands there and accepts it. Like I said, weird. So, either we're just saw the beginning of a double turn, or, this is just a strange thing Russo wrote in because... I don't know... and it'll never be brought up again on TV.
As for Abyss getting Chelsea... forget it. I don't have the patience for this crap.
Thanks for checking out our real-time coverage of this sham of a PPV known as Sacrifice. Feel free to check out my other stuff on this site - Tales From The Insainty Universe, and the WWE SuperStars Super Review - and don't forget to subscribe to ClubWWI.com, where you can not only get exclusive interviews from some of wrestling's top stars, but you can also check out Maverick Radio, hosted by yours truly, Mike Johns.
And now that I've completely sold out what little integrity I had for that bit of shameless self-promotion, I bid you adieu. Later, gators!
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